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Printed From: IslamiCity.com
Category: General
Forum Name: General Discussion
Forum Discription: General Discussion
URL: http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=531
Printed Date: 17 April 2014 at 3:12am


Topic: ......
Posted By: IslamicGirl
Subject: ......
Date Posted: 12 April 2005 at 7:19am
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Replies:
Posted By: jalillah
Date Posted: 12 April 2005 at 7:35am

assalamulaikum...well by the looks of things your having a second thought about your religion for a start ...let me tell you something about marriage, and your relationship with your partner it has nothing to do with being bless or because your a muslim and your whole life will be like paradise forever this is not the case by being a mear muslim its about earning every drop of pleasure is like milking a cow ..you have to fight for every drop...so! am I making any sense yet?

 



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May Allah Bless those who seek the truth......Allah Stands Alone in truth..


Posted By: IslamicGirl
Date Posted: 12 April 2005 at 7:41am

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Posted By: jalillah
Date Posted: 12 April 2005 at 7:45am

inshaallah sister.. but I dont understand why talk about splitting up?



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May Allah Bless those who seek the truth......Allah Stands Alone in truth..


Posted By: blond
Date Posted: 12 April 2005 at 8:16am

You can't be the woman of the house in another woman kitchen. He can't be the man in his father's house. Sister, this is why courtship is such a valuable resource for us. You are supposed to find these things out ahead of time, before you say, "I do". But, now that you have committed yourself, you must get your own space to set up the lifestyle that you control.

Remember, Allah hates divorce.



Posted By: ummziba
Date Posted: 12 April 2005 at 8:29am

Islamic Girl,

I am so sorry to hear of your troubles.  I surely don't pretend to have any answers but I will try to give some advice.  It seems that your husband cannot "cut the apron strings" from his mother (or maybe his father too).  He needs to decide if he wants to be married or not, he can't have it both ways.  Is there an imam or other respected brother you know who might talk with your husband and try to find the root of his problem?

You know, I think a lot of sisters get married with the "cinderella" idea of what marriage is supposed to be, you know, you marry the guy and live happily ever after!  It is seldom like that at all in real life.  I have been married for a long time so I can give you some small insight into it.  Marriage is a lot of work.  Both parties need to make compromises, both need to work at getting to know each other intellectually and intimately.  A lot of expectations (on both sides) have to be dashed and then worked on and looked at realistically.  There must be a lot of give and take.

If he won't talk to you about this problem then you are really in a fix.  There has to be communication to move forward.  All I can offer is please keep trying.  Be patient and respectful, though it is so hard to do when you are feeling so hurt and stressed.  If he absolutely won't talk to you and you can get no one else to try to intervene for you, then think about your future dear.  Maybe a divorce, though not liked by Allah, might be the only good option for you.  You don't want to live the rest of your life like things are now.

Don't feel that a failed marriage (if it comes to that) is a failure on your part.  You cannot live the rest of your life so unhappy and stressed.  Learn from this and move on.

I pray that Allah grants you patience and courage and most of all ease, after this hardship.

Peace, ummziba.



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Sticks and stones may break my bones, but your words...they break my soul ~


Posted By: jalillah
Date Posted: 12 April 2005 at 8:32am
no ..thats not true allah doesn't hate divorce he created it.. they are only a resort to a disharmony relationship and not a tool when one feels they can no longer handle the situation, if your husband's preys thats a good thing even if he does'nt... its his grave or his blessing not yours but the point iam trying to make here sister is that for whatever reason dont go down to the same level as those who dont care weather they live or die you must have a home of your on in your heart where you could actually go into every now and then where nothing else matter but your duty as the usual. If your husband keeps up the way he is liked you've mention.. then one day... god will open his flood of mercy to you.. and he will grant you pleasure u aquired.. it all depends on how god sees fit.. and if you really are  the person you say you are.... then your husband will miss out on you in this life and the here after.. does this sounds fair to you??

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May Allah Bless those who seek the truth......Allah Stands Alone in truth..


Posted By: blond
Date Posted: 12 April 2005 at 10:06am

Originally posted by jalillah

no ..thats not true allah doesn't hate divorce he created it.. 

Ibn Omar reported that the Apostle of Allah said, "The most detestable of lawful things to Allah is divorce.

Ma`uz-b-Jabal reported that the messenger of Allah said to him, "Allah created nothing on the face of the earth more disliked by him than divorce."



Posted By: ummziba
Date Posted: 12 April 2005 at 10:11am

Islamic Girl,

Just another thought.  Perhaps your husband has not been intimate with you from the start (as you said), because he fears getting you pregnant.  Perhaps he is not ready for the responsibility of children.  Something to think about.

