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Looking for a Bride

Printed From: IslamiCity.com
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Groups Men (Brothers)
Forum Discription: Groups Men (Brothers)
URL: http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=332
Printed Date: 23 April 2014 at 6:09am


Topic: Looking for a Bride
Posted By: ZamanH
Subject: Looking for a Bride
Date Posted: 30 March 2005 at 9:10pm

As Salaam Alaikum,

We are looking for a bride for my elder brother. He is 27 yers old and he is a highly qualified professional. He often goes overseas to work( in fact, he has been working in the U.S for more than 1 year now) and he is, sort of, a busy person. We are confused about whether we should approach professional woman or, girls who don't work outside home. I would be grateful to any one who posts his/her opinion regarding the matter.

Thank you.

ZamanH 



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An enemy of an enemy is a fickle friend.
There will be more women in hell than men.
..for persecution is worse than the slaughter of the enemy..(Quran 2:191)
Heaven lies under mother's feet



Replies:
Posted By: Angel
Date Posted: 30 March 2005 at 9:28pm
Why not look out both groups of girls  Also maybe an independant girl with her own interest

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~ Our feet are earthbound, but our hearts and our minds have wings ~


Posted By: ZamanH
Date Posted: 04 April 2005 at 1:44am

hi Angel,

Thanks for the reply.

By the way, I don't think women who work at home are less independent than those who work outside home.

 

 



-------------
An enemy of an enemy is a fickle friend.
There will be more women in hell than men.
..for persecution is worse than the slaughter of the enemy..(Quran 2:191)
Heaven lies under mother's feet


Posted By: icforumadmin
Date Posted: 04 April 2005 at 10:39pm

Salam,

Just go to icmarriage.com, there are hundreds choices that ready to build a family.



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Best Regards & Peace,
Admin


Posted By: Knowledge01
Date Posted: 05 April 2005 at 7:21pm
I honestly wouldnt encourage looking for a bride, or husband for that matter, on the internet.  Its very unsafe and unreliable.

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Posted By: ZamanH
Date Posted: 05 April 2005 at 10:12pm
Originally posted by Administrator

Salam,

Just go to icmarriage.com, there are hundreds choices that ready to build a family.

It appears to me, you didn't read my post. I want to know opinion of other members about an issue concerning our search for a bride for my elder brother (and I am not looking for a bride for myself).

Thank you,

Zaman.



-------------
An enemy of an enemy is a fickle friend.
There will be more women in hell than men.
..for persecution is worse than the slaughter of the enemy..(Quran 2:191)
Heaven lies under mother's feet


Posted By: kim!
Date Posted: 07 April 2005 at 5:58pm

  It appears to me, you didn't read my post. I want to know opinion of other members about an issue concerning our search for a bride for my elder brother (and I am not looking for a bride for myself).

Thank you,

 

Have you asked him what sort of woman he might like to marry? If he's 27 one assumes he might have some idea of the woman he would like to spend his life with.

 

Kim...



Posted By: semar
Date Posted: 07 April 2005 at 10:56pm

Salam,

ZamanH, why you even bothered to find a bride for your brother here? Most peoples in this forum are reside in the west. In other threads you insisted that peoples in the west have been eaten by the western culture that against islamic value. So according to your assumption it's impossible to find a bride that meet your requirements. Why don't you just find her in India that according to you it's way more easy to find untouched man and women compare in the west.

Bellow I copied your statements from other threads:

===
The prevalence of lechery among "Muslims" settled in the West is invariably due to the influence of the Western "culture". I have heard that the first-generation of Muslims settled in the West lose their culture; the second generation of them, their language and the third generation, thier religion.

