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I need some advice

Printed From: IslamiCity.com
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Groups – Youth
Forum Discription: Groups – Youth
URL: http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=4100
Printed Date: 21 August 2014 at 5:10pm


Topic: I need some advice
Posted By: ahlam
Subject: I need some advice
Date Posted: 22 March 2006 at 4:20pm

Asalamu Alakum

I am 17 years old. Recently, my first cousin asked for me. He is a really nice guy. He was raised in Palestine, so he speaks arabic. But I am a little worried because I understand arabic very well but my speaking skills aren't that great. How will I know if we will be able to communicate? I don't know what to do. Please help.




Replies:
Posted By: herjihad
Date Posted: 22 March 2006 at 5:32pm

Bismillah,

Are you ready to get married at all? Arabic speaking isn't the issue that's most important.  Language can be learned.  It's the difference in your cultures that may come between you.

Why don't you make plans to go to a community college.  Ask your counselor how to fill out financial aid forms, just in case you want to go in the fall.  The time to fill them out is now, you know.  And if you change your mind, then you don't have to accept the aid.  But if you haven't applied, then it won't be there for you if you change your mind and decide to take classes in August.

Give us more details to help you more, okay?

Peace. 



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Al-Hamdulillah (From a Married Muslimah) La Howla Wa La Quwata Illa BiLLah - There is no Effort or Power except with Allah's Will.


Posted By: Abeer23
Date Posted: 22 March 2006 at 10:02pm

Ahlam, I love your name; it's beautiful

Herjihad has given you great advise.  And about the language, don't worry too much about it.  If you're just not used to speaking Arabic, then you'll get used to it within a month.  Start now having your parents speak to you in Arabic only. 

Salaam



Posted By: ahlam
Date Posted: 23 March 2006 at 7:09pm
Well, I do plan on going to college I will have 2 years done before I get married, if I do. And he said he would let me go to college and work-And he is a good guy. He is from a good family. But he is a grocery worker but that doesn't mean he is poor he lives in a $500,000 house. We are from the same culture so that is not the problem.My parents speak arabic all the time. I understand it very well but my speaking isnt so great. there is a lot of words i don't know how to say. And he doesn't know english very well. Thanks for your help


Posted By: salman
Date Posted: 24 March 2006 at 4:08am
Originally posted by ahlam

Asalamu Alakum

I am 17 years old. Recently, my first cousin asked for me. He is a really nice guy. He was raised in Palestine, so he speaks arabic. But I am a little worried because I understand arabic very well but my speaking skills aren't that great. How will I know if we will be able to communicate? I don't know what to do. Please help.

walaikumussalam

recite the dua which prophet Moses (peace be upon him) made to Allah when Allah ordered prophet Moses (peace be upon him) to go to Fir'aun.

the verse is mentioned in the Quran.



Posted By: Angel
Date Posted: 24 March 2006 at 5:34am

Originally posted by ahlam

he lives in a $500,000 house.

WOW!



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~ Our feet are earthbound, but our hearts and our minds have wings ~


Posted By: herjihad
Date Posted: 24 March 2006 at 8:30am

Bismillah,

Dear Sister Ahlam,

I am familiar with the type of situation you are in.  Well, your culture is different in that he was raised there and you here, you have a big difference in experiences "culturally".

Why don't you work on not only improving your spoken Arabic, but also get familiar with songs and music that he likes, that have special meaning to him, and vice-versa?  If you are friends with a Sister who is similar to him in terms of background, culture and language, she could help you understand many things you will need to know.

I'm just assuming that you can read and write Quran fluently, but maybe that is wrong of me.  Learning those would be essential for you as well if you don't know them.



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Al-Hamdulillah (From a Married Muslimah) La Howla Wa La Quwata Illa BiLLah - There is no Effort or Power except with Allah's Will.


Posted By: ahlam
Date Posted: 24 March 2006 at 1:05pm
well he has two sisters one knows a little english and the other doesn't know any. I speak to them both but my arabic isn't that great. I know a lot of quran and I can read and write it. I asked his sister about me not knowing english and she told me he asked if a knew arabic too. I am afraid we won't be able to talk to each other like we would if we both spoke the same language fluently. Should I say no to him?


Posted By: ak_m_f
Date Posted: 24 March 2006 at 1:16pm
Originally posted by Angel

Originally posted by ahlam

he lives in a $500,000 house.


WOW!



grocery worker = $500,000 house

how?

