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acceptance of husband having 2nd wife.

Printed From: IslamiCity.com
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Discription: Discuss Family Issues
URL: http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=24605
Printed Date: 23 May 2013 at 6:09pm


Topic: acceptance of husband having 2nd wife.
Posted By: naadia
Subject: acceptance of husband having 2nd wife.
Date Posted: 09 January 2013 at 1:39am
Asalaam wa alaikum wrwb.. Hi there i need some soundful advice please.. I little background info on me i converted to islam when i was   18 am now 45 yrs old alhamdulil allah. I have 5 boys from previous marriage. and since past   6 yrs i re married new man and have been very happily married. up until last week. when out of the blue my husband rang me at work saying he is leaving me. he had change of heart and came home next day and since that day last week we have tried to discuss and find out the problem. which seems to be around children. when we married i told my husband that it was not possible for me to give him children and he happily accepted this. now he has reached age of 35 his mind has changed and he sees his future is with having children. i whole heartedly and fully understand him. my heart fully accepts his wishes and desires to the possibility of marrying a 2nd wife to bear him children. but my head is still in shock at how he walked out on me and then what he told me. so my head at present isnt in sync with my heart. It seems such huge burden on me to accept his request Im scared.. If i cant accept the thought of second wife i will loose him.. and will this make me a bad muslim. Is it because im western that im finding it hard to accept. Or is my head just not accepted the fact. I am so confused and sad at present. The 2nd wife will reside in my husbands home country as is his wish.. but in ideal world my husband cannot financially afford 2 wives. I am scared for him over this too. Some advice would be most grateful to give me some strength. I do   the prayer istikara..and feel that i need more time to make this prayer..Allah help me and guide me insha allah.


Replies:
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 09 January 2013 at 4:42pm
Wa alaikum salaam, RB,
 
Naadia, the issue isn't that you are "western" but human, and most men and women would not like the idea of sharing their spouse with someone else.  Did he obtain his citizenship for the UK through you?  Often, and sadly, men simply use women, and hide their true feelings (children, younger wife, or a woman of their own nationality) until they have obtained a western passport.  You mentioned that he is unable to support two wives, are you providing any financial contribution to this relationship?  If so, stop, and let him leave if he wants the girl in his home country.  We ask Allah to provide you with someone better in return.  This is test - be strong and do that which pleases your Lord.  You do not have to bear plural marriage to please Allah, and especially not to please a man.  Use your head and not your heart, and by no means allow yourself to be bullied into polygamy.


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