How to stop regretting!?
Printed From: IslamiCity.org
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Groups – Women (Sisters)
Forum Discription: Groups – Women (Sisters)
Printed Date: 29 April 2016 at 6:34pm
Topic: How to stop regretting!?
Posted By: confusedlost
Subject: How to stop regretting!?
Date Posted: 28 March 2013 at 4:35pm
I have been going through a lot of anxiety and depression over a decision i did not take. I had a cousin who was very interested to marry me for the last 8 years and i kept saying no. even though he had all the qualities as being religious, educated etc. he would propose every couple of months and i never agreed. During this time, my entire family, cousins everyone tried to convince me and i just didnt feel to marry him for reasons such as not being attracted to him as we grew up together i was not big on cousin marriages and secondly he lived overseas and i wanted someone settled where i am as i wasnt willing to go through the process as i really want to be able to have kids and not have to worry about full time work.
However, recently after seeing so many guys for proposals i one day realized everyone esp my parents and sisters were right all along about him, he really was genuine. i realized i cant have everything. he is religious, family loves him, he is decent etc etc. i got up and immediately told him to which he said he already said yes to some other proposal.
I know i deserve it completely. its just my eyes opened so late. now, i can stop regretting day and night. i've sunk into depression thinking how could i have been so stubborn, why didnt i listen to the world, etc etc. someone who waited years for me and i didnt want him then, now that i did he cant be mine. i dont know what to do anymore. he said he's not even that happy with saying yes he did it as he was under a lot of marriage pressure as hes in his mid 30s. its not easy for him to break it off or its not even right for the girls family since its been in the works for a few months now.
anyway sisters, i do believe in destiny and will of god but i believe in free will more so, our decisions shape our future, Allah swt just knows we're going to take those decisions he doesnt force us to take it. I am to blame. I just feel lifeless now. In fact, i am the opposite of how i used to think. i want to only marry someone i know (no one left in familyside), i dont even care about settlement process etc. i just wanted a simple religious guy. i had and i lost. i cant sleep or eat properly anymore. i stopped enjoying everything i used to.
please any insight would help.
Posted By: Muslimah23
Date Posted: 29 March 2013 at 7:30am
Salaam sister. My only advice to you would be to have no regrets in life. Everything happens by the will of Allah and our destiny is already written for us so you just have to be strong and patient. I believe it was a test from Allah and you're giving up by being depressed and beating yourself up over not saying yes. You need to be strong in faith and know that Allah has someone out there for you and when it's time, he will come when you least expect him to. Just keep praying and making duaa for a good and righteous husband and insha Allah your prayers will be answered.
Posted By: proud2bmuslim
Date Posted: 09 May 2013 at 8:15am
waalaikum Assalam sister,
ur story is exactly the same as mine.. even my cousin was very much interested in me since childhood n he too proposed me for marriage.. he was religious, decent, educated n well settled. n both our families liked dat v get married. but jus like u, even i dint like it or felt attracted to him as v grew along together. but i realized to have missed him only when his engagement was fixed. then i could do nothing as i deserved it as i jus took him for granted n ignored him all the while. not only that, even after that, i got so many proposals of gud guys with desired qualities. yet i kept rejecting fr one or the other faults or reasons.. but now i am 29, unmarried,n i deeply regret for having rejected all those gud offers and i really really regret for having done so. now all the guys are of younger age to me, or if even elder to me, they dnt want a girl my age. i really deserved it n iam purely to b blamed for it. the only thing that's good abt it is, that it has brought me closer towards doing Allah's ibadat as i can hope of nothing else than his help and mercy.. as he is Al Rahmaan, Ar raheem n i keep reciting 'Ya lateefu'(for Allah (swt) to forgive me n help me).
Also, dear siter dont be depressed, as Muhammad(saw) said that being sad or depressed will only spoil your health.. so it may lead to other health problems. believe in Allah, pray n do lots of istagfar for what ever sins or mistakes u have done.. hope you will get a very gud spouse soon in sha Allah. remember me in ur dua..