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a question

Printed From: IslamiCity.com
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Groups Youth
Forum Discription: Groups Youth
URL: http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=3382
Printed Date: 20 April 2014 at 4:34pm


Topic: a question
Posted By: Amina16
Subject: a question
Date Posted: 04 January 2006 at 10:21am
i was wondering is calling adults aunt and uncle(even when they r not really ur aunt or uncle) islamic or just culture. 

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"Words have Power" ex: The Quran



Replies:
Posted By: aishag88
Date Posted: 04 January 2006 at 7:42pm
 This is my opoion, i think that its culture. based on respect for that person...I could be wrong, its just what i observed


Posted By: Abeer23
Date Posted: 05 January 2006 at 8:09am

As salamu alaikum

Showing respect is an islamic etiquette, however how we show respect may vary from culture to culture.  Personally, I find that I only use "aunt" or "uncle" when speaking Arabic and "sister" or "brother" when speaking English.

Salaam 



Posted By: Amina16
Date Posted: 05 January 2006 at 9:52am
i have another question. can u call ur aunt by her first name? 

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"Words have Power" ex: The Quran


Posted By: Abeer23
Date Posted: 05 January 2006 at 10:32pm

Not unless you want to get slapped.  In my family it's considered disrespectful.  My nieces and nephew are not allowed to call me solely by my first name.  Come to think of it, neither can my cousins' children.

However, there are some people (in the States) that don't titles and prefer to be addressed by their first names.  It makes them feel younger.

Salaam



Posted By: Angel
Date Posted: 06 January 2006 at 5:00am

I think its up to the person how they want to be addressed.

My aunt and my uncles, I don't use the title. I just call them by their names.

My Godmother is the only person who has the title, Aunty & then name.

Titles aren't a big thing with me. Showing respect is but its not necessary for putting titles in front of names.

I actually call my Grandpa dad, because that is what everyone else calls him  and so i have picked it up but I do address him as Grandpa in cards. And my Grandma is, well...Grandma  



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~ Our feet are earthbound, but our hearts and our minds have wings ~


Posted By: herjihad
Date Posted: 06 January 2006 at 6:04am

Bismillah,

It seems that none of us have an Islaamic rule for you to follow.  The closest rule to this I can think of is that we are to show respect to people in general, and our family members in particular.  So my Phalasteenee nephews and nieces are particular about calling me Khalto.  'Amto is also used.  My kids call their aunts on their father's side 'Amto.  When young Arab children meet me, they call me Khalto.  The reason for this difference is complicated, but it means almost the same thing.

When the young girls I used to teach who were not Arab got older, they felt confident in calling me Sister.  But Arab girls in their 20s call me Khalto still because they would feel they were being disrespectful to me if they did otherwise.

Arabs call all old Muslim women Hajjee, and men Hajj out of respect, not out of the reality of whether or not they went on Hajj. 

Another Islaamic fact:  I know we are encouraged in the Hadith to call people by their kunya.   A kunya is if your oldest child is William or Sasha, you would be Um-William or Um-Sasha.  If it is Sara, you would be Um-Sara;  However, the custom is that if the oldest child is a girl and then you have a boy, the boy's name is used.  So Um-Sara might become Um-Ahmed even though Sara is her oldest.  However, if you take your kids to different schools, the people at Sara's school can still respectfully refer to you as Um-Sara, because they don't know about Ahmed and they have a lot of kids to watch, so it's easier and still respectful to call you by something that is familiar and they can remember.

When I meet an older Arab woman I ask her name and sometimes she tells me her kunya and sometimes she tells me her name.  I try to ask what she would like me to call her and I listen to what other people of different ages address her as.

People from other cultures have norms that I personally do not know.  I just ask them what I should call them and listen for what other people do as well.  They might tell me one thing thinking it is easier for me, but other people respectfully call them something else.



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Al-Hamdulillah (From a Married Muslimah) La Howla Wa La Quwata Illa BiLLah - There is no Effort or Power except with Allah's Will.


Posted By: Amina16
Date Posted: 06 January 2006 at 10:00am

thanks everyone.  i dont call my aunt by her first name but my cousins call my mom by her first name.  it makes me so angry.  i mean i respect their mom by calling her Mama(i picked it up when i was little) and their dad Baba.  They only respect my dad by calling him Abti(Uncle).  I'm happy they respect my dad but why not my mom.  When i was little i asked my cousin why don't u call my mom Aunt instead of Aliya.  she got angry with me and didn't talk to me for a while.  i was like 5 than.  my cousins still call my mom Aliya tell this day.  i told my mom to tell my cousins to call her aunt but she said i can't force them to respect.



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"Words have Power" ex: The Quran


Posted By: Abeer23
Date Posted: 07 January 2006 at 6:11am

That's awful.  I can understand your frustration.  I'd be angry if my cousins disrespected my mom like that too.  I feel bad for your mom.  Don't worry about it though, Allah will reward her for her patience.   She sounds like a wonderful lady ma sha allah.

Salaam   




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