===
I know that large number (though, not many) of the Muslims in India are unchaste, I don't accept that most of them are unchaste. It was earlier stated in this thread that it is difficult to find chaste men. I thought that was said about Muslims in the West (probably, by a Muslim settled in the West), as consuption of wine and illicit (islamically) sex are widespred (or rampant) in the Western "culture". ===
Nearly 500 years back, people in the West rebelled against corrupt religious hierarchy and thought that they have rebelled against God and won. Now, they seem to pride themselves over their godlessness. Their advances in the field of science has removed the fear of God from their hearts and made them feel superior to Allah (subhan-Allah). No other group of people have oppressed the weak and poor people of the world as much as the Westerners and for as long as they are doing. They permit lechery and sodomy among themselves. Whether they admit it or not, they are exceedingly indulging in wine and women. Western "culture" is exceptionally antagonistic to Islam (and Muslims) compared to other cultures. Muslims have suffered so much because of them..... The writing on the wall is, there can be NO compromise between Islam and the West. Those "Muslims" who have adopted WEstern culture will have to decide soon about which side they are in - Islam or the West (this is not any kind of demand from me, its my anticipation/prediction).
====
It is interesting that Muslims lose their culture and language in no time, when they settle in the West;whereas, when it comes to uniting (or creating an Islamic state) they come up with complex theories about how much they love their language and culture etc. and how difficult it is for them to create an Islamic state because of that.
====



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Salam/Peace,
Semar
The Prophet said: "Do not eat before you are hungry, and stop eating before you are full"
"1/3 of your stomach for food 1/3 for water, 1/3 for air"


Posted By: ZamanH
Date Posted: 09 April 2005 at 1:14am
Originally posted by semar

Salam,

ZamanH, why you even bothered to find a bride for your brother here?

Walaikum As salaam,

YA ALLAH, Everyone is misunderstanding me. I am NOT looking for a bride for my brother in this forum. I am just asking your opinion whether we should approach a professional woman or a housewife type.

He will certainly marry a girl form the city of my parents i.e. Bhopal (we have been living there for generations).



-------------
An enemy of an enemy is a fickle friend.
There will be more women in hell than men.
..for persecution is worse than the slaughter of the enemy..(Quran 2:191)
Heaven lies under mother's feet


Posted By: alaa_k
Date Posted: 11 April 2005 at 4:14am
It seems that you should ask your brother. What kind of girl does he want as his wife?  That seems to me to be the most important consideration.


Posted By: jalillah
Date Posted: 11 April 2005 at 4:30am

who cares if she's home bound or busy getter kind of a person its upto your brother to make his own decision that best suit his character... 



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May Allah Bless those who seek the truth......Allah Stands Alone in truth..


Posted By: IslamicGirl
Date Posted: 11 April 2005 at 5:41am

You guys are living a very sheltered life!

My family have lived in a Western nation for over 2 decades now... I have (Masha Allah) beautiful sisters who have NEVER been involved with men and are at the age of marrying.  They too are scared to just marry anyone, they have university qualifications and are very attractive. 

However, I do not understand & it makes me angry what some of you people on here mean when you say that the Western influence is taking culture, language and Islamic values away from nice girls.  This is WRONG... you boys are looking in the WRONG places.

As for finding someone for your brother, what.. he has no preference in a girl what-so-ever??  If he wanted to marry that bad, he'd find a partner himself.  I don't mean to sound like i'm mad at anyone, but people in this forum are jumping too all sorts of unrealistic assumptions. 

The problem with Islamic society in the West today is.. we young girls are bright, educated and respectful towards Islam and our parents.. however, when it comes to finding a partner for life, we are just as stuck as some of you men are.



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*Islamic Girl*


Posted By: rami
Date Posted: 11 April 2005 at 6:02am
Bi ismillahir rahmanir raheem

assalamu alaikum

One disadvantage of marrying a career woman is that they may become to busy for each other, which will eventually impact on any kids they have since niether will form the crucial bonds that are nesessary between a child and its parents. If they are not there at an early age you can not develop them latter since the child is constantly developing and that phase in the childs life will be over.

>>>However, I do not understand & it makes me angry what some of you people on here mean when you say that the Western influence is taking culture, language and Islamic values away from nice girls.  This is WRONG... you boys are looking in the WRONG places.<<<

To be blunt sister you need to get out more...probably not a good idea islamicaly

Muslim girls in the west are increasingly choosing a western lifestyle over that of Islam, alhamdulillah you havnt noticed this yet sister but for some of us this is clear as day.


