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Marriage problems

Printed From: IslamiCity.com
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Groups Women (Sisters)
Forum Discription: Groups Women (Sisters)
URL: http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=25288
Printed Date: 19 September 2014 at 5:06am


Topic: Marriage problems
Posted By: Mariam786
Subject: Marriage problems
Date Posted: 30 April 2013 at 2:37am
Asalaam alaikum,
Dear brothers i would like your advice as i dont knw what to do.
I am a 32 year old sister from the uk, 7 years ago i went to pakistan and married a man who my parents fixed me up with. I was of ' marriage age' and he was a hafiz which led me to believe he will b a good muslim and guide me too which is a good basis for an islamic marriage.

7 years later we now have 3 gorgeous children we have always helped each other and support each other in what we do. When i was pregnant with my 3rd child i discovered something so traumatic about my husband that i cant bring myself to say it.

I discovered he had been paying prostitutes for sex for a number of years, he has been going to private clubs for sex. I was devastated it broke my heart and destroyed my world. The man i considered my world, the father of my children had betrayed me like this. I was due to give birth and i had made this awful discovry.

I couldnt keep it to myself and confronted my husband about this, hr couldnt give me anexplanation as to why he went but begged me fr forgiveness and promised he would never go again.

He has since started praying namaaz more regularly, i am hurting so much but i have accepted that i wish to make a go of my marriage as k love my husband. Its not the same as i feel the trust will take time.

Its been 6 weeks since i made the discovery, howevr me andmhhusbsnd have not been intimate, he does not seem to want to, i find it difficult to ask him as its awkward but why does he not want to be intimate with me?

How can i try to save my marriage, im thf one who has bern betrayed and hurt yet i feel its me trying desperately to save my marriage. I knw my husband wants to stay with me but ii dont know what to do.

Please brothers u know how men work, what can i do. How do i get my husband back and save my marriage?



Replies:
Posted By: NABA
Date Posted: 02 May 2013 at 10:42am
walecum As Salaam,it is very difficult for anybody to guide you as it is a very difficult for U this time,but only thing you can do is to have a peaceful and calm dialogue with him and say to him that you had forgave him and forget everything though practically it may b difficult and try to start a new life,especially making him realise about your children and their future,moreover you mentioned that he is hafiz,so he may b well versed with Qur'an,remind him about the verses such as Surah Al Israa ch 17 v 32-in which adultery and fornication is haraam,Surah An Noor ch 24 v 2-Allah announces severe punishment for illegal sex,remind him about Surah Al Anfal ch 8 v 28-your children are your tests.try to bring Allah's fear in him.i m talking about quranic verses because ur husband is hafiz and I still can't figure it out why he can even think of doing those deeds.i will constantly pray for U and ur family,sister to Allah.in sha Allah everything will b fine.Allahfiz


Posted By: nothing
Date Posted: 02 May 2013 at 6:23pm
Originally posted by Mariam786

I discovered he had been paying prostitutes for sex for a number of years, he has been going to private clubs for sex.

Its been 6 weeks since i made the discovery, howevr me and my husbsnd have not been intimate, he does not seem to want to, i find it difficult to ask him as its awkward but why does he not want to be intimate with me?

Alaikum salaam sister, I am sorry to hear your problem. To be honest with you I see only gloom here, but you only can hope.

The way I see it he can't find what he wants in you, and it seems he is not in the state of need either, at least at this moment.

It is best to learn to be independent, just in case.

Salaam and all the best.






Posted By: Mariam786
Date Posted: 05 May 2013 at 11:13pm
What are u suggesting? I have children to consider too, im not expecting to be a doormat where he can continue doing what he has been and i simply accept it, however surely he is allowed gorgiveness.
I know this is going to be extremely difficult to overcome and im trying yo hard to try yo deal with this in the best way but it is so hard.


Posted By: Mariam786
Date Posted: 06 May 2013 at 4:01pm
Thank u Naba that means a lot, i dont understand either, and when i ask him why he cant give me an explanation either. It hurts so much that i dont know what to do. All i can do is pray Allah gives me the strength to do the right thing by my children. I dont know what that is myself. How can i even begin to trust him after this. I know that i cant just walk away from my marriage but im not sure how im going to live with this.
Please pray for me i am in desperate need of duah to help me get thru this difficult time.


Posted By: NABA
Date Posted: 10 May 2013 at 8:20am

In sha Allah everything will b fine.remember this-with every difficulty comes a relief(ch 94 v 6).May Allah grant U and ur family a bright future and solve all ur problems.Allahfiz



Posted By: Nausheen
Date Posted: 27 June 2013 at 7:03pm
Dear Sister Mariam,

Im sorry to hear your story. Pray Allah give you peace and comfort in your husband's companionship.

It seems he is remorseful and hesitant with you at the moment. Looks like he too wants to save his marriage, thus seeks your forgiveness.
If you can make him realize of his sins before Allah, and help him return to right guidance, there is great reward in store for you.
I know this will hurt for quite sometime, but if you try for the sake of Allah, He will surely aid you and look after you.

Know that no sin is great in the eyes of Allah which causes remorse in the heart of the sinner - so pray that he has remorse and that Allah forgives him.



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Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena
wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.


Posted By: Mariam786
Date Posted: 28 June 2013 at 10:29am
Jazakallah for your kind words, i am trying my hardest to be patient with my husband. Not a day goes by that i dont think about what hes done, i just pray that he fights the shaitaan and never makes the same mistakes again because i dont think i could accept that, he appears sorry so i have to try to make it work.

Make duah fr me that my husband doesnt stray again, and Allah keeps us together as a family in a happy environment. Pray that i can forgive him and forget about this difficult time. Pray my husband takes care of us and constantly has the fear of Allah and lifeafter.

Inshallah may Allah protect and guide us all rightfully and keep us away from sin and save us from the pains of the grave and hell. Ameen.


Posted By: Nausheen
Date Posted: 29 June 2013 at 7:37pm
Ameen to your duas.

May allah always be with you.

You can do a lot to make that happen. If possible try to take up some activity/ies together. May be you can join a religious course, like an online tafsir class or arabic class.
Or something neutral - anything that involves the two of spending time together.

Also, read about relationships and what part you can play to make your bond stronger.

Infidelity and additions are not easy for the spouse to handle, it will take time and patience, so hang in there.

take care!

-------------
Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena
wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.



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