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Suggestion Needed

Printed From: IslamiCity.com
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Groups Women (Sisters)
Forum Discription: Groups Women (Sisters)
URL: http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=23983
Printed Date: 22 October 2014 at 11:10pm


Topic: Suggestion Needed
Posted By: Alisha07
Subject: Suggestion Needed
Date Posted: 30 September 2012 at 5:15am

Assalamualaikum Sisters,

I am a revert sister.I am following Islam since last 3 Years.
I am in a very deep trouble.I was in a love with a Muslim guy from 1997 onwards due to some problem we both got separated and he got married to somebody else and blessed with 2 kids. When i was in a final year graduation he again came back in my life.that is the time when my marriage was fixed according to my parents wish but came and told me to break the marraige and he promised to marry me.Since i was deeply loving him i broke my  marriage before 10 daysof my wedding.Now it is 15 Year old relationship and he has not married me.He kept on promising me that he would marry me till today he has not kept his promises. He keeps lying me.He is not allowing me to lead my life. He has made me to break all my marriages.


He keeps threating me that he would die if I leave him.I have broken all my marriages and believed him still waiting that something good will happen.
Please suggest me what i should do? I am not in a condition to marry somebody else. Other killing myslef i have no other option.


I feel he is cheating me.When ever i discuss about the marriage he keeps changing the topic.


Please guide me in a right direction.I want to come out of all these non sense and start a new life.


 




Replies:
Posted By: hakeema
Date Posted: 01 October 2012 at 3:27pm
As-Salaam Alaikum,

After 15 years you can't realize that he is not going to marry you.

He is not allowing me to lead my life. He has made me to break all my marriages.

How is he not allowing you to lead your life when you have the option to say NO to him and marry somebody else?
Why you can't tell him NO?
What is wrong with the term NO?


He keeps threating me that he would die if I leave him.

Well if he gone die after he say no let him die than. He is controlling you with that.
Why you are scared of him not putting more fear in Allah?

Wow, he done a mind trick on you but you ain't the only one. I've been there myself. I will keep you in my prayers.

Hakeema


Posted By: lady
Date Posted: 01 October 2012 at 9:27pm
Assalaamoaalikum Alisha07.
 
Sorry to hear about your pain.  You must first stop committing zena. 
You will never have respect and happiness for yourself as long as you continue to do zena.  Also too, a muslim guy will never respect you or himself as long as you are allowing him to have illegal intimacy with you.
He told you what kind of muslim husband he was going to be when he asked you to break leave your fiance.
Sister he is lying to you when he says that he will die if you leave him.  He is not thinking about bringing peace and kindness into your life. Leave him, and count your blessings.  In time, you will feel better. Please dont feel like you will not have a life without having a husband. 
 
I agree with Hakeema, you fear him more than Allah.
Sister the sooner you are too honest about what he did to you and WHAT you allow him to do to you, then the quicker it is for you to be on the role to heal. 
Thank Allah that he is not treating you well, because you can not continue to leave this life of having illegal relationship.  You deserve freedom and happiness.  You are oppressing yourself and allowing him to oppress you.
Sister repent to Allah and promise that you will live a better life, etc.
take care
lady
 


Posted By: Alisha07
Date Posted: 01 October 2012 at 10:03pm

Walaikum salaam sister,

 

I have realized my mistakes  sisters and i wanted to come out of it.He keeps threating me.He says he will not allow me to get married. I have compromised lot of things in my life to lead a life with him.. I am still wondering why he did this to me. I have decided to take up things legally not to lead a life to teach him a lesson. He should never ever do this to anybody. He acts in front of others that he is such a wonderful human being.

 

 



Posted By: farhan ahmed
Date Posted: 02 October 2012 at 12:57am
Assalaamoaalikum Alisha07.

with your question i am feeling very sad.In islam love marrage is not allowed and seconded thing that he is telling lie to you that if you will marrage he will die and third thing is you can see that he have marryed and he want to wast you life and last thing that you should not tell no to your parent because they will find best couple for you but u told no because of you lover but say sorry to your parent and ask them find good man for your marrage


Posted By: lady
Date Posted: 03 October 2012 at 12:16am
Originally posted by farhan ahmed

Assalaamoaalikum Alisha07.