Peace, ummziba.



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Sticks and stones may break my bones, but your words...they break my soul ~


Posted By: jalillah
Date Posted: 12 April 2005 at 10:43am
thats good mashaallah blondi you got the Idea....inshaallah

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May Allah Bless those who seek the truth......Allah Stands Alone in truth..


Posted By: jalillah
Date Posted: 12 April 2005 at 10:59am
Originally posted by blond

Originally posted by jalillah

no ..thats not true allah doesn't hate divorce he created it.. 

blondi if you've noticed you would of understand.. i've highlighted it for you...

Ibn Omar reported that the Apostle of Allah said, "The most detestable of lawful things to Allah is divorce.

Ma`uz-b-Jabal reported that the messenger of Allah said to him, "Allah created nothing on the face of the earth more disliked by him than divorce."



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May Allah Bless those who seek the truth......Allah Stands Alone in truth..


Posted By: blond
Date Posted: 12 April 2005 at 11:53am

Originally posted by jalillah

blondi if you've noticed you would of understand.. i've highlighted it for you...

Ibn Omar reported that the Apostle of Allah said, "The most detestable of lawful things to Allah is divorce.

Ma`uz-b-Jabal reported that the messenger of Allah said to him, "Allah created nothing on the face of the earth more disliked by him than divorce."

[/QUOTE] [/QUOTE]

Ok.



Posted By: Dandarawi Anas
Date Posted: 12 April 2005 at 6:21pm

Assalamualaikum,

I just want to say be patience, try to discuss the matter with your husband, or if cannot, ask somebody else that he respected most to discuss it, be frank and humble, tawakkal to Allah, sometimes, things look bad for us but actually Allah wants the best for us...sometimes things look good for us but Allah knows it's bad. I'll pray for your happiness whatever Allah decides for you. may be this is the test for your faith and you'll rewarded if you redha with your fate.



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To love Rasulullah means to love Allah


Posted By: iman
Date Posted: 13 April 2005 at 12:11am

salam islamic girl.

yes jallilah Allah hates divorse.

islamicgirl without thinking about divorce right now try this out.i think u have to be confident & talk with him in the presents of his family & show to them that u dont really care about people as much as u care about islam & show to them that u love their son but in the end he is not the only man on earth. like this u will scare them & make them think 2ice. at this point ur husband will worry that u migh really leave him. dont go after him from now like this u will make him come after u if he loves u. beliave me it works. u need to scare him by being confident & strong in wat u want.

ur sist iman



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Allah gives & forgives....man gets & forgets. Allah lets us sleep during the night even after we sin all day.Alhamdulilah


Posted By: blond
Date Posted: 13 April 2005 at 4:59am
Demographers chart the decline of a civilization by the rate of divorce.


Posted By: IslamicGirl
Date Posted: 13 April 2005 at 6:27am

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Posted By: blond
Date Posted: 13 April 2005 at 6:41am

I believe that a nation can rise no higher than its woman.

Sister, you are civilization. You can not allow your Islam to sink because the man you selected is not practicing Islam to the degree you are accustomed.

Here is a comfort to you;

35. When a woman of Amran said: My Lord, I vow to Thee what is in my womb, to be devoted (to Thy service), so accept (it) from me; surely Thou, only Thou, art the Hearing, the Knowing.

36. So when she brought it forth, she said: My Lord, I have brought it forth a female and Allah knew best what she brought forth – and the male is not like the female, and I have named it Mary, and I commend her and her offspring into Thy protection from the accursed devil.

37. So her Lord accepted her with a goodly acceptance and made her grow up a goodly growing, and gave her into the charge of Zacharias. Whenever Zacharias entered the sanctuary to (see) her, he found food with her. He said: O Mary, whence comes this to thee? She said: It is from Allah. Surely Allah gives to whom He pleases without measure.

What is it that I mean by offering  this as a reference?

When Allah is sufficient for you, your husband will not be such a source of pain. When you are in this state, if he draws near to Allah, it will be a blessing for you. If he does not, it will be a blessing for you.



Posted By: IslamicGirl
Date Posted: 13 April 2005 at 6:42am
...


Posted By: blond
Date Posted: 13 April 2005 at 7:21am
Originally posted by IslamicGirl

Just to add something too..

Blond said: 

You can't be the woman of the house in another woman kitchen. He can't be the man in his father's house. Sister, this is why courtship is such a valuable resource for us. You are supposed to find these things out ahead of time, before you say, "I do".

