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Muslim jokes.

Printed From: IslamiCity.com
Category: General
Forum Name: Humour
Forum Discription: "CLEAN" humour only please !
URL: http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=2722
Printed Date: 22 October 2014 at 6:40pm


Topic: Muslim jokes.
Posted By: rami
Subject: Muslim jokes.
Date Posted: 23 October 2005 at 4:53am
Bi ismillahir rahmanir raheem

assalamu alaikum

Did you hear the one about Jewish-Muslim comedy night? The rehearsals were going really well until the Jews occupied the Muslim half of the stage.
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A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl" The man says: - "But I am not a New Yorker!" "Oh ,then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" – the policeman answers. "But I am not
an American!" – says the man. "Oh, what are you then? " The man says: - "I am a Saudi !" The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.
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Here is the story of an Imam who got after Friday prayers and announced to the people:

"I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
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The Imam of a masjid, who was also a father of two young children, was about to enter the majid to give the Khutbah (Friday sermon). Before he entered he reminded them to be quiet - especially when he is giving his khutbah.

He then asked his children, "And why is it necessary to be quiet during Jummah?"

Little Ahmed jumped up and yelled, "Because people are all sleeping!"
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An Imam was feeling bored one Friday and decided to take the day off away from the Masjid. He told the assistant Imam he wasn't feeling well and drove off. He stopped at a golf course about forty miles away (so that no one would know him.)

Up in Heaven, the angels were talking. One said to another, "He can just get away with that! This is wrong - Jummah is mandatory for him and he is an example for so many believers!" The other angel agreed but decided to wait to see how Allah would take care of him.

The Imam teed off on the first hole and suddenly, the wind picked up, blowing the ball right in the hole for a 420 yard hole-in-one.

The angels looked at each other in great surprise. One said, "Why did He do that??" The other realized the wisdom behind it and smiled...

"Who's he going to tell?"
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Did you hear the one about the first Muslim desi president?

At the inauguration somebody told his mother, "You must be very proud of your son," and she answered, "The president? He's alright. But his brother's a doctor!"
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An elderly lady was well-known for her Iman and for her confidence in talking about it. She would stand in front of her house and say Alhamdulilah "Allah be praised" to all those who passed by. Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!" Hard times came upon the elderly lady, and she prayed for Allah to send her some assistance. She would pray out loud in her night prayer" Oh Allah! I need food!! I am having a hard time, please Lord, PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!" The atheist happened to hear her as she was praying, and decided to play a prank on her. The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "Alhamdulilah, Allah be praised!." The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't." The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "ALHAMDULILAH WA SHUKRILLAH”. He not only sent me groceries, but he made the devil pay for them!"
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One day in the South Pacific, a navy ship saw smoke coming an uncharted island. When they came close they saw 3 makeshift huts. Upon arriving at the shore they were met by a shipwreck survivor. He said, "I'm so glad you're here! I've been ALONE on this island for more than five years!" The captain replied, "If you're all alone on the island why do I see THREE huts." The survivor said, "Oh. We'll, I live in one, and go to the Masjid in another." "What about the THIRD hut?" asked the captain. "I had a fight with the board, so I stopped going there."



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Rasul Allah (sallah llahu alaihi wa sallam) said: "Whoever knows himself, knows his Lord" and whoever knows his Lord has been given His gnosis and nearness.



Replies:
Posted By: Abeer23
Date Posted: 23 October 2005 at 5:06am

I showed these jokes to my sisters,  They loved them.  I especially liked the one about the old lady

Salaam



Posted By: Justin N
Date Posted: 24 October 2005 at 5:48pm

      

I like it. 



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Please don't take anything I say offencivly, as I don't mean any disrespect.


Posted By: Amina16
Date Posted: 24 October 2005 at 6:13pm
I like these jokes.  i really liked the one where the Saudi man saves the girls life.

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"Words have Power" ex: The Quran


Posted By: karimah
Date Posted: 24 October 2005 at 7:38pm
Move over rudy


Posted By: aishag88
Date Posted: 27 October 2005 at 11:45am


Posted By: sonia_islam
Date Posted: 14 November 2005 at 10:46pm

kool!!   can we have some more

 



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salma


Posted By: Amina16
Date Posted: 15 November 2005 at 5:30pm

here's another one:

Good news, Bad news
1/27/2005

Here is the story of an Imam who got after Friday prayers and announced to the people:

"I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."



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"Words have Power" ex: The Quran


Posted By: Amina16
Date Posted: 15 November 2005 at 5:31pm

here's another one i totally love. 

Convert to Islam
1/27/2005

Mullah Nasruddin (who was born a Muslim) was walking down a street when he bumps into Umar Abdullah, a convert/revert to Islam.

"Salam-Alaikum brother Umar!" Mullah Nasruddin said excitedly.

"Alaikum-salam, brother!" replied Umar.

"I have this question I have been wanting to ask you for a LONG LONG time, and now, since you are here, may I ask it?"

"Go ahead, brother, you may." replied Umar.

"When you became a Muslim, did you cry?"

"Indeed I did." replied Umar.

"ME TOO! ME TOO!" exclaimed Mullah Nasruddin excitedly.



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"Words have Power" ex: The Quran


Posted By: Amina16
Date Posted: 15 November 2005 at 5:34pm
Quiet During Jummah

The Imam of a masjid, who was also a father of two young children, was about to enter the majid to give the Khutbah (Friday sermon). Before he entered he reminded them to be quiet - especially when he is giving his khutbah.