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Posted By: salman
Date Posted: 24 March 2006 at 10:13pm
Originally posted by ahlam

Asalamu Alakum

I am 17 years old. Recently, my first cousin asked for me. He is a really nice guy. He was raised in Palestine, so he speaks arabic. But I am a little worried because I understand arabic very well but my speaking skills aren't that great. How will I know if we will be able to communicate? I don't know what to do. Please help.

walaikumussalam

recite the dua which prophet Moses (peace be upon him) made to Allah when Allah ordered prophet Moses (peace be upon him) to go to Fir'aun.

the verse is mentioned in the Quran.

pray to Allah.

if Allah wills, Allah will solve your problem.

 

 



Posted By: bayatwp
Date Posted: 31 March 2006 at 11:32am

salaamz alhlam

I suggest you make istikhaarah salaah.Only Allah can guide you towards the corect decision.Also I think that if your parents approve of him then he cant be that bad .Whether he is a grocery worker or not should not concern you unless it means he cant take care of you financially.so inshallah i hope Allah guides you towards the truth!!!whatever it may be 



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whoever Allah guides is rightly guided!


Posted By: Abeer23
Date Posted: 31 March 2006 at 11:35pm

Don't say no to him, just start working on your spoken Arabic.  You can already understand it so it will be quite easy.   I agree with bayatwp, do istikhara, trust in Allah, and trust in parents too.

Salaam



Posted By: ahlam
Date Posted: 13 April 2006 at 7:08am
I prayed salat al-istikhara and I found myself wanting to marry my cousin but then i had a dream. In my dream my grandparents came from Palestine to the US and my grandma asked me what happened with Mohammed my cousin and there were lots of people at my house and everyone heard her and would think I am engaged to him. Then I went into my room and got so mad that I cried. Is that a sign I shouldn't marry him?


Posted By: ak_m_f
Date Posted: 13 April 2006 at 9:49am
Originally posted by ahlam

I prayed salat al-istikhara and I found myself wanting to marry my cousin but then i had a dream. In my dream my grandparents came from Palestine to the US and my grandma asked me what happened with Mohammed my cousin and there were lots of people at my house and everyone heard her and would think I am engaged to him. Then I went into my room and got so mad that I cried. Is that a sign I shouldn't marry him?


write to some mufti or scholar.

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Posted By: ahlam
Date Posted: 21 April 2006 at 8:05am
Do you know any muftis or scholars? Or, do you know where I can find one?


Posted By: salman
Date Posted: 21 April 2006 at 8:09am

why don't you contact islamicity imam

www.islamicity.com/qa



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It is better to be alone than to be in bad company.


Posted By: Angela
Date Posted: 21 April 2006 at 8:23am

Al-Atfaal

mailto:info@al-atfaal.co.uk - info@al-atfaal.co.uk

This Imam answered a question I had about reversion to Islam while already married.  They are very thorough in their answers and very kind. 

Also,

http://www.askimam.org - http://www.askimam.org  

But you have to login at like midnight to get your question answered.



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Posted By: saja91
Date Posted: 29 April 2006 at 6:33pm
hey well i think you should go to college first but then again it could be your naseeb (what allah swt wrote to happen to you),if youre ready  then you can get married ,i have a cousin who married a guy from america and he barely speaks arabic  and she only can speak arabic and they speak with the 'yes' and 'no' .but if you really want to get married go ahead cause there is no language for love.

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"the real patience is at the first stroke of a calamity"


Posted By: ahlam
Date Posted: 08 May 2006 at 2:51pm
I just thought I would let you all know that my cousin is coming at the end of this month. So I'll see how it will go from there. I am still not sure what to do but maybe when I talk to him I will know what I should do. Thanks for your help~


Posted By: herjihad
Date Posted: 08 May 2006 at 6:52pm

Bismillah,

Salaams, dear sister.  Please don't wait for inspiration at the final moment.  What if nothing comes to you?  It's a lifelong decision.

Did you talk to a couple of sheiks yet online?  Did you submit your full situation to them so they can think about it all?



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Al-Hamdulillah (From a Married Muslimah) La Howla Wa La Quwata Illa BiLLah - There is no Effort or Power except with Allah's Will.


Posted By: ahlam
Date Posted: 09 May 2006 at 4:15pm

Well, I posted my dream on ask imam at islamicity.com. This is what he said, but I don't think it helped me much.

Question:
My cousin asked for me. So I prayed salat al-istikhara. I started to feel like I was looking forward to marrying my cousin. Then I had a dream. There were a lot of people in our house coming to see my grandparents who come from Palestine. I shook my grandma's hands and she asked me How is Muhammad? (my cousin)Then I got so mad that I went to my room and cried because everyone would hear and think we were engaged. I don't know what to do. Please help.

