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Need a good husband to build a new life

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Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Groups – Women (Sisters)
Forum Discription: Groups – Women (Sisters)
Printed Date: 18 June 2018 at 10:08am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 8.04 -

Topic: Need a good husband to build a new life
Posted By: hamama
Subject: Need a good husband to build a new life
Date Posted: 03 September 2012 at 7:13pm
salam to all,
I am living like in a nightmare but I cannot get out.  Briefly, after 4 years, my money all gone, dont drive, no job, left my meaningless marriage and live in a women shelter.
My cries is not only because I am a loser for marrying a man who cannot support fully except for basic roof and food.  I have been living in US and away from my origin country that I love and miss for 4 years.  I cry to him to save away some money, even to make a bank overdraft for my sake as I desperately need to visit my country, he initially promissed but later stick on he cannot afford it.   Now that I left, he messages me claiming he will provide that savings but it surely is a lie.  So many reasons that proved too late now that I was a st**id to be married to him.
I am going crazy with shame, that I become broke due to my marriage, I did not marry to someone who supports me.  Now I have nothing, not even the ability to see family/friends and my country.  I beg for help from some people include zakat organization and successful Muslims but they consider me crazy.  I feel so shame and even my sisters have ignored me as they cannot help, I feel trapped.  I cried for help to others and of course always to ALLAH I prayed and cried but my situation only change for worst.  I never be this poor before in my life.
Once I am so homesick, I have nobody to talk to so I called911 just to speak to someone of my situation but of course it was useless thing to do. I could not find a job, I have nowhere to go as transitional place from this shelter.  I realize I need a man who can support me but not like the last marriage. 
In our fight, he has said he divorce me by phone message, and I am just glad he did.  But if I stress it, he will argue.  He is selfish that he has to find another woman and be happy before he said the divorce is real.   I not only need a man to create a new happy life for me, but also help me to end this marriage for real because I dont know what to do.  Sometime I wish I can just dissapear from this earth but I am actually a good positive person and can do good for myself and others, but problems keep coming. How can I find a good man that is good for me as much as I can be a good wife to him?

Posted By: hakeema
Date Posted: 11 September 2012 at 3:58am
As-Salaam Alaikum,

I think you should focus on building yourself right now instead of just looking for a man to do it for you or to fix your problem for you.

I will keep you in my prayers.


Posted By: seeja
Date Posted: 19 September 2012 at 10:57pm

As-Salaam Alaikum

 I do agree with “Hakeema” comments.

Islam (Total Surrender, Submission, Obedience, Sincerity and Peace with Allah) is for all people, in all places and in all times

Posted By: Rofexa
Date Posted: 20 September 2012 at 7:41pm

 I also agree with Hakeema & - Seeja 's comments. You need time to heal and get your mind body & soul in order. A man can't do that, May Allah have mercy on you. You have to take baby steps, start with the local human services, even this shelter you are staying in can help get you startd on your jurney. I just want you to know I have been homeless and once I understood what I had to do to make sure that never happened to me again. Granted evey story is different, but you can do this and when you achive what you want you will never have to depened on anyone except trully ALLAH. I know this in my heart. You have a accept responsisablity for your actions. You can change your ceremstances for the better and once you do this you can then stand on your own.

Posted By: hamama
Date Posted: 03 October 2012 at 7:27pm
Nobody feels what I am feeling. I have never work in US before.  I am a coward to drive.  I have tried to find job but failed for the last 5 years.  I have ambition but my husband never support me in anything. 
it is correct that only ALLAH can help me. forum is useless.

Posted By: Idil
Date Posted: 15 November 2012 at 2:49pm
Asalamu Calykum sis,

It saddens me to hear about the troubles that you are under going. I pray to ALLAH to make your affairs easy and bless you with a job that will do you good both in this world and hereafter. Always remember sis that after difficulty there is w ease.  For now though sis, focus on yourself and building  your life. I would only advice you to take another husband once you have stabilized yourself because nowadays sis you can only count on ALLAH, no one else. Also hope you will be reunited with your family soon as they will giveyou the support that you require. Furthermore, know that life is full of tests, challenges and problems and nowadays everyone is feeling the heat due to the global economic crisis that we are in. Please do update us though on your situation and what we as your sisters on the net can do for you. Wish I was able to help you financially but currently, I am struggling with finding a job as well sis. So may ALLAH bless us all.

Posted By: 5purplemarbles
Date Posted: 17 December 2012 at 10:31pm
Salaam alaykum dear sister, im so sorry for this hard times.  you know i have similar situation,just a small different that i am no home and have three kids who need shelter and food everyday.  im here for you dear sister and would like to talk to you anytime.  you know if you have the strength from Allah swt then you can go on and be strong, and this come not by a man but true faith in Allah swt.  I know it so hard, like i said i be in the situation as you, and you know i think we be good friends soon insha Allah.  where in usa are you located?  message me please sister im waiting to hear from you, salaam  Heart

Posted By: hamama
Date Posted: 21 December 2012 at 11:19pm

thank you very much sister, I am hunger for good friends to talk to.  Sure, it is true we all can only depend on ALLAH and so I talk to HIM always (especially I have nobody else). Not just in DOA, also when I feel lonely, depressed, shame or hurt by people's words; when I am cold and tired while using the public transport.

Alhamdulillah, for Muslim, we have guidance by ALLAH's words in the Quran and also the sunnah/hadith.  So many times I picked myself up from the bottom pit of broken heart, by the words of ALLAH and hadith.  But life would be easier or more bearable with the support of friends/family or a good husband, to wipe away my humiliation and help fix my broken heart. 
But alhamdulillah through my struggles, I learn about people of different background, status and also about the flow of life (how in certain situations are out of one's control, except ALLAH.)  and so I have to accept QADA.
I value your friendship very much alhamdulillah.  thank you for your understanding.

Posted By: 5purplemarbles
Date Posted: 26 December 2012 at 11:05pm
Salaam alaykum

I feel sad for your words, im here for you sister.  I think all the time i wish i had the support or family or friends or someone, to get through the tough daily struggles of life itself.  But what we get is what we get, wishing for more only makes you more sad.  So we know there be someone always on our side, Allah swt.  always willing and ready to listen to our sadness or happiness. 

You know i have much struggles, and some of the closest friends which is two are in the middle east.....and these muslims are my life source, they give such support even from so far away.  So now you have me and also open your mind to friends from other places because you never know where the person who can hold you up when you want to hiding.  Right...Allah swt brings blessings big and small to us.......and there is many brothers and sisters making dua for us in hard times every second of everyday.  One close brother told me before, millions of muslims be on your side right this minute.  Its so amazing....that we are part of this great ummah.

love and peace my sister

Salaam Alaykum my dear sisters and brothers......May Allah swt Bless You always....

Posted By: hamama
Date Posted: 28 December 2012 at 8:08pm
Thank you for your nice words, sister.
I have actually several people who have said nice words to me, alhamdulillah.  I also have put up in some other forum previously and read many "script" of many nice words.  May ALLAH reward all of them for typing those words.  Slightly make me felt better, alhamdulillah.  
There are people who know my number but do not call.  I have friends from the previous state who  message me or call just to know if I'm still alive.  She refuses to keep a small luggage bag contain my clothes for me. I think I regard friendship differently from most people.  Especially in my situation, I value spontaneous sincere actions than words. Once the spontaneous moments are gone, they are gone forever. 

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