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Private personal issue

Printed From: IslamiCity.com
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Groups Women (Sisters)
Forum Discription: Groups Women (Sisters)
URL: http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=24122
Printed Date: 19 September 2014 at 3:03am


Topic: Private personal issue
Posted By: Maya1234
Subject: Private personal issue
Date Posted: 22 October 2012 at 9:11am
Salam alaikum,

I have a private question, that really strain to me, I really hope anyone here can help me and give me your opinion. I really think, that I am weird because of mey wishes and my desires, that I have since I am a young woman. It is about spanking and discipline.

So I am a muslim wife and i want my husband so badly to discipline me through spanking me, I mean on one side playfully and also as a real punishment/ discipline. I read about it in the Internet under "Domestic Disciplin", because I searched what is wrong with me and why I have this desire and if there are maybe other women like me. And

I found that there are a lot of women who live in a domestic discipline marriage and I read about the benefit it can bring to a marriage, so maybe I am not so wrong and I want to bring this to my husband. But I am not sure, if it is against Islam. I know, that it is allowed that a man can punish his wife at last method (my husband never hit me before) On my internet research about DD I read, that a spanking don't have to be given in anger, it must be mature and with respect and love, so it seems similiuar to an muslim marriage???

But what really strains me is that I am thinking of myself that I am crazy, that I want such a thing. I cannot be normal??? Are women who have the desire to be spanked and disciplined by her husbands nuts or weired or old-fashioned?

I really hope, anyone can help me and give me an answer what you thinkk about it.

Thank you




Replies:
Posted By: hakeema
Date Posted: 23 October 2012 at 3:26am
As-salaam Alaikum,

I have a feeling you know the answer to your own question. I have some questions.

Why do you want your husband to spank you so badly through discipline? If you actually do something wrong or make a mistake what is wrong with you husband just TALKING about you did that offended him?
Is there a history of physical abuse in you family?
Is your husband hitting you? Is he trying to convince you that this OK?

Hakeema


Posted By: Maya1234
Date Posted: 23 October 2012 at 5:35am
Asalum alaikum,

no I had no answer to my own question. I only know, that I am faszinating about being spanked by a man since i was a young woman.
I have always denied this, but it always come into my mind. And no, I was never hit or abuse befor, not in my family as a child an not by my husband. Whe are so many years married and he is a wondefull man and he had never hit me, not one time. And he is also not trying to convince me. He was very confused at one day when I disclose him my hidden wish about it. (and I don't want to be to direct, but to understand: I am not talking about beating or hitting, I mean spanking like in "I love Lucy").
I tried to explain him, that it is for me like a stress-reliefer and that I feel relais, after a spanking, that I become, when I did something wrong. He said, ok, we can try it. And since then, we do it in a playfull manner. He asked a few times, that he don't want to hurt me and if I really want this and I said yes, I liked it. And I wish, that he would spank me not only playfully, but rather in serious matters. I mean, that not only talking about the issue, but rather that he would admonish me (with talking together) and then spank me as a "discipline". Also I want this for some things that I want to improve, like my Procrastination or so.

But I have two problems with that: I Yes, I like it very much, it fulfills me, and I want a bit more and more serious, but also I think, that I might me weird ("Hello, which normal woman wants to be spanked...") and I am also not sure, if it is maybe against Islam. (I have to say, that I mean not physical hurting or so, nothing like that).

Thanks for your anser.


Posted By: nothing
Date Posted: 24 October 2012 at 2:48pm
You have every right to do in your home but the only question is, is it the right thing to do?

Spanking in general happens from the parent or guardian to the underage. My uncle used to do that to me when I was little and I hated it. It seems some people can't communicate verbally (illiterate) to dominate other people. These illiterates always resort to force to gain others attention, I call it the "Look at me" desease. Look at the so called Israelis and the Arabs, and many other people, they always used force to communicate, the illiteracy cause that.

Comeback to your query, the wanting to be controlled is a sign of childish behavior. Children don't have responsibility, they are lack of adult knowledge therefore they must be told as what to do. If you ask yourself, is this spanking emerged from childhood life resurrected? or is it the method to inform your husband that I am a lazy person that only move because the pain?, or I must be punished because I am a bad person.

Ofcourse it is you life to chose considering your husband cooperate and no harm done, but it would be better if you know why.

Hope that helps.


Posted By: hakeema
Date Posted: 24 October 2012 at 4:42pm
Originally posted by Maya1234

Asalum alaikum,
But I have two problems with that: I Yes, I like it very much, it fulfills me, and I want a bit more and more serious, but also I think, that I might me weird ("Hello, which normal woman wants to be spanked...") and I am also not sure, if it is maybe against Islam. (I have to say, that I mean not physical hurting or so, nothing like that).
Thanks for your anser.


As-Salaam Alaikum,

This quote further lets me know that you know the answer to your own question. Key phrases: "But I have two problems with that." "But also I think, that I might be weird ("Hello, which normal woman wants to be spanked...").

