Asalaamu alaikum sisters:

 I have an unusual concern and need some advice on how to respond to a young woman's questions.

I am going to call this young lady Elena. Elena is a younger divorced latina Christian girl with one child. Elena met a man who is an immigrant Yemeni American (moved here when he was 15 and is supposedly naturalized) who has proposed to her and supposedly they are engaged. Elena is one of my nursing assistants and she has another profession that she is proficient in. Elena told me that her "fiance'" is engaged to be married in Yemen to a girl that his parents have arranged the marriage for. This man, I will call him Achmed, told elena that he will be traveling to Yemen soon to complete this marriage and that this wife (the Yemeni) will not be the wife of his heart, she will stay there and be a servant to his parents and he will tell this Yemeni wife that his real wife is Elena in the states. he will only spend time with this wife 2 months every 2 years. She believes him and now is investigating Islam. Since she is not yet married, would it be proper to educate her on Islamic marriage, the dowry and the need for a Wali? I feel she may need one since this brother is a widower and has been denied by some of the Local unmarried Muslim girls. I have given her information on our websites and assisted her with Dawa. Her situtation makes me VERY uneasy. I have seen too many of these brothers return to their countries and never return, and if she becomes Muslim and this happens wouldn't she have to be divorced by a Shariah court?

thank you ahead of time for your reponses and Inshallah we will give her the correct information.

Mariyah

Assalamu'Alaikum Sr. Maryah,

I had a similiar situation with a friend of a friend....and it ended with him moving back to Egypt to live with his long time wife and children his wife here never bacame muslim and was not married according to Islam and was left with nothing accept whatever they had here in the states....

I think you are right to be suspicious of the entire situation....

It's his right to take two wives but as such there are certain ways of going about it. I don't know what the prerequisite for marriage of a muslim man to a non-muslim women are. If they are getting married in a mosque they would need to follow the Islamic way....The best thing to suggest is for her to go with her fiance' and speak with a scholar or Imam and see if her fiance' is handling everything properly...

As far as divorce goes I don't know I think my friends friend just went through the courts here in the USA there isn't a legal body of Shariah' court here.

As far as if she can claim rights to his wealth in Yemen I'm not sure about that either. Yemen does go by Shariah law but if she's not a muslim and hasn't been married according to Islam I'm not sure if she would have a valid claim or if she could even make a claim on his wealth in Yemen in the event of a divorce. Or to take into consideration when calculating the finances and how they should be spent between the two wives fairly....

I'm not sure of dowery rights for nonmuslim women marrying muslim men....the best advice to give her is to go to the local masjid and speak with an Imam or Scholar about this....

If she does become muslim than her fiance' must marry her according to Islam. In that event the provisions as mentioned in the Quran must be followed...As well as how he houses her and takes care of her needs in a just and fair way...and if they part it must be done according to the Quran...

Even if it's done in a western country under other laws than Islam he will have to answer for his actions to Allah(swt) and he should fear Allah(swt) more than he fears the laws of any society...

MasSalaama

Bismillahirrahmaniraheem

Assalaamualaikum ,

I don't like what this man is doing. Yes, it is his right to take upto four wives but Allah has commanded not to marry more than once if he cannot do justice to all his wives. So if he is not ready to take responsibility for both his wives, then he loses this right. All wives have equal share of his time and money..etc..

He cannot do this to the other woman in Yemen, unless she knows about this whole affair before marriage and agrees to this. You must warn your friend of the possibility of being deserted by this man. Dawah should be done to her but her interest in Islam should not be based upon this marriage. You know what I mean.

"and he should fear Allah(swt) more than he fears the laws of any society..."

I second that. Try speaking to that brother too.

Allahu Aalam.

wassalaam.

hmm then there is the question of what are her legal rights in the US?

He seems to be playing footloose with a few things. He should be just and honest. At least she knows about the 1st wife, does the 1st wife know about her?

On the other topic we tqalk about sisterhood.. and t hat ties into it? Would you participate in deceiving another woman? A good question...

I think you should share as much information and she wants to hear. In addition to her potential marriage, education is not a bad thing. 

Asalaamu alaikum

Why is this being made personal towards me? I think this brother is bad news. All the eligible sisters in our area have refused him that he has sought. And I am deceiving no one, I am trying to validate my negative feelings about this girl's predicament.I do plan on educating her, since she chooses to use me as a Dawah resource I wish to do it in a correct manner. I certainly agree with you on this! Do as this nurse does, stand back, put aside the Personal emotional involvement and assess the situation objectively and pinpoint the pros and cons of the situation!  I want her to accept Islam on its own merit, not the grounds of a potentially disastrous relationship. She has no mother and I have known this girl many years and I will not abandon her. She is a friend of my eldest daughter.

Sister Amah, I agree with you, I wish to continue the Dawah for her benefit but she needs to know what a muslim wife would expect so that she can set standards for this man. She has a right to be treated with dignity whether muslim or not. Thank you all for your posts! Please continue to post, I may need to direct her to this thread if the situation grows  more serious. "Love" can be blind, and some young women will overlook many faults in the process of infatuation with a potential mate. Shukran jaziilan for your suggestions and advise, Jazakallah Khayran!

Mariyah

Assalaamualaikum

Sister Maryah, I agree, you should not abandon her. With you as a well wisher, insha allah this sister is in safe hands.

Keep doing dawah and yes, you rightly said she must be educated about her rights as a Muslim (and as a wife). Love is blind and marriage an eye opener,    I pray she does not learn this the hard way.

May Allah reward you for your efforts.

Wassalaam.

Assalaamualaikum,

Brother Sign, I know you intend well with your advice to Maryah. Allah has said in the quran to enjoin good and forbid evil. It is our duty to give advice to our brothers and sisters. After that, it is "their business".

wassalaam.

Salaam

I don't want to give wrong advice Im not an Alima.

But does that wife knows he intend second one.  The first wife must give permission first and I feel its bad calling her as a 'slave'. Shame poor thing. How that must be to see your husband only two months in a year?

And above that its opression in my eyes. How can men do that goodness Im so sad.

Wa alaikum asalaam:

No, this brother had a previous wife that died of cancer..He is engaged to the american Christian lady and betrothed by his parents for the marriage in Yemen from what I understand. He has not formally married either yet.

Hopefully both ladies will be happy. I do not intend to try to influence her decision whether or not to marry this fellow. That is her call.  I have the brochure from Islamicity from the Discover Islam series on the Muslim woman to giver her, as well as "The Reader" brochure from the same series. She has a small book on how to do the salat and she has been actually trying to do it. I will help her as much as I can with what I know. She is a very nice person. The decision is hers.

I believe even a non-muslim should be educated.

Maryah,

You are right education is not for Moslems only. We are told to seek knowledge. Withholding the knowledge would be to dis-respect her. As you said, the decision is hers and the man has told he about Yemen future wife.. some people are happy in co-wife situations. You are treating her with dignity and respect.