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Please read: Interfaith relationship

Printed From: IslamiCity.com
Category: Religion - Islam
Forum Name: Islam for non-Muslims
Forum Discription: Non-Muslims can ask questions about Islam, discussion for the purpose of learning.
URL: http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=25344
Printed Date: 22 October 2014 at 9:15am


Topic: Please read: Interfaith relationship
Posted By: happy2012
Subject: Please read: Interfaith relationship
Date Posted: 07 May 2013 at 12:41pm
Hello everyone!
I need the advice of a knowledgeable Muslim..

My partner (Muslim) and I (non-Muslim) met 2 years ago, we fell in love and became a couple right away. I was raised Christian but haven't had a religion for a long time now, I personally believe that I don't NEED a religion to be a good person. I try to be a good person everyday, I want to help people and do good things for others'. I don't have a problem with the Muslim religion or any other religion, for that matter. I'm open-minded and respect everybody, no matter where you come from or what you believe. My partner is a Muslim but he doesn't practice his religion right now, he hasn't practiced since before he met me. I respect him and his religion, and support him in every way. There's been a couple times he's asked me to wake him to go to the mosque, and I would have if he hadn't changed his mind. I don't eat pork, out of respect for him. He drinks, smokes and does other non-Muslim things. When he drinks,  I fear for my safety and have him traumatized by his behavior. He's a great guy overall and we have a "good" relationship, he loves me and I love him. I think he assumed that I would become Muslim someday, and I've already made it clear that I do not want to be Muslim, I'm happy with the way I live my life. I have human rights and I should be given the same respect I give, I don't ask him to change for me because he deserves to be Muslim and I support that. His sister and my Muslim friends always tell me to "just be Muslim", that everyone will accept me and we will be happy. I respect his family but I don't need anyone to accept me, God didn't make me Muslim, he gave me the freedom to choose so I shouldn't change my life for anybody. I also think that is the wrong reason to become Muslim, if people asked me why I am Muslim, I would say because my partner wants me to or some other bad reason. I think, like any religion, I should have to convert because it's something I feel in my heart, something I want in my life, something I believe in. But either way I don't have to be Muslim because I just don't have to, if I don't want to. Everyone's answer to our situation is "just be Muslim", "just try it" and it's much more complicated than that. I can't just "be Muslim just because it's better", and more importantly I don't have to be Muslim because I don't want to be. So, my partner and I had a beautiful baby boy, our life is great but there's always this religion thing in the back of my mind. I love him so much and I care about his own beliefs and I want him to be happy with his life and his "afterlife". I'm Hispanic (American) and he's Somalian, we are from completely different cultures, different worlds. Our life will never be the life of a "religious family", I'm not religious and even though I support him with his own religion, we will never lead a "religious" life. My son and I don't eat pork, and I told him that he CAN teach our son about his religion but he cannot "force" him because my son has human rights and he deserves the freedom to choose. When we gets older and understands it, then he can choose to be Muslim and I'm totally okay with that. I do a lot for him but he's not better than me and I'm no better than him, we are equals and we have to meet in the middle (even though I do a lot more for him). Because I love and care about him I want to be truly happy with his life and his relationship with God and his religion, I want him to make the right choices according to his religion and follow the life that he believes in. I have ended our relationship several times because I want him to move on and find a Muslim woman and live the true Muslim lifestyle that he wants, but he loves me too much to let me go. I love him so much and I want to be with him for the rest of my life, but his religions is very important to him and I want him to live the life he wants, even if that means losing him. He wants us to get married and I would do that for him so that he feels better about our relationship, but I'm not converting to Muslim. The point is, I think that because he loves me, he doesn't want to leave me. But I think, as he gets older he will want to follow his religion more and more and will get to the point that he's not satisfied with being married to non-Muslim woman. This could take months or years, and I will have give him years of my life for him to leave me in the end. I would rather end our relationship now so that he can find a Muslim woman and live the lifestyle he wants, and move towards the future he wants.

Any advice is greatly appreciate, it's a tough situation and I would like to know what other Muslims think. I would like to receive advice from a knowledgeable Muslim person, someone who understand their religion very well.

Thank you for reading and I look forward to reading your advice and answering any questions you might have.

By the way, even though I don't have a religion, I do believe in God and pray. I have a relationship with God but I don't follow the "guidelines" that come with having a religion. I make good choices, I try to be a good human being and help others as much as I can. I think there's a lot of people from all religions who are not "good" people, and someone without a religion can sometimes be a better person than someone who has a religion but doesn't follow it.



