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i decide to break up with my husband

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Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Groups – Women (Sisters)
Forum Discription: Groups – Women (Sisters)
Printed Date: 21 May 2018 at 11:46am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 8.04 -

Topic: i decide to break up with my husband
Posted By: ummatee81
Subject: i decide to break up with my husband
Date Posted: 17 April 2013 at 3:19am
Asalam e likum dear members.

I am new in the forum and joined it to seek advice....

My nikkah was done last year. My husband is settled in some other country and it was decided that when i will get the visa, my rukhsati will take place. all of my other in-laws including my mother-in-law and sister-in-laws live in the same city i live. before my nikkah, when we inquiring about my husband's family, my in-laws told that one of my sister-in-law's husband is also settled abroad (some other country then my husband live) and is visiting them for attending our nikkah. my family trust their words and did investigation of my husband only and after getting satisfied, my nikkah took place.

few months back, we got to know that my sister-in-law's husband is not Muslim. Infact he was a hindu, but before he married to my sister-in-law, he became Muslim. After a year he changed his mind and started practicing Hinduism again and married his hindu cousin according to hindu rituals and starting living with family (parents) again. But my in-laws still call him their son-in-law. This was very shocking for us and initially we did not believe this.

Before talking to my husband and in-laws, my family inquired the matter physically and took 2 months in that, as we did not wanted to put a false blame on any innocent. It was shocking for us that my in-laws lied to us that this guy lives abroad, rather he lives in a slum area with his family. We were so disappointed. The situation is that my sis in law is living with her parents since a year but visit this guy once a week and she is not ready to leave him. My in-laws, call this guy as their son-in-law, tell people that he lives abroad and visits them on and off. They are trying to convince this guy to come back to them again. The guy says himself a Muslim and says that he married to his hindu cousin on the insistence of his family.

My family asked my opinion and I said that talk to my husband and if he thinks that his sister is doing a sin and he does not favor her, then I have no objection in living with my husband. When my family talked to my husband, he did not replied to anything but just said that my family should not have any concern with his sisters and this matter is nothing to do with his marriage plus as his sister’s wedding took place in his absence, he do not know the details so we should ask his mother. It was surprising for us.

In short, my husband’s family visited us and the summary of a number of meetings with them and my husband (on skype), there is a number of flaws and differences of telling us the matter by my husband and his family. The story my husband told us and that my other in-laws told us is different. My father is a very humble man and always discussed the things with them politely. We are literally not interested to know how their marriage took place, but we want to know and presently when that is returned to his old religion (Hinduism), what is my husband and in-laws reaction. They insist on one point that the hindu guy will embrace islam again and will marry our sister and will leave this country. They say that it was a mishap with them and can happen to anyone and if a hindu becomes muslim because of them, it is very sawab. My husband insists on the fact that if his sister is doing wrong, what is his fault. Note one thing please that my husband is the eldest of all and is the sole financier of his family and can no way leave his family.

In these circumstances…… what I believe is that I have to protect my and my generation’s iman. My in-laws are favoring a man who is doing shirk….. my husband, a 38 years old, practical man is still confused about what should he do? Though he told that he talked to a scholar at his place and he told him that its not allowed in Islam but still he says he can’t do anything. I know that he can easily come here and he should come to fix the matter himself, but he has left it to his sisters and mother (his father is dead and his younger brother is the youngest of all and has no say in his family).
But I cannot bear this. I think I will be fool enough to keep my marriage after getting to know about all of this. Where I know that my in-laws are supporting shirk, and my husband is not at all powerful enough to take the side of HAQ so what about my future? I have to live my whole life with him in a non-Islamic country, have to raise my kids. How I will groom them where my husband and in-laws have a kinds secular thinking? I can no way ask my husband to cut off from his family as I think its injustice because he is his family’s sole financer so I guess I should leave him……

Please give your advice…..

