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unemployed

Printed From: IslamiCity.com
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Groups Men (Brothers)
Forum Discription: Groups Men (Brothers)
URL: http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=8554
Printed Date: 17 April 2014 at 2:59pm


Topic: unemployed
Posted By: almostthere
Subject: unemployed
Date Posted: 11 February 2007 at 2:19am

Assalamu-aleikum,

how do men feel when they are unemployed and their wife is the breadwinner?

Does their love and respect for their wife decrease?

Do they get irritated by every aspect of life?Do they just sit around and wait for something to happen, instead of becoming proactive?

 

Questions from a desperate wife looking for answers... trying to find out wether he will truly love her and treat her and cherish her better once he is employed, or wether this is just another excuse...

 




Replies:
Posted By: Angela
Date Posted: 12 February 2007 at 6:54pm

A husband should cherish his wife for sacrificing for the family.  Of course, he will feel better.  A man always feels better when he is being productive.  However, the wife should never make him feel less if the situation arises. 

My husband was hurt badly at work.  For months he was too injured to work.  I was forced to work, take care of the home and him.  I did not complain and I never made him feel like it was his fault that we were struggling.  I encouraged him to heal and once he was able to go back to work, I helped him find a job and decide what path to take.  As partners, we share our joys and our sorrows. 

A husband should do his very best effort to provide for the family, but if situations prevent him, he should learn to endure with faith in what God gives him.

I love that Muslims say, "Al Hamdilulah" no matter if its good or bad.  We are all in God's hands.  But as family, we should never resent each other. 

Resentment is a failing in the one who has the feelings, not the one who is feeling it.



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Posted By: rookaiya
Date Posted: 13 February 2007 at 4:15am

men in that situation have low self esteem and they end up beating up their wives or cheating on them. they do all sorts of crazy stuff to show u whose boss and that eventhough they not working, they still the man.

i was in that very same position in both my marriages. my ex hubby told me that i was earning much more than him and that he felt useless. he had nothing to offer me. he couldnt even afford ot buy me a decent gift. he had it in him that he wasnt good enough. no matter how hard i tried to make him feel like a man and feel secure it never worked. he wouldnt believe that someone as successful as me would want to be with someone like him.

men and their egos



Posted By: Sign*Reader
Date Posted: 18 February 2007 at 2:31pm
Every case is different but based on your other post:
"How can I live with someone who hates my"
I reckon you married a FOB, if you fill in or PM resumes of both of you and then I can give you a reasonable  prognostication of your dilemma in short order.
The cases like yours are a trend in this country I hate to tell you, know quite a few personally.


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Kismet Domino: Faith/Courage/Liberty/Abundance/Selfishness/Immorality/Apathy/Bondage or extinction.


Posted By: ak_m_f
Date Posted: 18 February 2007 at 2:47pm
Originally posted by Sign*Reader


Every case is different but based on your other post:<span>"How can I live with someone who hates my"I reckon you married a <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">FOB</span>, if you fill in or PM resumes of both of you and then I can give you a reasonable prognostication of your dilemma in short order. The cases like yours are a trend in this country I hate to tell you, know quite a few personally. <span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span>


And when you came to US? Tell me, have you been assimilated into the US culture? If not then you & your whole family are a FOBs too.



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Posted By: Sign*Reader
Date Posted: 18 February 2007 at 5:42pm
Originally posted by ak_m_f

Originally posted by Sign*Reader


Every case is different but based on your other post:<span>"How can I live with someone who hates my"I reckon you married a <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">FOB</span>, if you fill in or PM resumes of both of you and then I can give you a reasonable prognostication of your dilemma in short order. The cases like yours are a trend in this country I hate to tell you, know quite a few personally. <span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span>


And when you came to US? Tell me, have you been assimilated into the US culture? If not then you & your whole family are a FOBs too.



Boy Why did "FOB" bother you soooooo much I wouldn't care to ass u me (like the most fobbies do) why would you feel guilty!  Mushlover
http://www.islamicaweb.com/forums/showthread.php?threadid=59905 - NEVER MARRY A FOBBIE



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Kismet Domino: Faith/Courage/Liberty/Abundance/Selfishness/Immorality/Apathy/Bondage or extinction.


Posted By: ak_m_f
Date Posted: 18 February 2007 at 10:28pm
Originally posted by Sign*Reader


Boy Why did "FOB" bother you soooooo much I wouldn't care to ass u me (like the most fobbies do) why would you feel guilty! Mushlover http://www.islamicaweb.com/forums/showthread.php?threadid=59905 - NEVER MARRY A FOBBIE


Its bothering me; she posted the problem so that people can give her practical advice, not so that people can make fun of her husband.

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Posted By: ahlam
Date Posted: 22 February 2007 at 4:59pm
I was engaged to a FOB and he wasn't like that. Everyone isn't the same. You just have to communicate with them about how you feel to work it out. Communication is the key.


Posted By: almostthere
Date Posted: 23 February 2007 at 4:24am

sorry for asking, but what is a FOB? (I really don't know)



Posted By: ak_m_f
Date Posted: 23 February 2007 at 11:52am
Originally posted by almostthere

sorry for asking, but what is a FOB? (I really don't know)



FOB:

Fresh off the boat, a derogatory slang phrase (mostly used in the US) for people of foreign nationality.

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Posted By: almostthere
Date Posted: 24 February 2007 at 10:30am

Salaam,

 

 - thanks for the reply, I'm glad I asked, for never in a million years would I have figured that one out !

Well, then I guess I am a FOB too, but not all FOB's are created equal - lol.

And yes, communication is the key to any relationship, not only with FOB's, but to be sucessful, it's gotta be a two-way conversation versus a monologue.



Posted By: almostthere
Date Posted: 24 February 2007 at 10:32am

So it seems there is no useful male input here regarding my original question... would still appreciate some practical advise on how to deal with my hubbie.

But I guess there is none, I'll have to figure it out by myself....




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