salam to all,
I am living like in a nightmare but I cannot get out. Briefly, after 4 years, my money all gone, dont drive, no job, left my meaningless marriage and live in a women shelter.
My cries is not only because I am a loser for marrying a man who cannot support fully except for basic roof and food. I have been living in US and away from my origin country that I love and miss for 4 years. I cry to him to save away some money, even to make a bank overdraft for my sake as I desperately need to visit my country, he initially promissed but later stick on he cannot afford it. Now that I left, he messages me claiming he will provide that savings but it surely is a lie. So many reasons that proved too late now that I was a st**id to be married to him.
I am going crazy with shame, that I become broke due to my marriage, I did not marry to someone who supports me. Now I have nothing, not even the ability to see family/friends and my country. I beg for help from some people include zakat organization and successful Muslims but they consider me crazy. I feel so shame and even my sisters have ignored me as they cannot help, I feel trapped. I cried for help to others and of course always to ALLAH I prayed and cried but my situation only change for worst. I never be this poor before in my life.
Once I am so homesick, I have nobody to talk to so I called911 just to speak to someone of my situation but of course it was useless thing to do. I could not find a job, I have nowhere to go as transitional place from this shelter. I realize I need a man who can support me but not like the last marriage.
In our fight, he has said he divorce me by phone message, and I am just glad he did. But if I stress it, he will argue. He is selfish that he has to find another woman and be happy before he said the divorce is real. I not only need a man to create a new happy life for me, but also help me to end this marriage for real because I dont know what to do. Sometime I wish I can just dissapear from this earth but I am actually a good positive person and can do good for myself and others, but problems keep coming. How can I find a good man that is good for me as much as I can be a good wife to him?