He then asked his children, "And why is it necessary to be quiet during Jummah?"

Little Ahmed jumped up and yelled, "Because people are all sleeping!"



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"Words have Power" ex: The Quran


Posted By: Amina16
Date Posted: 15 November 2005 at 5:39pm
Few Muslims in Hell
1/27/2005

Two men were on a plane on a business trip when a Muslim couple boarded the plane and were seated right in front of them. The two men, eager to have some fun, started talking loudly. "My boss is sending me to Saudi Arabia", the one said, "But I don't want to go...too many Muslims there!" The Muslim couple noticeably heard and grew uncomfortable. The other guy laughed, "Oh, yeah, my boss wanted to send me to Pakistan but I refused...WAY too many Muslims!" Smiling, the first man said, "One time I was in Iran but I HATED the fact that there were so many Muslims!" The couple fidgeted. The other guy responded, "Oh, yeah...you can't go ANYWHERE to get away from them...the last time I was in FRANCE I ran into a bunch of them too!" The first guy was laughing hysterically as he added, "That is why you'll never see me in Indonesia...WAY too many Muslims!" At this, the Muslim man turned around and responded politely, "Why don't you go to Hell?", he asked, "I hear there's not very many Muslims THERE!"



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"Words have Power" ex: The Quran


Posted By: Dayem
Date Posted: 15 November 2005 at 8:20pm

Here is a shortcut, ok?

http://youth.ibn.net/humor.asp - http://youth.ibn.net/humor.asp



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"the mooslims! they're heeere!"
LOONWATCH.COM


Posted By: Amina16
Date Posted: 26 November 2005 at 4:00pm
Rules of Joking in Islam


Some people joke too much and it becomes a habit for them. This is the opposite of the serious nature which is the characteristic of the believers. Joking is a break, a rest from ongoing seriousness and striving; it is a little relaxation for the soul. ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Azeez (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “Fear joking, for it is folly and generates grudges.”

Imaam al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “The kind of joking which is forbidden is that which is excessive and persistent, for it leads to too much laughter and hardening of the heart, it distracts from remembrance of Allaah, and it often leads to hurt feelings, generates hatred and causes people to lose respect and dignity. But whoever is safe from such dangers, then that which the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to do is permissible for him.”

Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqaas said: “Set a limit to your jokes, for going to extremes makes you lose respect and incites the foolish against you.”

The amount of joking should be like the amount of salt in one’s food.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not laugh too much, for laughing too much deadens the heart.” (Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7312)

‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “Whoever laughs too much or jokes too much loses respect, and whoever persists in doing something will be known for it.”

So beware of joking, for it “causes a person to lose face after he was thought of as respectable, and it brings him humiliation after esteem.”

A man said to Sufyaan ibn ‘Uyaynah (may Allaah be pleased with him), “Joking is not right, it is to be denounced.” He replied, “Rather it is Sunnah, but only for those who know how to do it and do it at the appropriate time.”

Nowadays, although the ummah needs to increase the love between its individual members and to relieve itself of boredom, it has gone too far with regard to relaxation, laughter and jokes. This has become a habit which fills their gatherings and wastes their time, so their lives are wasted and their newspapers are filled with jokes and trivia.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If you knew what I know, you would laugh little and weep much.” In Fath al-Baari it says: “What is meant by knowledge here has to do with the might of Allaah and His vengeance upon those who disobey Him, and the terrors that occur at death, in the grave and on the Day of Resurrection).

Muslim men and women have to be inclined to choose righteous and serious friends in their lives, who will help them to make good use of their time and strive for the sake of Allaah with seriousness and steadfastness, good and righteous people whose example they can follow. Bilaal ibn Sa’d said: “I saw them [the Sahaabah] jokingly pretending to fight over some goods, and laughing with one another, but when night came they were like monks.”

Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) was asked, “Did the Companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) laugh?” He said, “Yes, and the faith in their hearts was like mountains.”

So you have to follow the example of such people, who were knights by day and monks (i.e., devoted worshippers) by night.

May Allaah keep us, you and our parents safe on the Day of the Greatest Terror, those to whom the call will go out on that great Day:

“Enter Paradise, no fear shall be on you, nor shall you grieve”

[al-A’raaf 7:49 – interpretation of the meaning]

Obtained from
http://www.islamisforyou.com/ - http://www.islamisforyou.com

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"Words have Power" ex: The Quran


Posted By: Suleyman
Date Posted: 26 November 2005 at 11:39pm
A good working,Jazak Allah Khair Sister Amina...


Posted By: awesomeJ
Date Posted: 12 February 2006 at 10:23am
@Amina16

love your joke.. subhanallah


Posted By: Amina16
Date Posted: 23 February 2006 at 3:06pm

Originally posted by awesomeJ

@Amina16

love your joke.. subhanallah

Yeah i like it too but its not my joke i found it in the web. 



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"Words have Power" ex: The Quran


Posted By: mortazaB
Date Posted: 07 April 2006 at 4:10pm
HAHA... ILIKE..ILIKE.


Posted By: superme
Date Posted: 19 April 2006 at 12:37am
This thread gives a good joke by itself before I open it. It has 2406 views already, what a joke!

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