Answer:
As-Salamu `alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger. We commend your keenness on getting yourself well-acquainted with Islam and its teachings,we appreciate the great confidence you have in us and we implore Allah Almighty to help us serve His cause and render our work for His Sake. We regret for the delay in response. First of all, dreams or visions are not sources of legislation, so it shouldn't be threatening or frightening to anybody and it doesn't have a binding force of legal rules. Second, the interpretation of dreams is not an experimental knowledge but a divine gift bestowed on whom Allah wills. It is not a science that has certain laws; it is merely based on opinions, and hence what is written or said about the interpretation of dreams is not reliable and cannot be taken for granted. Allah swt says: "49:12 O ye who believe! Avoid suspicion as much (as possible): for suspicion in some cases is a sin: And spy not on each other behind their backs. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Nay, ye would abhor it...But fear Allah. For Allah is Oft-Returning, Most Merciful. " (49:12) Bukhari,Vol 9, Book 87. Interpretation Of Dreams.Hadith 156: Narrated By Ibn 'Umar: I was a young unmarried man during the lifetime of the Prophet. I used to sleep in the mosque. Anyone who had a dream, would narrate it to the Prophet. I said, "O Allah! If there is any good for me with You, then show me a dream so that Allah's Apostle may interpret it for me." So I slept and saw (in a dream) two angels came to me and took me along with them, and they met another angel who said to me, "Don't be afraid, you are a good man." They took me towards the Fire, and behold, it was built inside like a well, and therein I saw people some of whom I recognized, and then the angels took me to the right side. In the morning, I mentioned that dream to Hafsa. Hafsa told me that she had mentioned it to the Prophet and he said, "'ABDULLAH is a righteous man if he only prays more at night." (Az-Zuhri said, "After that, 'Abdullah used to pray more at night.") Elaborating on the interpretation of dreams, we'd like to cite for you the following fatwa issued by Sheikh `Atiyyah Saqr, former head of Al-Azhar Fatwa Committee, on this issue: "As for interpretation of dreams, this issue is certainly one of hidden secrets known only to Almighty Allah, the Knower of the Unseen. So all that is written or said of the interpretation of dreams is just a matter of personal reasoning and is not reliable. This is because this issue is one of the Unseen matters that have something to do with spirits and their interaction with outer worlds. It is not true that it has certain laws; it is merely based on opinions through which some people issued many books claiming to be authoritative reference on interpreting dreams. On this, Sheikh Abdul Ghani Al-Nablusi has written a book entitled Ta`tir al-Anam fi Ta`bir al-Manam. As the author of the book himself, he admits that the interpretation of dreams varies from one person to another and from one atmosphere to another. However, there are certain facts you should know about, and all of them are based on authentic Hadiths quoted from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him); they are: First Hadith: "A vision is from Almighty Allah (it's a form of divine inspiration) whereas a dream is from Satan. When any one of you have a bad dream, let him/her spit out (without saliva) to the left side and recite the two 'Protective Surahs' (An-Nas and Al-Falaq) and the dream will not harm him/her, Allah willing." Second Hadith: "At the approach of the Hour, the Muslim will have a true vision, and honesty will help him to have the clearest and truest vision. Moreover, seeing a true vision is the 46th degree of prophethood. Vision is of three kinds: the good one with glad tidings from Allah; the bad dream, which is from Satan to invade hearts with sadness; the third one is the effect of an aforethought matter. So if any one of you sees something sad in a vision, he should offer two rak`ats in prayer and never reveal it to anyone." Third Hadith: The Prophet said that if anyone sees him in his vision, he has truly seen him, for Satan can never disguise himself in the honorable form of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). (Bukhari) To conclude, the interpretation of dreams is not an experimental knowledge to pass on to people, generation to generation. It is a divine gift bestowed on whom Allah wills. Prophet Joseph's talent of interpreting dreams is a case in point. But, we should say that dreams or visions are not sources of legislation, so it shouldn't be threatening or frightening to anybody and it doesn't have a binding force of legal rules." It's recommended for anyone who sees a bad and terrifying dream to wake up and do the following: 1-Seeking refuge in Allah from the Shaitan (Satan) saying "A`oodho billahi mina ash-Shaitan ar-Rajeem (I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed Satan." 2-Spitting three times on the left. 3-Refraining from relating the dream to anybody lest it makes them worry. This is what the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, told us to do in this situation. Narrated Abu Salama: I used to see a dream which would make me sick till I heard Abu Qatada saying, "I too used to see a dream which would make me sick till I heard the Prophet saying, "A good dream is from Allah, so if anyone of you sees a dream which pleases him, he should not tell anybody about it except to the one whom he loves, and if he sees a dream which he dislikes, then he should seek refuge with Allah from its evil and from the evil of Satan, and spit three times (on his left) and should not tell anybody about it, lest it might harm him. " (Narrated by Al-Bukhari) Also, you are supposed to follow the Sunnah of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, when going to sleep. Try to recite the last two verses from Surat Al-Baqarah (the Cow), as the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: "Whoever recites the last two verses from Surat Al-Baqarah at night, they will be sufficient for him." (Narrated by Al-Bukhari, 3786; Muslim, 807). Also it is Sunnah to recite Surat Al-Ikhlas and Al-Mu`awwidhatayn before you sleep. `Aa'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, narrates: "On going to bed, the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, would blow into his hands and recite Surat Al-Ikhlas and Al-Mu`awidhatyn." Then he would wipe his hands over his face and his body, as far as they could reach." `Aa'ishah continues: "When he fell ill, He would ask me to do that for him." (Narrated by Al-Bukhari, 5416; Muslim, 2192) If you are still in need of more information, don't hesitate to contact us. Do keep in touch. May Allah guide us all to the straight path! Wassalam and Allah Almighty knows best.



