Newlywed Needs Advice
Printed From: IslamiCity.org
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Groups – Women (Sisters)
Forum Discription: Groups – Women (Sisters)
Printed Date: 01 May 2016 at 6:35pm
Topic: Newlywed Needs Advice
Posted By: Muslimah23
Subject: Newlywed Needs Advice
Date Posted: 28 March 2013 at 10:51am
Salaam alaikom. I joined this forum because I just needed to talk to someone experiencing the same issues as I am and I feel I am running out of options. I've been married for 8 months now. The first 6 months of my marriage my husband and I lived with his parents until he could find us a home. His mother was very rude to me and treated me as if I was her slave. I washed her and her husbands laundry, did the dishes every day and cleaned the house and she never thanked me once. She rarely spoke to me and whenever I would try to make conversation with her she would pick up her phone and call someone to talk to so she didn't have to talk to me or just use her laptop and ignore me. After many failed attempts, I stopped trying to talk to her. During our entire marriage she always spoke negatively about me and my family to my husband. Anytime I would mention wanting to go visit my family (they live in a completely different state) she would throw a hissy fit and tell my husband that she doesn't want him to go with me. On our wedding day, she rudely yelled at my dad in front of everyone because he said he wanted to walk me into the room (down the aisle) and she didn't want him to. She has never liked my family. She only spoke to them once or twice so she had no reason to hate them. She doesn't like my husband talking to my family or being involved with them. Now, we live in our own house. We were alone for 2 months and she calls him every single day asking him to go over to her house for dinner when she knows I cook every day or to go visit them. Whenever my husband and I make plans to go on a trip or go out alone she calls him and tells him to change his plans so he has to cancel our plans to go see her. She doesn't give us any space or privacy and she asks a lot of questions about our marriage and our lives. She always wants to know where we go, what we do, who we talk to, what I buy when I go shopping and she even asks about our sex life. I think it's rude of her to ask personal questions and it's none of her business what we do with our lives. She has been trying to control our marriage from day one. She tried to force me to get a job when she knew I did not want to work and she tried to tell me how I should dress and what I should do. When I told her I wanted to wear hijab she said that I shouldn't wear hijab because as long as I am a good Muslim on the inside then it shouldn't matter as long as Islam is in my heart. She didn't raise her daughters in an Islamic way and I know that is wrong for her to say. I worry about having kids in the future because she will try to interfere with the way I raise them and she would teach them to do things unislamically. I love my husband but I don't know what to do about my mother in law. I feel like she is always going to be interfering in my life and my husband always defends her. He doesn't see the things she does or says to me because he's away at work so when his mom says lies about me he believes them because I never complained about his mom. I was never the type to complain. I just ignored her comments and lived my life. I don't like arguing. When I finally sat down with my husband and told him everything about how his mom mistreated me he didn't believe me so I'm stuck :-( Can anyone please give me some advice on what to do?
Posted By: Sparkling
Date Posted: 24 July 2014 at 8:27am
Muslimah23 that doesn't sound very nice and not very nice of your husband for not believing you.
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Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 01 September 2014 at 4:39pm
Your mother in law is not a practicing muslim i must say.Hope Allah gives her hidaya. Keep you options ready if you really want to fight back cause your husband believes his mom more than you. options could be leaving the house and being independent.Talk to your husband if he is not ready to listen then consult your elders and take some action. I m not suggesting a divorce but get your elders involved and sort it out once. this may cost you your marriage and that is the reason I have suggested you to keep your options ready.