>>>
we young girls are bright, educated and respectful towards Islam and our parents<<<

Shyness is a highly desired quality in muslim women as it is a sign of inteligence, patiance and self control, being asertive is not and that is a common quality. As for respectfull that is different from one family to another.



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Rasul Allah (sallah llahu alaihi wa sallam) said: "Whoever knows himself, knows his Lord" and whoever knows his Lord has been given His gnosis and nearness.


Posted By: IslamicGirl
Date Posted: 11 April 2005 at 6:55am

rami, rami, rami.. I have a life besides being here..

We are not shy girls either!



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*Islamic Girl*


Posted By: ZamanH
Date Posted: 12 April 2005 at 9:14pm

However, I do not understand & it makes me angry what some of you people on here mean when you say that the Western influence is taking culture, language and Islamic values away from nice girls.  This is WRONG... you boys are looking in the WRONG places.

 

Where did I say anything like that??

 

for finding someone for your brother, what.. he has no preference in a girl what-so-ever??  If he wanted to marry that bad, he'd find a partner himself.  I don't mean to sound like i'm mad at anyone, but people in this forum are jumping too all sorts of unrealistic assumptions. 

I guess 'we' includes my brother, too. And he is as much confused as us.



-------------
An enemy of an enemy is a fickle friend.
There will be more women in hell than men.
..for persecution is worse than the slaughter of the enemy..(Quran 2:191)
Heaven lies under mother's feet


Posted By: kim!
Date Posted: 12 April 2005 at 11:27pm

It may be possible for him to find someone who is _currently_ working, but who may be thinking about becoming a housewife later when the children come along.

More and more women nowdays are thinking like that - they discover that working fulltime is so much work and so stressful, they decide that when their children eventually come along, they will give up work to bring the kids up.

Kim...

 



Posted By: IslamicGirl
Date Posted: 13 April 2005 at 7:07am

Salams,

ZamanH u said somethings along the lines of:  you insisted that peoples in the west have been eaten by the western culture that against islamic value.  

I just retraced this from a post Samer said to you..  highlighting the above statements you made too.

Samer responded to this by saying:  So according to your assumption it's impossible to find a bride that meet your requirements. Why don't you just find her in India that according to you it's way more easy to find untouched man and women compare in the west.

Remember?



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*Islamic Girl*


Posted By: IslamicGirl
Date Posted: 13 April 2005 at 7:09am
ZamanH, it wasn't just you, it was just reading everyone's thread in general that made me respond the way I did, but do u remember saying something along the lines of my last post??

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*Islamic Girl*


Posted By: AhmadJoyia
Date Posted: 18 May 2005 at 1:10pm
Originally posted by ZamanH

Originally posted by semar

Salam,

ZamanH, why you even bothered to find a bride for your brother here?

Walaikum As salaam,

YA ALLAH, Everyone is misunderstanding me. I am NOT looking for a bride for my brother in this forum. I am just asking your opinion whether we should approach a professional woman or a housewife type.

He will certainly marry a girl form the city of my parents i.e. Bhopal (we have been living there for generations).

Yap! as more and more responses that I see to your simple question, more I am realizing people's preoccupation about your sayings on other posts. And that leads to responding to a wrong question. I have noted it and therefore thought to jump in to rescue you with my own understanding for your question. See if I can succeed in it.

My preference goes with a working wife than a house wife. Plain and simple. I don't think that I should remind the pros and cons of the two. However, as regards to care and upbringing of the children is concerned, people in close family traditions and combined families, like you have mentioned are living from generations after generations at the same place, they don't have much to worry about as there are always elders in the home to take care of this aspect. Even if your brother opts to move to another location, elders from a family may be called in for help.   



Posted By: firewall
Date Posted: 20 May 2005 at 4:20pm


Posted By: ZamanH
Date Posted: 22 May 2005 at 11:58am

why do people have the mindset that women who is not a professional carreer woman, is more pure, untouched, husband-pleasing etc...

Question is about compatibility, its not about judging anyone.

actually there are many women who loves to be a housewife, but they need to work to support their family.