My response: 

Well my husband was not the communicating type... when i'd ask a question, he'd just say I don't know.. but as I said in my very first post:  "...his parents said we can choose to live with them or not".  He agreed to this too.. but I mean, what's the point moving out, when he clearly tells me all year that he's sorry he cannot be intimate with me??  I am not ALL interested just the 3 letter 'S' word.. I want to know how to love my man first by understanding him etc too... 

It's a bit hard too in the way we were brought up & Islamicallay I guess, to find out about how someone is over the phone.  I mean we spoke over the phone for 2 years before marrying.. but it's not the same as living with someone. 

If I knew from the start he wouldn't hug/cuddle me after marriage, and doesn't want to kiss me (I know i'm getting a bit personal now), then I wouldn't have said the 'i do' bit.  We spoke about all this b4, he seemed to be all up for it, but as soon as we had our Nikah, it all changed.     


Sorry to say Sister, but he's not being monogomous. Sex is a right and a need. If he is not having sex with you, 99.9999% he is having it with someone else.



Posted By: IslamicGirl
Date Posted: 13 April 2005 at 7:38am

 



Posted By: nadir
Date Posted: 13 April 2005 at 9:57am

Assalaamu Alaikum

Islamicgirl

 

 

I read a spiritual story once, about a species of trees (of which I forget the name), which grew upon mountains in the North American continent. The trees were 1000’s of years old, and it was examined why they had survived for so long, when other species had become extinct.

 

The study concluded that because the weather conditions were so harsh upon the mountains, the trees had grown in strength, and hence were less affected, by slight climate changes that lead to the downfall of species, which had not endured such intrepid conditions.

 

Blond just to pick up on your point – Sorry to say Sister, but he's not being monogomous. Sex is a right and a need. If he is not having sex with you, 99.9999% he is having it with someone else.”

I am of the opinion Islam differentiates making Love, as a pose to having sex.

 

Marriage in itself is a commitment to your partner that you are willing to share Love, compassion, time, patience… (I could go on), rather than merely fulfilling a lust for self-satisfaction. 

 

A Muslim can offer Salah (make dua’) before making love, with the intention that if a baby is conceived within that particular act, it will be protected from the s***n (sorry I don’t even like using the name). Hence elevating a self-indulgent act, into a Godly act.

 

 

A personal conclusion I have thought about is that, a married couple in submitting to Allah (S.W.T.), are aware that their individual happiness, is to be found in their partners happiness. So when making Love, each partner surely wishes to fulfil the other partner, & if they are both sincere in doing so, they will acquire satisfaction while acting in a completely selfish manner. Making, Love a selfless act.

 

Sex on the other hand is the satisfaction of the self, even if the act is performed between two married people. And hence does not necessarily lead to a positive outcome (for both).

 

 

Islamicgirl, I truly hope your husband is able to ‘let go’, and give/share his ‘whole heart’ with you, Insha Allah

 

 

Wasalaam

 

Nadir

 

 

 

        


Posted By: iman
Date Posted: 13 April 2005 at 11:19pm

salam islamicgirl

i red some more of ur story & im sorry to say this but it seams that the problem its not from the parents its from ur husband. for some reason which i dont know maybe u dont to he is acting like this.

im sorry i dont want to hurt u but from the fact that does not call you for weeks its clear how much he missis you, this is rediclulose.    ACTIONS SPEAK LOWED THEN THE WORDS...........

MY DEAR ITS ONLY U WHO CAN DICEDE HOW LONG TO WAIT FOR THIS MAN.........& IF YOU REALLY LOVE HIM & YOU THINK U CANT LIVE WITHOUT HIM THEN LEAVE EVERTHGN IN ALLAHS HANDS TO MAKE THIS MARRIEGE HAPPY INSHALLAH. AMIN. DONT FORGET TO DO ISTIGHARA SALAH.

UR SISTER IMAN......

   



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Allah gives & forgives....man gets & forgets. Allah lets us sleep during the night even after we sin all day.Alhamdulilah


Posted By: blond
Date Posted: 14 April 2005 at 4:01am

There are times when words do not suffice.

Sometimes, experience is the best teacher.