Posted By: ahlam
Date Posted: 09 May 2006 at 4:19pm
I forgot to mention, that I recently had another dream. This time I was in New York my mom, and aunts were there. I wanted to go in a Hindi jewelry store but the lady who owned it said that I was too young. My mom said that I was engaged to my cousin. My aunt said I am not young because I am 18 but my aunt took a ring off my finger, I am not sure if it was the married or engaged side, but she took the ring and put it on her finger. It was kind of weird. Maybe it's just a weird dream and doesn't mean anything.~


Posted By: herjihad
Date Posted: 10 May 2006 at 6:43am

Bismillah,

The salient, relevant, point that I see in this quote you posted is that dreams are not legislation.  In other words, we are free to disregard them if we wish.

But dreams can reveal our own deeply felt feelings to us when we aren't willing to acknowledge them even to ourselves.  And if they are really awful and scary, they could just be the working of shaytan and we should follow the advice as you posted of spitting saliva free and not speaking of it to those around us.  (Seeking advice about it is different, especially for you, hon!)

Weigh the pros and cons of getting married.  List them and ask the sheikh's advice again.  Because I see that you were asking marriage advice, but he saw that you were asking about the validity of your dream.  Put the question differently to get the help you need, Sister.

Peace.



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Al-Hamdulillah (From a Married Muslimah) La Howla Wa La Quwata Illa BiLLah - There is no Effort or Power except with Allah's Will.


Posted By: ahlam
Date Posted: 12 May 2006 at 1:08pm

Asalamu Alaikum,

But how can I make a decision without sitting with him? And if I do sit with him I am afraid that I will have to say yes especially because my grandparents who came from Palestine are here and they raised him so they want me to say yes. I think my biggest worries about the whole thing is he might be hard-headed, communication, compatibility, if I will be happy and if there is someone better out there.



Posted By: amah
Date Posted: 12 May 2006 at 7:48pm
First of all, try not to worry....... and don't get under pressure due to grandparents, it is the question of your life! Keep doing dhikr to calm your heart....and pray lots and make lots of dua....just meet him first before jumping to conclusions....if you like him, do istikhara and say yes.....and if you don't like him, you know what to do...

Everything will be ok Insha Allah sis! Allah does what is best for you..


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Allah is Sufficient as a Walee (Protector) and Allah is Sufficient as a Naseer (Helper).
(Surah An-Nisa, Chapter #4, Verse #45)


Posted By: ahlam
Date Posted: 28 May 2006 at 5:08pm

Asalamu Alaikum

I talked to him on the phone and it went very well. He is supposed to come here on Thursday, and I will make my final decsion then. What kind of questions should I ask him? Thank you all for your help again, it really helped out a lot~



Posted By: herjihad
Date Posted: 29 May 2006 at 11:08pm

Bismillah,

I don't see why you have to make a final decision so quickly.  People want you to make a decision, but you have the right to say:  No, Yes or maybe later after I talk to you more.

Look at Sister Umzibba's post of:  Questions to ask a possible spouse.  Add any questions that you feel are important, and take off the ones that you have the answer for or are irrelevant to your situation.

Peace



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Al-Hamdulillah (From a Married Muslimah) La Howla Wa La Quwata Illa BiLLah - There is no Effort or Power except with Allah's Will.


Posted By: ahlam
Date Posted: 31 May 2006 at 8:25pm
Actually, I have given it quite a lot of thought. I have been thinking about this for almost 4 months. Inshallah Allah swt will guide me to the right path~


Posted By: ahlam
Date Posted: 13 June 2006 at 9:04am

Asalamu Alaikum

Well everything went very well. I am engaged now. Hamdillah he is a very good person and I am very happy. Thanks again for all your help




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