.In islam love marrage is not allowed
What do you mean by this sentence?


Posted By: lady
Date Posted: 03 October 2012 at 12:34am
Originally posted by Alisha07

Walaikum salaam sister,

 

I have realized my mistakes  sisters and i wanted to come out of it.

Smile
 
He keeps threating me.He says he will not allow me to get married. 
 
 
Sister Alisha, he can not continue to threaten you, unless you answer his emails, phone calls, or text.  You can block his emails, phone calls, and text messages.
 
 I am still wondering why he did this to me.
You will never be able to get a satisfying answer from him.  He listened to the call of shaitan and that is why he did those things to you. 
 
 
I have decided to take up things legally not to lead a life to teach him a lesson. He should never ever do this to anybody.
 
I hope that you will be able to do this without getting emotionally drained into his drama once again.  I advise you to forget about him.  You can pray to Allah to give him what he deserves, and/or you can ask Allah to forgive him and make you and him a better muslim.  You will feel better if you forgive him and pray to Allah for you and him to be a better muslim.
 
 
 
He acts in front of others that he is such a wonderful human being.
Yes this is typical behavior of someone who is off the path.  Try your best not to think about him.  Spend some time with your positive girlfriends, keep a journal and write about how you feel, then burn itSmile  Just make sure that you pay attention to the flames, you dont want to set something else on fire.Wink Really sister, in time your pain will past and you will not remember it...

 

 



Posted By: hakeema
Date Posted: 03 October 2012 at 9:47am
Originally posted by Alisha07

Walaikum salaam sister,

 

I have realized my mistakes  sisters and i wanted to come out of it.He keeps threating me.He says he will not allow me to get married. I have compromised lot of things in my life to lead a life with him.. I am still wondering why he did this to me. I have decided to take up things legally not to lead a life to teach him a lesson. He should never ever do this to anybody. He acts in front of others that he is such a wonderful human being.

Salaams,
 
Pleaseeee pray to Allah for protection sister.  Allah will definitely protect you.  You wouldn't even have to lift a finger.  Trust me sister.  I experienced this myself.  Stop analyzing the why and the why not's, just heal from this and move forward.
 
Question:  How can he not allow you to get married?  I want you to sit down and answer that question to yourself.  He goes to the toilet, eats and sleep like everyone else.  HE IS HUMAN BEING.  He is not Allah. 
 
Hakeema


Posted By: hakeema
Date Posted: 03 October 2012 at 9:49am
Originally posted by lady

Originally posted by farhan ahmed

Assalaamoaalikum Alisha07.

.In islam love marrage is not allowed
What do you mean by this sentence?
 
 
Yeah I want to know to. 


Posted By: 5purplemarbles
Date Posted: 24 December 2012 at 8:50pm
Salaam alaykum sis,

the other sisters are so right. Love Allah swt More than this man. Fear Allah swt. You dont think Allah swt is protecting your heart, helping you to see the real man this guy is, and wont protect you if you decide to block and refuse to live another day being abused by this man? Think about this, Allah be everything. This man is nothing. You are allowing yourself to be abused, this is the real word here abused sister. I lived this before in my life and i was married to this man before i became muslim. And now i see something really important....................

I WASTED DAYS, MINUTES, SECONDS OF MY LIFE LETTING SOMEONE ABUSE ME, MENTALLY , ETC.

you are an amazing woman, you are special and beautiful and lucky, know why because if this man can be married and be promising you things and having talks like this with you, while he married.....what you think he will do with you if you ever marry him????????

Instead of spending so much time wasting your time with his problems, improve your deen, help others, help a younger sister, pray more, make dua more. and then i want you to look into the mirror at yourself and say "Im worth alot" you deserve an amazing husband. Ask Allah swt for this...and be patient.......it will come.

love Amy
Salaam alaykum dear sis

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Salaam Alaykum my dear sisters and brothers......May Allah swt Bless You always....



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