Posted By: IslamicGirl
Date Posted: 15 April 2005 at 1:59am

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Posted By: iman
Date Posted: 15 April 2005 at 9:24am

salam sister islamicgirl..........u are doing the right thing. its not worth it to get ur  self sick for some that dont bother for little thing.

if u will really have faith in Allah & leave things in His hands u will pass this test very easy inshallah. im experiancing this time somthgn with my husband as well.

love iman



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Allah gives & forgives....man gets & forgets. Allah lets us sleep during the night even after we sin all day.Alhamdulilah


Posted By: butterfly
Date Posted: 15 April 2005 at 2:04pm

Originally posted by IslamicGirl


From what I observed, other than his parents not liking my influence on him, in terms of praying etc...  they always complimented my cooking, cleaning habbits etc.. and they got so use to me cooking.. they always wanted to eat my food (same with his sibblings, who are twice my age and still living at home).  It was too much on me.  For starters, I left my whole family and moved to this place i've never lived in before, and only been interstate once ever in my life.  I made such an effort with him, eg. would ask how his day was every day, try and get his attention and hug/cuddle him, he'd always say, i'm watching footy, or trying to watch a movie.  I mean, I never came in the picture, I even asked him if i'm unattractive to him.  He said NO, if anything.. you are too attractive.  Now, BOYS HOW DO U EXPLAIN THAT?  A GIRL YOU SEEM TO FIND ATTRACTIVE AND NOT WANT TO GIVE HER ATTENTION (EXPECIALLY IF SHE'S UR WIFE)????????????????????  




 

Assalamu Alaikum,

I hope you are doing better, I know how stressful and exhausting marital problems can be.  I've been married for 7 years now and it can be really trying.  I don't think that his not being intimate with you has to do with you being unattractive.  He may be expriencing anxiety about it, which is very common.  I dont think you should pressure him because it will only make it worse.  Another thing I think it may be is living in his parents house, I think you should be patient with him and get your own place, if he can take care of supporting you and feeling like he is capable, things may improve.  You sound like you really love him, and I know you have needs, but please show him that you are supportive of him and please dont ever threaten to leave him, it'll only make him less confident.  I think he most likely feels like you're too good for him and will eventually leave him.  Just my two cents, and I really hope you guys can work things out, please let me know how things are going. 



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the lonliest loneliness is to feel alone with someone with whom we want to feel close


Posted By: IslamicGirl
Date Posted: 16 April 2005 at 2:37am
...


Posted By: iman
Date Posted: 16 April 2005 at 6:50am

salam islamic girl. no my story its very different. i dont live with in laws, its about him. i did discased with memebers here b4 u came but u missted.maybe later i will tell u inshallah

still my advice to u is ;just keep on on ur decidition be strong some man like stronge weman. did he contact u yet, did he ask u wat u want to do? i think im being nosey.talk to later

iman



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Allah gives & forgives....man gets & forgets. Allah lets us sleep during the night even after we sin all day.Alhamdulilah


Posted By: IslamicGirl
Date Posted: 16 April 2005 at 7:27am
...


Posted By: ummziba
Date Posted: 16 April 2005 at 9:24am

Islamic Girl - you can read Iman's story under polygamy in the Sisters file!

Peace, ummziba.



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Sticks and stones may break my bones, but your words...they break my soul ~


Posted By: Nausheen
Date Posted: 16 April 2005 at 9:33am

Auzubillahi minash shaitan ir rajeem,

Bismillah ir rahman ir rahim,

Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullah wa barkatuhu,

Dear islam Girl,

Some ppl have given you very good and mature advice here. Take care in what you pick, and remember to do Istekhara before any decision.

What little I know about life and relationships is ... some things and some temperaments NEVER change. You have to make the choice either to live with these, or to leave and opt for new situations.

This world is not meant for us. It is a prison of the believers, and here we are tried in many different ways. Life is a tribulation and men are created to be in distress. Because this life is a test.

If you can live with your present situations, u will have to make compromises, and if you choose to get out of here, only the set of compromises will change.

This life is yours, so the decision should also be yours. Choose the best.

Stay close to Allah, and seek Him for guidance, you will find Him near you, as per His promise, insha allah.

Maa salaama,

Nausheen



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Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena
wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.


Posted By: butterfly
Date Posted: 16 April 2005 at 12:26pm
Originally posted by IslamicGirl

Butterfly:

Salams, hi, I think you have misunderstood.. I do not live with him at presant.. i've been back with my folks for nearly 3 months.  I have left due to the pressures he has caused me because of not treating me right (more like treating me like i'm not there & for no obvious reason on my behalf at all).

I have never threatened to leave our marriage to end, however.. he suggested because i'm so iscolated and he didn't know what to do.. that I should go back to my family's home (ie. interstate).  That's when he stopped talking to me, to make a long story short.. he said that if I don't want to live interstate with him, that he will give me talaq (ie. that's his decision) & he won't have any way around that.  That is not fare if you ask me, it's not him who has the problem that he's away from his family or his wife (me) is not being intimate and communicating.. it's me.  If he was more like a man, I wouldn't want to move back to my parents place.  

