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please help..advice

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Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Groups Youth
Forum Discription: Groups Youth
Printed Date: 24 June 2018 at 9:30am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 8.04 -

Topic: please help..advice
Posted By: ameera101
Subject: please help..advice
Date Posted: 21 September 2013 at 2:09pm

As-salamu alaykum to whoever is reading this.

I was with this Muslim guy for nearly 2 years. We actually fell for each other quite quickly and then started to date. I hardly ever date and prior to this I told myself whoever I get with next shall be my future husband inshallah.

I brought this man into my life, introduced him to my family and friends because I wasn't all keen on hiding and running around with him. I'm 20 right now and he's 23 turning 24. A few months into the relationship he started mistreating me really badly, he would flirt with girls behind my back or ignore me for days and talk down to me. There was points where he would dump me but then come running back. I thought love was all about forgiveness and giving people second chances so that is why I forgave him for every little thing.

I ALWAYS use to put this man on the straight path with work and the religion but my efforts were NEVER appreciate. I suffer from depression because of him. I cry nearly every night. I did everything for him wallah and it's unbelievable things turned out the way they did.

Just recently he told he does NOT LOVE ME ANYMORE. How I never listen to him and he wants nothing to do with me anymore. He told me I'm losing out, not him, but me. and how I have made a mistake and I lost for him for good this time. As you could imagine, my heart is extremely broken right now.

I NEVER DATE AND THE FIRST TIME I DID, THIS HAPPENS. he gave me hopes that we were going to get married, like everything was a lie, he led me on. and please dont tell me to move on and focus on myself. Its easier said than done. I opened up my life to this man only for him to do this to me. I don't believe in karma anymore because for the past 5 years he's been treating girls so badly, he would use them for sex and leave no matter how they liked him. and now he did the same to me, I didn't expect this to happen because I thought I was different.

please please my Muslim brothers and sister, give me advice. I'm feeling so angry, used, hurt, betrayed and depressed. I'm trying so hard to focus on school and other things but it doesn't work. I don't even have closure so how could I ever move on?

He always told me I was wifey material and how no one has ever loved him as much as I did and did all those sweet stuff like me and I truly do believe it so why doesn't he love me anymore?

Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 23 September 2013 at 8:03am
You mentioned that you introduced him to your family; have you expressed the above to your dad? What did he advise? Did the Muslim guy introduce you to his family? If so, have they been made aware of his trashing your feelings? Perhaps this individual is a selfish predator, and if so, consider yourself fortunate having not married him. You feel angry, used, hurt, betrayed and depressed, which are all appropriate emotions given the circumstances. Each of us mourn differently, so allow yourself to express grief. You have undoubtedly learned valuable lessons from this experience, and I wish you all the best going forward.    

Posted By: NABA
Date Posted: 03 October 2013 at 7:13am
Walecum As Salaam, i know its a difficult time for you but u need to move forward I advice u that always aim to please Allah what was ur fault was that u did to plz that boy who was characterless and not worthy of love but if u plz Allah in Sha Allah u will succeed both in this life and hereafter. U should take this experience as a lesson and move forward u r only 20 so pray to Allah to give u good husband and to plz Allah is to follow Quran, in Quran in ch 24 v 31-Allah says tell to the believing women to guide read Quran in Sha Allah u will find peace.Allahfiz.

Posted By: Abu Loren
Date Posted: 03 October 2013 at 10:53am
Wa Alaikkum Asalaam
I'm going to be straight and to the point, if you are still an active member. I don't mean to hurt your feelings but just being honest.
First of all you did not live an life according to Islam, you knew boyfriends are haram yet you went went this man. Secondly, this is normal in a Godless Western life where you are living. You blended in to your non Islamic environment and thought having a boyfriend was normal and this guy knew that he could take you for a ride.
As for feeling love for him and feeling depressed this is a normal teenage reaction to lost love. However, if you had kept to a strictly Islamic way of life then you would have been spared all of this.
Moving forward my advise for you will be to get to know your religion. Pray five times a day at the stipulated times and try to implement the Five Pillars of Islam in your life. Read the Qur'an and the Hadiths and the Seera of the Prophet (SalAllahu Alayhi Wa Sallam). There are plenty of material on the internet particularly Youtube where you can listen to recitations of the Qur'an, if you don't know Arabic then there are translations in English.
I suspect your family does not follow Islam either so try to get them to do these things too.
I always say that the closer you are to Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala the further away satan is and the closer you are to satan further away Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala is.
The thing with advises are that you can wither take it or leave it.

Posted By: whitelion553
Date Posted: 10 October 2013 at 12:30am
salam, my brother(Abu Loren) .
i wanted to say thanks for ur comment .i read it and agree with u completely . it was very good comment in my mind special for youngs .

i try to say only facts

Posted By: seeking_noor
Date Posted: 30 April 2014 at 8:07am
Assalamualaykum sister

I just went through the same thing, but mine was different. I come from a strict home, and got engaged to the guy very quickly, because I always wanted to do things right, the Islamic way. I've never had a boyfriend,always avoided such things. My parents encouraged this from the start. I am lucky that I had a good Islamic upbringing. I was almost married to him. But then I discovered who he really was and what Allah saved me from. I was defamed, my family was defamed, and the most horrific lies were thrown at me. I cried for weeks, and realised how unhappy I actually was. I still say Alhamdulillah that I didn't get married. I am very soft and sensitive and that's why this hurt. I always wanted to get married the right way, no dating. That's why I did this, and Allah saved me. Allah saved you too sister!!! When something gets taken unexpectedly, Allah gives you something better that you did not expect to have.

I prayed more, read up on hadiths, tried to increase my Imaan. It helps to know that even when you think you have nothing, you have Allah.

Have faith, make dua, and cry to Allah, not over the boy. Make shukr that Allah saved you from a misery that you weren't aware of, so that He can give you something better when the time is right.

"Go easy on yourself, for the outcome of all affairs is determined by God's decree. If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from you it cannot flee. " Umar ibn Al-Khataab (RA)

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