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DeaIing with Difficult Mothers.

Printed From: IslamiCity.com
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Discription: Discuss Family Issues
URL: http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=23859
Printed Date: 26 November 2014 at 3:22am


Topic: DeaIing with Difficult Mothers.
Posted By: Idil
Subject: DeaIing with Difficult Mothers.
Date Posted: 12 September 2012 at 3:32pm
Asalamu Calykum all,

I am sure that this is a topic which many of us have experienced at some stage of our  life and for this reason think we can sincerely advice each other on this topic, hence the reason why I have started this post. Hope many of you will participate and I am particularly interested in the view points and advice from my sisters as is the case that in many cultures sisters are expected more off.

So here is my situation.  Lately I am having great problems with my mother.  The problem mainly stems from her unjustness  in raising us. In particular I was raised in a household whereby a lot was expected from us girls. Me and my sister basically took charge of the household chores from a young age, all whilst pursuing education and living the general teenage life. I feel that mothers in many cultures are very unfair towards the treatment that they give their daughters. Me and my sisters did a lot for our parents from a young age and till today they expect us to be there for them both physically and financially. I have no problem in being there for them as they have raised me when I was young. My problem with them however, is the fact that they expect  too much from me and my sister and are more strict towards us, in terms of me and my sister not giving them their rights. The problem is the greatest with my mother because she only focus on the short comings of her daughters and seems not to even give thought to how negligent her sons are and how they are never there for them both physically and financially. I find this treatment very unfair and to be honest It is making me more disobedient towards my mother which of course I am not happy about as I know that paradise lies under the feet of our mothers.  Given that our religion is based on giving each other sincere advice I look forward to your input on this issue and jazakalah khair already in advance.  Don`t you all though think it is time that parents dropped their double standards?



Replies:
Posted By: lady
Date Posted: 14 September 2012 at 4:32am
WalaakumAssalaam sister.
1. Did you talk kindly to your mother about your feelings? 
2.  can you give me an example of how they are strict about making sure that you and your sister give them their right? 
3.  When you do things for them is it done for the sake of Allah only?
Sister you said that your mother took care of you when you were young.  I am assuming that you do not acknowledge that she is still taking care of you now.  For example, she is your mother, and I am sure that she prays for the best for you.  She makes dua for you alot, and she loves you deeply.  There are few people who will think of you like this and love you like this except from your parents.  If she does this then she is really taking great care of you.  Smile
4.  Do you compare how your parents treat you to the parents of your friends? 
 


Posted By: nothing
Date Posted: 14 September 2012 at 8:46pm
Originally posted by Idil

Me and my sisters did a lot for our parents from a young age and till today they expect us to be there for them both physically and financially.

Alaikum Salaam.

I am not good with the laws sister, any laws, so I will contribute from my view, base on my experiences. Some people just don't know what they have until it's not there. You heard the saying: "I can't lose what I never had"?.

You know, divorce is hateful action in the site of God but it is allow to happen, because there is a reason for it. Separation in many cases is really a necessity even a temporary one. Human logic and expertise in playing with the laws need to put on hold sometimes, by giving ample time to be alone, to be without someone that used to be there - for granted.

When I was with my parent I never like home it was so crowded, so my greatest wish was to leave the house and have my own home. But something came up unexpectedly that forced me to walk away, just like that. I was 16 that time which was a kid in that era. And to make it worse my father had very high expectation of me. But someone saw me wondering around in different city, and three weeks later my oldest brother took me home. And you know from then on,  they never look at me the same way again. I was someone who was reluctant to be there.

I leave it to you to work it out as you are in different position. But the universal solution is always the same.

Salaam and hoping the best for you.


Posted By: Idil
Date Posted: 15 September 2012 at 10:28am
Originally posted by lady

WalaakumAssalaam sister.
1. Did you talk kindly to your mother about your feelings? 
2.  can you give me an example of how they are strict about making sure that you and your sister give them their right? 
3.  When you do things for them is it done for the sake of Allah only?
Sister you said that your mother took care of you when you were young.  I am assuming that you do not acknowledge that she is still taking care of you now.  For example, she is your mother, and I am sure that she prays for the best for you.  She makes dua for you alot, and she loves you deeply.  There are few people who will think of you like this and love you like this except from your parents.  If she does this then she is really taking great care of you.  Smile
4.  Do you compare how your parents treat you to the parents of your friends? 
 

Asalamu calykum,

Thanks for your kind and sincere advice, know that it is much appreciated. I totally understand where you are coming from and thanks for having reminded me that my mother is still taking care of me. Sometimes when we grow older we forget that our parents are still actually taking care of us, even though we are doing much more for them, which of course they deserve and are entitled to. Alhamdulaah, everything is kind of sorted now with my mother, we have been able to talk things through. I have now accepted the fact that me and my sisters will always do more for our parents and I should actually see this as a blessing as ALLAH will reward me for it in the hereafter.


Posted By: Idil
Date Posted: 15 September 2012 at 10:30am
Originally posted by nothing

Originally posted by Idil

Me and my sisters did a lot for our parents from a young age and till today they expect us to be there for them both physically and financially.

Alaikum Salaam.

I am not good with the laws sister, any laws, so I will contribute from my view, base on my experiences. Some people just don't know what they have until it's not there. You heard the saying: "I can't lose what I never had"?.

You know, divorce is hateful action in the site of God but it is allow to happen, because there is a reason for it. Separation in many cases is really a necessity even a temporary one. Human logic and expertise in playing with the laws need to put on hold sometimes, by giving ample time to be alone, to be without someone that used to be there - for granted.

When I was with my parent I never like home it was so crowded, so my greatest wish was to leave the house and have my own home. But something came up unexpectedly that forced me to walk away, just like that. I was 16 that time which was a kid in that era. And to make it worse my father had very high expectation of me. But someone saw me wondering around in different city, and three weeks later my oldest brother took me home. And you know from then on,  they never look at me the same way again. I was someone who was reluctant to be there.

I leave it to you to work it out as you are in different position. But the universal solution is always the same.

Salaam and hoping the best for you.

Asalamu calykum,

Thanks for sharing your story with us and your input. Hope you all goes well with you and your family, and always remember to focus on the positive, this is also a reminder for myself.


Posted By: anizami
Date Posted: 15 November 2012 at 8:14am
You may want to read this article : Rights of Parents & Children in Islam
http://www.muslimparentsnetwork.org/rights-of-parents-children-in-islam/

I hope it helps with how you may want to think about responding.


Posted By: Idil
Date Posted: 25 December 2012 at 3:28pm
Originally posted by anizami

You may want to read this article : Rights of Parents & Children in Islam
http://www.muslimparentsnetwork.org/rights-of-parents-children-in-islam/

I hope it helps with how you may want to think about responding.


Thanks for taking the time to respond, but to me I don`t see any wrong in the way that I am responding. This is a website whereby everyone can freely express how the feel and unload the stress that daily life brings.



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