Iman, is your story a bit like mine sister, may I ask..? if i'm a bit nosey.. I do apologise & u don't have to answer me. 

Peace 

AsSalamu Alaikum,

Thank you, I did misunderstand, I didnt see that you'll had gotten a place of your own.  I don't know why he's treating you like this.  My husband decided to separate from me a few days ago out of the blue, I know there's something else going on.  I was in a lot of pain and sad because I didn't know what else to do because he wouldn't talk to me, still won't.  But I made a lot of dua's, and am trying to bring myself closer to Allah swt and focus on my duties to Him.  It has eased some of the pain, but I now think I can handle it if he does decide to divorce me.  He travels for business, so I don't see him and havent heard from him in almost a week.  One thing that I did realize is that the way we communicate is negative and we hardly communicate on an intimate level, probably the same problems you'll have  He doesn't treat me badly, but he does involve himself with other women, which makes me very upset and distrustful of him.  I don't know what would be the best thing for you to do.  I don't think he's being fair either by threatening divorce if you dont move back there while he's still mistreating you.  If he knows what the problem is and refuses to work on it, I think he's not fulfilling his duty to his wife and will be accountable for it.  We will Inshallah get through these rough times, and need to keep up our duas, and trust in Allah swt to get us through this and come out stronger in the end. 

 

 



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the lonliest loneliness is to feel alone with someone with whom we want to feel close


Posted By: IslamicGirl
Date Posted: 17 April 2005 at 12:48am
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Posted By: IslamicGirl
Date Posted: 17 April 2005 at 1:01am
...


Posted By: IslamicGirl
Date Posted: 17 April 2005 at 1:10am
...


Posted By: semar
Date Posted: 17 April 2005 at 2:00am
 

Originally posted by IslamicGirl

source:  http://www.understanding-islam.com/rs/s-039.htm - http://www.understanding-islam.com/rs/s-039.htm

according to the website as above, Istekhara is not neccessary and not compulsury in Islam (according to the Qur'an), that's what I read on the article.

Also, if you go to http://www.islamicity.com/quransearch/ - http://www.islamicity.com/quransearch/  & type in Istekhara, there's no record that matches the criterea.  Maybe it's a recommended thing, not obligated in Islam.

Anyone oppose?

For searching arabic term, we need to try different spelling because sometimes people spell it differently. On islamicity hadith search the spelling is istikhara (not istekhara) the result is bellow. In case you have not red nausheen post reagrading istikhara, here the link:

http://www.islamicity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=116&PN=2 - http://www.islamicity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=116& PN=2

Hadith Search For: istikhara -

arrowg.gif 163 bytes http://www.islamicity.com/mosque/sunnah/bukhari/093.sbt.html#009.093.487" target=new>009.093.487 - ONENESS, UNIQUENESS OF ALLAH (TAWHEED) - - - - - - - -

Narrated Jabir bin Abdullah

As-Salami: Allah's Apostle used to teach his companions to perform theprayer of istikhara for each and every matter just as he used to teachthem the Suras from the Quran He used to say, "If anyone of you intends to do some thing, he should offer a two rakat prayer other than the compulsory prayers, and after finishing it, he should say: O Allah! I consult You, for You have all knowledge, and appeal to You tosupport me with Your Power and ask for Your Bounty, for You are able to do things while I am not, and You know while I do not; and You are the Knower of the Unseen. O Allah If You know It this matter (name your matter) is good for me both at present and in the future, (or in my religion), in my this life and in the Hereafter, then fulfill it for me and make it easy for me, and then bestow Your Blessings on me in that matter. O Allah! If You know that this matter is not good for me in my religion, in my this life and in my coming Hereafter (or at present or in the future), then divert me from it and choose for me what is good wherever it may be, and make me be pleased with it." (SeeHadith No. 391, Vol. 8)

arrowg.gif 163 bytes http://www.islamicity.com/mosque/sunnah/bukhari/075.sbt.html#008.075.391" target=new>008.075.391 - Invocations - - - - - - - -

