salaam to all.
First I want to say I appreciate this site. Its wonderful to find an active muslim on-line community.
Sisters, I am in need of prayer and advice. I have made some wrong mistakes and I pray to Allah that he forgives me.
I am 25 years old. I was introduced to Islam at a young age by my father, but he followed the beliefs of the Nation of Islam. As I got older and reached my high school years my beliefs turn towards more orthrodox beliefs. Took my shahada at the age of 16, and I practiced and worship Allah(swt) with all my heart.
When I went to college I became like most, a young individual eager to learn, I started to question how authentic the Quran really is. Because I could not find the resources and did not correspond with any other muslims I strayed away, and during those years I did not consider myself a Muslim anymore because I knew in my heart that my lifestyle did not mirror a rightous Muslim anymore.
Eventually I have recently returned back to Islam but prior to coming back I had a daughter out of wedlock. The father does not support me and I live with my mother that helps me greatly.
My return back to Islam has been recent(about four months ago) and I welcomed it with a open heart. But it has been a slight challenge ridding of old habits and bad lifestyles...I got rid of alot, but a few I struggled deeply with, i.e dating, smoking cigarrettes, my way of dress.
well here is my current biggest mistake I have done....and the core porpose of my posting.
In the past few months I met a Muslim man that I assumed would be my husband, we declared our love for each other. After two and half months of courting I mention to him that we should discuss becoming life partners. In so many words he said he was not ready and don't know when he would be ready, but he wanted us to continue being a 'couple', I did not want that becasue we were already fornicating and I felt so bad we were having a relationship that was sinful in Allah(swt) eyes. Still he did not see my ways, and I felt really rejected by him and hurt because I could not want to continue having a relationship that was wrong in Allah(swt) eyes.
I felt so lonely when we 'broke up' and I wanted comfort. I called up an old male friend for companionship( non-muslim) we ended up fornicating that night, the outcome of that, I became pregnant! ( just found out two days ago) Another child out of wedlock! To make matters worse, the father says either get an abortion, or I will do nothing to help! While it blows my mind someone that makes a child would be so cruel, I remain highly against abortions and look at it as murder.
It will be very challenging though for me to raise two children on my own with no help from the fathers. I know Allah(swt) only give you situations in life you can deal with.....but what am I to do??
Will Allah(swt) forgive me for having two kids out of wedlock?
can I get through this?
why do I make the same mistakes...
there is a verse out the Quran that alarms me, it makes me wonder if Allah will forgive me..... can someone explain what it means and is there still a chance for me to go down the right path..
3:91- surely, those who disbelieve after they have believed and then increase in disbelief, their repentance will not be accepted, and these are they who have gone astray.
does that mean because I believed at one point, but stop believing, that regardless of me returning and repenting, I will not be accepted....??
thank you everyone for reading my posting,
and many blessing to all.
after posting I now believe I have a better understanding of what the verse means.
I believe it means that in so many words that a believer can not turn around and commit sin knowing that what they are doing is wrong and assuming that repentance will save them.