* The parody below is inspired by some of my observations of the society I live in.
The Rainbow Nose Manifesto
This is an open letter to every citizen, everywhere in the nation.
I am writing as a concerned progressive and liberated free-thinking
activist about an elephant in the closet that it is about time we
adddress. A form of discrimination, harassment and hate that is being
shockingly perpetrated in the school system and workplace in both the
public and private sphere. A virus of intolerance and bigotry that
extends from the crib to the kindergarten classrooms and continues up
to the twelfth grade, then shockingly finds its way into the workplace,
and exists also in families, relationships, entertainment, the military,
and even places of worship.
I think we all know what I am talking about, but I am going to come
out and say it, for the benefit of our country and the progressive
values we claim to stand for. I am naming and shaming the hateful form
of intolerance that exists in a nation that allegedly was built on human
rights and tolerance. The last legal and social accepted form of
Imagine an innocent child, during his first day of school. He sits
down on the mat while the teacher is reading a Mother Goose story. As he
is listening, surrounded by his peers, he does something that he had
been doing as long as he can remember. He puts his hand up his nose and
innocently picks out a small piece of snot. He puts it in his mouth, and
enjoys the taste of what nature blessed him with.
His friends look at him. Some make faces. Others snicker.
The teacher: “Bobby, we do not pick our nose in class. Next time please get a Kleenex dear”.
Bobby has been singled out. He has been called out. He had been doing
this for all of his life. This is who he always was, this is who he is.
Bobby is one of the millions of people in this world. He likes to pick
his nose. He is a nose picker.
Now he has become a target of intolerance and hate, carefully disguised in the veil of “education” and “social values”.
On the playground, now some of his friends think he is “gross”. Kids
stay away from him. Unless he stops picking his nose in public, he may
not fit it. He is being forced by an uncaring and intolerant society to
conform… to use Kleenex or to sneeze, or most tragically of all, to go
to the washroom so others cannot see. Unless Bobby turns his back on his
identity, he will likely be ostracized and made fun of later in his
life by friends, girlfriends, parents, siblings, relatives, strangers.
He will be discriminated against during job interviews and on dates,
unless he hides his identity and pretends to be someone he is not.
Do you see something wrong with this picture? I know I do.
Noseophobia is an intolerant and hateful form of social ostracism and
discrimination by the majority of society that carelessly has been
indoctrinated by the conservative as well as “liberal” religious and
non-religious parents, teachers and clergy at a young age.
It teaches children like Bobby that somehow their lifestyle is
“different”. That somehow it is wrong. That it needs to change, to suit
the oppressive majority.
It is time for change. It is time to fight.
The Rainbow Nose Coalition is for all people, of all ages, of all colours, of all genders, of all orientations, who say enough is enough!
We stand for every girl who was ever told to not pick his nose at home
and in the classroom. We stand for every man who was denied love for
exploring his nostril during his first date. We are here for every
soldier who was verbally abused or forced to do pushups by a tyrannical
superior for drawing out and eating his mucus while on guard by the
National War Memorial. We are here for anyone, anywhere, at any time-
who was bullied, ostracized, excluded, or made fun of for picking his or
We call on everyone who is concerned about social injustice and the
tyranny of outdated social stereotypical oppression to take up the
Call your television broadcasters. Tell them it is no longer
acceptable to produce hateful and offensive propaganda against the most
vulnerable members of our society.
Write to your school districts. Demand that literature that hatefully
depicts nose-picking as “unhygienic” or material that mocks or tries to
in any way question nose-picking be taken out of the curriculum. Demand
that each educational facility immediately starts a “nose picker- non
Organize a Rainbow Nose Pride parade in your community. Encourage
non-nose pickers to be “allies” and join you. Demand that politicians
step out and endorse your struggle for equality. Make it clear to them
that they are noseophobic if they do not.
Encourage priests, pastors, rabbi, imams and other religious leaders
to include noseophobia awareness in their sermons and places of worship.
Encourage them to hang the Rainbow Nose flag near their synagogue or
mosque or temple or church. Let them know you will not stand for
religious fundamentalism or hate speech.
Tell your politicians that nose picking rights are human rights.
Noseophobia is no less of an evil than racism or sexism. In the worst
cases it can lead to genocide. How many nose pickers were killed by Nazi
Germany? Because of noseophobic culture-centric establishmentarian
historians, we will probably never know.
Lift your voices for equality in our Armed Forces, so that no man or
woman in uniform ever again will face “discipline” for picking their
nose on duty! Repeal the immoral “Don’t Show, Don’t Tell” unspoken
tyrannical and hateful policies that force millions of soldiers to “hide
in the bathroom” as they live out their orientation.
Educate yourself and your family and friends about the many benefits
of nose picking, and about the harmful effects of Noseophobia.
Nose picking rights are human rights! Enough hate! Enough discrimination! Enough suffering!
Stand up against Noseophobia!
Stand proud! Stand together! Stand up, speak out, and dig in!
United, we can make our society a more caring, inclusive and tolerant place for all.
Published, printed and disseminated by the Up Yours! (nostril) Magazine, a proud supporter of the Rainbow Nose Pride Coalition.