Posted By: Nausheen
Date Posted: 27 June 2013 at 6:53pm

To say the least your husbands behavior is questionable. From your narration of the matter there is a lot of weakness reflected in how he is handling his family's situation.
Family matters are private in many ways, outsiders do not have their business in it, however when it comes to marriages, a certain level of transperancy is necessary, otherwise it is not advisable to engage with such people.

Since your marriage has already taken place Im not sure what exactly should be the course. You and your family should consult a knowledgeable person - a marriage counselor, and an imam.

In Islam a woman is not allowed to marry ANYBODY who is not a muslim and any such wedlock is a public declaration of zina ... may Allah protect all of us from this corruption in the ummah. His family is allowing the relationship to continue even though they know this person has reverted back to hinduism - puts them under a huge questionmark. They can choose to do whatever they want, but you definetily have a right to question your future in such a family.

Huge red flag waved at you!

<font color=purple>Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa

Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena

wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.

Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 04 July 2013 at 3:24pm
Assalam Alikum,

I read your post and found too much repetition of same information, to be precised your Husband is in very helpless situation, at times when girls in house take such steps its out of control, in this case the best thing a man thinks is stay away to have peace in his life.
In your case your husbands stays away from the country so when u settle with him in a new country it will not effect your life or your children when u have them.
You are not engaged you are married so give him a chance and understand he should not be blamed for his siblings deeds. If he is a good Muslim, Financially well go for him.

Posted By: saima145
Date Posted: 28 January 2014 at 6:32pm
The husband in this case is not helpless he does not care what sort of life sisters lives islamic or non islamic. There are people in Pakistan who have very little or almost no connection with islam in their everyday life. I personally believe they are one of those people who dont even care if the sister's husband is muslim or non muslim. All they wish is her well settled.
This is a small thing for many i have experienced much worse regarding to people not believing in islam.

Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 20 July 2014 at 3:31pm
Assalam alaikum
Hope your issue is resolved
Let us know if you married to that man
I wud b happy if you saved your marraige.

Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 20 July 2014 at 5:14pm
Assalam alaikum
Hope your issue is resolved
Let us know if you married to that man
I wud b happy if you saved your marraige..

Posted By: ummatee81
Date Posted: 07 August 2014 at 9:00am
Dear everyone....

Thanks for your concern. Well I tool khula and its been a year now
Inna-lil'lahe-wainna-elhe-rajioon..... it was a very tough tome for me and my parents... but Alhumdulilah, Allah Subhan'nahu gave us courage to bear all this. I'm bit better now. But still lots of prayers needed.. ..

JazakAllah everyone.

Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 01 September 2014 at 6:30pm
Allah humma ajrni fi museebati wakhlufli kahairan minha. This means: Allah give me better than what I have lost and help me in this difficult time with Khair.

What done is done, but I still feel you should have given a chance to that man, after all it was a marriage and not engagement.

Allah aap dono ke liye isse behtar life partner de.

Dua me yaad rakhna

Assalam Alaikum

Posted By: ummatee81
Date Posted: 08 September 2014 at 12:48am
Aoa Fais;

i suppose you are a female? right? as your profile does not mention your gender.

JazakAllah for suggesting the supplication. Alhumdulilah, it is already my wazifa and i recite this in every prayer :)...

our Nikkah was already a chance for him dear. being a muslim husband, his first responsibility was to protect my and his iman.... and after so many discussions with him, i figured it out in the end that he do not give it a damn if his sister is living with a non-muslim....

May Allah Pak give him and his family hidayath. whatever lies in the hearts, is known by Allah Subhan'nahu only. i could never be powerful enough to look into his heart. i am a human, and could only judge him through his actions.....

thanks for the prayers, yes may both of us be blessed with good spouses again. in our society, its hard, its tough. i had all this in mind. i did istikhara too, and my heart was never satisfied to take this relationship any further. i consider this was a test for both of us.....

keep me in prayers that may Allah Subhan'nahu bless me with Sabr and 'be-niyazi'.... aameen


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