Originally posted by Khadijahj
Asalam wa alaikum
I hope this is the right forum to post.
I reverted to Islam 5 years ago, al humdulilah.
I am "married". My husband continually cheats on me. He has since we got married, I am sure.
He is 10 years old than me. It 'was' a love marriage. I am western, he is Arabic. We have four children. Through my recent pregnancy (and since my child was born) he won't even touch my hand.
I think he and his girlfriend have recently broken up, so he is looking for a new one. As I type this my heart burns with anger/hurt. I found a chat profile of his saying he is married and looking for 'dating' and 'serious relationship'... :/
I feel trapped. I don't love him as I use to. I have 'saved' this marriage twice before... So my questions are:
In Islam, am I wrong to give up, ignore what he is doing, but try to plan my life alone as soon as my children are old enough?
I did not want to divorce for my children's sake, but I am dead inside. I feel as though I am putting on a smile as he spits in my face.
He does not work, he never gave me a house/anything, no money, I pay for myself and my children, we live in a small home owned by his relative. (As I said, it was a love marriage - all I wanted was him to be happy).
He says 'I love you, we will be together when we are old, I will take care of you' (as I am sick) ... But it doesn't mean anything to me. It's words with no meaning... Like fake gold.
Are there any specific Surahs that may help guide my and strengthen my heart? I don't want to cry for him.
As a female, what is my role in this? What rights and responsibilities do I have to him?
Thank you so much, I am very alone...
Wa Alaikkum As'alaam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu
O you who have
believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the
And We will
surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and
lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient, 2:155
You must have patience through the trials of life. This is a test that is given to every human being.
Mus'ab bin Sa'd narrated from his father that a man said:
"O Messenger of Allah(s.a.w)! Which of the people is tried most severely?" He said: "The Prophets, then those nearest to them, then those nearest to them. A man is tried according to his religion; if he is firm in his religion, then his trials are more severe, and if he is frail in his religion, then he is tried according to the strength of his religion. The servant shall continue to be tried until he is left walking upon the earth without any sins."
However, having strength is one thing but what’s
happening in your marriage is that you husband is abusing you, this is a great
sin. Islamically, he is supposed to take care of you and your children. He is
supposed to provide for you and your children. If he is failing in this then
you have the right to divorce him if that is your choice.
Sister I would ask you to consult an Imam or a
knowledgeable person about this matter. If you don’t sort this out quickly then
I can only see the situation getting worse.
In the meantime pray and Dhikr as much as you can.
Make dua’a as ask His help constantly and Insha’Allah all this will be sorted
out quickly indeed.