Replies:
Posted By: NABA
Date Posted: 08 May 2013 at 9:46am
First of all what is Muslim??A Muslim is a person who submits his will to Allah,I.e follow the teachings of Qur'an.u don't require any persian/arabic name to b a Muslim.as a friend I m not forcing U to b religious but at least try to read Qur'an and then U will b much closer to Allah and find mental peace.islam is not only a religion,its a way of life,for eg Allah forbids backbiting(ch 49 v 11-12),Allah also commands us to knock the door before entering anyone's house(ch 24 v 27).in Qur'an u will find that Allah has taken care from big things to small minute things,I know u don't want to b religious but when u read Qur'an u urself will like it and appreciate the mercifullness of Allah.take this verse only-ch 28 v 84-when u do a good deed,Allah will grant u a reward  more than ur merit,for bad deed Allah will punish according to merit or forgive u if u repent.so in my point of view u should read Qur'an with translation,then u might come close to Islam.


Posted By: Caringheart
Date Posted: 08 May 2013 at 7:30pm
Well, I am not a muslim, but I think you sound very wise.

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Let us seek Truth together
Blessed be God forever


Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 09 May 2013 at 8:10am
Happy2012, welcome to Islamicity!  It is perfectly acceptable for a Muslim to marry a Christian woman, however she should be a good woman (religious and virtuous).  Your situation is indeed complex because you've had a child outside of marriage, which is why religion is important (values and morals), and simply being a "good" person can often times be problematic.  You are absolutely correct that if you marry this man, or even continue to sleep with him, he may devalue you, not only based upon you not being a Muslim, but men often have little respect for women who sleep with them prior to marriage.  You mentioned that he drinks, which indicates to me, along with his other reckless behavior, that he is likely not mature or responsible.  Is this who you want to live your life with?  What does he do for a living?  What is his level of education?  Does his parents know he has a child?  At the end of the day; sometimes, "love" is not enough, and this relationship appears a complete train-wreck, however....the child.  The child deserves better from the both of you, than just enjoying "love" from each other.  You must decide upon becoming committed to your faith and your boyfriend to his own.  Your boyfriend must seek forgiveness for not following and practicing his religion; stop drinking and having sex outside of marriage, and start praying.  If you two are not willing and able to grow up and live adult lives - indeed it is better to take your child (be sure to force payment of child support) and move on living the life of a "good person" without your troubled boyfriend.


Posted By: happy2012
Date Posted: 09 May 2013 at 10:58am
Originally posted by NABA

First of all what is Muslim??A Muslim is a person who submits his will to Allah,I.e follow the teachings of Qur'an.u don't require any persian/arabic name to b a Muslim.as a friend I m not forcing U to b religious but at least try to read Qur'an and then U will b much closer to Allah and find mental peace.islam is not only a religion,its a way of life,for eg Allah forbids backbiting(ch 49 v 11-12),Allah also commands us to knock the door before entering anyone's house(ch 24 v 27).in Qur'an u will find that Allah has taken care from big things to small minute things,I know u don't want to b religious but when u read Qur'an u urself will like it and appreciate the mercifullness of Allah.take this verse only-ch 28 v 84-when u do a good deed,Allah will grant u a reward  more than ur merit,for bad deed Allah will punish according to merit or forgive u if u repent.so in my point of view u should read Qur'an with translation,then u might come close to Islam.


Thank you for sharing your opinion, but I don't HAVE to get close to Islam. If God wanted everybody to be Muslim, we would all be Muslim. He gave us the freedom to choose, so there's no reason why I should "try to get close to Islam", when I could try to get close to any other religion (which I don't want to). I don't consider getting close to any religion, I'm happy with my way of life and I don't need to change it. I respect everybody and every religion, but I would never advice you to change your way of life, because I don't have to and I don't want to. You are Muslim, and that's okay! I don't want you to change, I don't want you to be something you don't want. I support you and your choices, why should I be advice to "try" to change my views or be a part of something I don't have to because I don't want to?



Posted By: NABA
Date Posted: 10 May 2013 at 8:01am
Okk sister as you wish.may Allah grant U and ur family a bright future.Allahfiz


Posted By: josefrancisco
Date Posted: 21 May 2013 at 2:33pm
All people are entitled to their own religious beliefs. You are a good person who does not hurt others, that's what is important now.

