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please help

Printed From: IslamiCity.com
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Groups Women (Sisters)
Forum Discription: Groups Women (Sisters)
URL: http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=24083
Printed Date: 16 September 2014 at 2:43pm


Topic: please help
Posted By: newmuslimah2012
Subject: please help
Date Posted: 14 October 2012 at 2:25pm
ASSALAMU 'ALAIKUM- I am new to Islam, i recently converted after studying Islam for over two years. I have a boyfriend and we want to get married, but he has not told his parents about me. I am divorced with two children. he said that there is no way that they will ever accept it. it is very painful for both of us. please, if anyone has any advice... he said that he will do whatever it takes, but he would rather lie to them, and never tell them and marry me in secret. i told him that it will be more painful for them to think that he has never married at all and to not see their grandchildren, that it might take them awhile to accept it but in the long run they will be happier to know.



Replies:
Posted By: nothing
Date Posted: 14 October 2012 at 5:56pm
I would love to give amateurish input, but I don't know where you are and where his parents are. It seem to me that he feels a shame to introduce you to his family, and most likely your future marriage or relationship will depend on their calling. I know it is hard to chew but the reality is - he is on their call. But than again the dilemma is what is the alternative here. Please make du'a and pause for a moment. Go somewhere else quite and think about it in serene environment.

I only wish you the best of outcome.
Salaam



Posted By: jennyjo
Date Posted: 10 January 2013 at 8:58pm
Newmuslimah2012,
 
I hope your doing well.
I am in the same situation as you are, but i hav not yet converted but hav been studying/researching Islam. I have been with my Muslim BF for nearly a year now and he practicallylives with me but i have yet tomeet his parents. its really dis heartening & im thinking if hes ashamed to introduce me to his family & freinds then is it really worth it carrying on with the relationship. As much of a good man he may seem to be, i think its time to move on & be with someone that is proud of who i am. :)


Posted By: lady
Date Posted: 17 January 2013 at 2:22pm
Sister anytime you live with a man before marriage, then you are setting yourself up for failure. There are not that many differences in how a guy thinks compared to a woman.  So therefore, it is no way, that I will be talking to a guy for a year, and I have not talked to his parents.  I am speaking as a human being about this.  You need to listen to your gut feelings about him.
good luck
lady


Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 27 January 2013 at 7:57pm
Yeah, basically if your husband/BF is hesitant to introduce you to his family and relatives... what does that say about his level of commitment? This indicates it is a selfish and temporary relationship on his part. Take that as a warning sign.

If he loves you, he will be happy and proud to be associated with you. When a man intends on honouring a relationship, he has no qualms in letting the world know he is in a relationship.

Don't fall into the trap that many innocent non-muslim women fall into when it comes to Muslim Boyfriends. Take it from a muslim woman: Muslim Boyfriend is an oxymoron. if he loves you and is muslim, he would marry you.

Take care sisters.

-------------
"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."



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