Narrated Jabir

The Prophet used to teach us the istikhara for each and every matter as he used to teach us the Suras from the Holy Qur'an. (He used to say), "If anyone of you intends to do something, he should offer a two-Rak'at prayer other than the obligatory prayer, and then say: 'Allahumma inni astakhiruka bi'ilmika, wa astaqdiruka biqudratika, wa as'aluka min fadlika-l-'azim, fa innaka taqdiru wala aqdiru, wa ta'lamu wala a'lamu, wa anta'allamu-l-ghuyub. Allahumma in kunta ta'lamu anna hadha-lamra khairun li fi dini wa ma'ashi wa 'aqibati amri (or said, fi 'ajili amri wa ajilihi) fa-qdurhu li, Wa in Kunta ta'lamu anna ha-dha-l-amra sharrun li fi dini wa ma'ashi wa 'aqibati amri (or said, fi ajili amri wa ajilihi) fasrifhu 'anni was-rifni 'anhu wa aqdur li alkhaira haithu kana, thumma Raddani bihi," Then he should mention his matter (need).

arrowg.gif 163 bytes http://www.islamicity.com/mosque/sunnah/bukhari/021.sbt.html#002.021.263" target=new>002.021.263 - Prayer at Night (Tahajjud) - - - - - - - -

Narrated Jabir bin 'Abdullah

The Prophet (p.b.u.h) used to teach us the way of doing istikhara (istikhara means to ask Allah to guide one to the right sort of actionconcerning any job or a deed), in all matters as he taught us the Suras of the Quran. He said, "If anyone of you thinks of doing any jobhe should offer a two Rakat prayer other than the compulsory ones and say (after the prayer): -- 'Allahumma inni astakhiruka bi'ilmika, Wa astaqdiruka bi-qudratika, Wa as'alaka min fadlika al-'azlm Fa-innaka taqdiru Wala aqdiru, Wa ta'lamu Wala a'lamu, Wa anta 'allamu l-ghuyub.Allahumma, in kunta ta'lam anna hadha-l-amra Khairun li fi dini wa ma'ashi wa'aqibati amri (or 'ajili amri wa'ajilihi) Faqdirhu wa yas-sirhu li thumma barik li Fihi, Wa in kunta ta'lamu anna hadha-lamra shar-run li fi dini wa ma'ashi wa'aqibati amri (or fi'ajili amri wa ajilihi) Fasrifhu anni was-rifni anhu. Waqdir li al-khaira haithu kana Thumma ardini bihi.' (O Allah! I ask guidance from Your knowledge, And Power from Your Might and I ask for Your great blessings. You are capable and I am not. You know and I do not and You know the unseen. O Allah! If You know that this job is good for my religion and my subsistence and in my Hereafter--(or said: If it is better for my present and later needs)--Then You ordain it for me and make it easy for me to get, And then bless me in it, and if Youknow that this job is harmful to me In my religion and subsistence andin the Hereafter--(or said: If it is worse for my present and later needs)--Then keep it away from me and let me be away from it. And ordain for me whatever is good for me, And make me satisfied with it).The Prophet added that then the person should name (mention) his need.



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Salam/Peace,
Semar
The Prophet said: "Do not eat before you are hungry, and stop eating before you are full"
"1/3 of your stomach for food 1/3 for water, 1/3 for air"


Posted By: ummziba
Date Posted: 17 April 2005 at 5:14am

Islamic girl,

No, dear, I was not implying anything at all!  You posted you wanted to know what Iman's story was and I simply showed you where to find it, that's all!

Peace, ummziba.



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Sticks and stones may break my bones, but your words...they break my soul ~


Posted By: IslamicGirl
Date Posted: 17 April 2005 at 5:35am
...


Posted By: iman
Date Posted: 17 April 2005 at 6:52am

salams islamicgirl. do not go back to his house unless they ask u to. bcose if they are not doing anthgn right now to save their sons marriege they wont do anthgn later when u go back. ''they will think she came so she is expting him like this so no need to do anythgn''

this is wat i think maybe im wronge. u know the people better. but i say alhamdulilah u dont have kids it makes it easy for u believe me. i think if ur marriege its not good from now wat would u expect later??

khair inshallah keep in touch.iman



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Allah gives & forgives....man gets & forgets. Allah lets us sleep during the night even after we sin all day.Alhamdulilah


Posted By: nadir
Date Posted: 17 April 2005 at 10:07am

Assalaamu Alaikum 

 

“If you can live with your present situations, u will have to make compromises, and if you choose to get out of here, only the set of compromises will change.

This life is yours, so the decision should also be yours. Choose the best.”

Nausheen, the above words (& Islamicgirl’s thread) lead me to ponder upon the relationship between compromise & Love, if I may politely share the result with those in this thread:

 

Preceding compromise is pride.

Allah (SWT) is Most Merciful. Although only if we honour our commitment to Him, will He Reward us (with what He knows to be best for us) in this Life, & in the Here-After.

Predestination dictates that, the only compromise is to Allah (SWT), & not to your marital partner, as they are also bound by Allah’s decree (submission to Him, or failure at some point in time). Hence if both marital partners submit to Allah (SWT), compromise doesn’t exist between them.