______________
Jose Francisco http://josefrancisco-lawyers.com/ -


Posted By: Leathfarguson
Date Posted: 12 October 2013 at 5:39am

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Posted By: Abu Loren
Date Posted: 14 October 2013 at 11:32pm
happy2012

First of all Islamically your husband is not a Muslim. All scholars agree that if a believer does not pray at the required times then he has left the fold of Islam.

Secondly, you are both living a life that is 'normal' in a Western society. People believe that if they are just good people and acknowledge that there is a God then that is fine. It is not fine as God has stipulated certain rules and regulations that a true believer must follow. These rules and regulations were abandoned by the Children of Israel and then the followers of Jesus (Alahi Salaam) went astray when they equated Jesus (Alayhi Salaam) as God incarnate and the son of god.

The way o believe in God is practiced by millions of people around the world thinking that it is perfectly acceptable, but it is not.

Prophet Muhammad (SalAllahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) was sent as the final messenger to mankind and we must follow what was revealed to him, follow these rules and regulations which will make one gets closer to God. This is the truest way that the believers practiced since the beginning of time.

If I may say without offending you that your beliefs are without guidance and in error. This is the reason millions of people choose to live their life their own way rather the way that was stipulated by God.


Posted By: NABA
Date Posted: 15 October 2013 at 7:18am
Assalamalecum brother I m 23 till 21 yrs of age I was like so called mordern muslim just praying once in a day but offering jumuah salaah regularly but one day Allah make me realise that I m doing wrong Alhamdullillah from that day now I m a practising muslim progressively I m developing a lot of patience which earlier I was not so in Quran Allah says many places that he guide whoever he wills but Allah also says in ch 39 v 41-truth is in front of you accept it n b successful or reject it.


Posted By: honeto
Date Posted: 10 December 2013 at 12:22pm
Originally posted by NABA

Assalamalecum brother I m 23 till 21 yrs of age I was like so called mordern muslim just praying once in a day but offering jumuah salaah regularly but one day Allah make me realise that I m doing wrong Alhamdullillah from that day now I m a practising muslim progressively I m developing a lot of patience which earlier I was not so in Quran Allah says many places that he guide whoever he wills but Allah also says in ch 39 v 41-truth is in front of you accept it n b successful or reject it.

Jazakallah, may Allah guide those who seek it, who believe to stand in front of their maker one day. If we remember Him now, He will remember us and shower His Mercy on us, if we ignore Him and His duties, He will ignore us that day and that will be a great loss forever.
Hasan

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39:64 Proclaim: Is it some one other than God that you order me to worship, O you ignorant ones?"


Posted By: enyarol
Date Posted: 26 June 2014 at 11:53am
Hi happy2012, i am very glad to have found your post. Your story is the first that i have heard that is so similar to mine. My boyfriend is muslim too, and i am a free thinker. My boyfriend said before that i do not have to convert if i dont want to, and I also do not want to and do not need to have a religion. Same as you, i am happy the way i lead my life now. However, i am a chinese, and as in most chinese families, filial piety is very important. My parents are absolutely against me dating a muslim as they feel that i am condemning myself to a life led by islam as they believe that if i continue i "MUST" convert. They brought me up to be free spirited and want me to live without having to comply to any restrictions set by religions, and i feel the same way too. However, when i mentioned that i was dating a muslim, they were very heartbroken and as a result i was too. He is the only boyfriend i ever had and my parents keep telling me to 'be smart' and not to choose based on love alone. They keep saying that i am still young and there are many other choices out there. At first i insisted on my own interests and went against their wishes, but that only strained my relationship with my parents as we would often end up in quarrels. I cannot bear to disappoint them and cause them anymore heartbreak. Therefore i have decided to end it with my boyfriend even though i really dont want to as i love him very much and want to spend the rest of my life with him. My parents are glad to hear that we are no longer dating, but i just cannot stop doubting my decision. I keep wondering if i have done the right thing and am trying to find a better solutioncwhere i can be with the one i love, and also still live in harmony with my family. I am confident i will never be able to embrace a religion, so i will not convert. Same as you, i also respect my boyfriend's religion and do not expect him to defy his believes for me at all. And also if i start a family with him, i want my children to be able to choose their religion, and not be 'by default' muslims. They may most certainly be educated about islam, and if they choose to be muslim i will be happy for them. But i want them to have a choice and not to have their beliefs decided for them by some law. I really need some advise from someone in the same situation, so i really want to hear what you have to say. I really dont know what i should think or do. Whether it was the right decision to end the relationship. I really really want to be with him...

Please reply or pm me. I greatly appreciate it.

Sincerely,
Caughtinbetween



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