See you didn't need us to tell you that you got a problem. I suspect you intuitively know that this is unhealthy behavior but you keep making excuses and rationalizing your behavior. Just like a crack addict knows cocaine is bad. They keep making excuses to do it because it make them feel good or it is their coping mechanism. So please get some help maam. I will keep you in my prayers.

Hakeema



Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 25 October 2012 at 7:47am
Originally posted by Maya1234

Asalum alaikum,

no I had no answer to my own question. I only know, that I am faszinating about being spanked by a man since i was a young woman.
I have always denied this, but it always come into my mind.


("Hello, which normal woman wants to be spanked...") [/Quote]

So I debated for some time, thinking whether or not to jump into the discussion, then this muslim saying (hadith?) came to mind: 'there is no shyness in learning about religion'. While this matter may not be 'learning about religion' per se, but if it helps the sister in some way... why not..

For some people, spanking can be sexual turn on. I think your issue is of sexual nature. You should try looking up sexual health information on-line regarding your particular interest (the psychological aspects of it). Its not that uncommon.

For an Islamic perspective you can anonymously contact this scholar on Twitter at:
https://twitter.com/Islamicsex - https://twitter.com/Islamicsex

or the site:

http://ask.fm/Islamicsex - http://ask.fm/Islamicsex

Do research on your particular sexual turn-on and approach the subject with your husband again. When it comes to a married couple's sexual relationship, scholars say that as long as something is not explicitly forbidden by Allah & His Prophet (saw), it is permissible. (with both the spouses consent of course). They base it on the verse "Your wives are tilth for you so go to your tilth when or how you will". (except of course for forbidden things).



But I have two problems with that: I Yes, I like it very much, it fulfills me, and I want a bit more and more serious, but also I think, that I might me weird ("Hello, which normal woman wants to be spanked...") and I am also not sure, if it is maybe against Islam. (I have to say, that I mean not physical hurting or so, nothing like that).

Thanks for your anser.


I think it is good that you confided in your husband and he is an approachable spouse. To feel at ease, I suggest you send a question to the scholars' link above.



-------------
"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."


Posted By: sarsorita
Date Posted: 24 February 2013 at 7:40pm
Salaam alaikum sister,

First I want to say, I too am a Muslim wife. I adore my husband and I know he adores me. We both have a strong love for Allah(SWT) and Islam and we always put this first.

You are not weird, or strange, there is nothing innately wrong with you and MANY women share these feelings. I not only understand your feelings I share them. Also I am not in agreement with other opinions posted here, but that's OK because after all that is why this forum exists. I am sure I won't get the popular vote of the day but here it is:

There are things as human that come like nature to us. As long as I can remember this has been a part of my brain/thoughts. I was never spanked as a child so I don't believe it's a desire to live out my childhood in some psychological way. I (like most adults) do not try to behave in a childlike way or am not ALWAYS aware when I actually am behaving badly, whether it be childish or bad attitude or when my behaviors are disrespectful or detrimental to myself or others. My husband alhamdulilah understands me, sometimes even better than I understand myself, and I believe Allah(SWT) gave men the quality to be the qawamun of women. This is not permission to abuse her but the right to protect her, even if he needs to protect her from herself. All that being said, it is true there is another side to this dilemma.

There are two kinds of spankings. Discipline (for all the reasons mentioned above) and erotic. There is no haram in either practice if this is understood and agreed upon between both spouses. It is natural for a woman to be aroused when pressure is applied to on or around her bottom in a firm (not necessarily painful) swat. It can make a warm tingling feeling that medically affects the arousal parts of a woman. If a couple enjoys this playful type of spanking there is no harm and if it leads to a pleasurable time together that's even better.

A discipline spanking most probably will have a completely different affect as it should, being a bit painful, not to leave marks or bruises, and it should make you aware that you are being punished by someone you trust and who loves you and you wouldn't be in this position if you did not deserve it. In these cases it can actually make your relationship stronger. You trust this man to make you aware and erase your guilty feelings without anger (or at least with controlled anger, if he is too angry he should wait until the proper time) or screaming or even worse not speaking at all and building walls. Spanking is not the answer to monumental marital problems it is for a trusting and loving marriage.

I believe Allah (SWT),through the Prophet Mohammed(PBUH) gave us this message from the An-Nisa' 4:34 and in the Prophets(PBUH) last message. The word spanking was not part of the vocabulary in his time or he most surely would have used it.

I am not a scholar and this is just my own feelings and opinions, with no intentions to offend anyone. The numbers of divorce in these days are staggering and prisons and jails are overflowing. The key to any good relationship is communication. I know it may not be easy for you but maybe you should speak to your husband about your feelings. Inshalla I hope I have been able to put this in a good perspective for you and that you won't be so hard on yourself for the way you feel.

Salaam,
From a sister,a normal woman.       



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