 

Another way of saying the above:

Our own (individual) interpretation of success is illusory, because success is not loneliness.

Allah (SWT) knows us better than we know our own selves, hence I can think of no better Trustee, to place my trust than He. Muhammad (SAW) is His Last Messenger, & what an excellent guide indeed.  

The compromise is, the ‘individual psyche’ releasing itself from the false perception/reality that is hindering it, from been open to Allah’s Blessing. If you have to make a compromise it is not Love, as compromise suggests that you have to give something up that is more enjoyable & dear, than what you ‘personally posses’ – Love is - enjoyable, dear.

Allah (SWT) has allowed false perceptions/realities to accumulate, so that when we repent to Him, & turn perceptions into reality, we may acquire different knowledge (via our uniqueness). This has the effect of presenting the gift of (excitement/curiosity at) the chance to get to know each other. Love is beyond getting to know each other.

Love is the process of an entity giving and another receiving, an act of pure intention & wisdom, dedicated to guiding the participating beings to success (submission to Allah’s Law – Islam), in this world & the Here-After. Need I say, Love exists in varying degrees of, intimacy.

 

Alhamdulilah

 

Guess I’ve gone & jumped in at the deep end with this post!!!!!

What can I say, it just is. 

Allah knows, I know not.      

 

 



Posted By: semar
Date Posted: 17 April 2005 at 11:22am

Salam,

The following is a nice artikel regarding istikhara including the do'a in arabic and the translation according the above hadith:

http://islam.about.com/blistikhara.htm - http://islam.about.com/blistikhara.htm

Salat-l-Istikhara
This "prayer for guidance" is often used to help in important decision-making

Anytime a Muslim is making a decision, he or she should seek Allah's guidance and wisdom.  Allah alone knows what is best for us, and there may be good in what we perceive as bad, and bad in what we perceive as good.

If you are ambivalent or unsure about a decision you have to make, there is a specific prayer for guidance (Salat-l-Istikhara) that you can do to ask for Allah's help in making your decision.  Should you marry this certain person?  Should you attend this graduate school?  Should you take this job offer or that one?  Allah knows what is best for you, and if you are not sure about a choice that you have, seek His guidance.

The Prophet Muhammad said, "If one of you is concerned about some practical undertaking, or about making plans for a journey, he should perform two cycles (rak'atain) of voluntary prayer."  Then he/she should say the following du'a:

Arabic:

 

Translation:

Oh Allah! I seek Your guidance by virtue of Your knowledge, and I seek ability by virtue of Your power, and I ask You of Your great bounty.  You have power; I have none.  And You know; I know not.  You are the Knower of hidden things.

Oh Allah!  If in Your knowledge, (this matter*) is good for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs, immediate and in the future, then ordain it for me, make it easy for me, and bless it for me.  And if in Your knowledge, (this matter*) is bad for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs, immediate and in the future, then turn it away from me, and turn me away from it.  And ordain for me the good wherever it may be, and make me content with it.

Transliteration:

Allahumma inni astakheeroka bi ilmik.  Wa'astaq-diroka biqodratik.  Wa'as'aloka min fadlikal-azeem.  Fa'innaka taqdiru wala aqdir.  Wata lamo wala-a lam.  Wa'anta-allamul ghuyoob.

Allahumma in kunta ta lamu anna (hathal-amra*) khayul-lee fi deenee wama ashi wa ajila amri wa'ajilah, faqdorho lee, wayassirho lee, thomma-barik lee fih.  Wa'in konta ta lamo anna (hathal-amra*) sharrul-lee fi deenee.  Wama ashi.  Wa ajila amri.  Wa'ajilaho.  Fasrifho annee.  Wasrifnee anh.  Waqdur leyal-khayr haytho kan.  Thomma ardini bih.


* When making the du'a, the actual matter or decision should be mentioned instead of the words "hathal-amra" ("this matter").

* After doing salat-l-istikhara, you may feel more inclined toward a decision one way or the other.

* For more detail on performing the prayer, please see:  http://islam.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?site=http://216.205.122.233/index.php%3Fln=eng%26amp%3Bds=qa%26amp%3Blv=browse%26amp%3BQR=2217 - Islam Q&A



Posted By: nadir
Date Posted: 19 April 2005 at 6:40am

 

Assalaamu Alaikum

 

 

 

Dear Semar,

 

It occurred to me that I have neglected to thank you for helping me.

 

 

Do you remember the private message you sent me? Well my heart very much appreciated that you thought of me, Hence I would like to show my gratitude & thank you…..

