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Marraige in trouble. Need help please

Printed From: IslamiCity.com
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Discription: Discuss Family Issues
URL: http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=26989
Printed Date: 23 August 2014 at 8:31am


Topic: Marraige in trouble. Need help please
Posted By: Naseemruby
Subject: Marraige in trouble. Need help please
Date Posted: 25 November 2013 at 3:12am
Salaams.
Iam new to this forum.
And have no where to get advise from.
I am a convert to Islam for the last 36 years .i married an Asian man when I was 19 I am now 55.
'My husband was always a fair husband and father to our 4 children.
We had our problems but managed till now.
The children have all grown up mashallah to b great kids 2 of which r married.
My problems started when the children wanted to choose their own ways in life.eg subjects at school partners.the list goes on.they all know right from wrong but didn't become doctors lawyers high flyers like my husband wanted them to b.so in his eyes he's ashamed of them all and will have no contact with.
I have no help from his family as we now have a clash of culture they were all born and bought up here but my husband has become so backward.
He refuses to support me financially.
If Allah can forgive us for our sins surly a father can forgive his children when they beg for forgiveness.
It has come to the point where I think we will have to seperate now it's unbearable.we have been to relate and they told him he's being unfair.also the mosque has said the same. All myself and our children want is a peaceful life. He won't let go of the past and move onto the future.
Can any one give me any Islamic guidelines on this please.
Thanks



Replies:
Posted By: NABA
Date Posted: 27 November 2013 at 11:44pm
Only thing that can improve this situation is Quran, Quran says in ch 2 v 187 about husband and wives that u r their garments and they are ur garments, u said that ur husband refused to help u financially show him the verse ch 4 v 34-men are regarded as khayyam means protector ofwomen, so he just can't leave u,even if he want to divorce u there are guidelines which u read from Quran, if ur children are rude to u, show them the verse of ch 17 v 23-24-Allah says and there is a command from ur lord that u should worship only Allah and if ur both parents or one of them reaches old age b good to them and u should not utter even ooff, and pray to Allah to offer blessings on them.according to me these are the efforts u should do and I pray that may Allah improve ur situation.Allahfiz.


Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 28 November 2013 at 8:28am
How is refusing to support you? Are you currently separated, and if not, who pays the household expenses? I think you and your children should allow him to vent his frustrations and validate his feelings. Often conflict occurs when someone is made to feel their feelings are without merit. It is very difficult to debate someone's concept of reality. Do not make this an issue of who is "right" and who is "wrong". You don't have to agree with your husband in order to listen and try to see matters his way. We instinctively do this all the time with outsiders, but for some reason find it difficult inside our homes. And Allah Knows Best.


Posted By: Naseemruby
Date Posted: 29 November 2013 at 10:27am
Thank you for your comments.
Unfortunately things have progressed badly.
He now wants to seperate and bring another wife in our house.can he do this. I have no where else to go.so I will have to stay in our home also.



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