Their issues are entirely different from those who work outside home because of their preference/choice. Anyway, that is off the topic.



-------------
An enemy of an enemy is a fickle friend.
There will be more women in hell than men.
..for persecution is worse than the slaughter of the enemy..(Quran 2:191)
Heaven lies under mother's feet


Posted By: firewall
Date Posted: 23 May 2005 at 3:31pm


Posted By: ZamanH
Date Posted: 24 May 2005 at 11:19am
For happiness in marriage, piety of the partners alone is not enough. One good example is that of Zainab (R.A) marriage to Prophet's adopted son. Both of them were pious but the marriage didn't succeed/work out.

-------------
An enemy of an enemy is a fickle friend.
There will be more women in hell than men.
..for persecution is worse than the slaughter of the enemy..(Quran 2:191)
Heaven lies under mother's feet


Posted By: firewall
Date Posted: 26 May 2005 at 2:22am


Posted By: ZamanH
Date Posted: 26 May 2005 at 11:47am

their marriege didn't work out because Allah has set their marriege as an example to muslims.

Nothing, whether its good or evil happens whithout Allah's consent, anyway. There were clearly differences between Zainab(R.A) and ZAid(R.A). I don't know why you don't understand piety and comptibility as marriage partners are two different things. Do you really think a woman should marry a impotent man if he is pious??



-------------
An enemy of an enemy is a fickle friend.
There will be more women in hell than men.
..for persecution is worse than the slaughter of the enemy..(Quran 2:191)
Heaven lies under mother's feet


Posted By: firewall
Date Posted: 27 May 2005 at 4:41pm
Originally posted by ZamanH

Do you really think a woman should marry a impotent man if he is pious??


well, in Islam, isn't giving nafkah to his wife is a prerequisite? it is. so Islam has set the best guidelines already.


Posted By: ZamanH
Date Posted: 28 May 2005 at 11:58am

What is nafkah by the way??

Also, to be more articulate let me put it this way, my question was between two equally religious woman, one of whom works out of home and other does not, who will be a better wife??



-------------
An enemy of an enemy is a fickle friend.
There will be more women in hell than men.
..for persecution is worse than the slaughter of the enemy..(Quran 2:191)
Heaven lies under mother's feet


Posted By: ummziba
Date Posted: 29 May 2005 at 4:07am

Assalamu alaikum, brother Zaman,

I think the answer to your question might be that the better wife would be the one who is happy and content with what she is.

A woman who stays at home, but wishes she had a career will not be happy.  A woman who stays at home, and is content with that lifestyle will be happy.

A woman who works but wishes she could stay home will not be happy.  A woman who works, and is content with that lifestyle will be happy.

So, the job here is to thoroughly question and get to know any prospective spouse to see what her hopes and dreams of the future are, what she is happy doing and so on.

Simply, the better wife will be the one who is satisfied with her role in life, no matter what that role is!

Peace, ummziba.



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Sticks and stones may break my bones, but your words...they break my soul ~


Posted By: ZamanH
Date Posted: 29 May 2005 at 12:19pm

Walai Kum As Salaam Ukhti Ummziba,

Thanks for your reply.



-------------
An enemy of an enemy is a fickle friend.
There will be more women in hell than men.
..for persecution is worse than the slaughter of the enemy..(Quran 2:191)
Heaven lies under mother's feet


Posted By: firewall
Date Posted: 30 May 2005 at 12:34am


Posted By: ZamanH
Date Posted: 30 May 2005 at 11:15am

& thank you for thanking Ummziba. maybe i'm not worth to be thanks to.

As Salaam Alaikum,

C'mon, I am profoundly grateful to you for holding this dicussion with me. I didn't thanked you earlier because I thought I will do that in the end. That's it.

Also, I am sorry if you feel I was reacting angrily with you. You might be feeling that way because I might have been too much frank in those messages, as I am often tempted to not spending much time while composing my messages.

Zaman.



-------------
An enemy of an enemy is a fickle friend.
There will be more women in hell than men.
..for persecution is worse than the slaughter of the enemy..(Quran 2:191)
Heaven lies under mother's feet



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