 

…….for being you.

 

 

I know this may sound a bit soppy but it doesn’t bother me what others may think, I know my reality, & I know if you met me you may be surprised (due to the perception my words, without my physical presence, create), I’m a bit of a ‘b-boy’ (to use the ‘street terminology’) really, & I certainly don’t speak as posh as I write.

 

I don’t intend that to mean – ‘bad-boy’ (as in a rebel against Allah [SWT]), rather, a rebel against corrupt, selfishness.

 

 

Wasalaam

nadir

 

 

Alhamdulilah

 

 



Posted By: blond
Date Posted: 19 April 2005 at 7:00am

Originally posted by nadir

I’m a bit of a ‘b-boy’ (to use the ‘street terminology’)

What a coicidence. I taught a class a the History of Hip-Hop Culture one week ago. I am teaching a class on the History and Culture of B-Boys in one week.



Posted By: IslamicGirl
Date Posted: 20 April 2005 at 4:46am
...


Posted By: bissmillah..
Date Posted: 26 April 2005 at 4:33am
Originally posted by iman

  salam islamic girl.

yes jallilah Allah hates divorse.

 

like i said allah does'nt hate divorce allah said divorce is the most dislike practice but if the married couple does'nt find any other means for peace in their relationship and divorce is an alternative and allah the all knowing, see's all that you do anything you conceil or before you act on an act allah knows that too. what I'm trying to say' think before anyone leaps into divorce so please read through my post again...assalamulaikum



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one of the surest evidence of greatness is a humble spirit...


Posted By: jalillah
Date Posted: 26 April 2005 at 4:58am
Originally posted by jalillah

no ..thats not true allah doesn't hate divorce he created it.. they are only a resort to a disharmony relationship and not a tool when one feels they can no longer handle the situation, if your husband's preys thats a good thing even if he does'nt... its his grave or his blessing not yours but the point iam trying to make here sister is that for whatever reason dont go down to the same level as those who dont care weather they live or die you must have a home of your on in your heart where you could actually go into every now and then where nothing else matter but your duty as the usual. If your husband keeps up the way he is liked you've mention.. then one day... god will open his flood of mercy to you.. and he will grant you pleasure u aquired.. it all depends on how god sees fit.. and if you really are  the person you say you are.... then your husband will miss out on you in this life and the here after.. does this sounds fair to you??
Last but not least ISTIKHA...like the other ladies mentioned earlier....

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May Allah Bless those who seek the truth......Allah Stands Alone in truth..


Posted By: nadir
Date Posted: 27 April 2005 at 6:26am

Assalaamu Alaikum

Islamicgirl

 

 

I truly hope that you are able to resolve your current dilemma (if you have not already done so), if you will please allow me, I would like to conclude (from a male perspective) the advice I have offered in this thread…..

 

 

I initially mentioned offering Salah/Du’a before partaking in the act of making Love, so that I might help distinguish between - senseless lust, & Meaningful Love.

 

From my own perspective, I have been blessed (by Allah’s leave, Glorified is He) with insight to perceive (although not always), when an action is motivated by ‘selfish desire’, or by ‘boundless compassion’. Hence (as I live in, & am exposed to Kufr ways) I created invisible (spiritual) barriers to protect my chastity, from the manipulation of other people’s - selfish desire.

 

It was with this spiritual issue in mind/heart, that I offered the advice I did. My own circumstances dictate that I need to seek/make such a distinction, so as not to feel as though I would be partaking in something ‘indecently lewd’. Hey, that’s not to say this advice is compulsory, rather a means to overcome an initial hurdle.

 

 

I obviously cannot speak for your husband, as I do not know the motivation behind his actions (or lack of them), maybe his problem is not spiritual (as my own problem illustrated above, & hence my advice would be fruitless), maybe it is a physical problem where Istikharah would be insufficient.

 

I do not know if you are aware of the ‘Accusation’ that was levelled at Aisha (RA)? The Prophet (SAW) as always, led by example when dealing with the accusation. Rather than blindly following the false realities created by the accusers (initially he [SAW] was unaware of the truthfulness of the accusation), he (SAW) instead awaited Divine Intervention (the Truth).

 

Hence with this in mind/heart, my advice is that you refrain from creating a false reality with regards to what the problem is. Instead I advise, that you have a duty to Allah (SWT), & to your husband, to try your best to induce an explanation from him (& be open to whatever that explanation might be). Just as your husband, has a duty to Allah (SWT), to be honest & caring with you, by discussing the issue.

 

 

Insha Allah

 

 

nadir

    




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