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Resentful Feelings - How to deal with it?

Printed From: IslamiCity.com
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Discription: Discuss Family Issues
URL: http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=23034
Printed Date: 25 October 2014 at 5:46am


Topic: Resentful Feelings - How to deal with it?
Posted By: Ahmad83
Subject: Resentful Feelings - How to deal with it?
Date Posted: 10 April 2012 at 9:40pm
I did a search at this site for any Qur'an Verse, and, Sunnah that deals with "Resentful" and there are NO results.

  • I would like to know if there are any Qur'an Verses or VERY STRONG Haddith dealing with the topic, "If someone is resentful against you" - what approach is best to take.  Or, What Prayer can be said.  Or, even any Psychological Approach that can be used to BETTER the relationship with the person who feels this strong resentfulness.

Of course, I already know that perhaps the best way to deal with this is to attack the problems that are causing the resentfulness.  But the solutions to those problems are difficult, long-in-the-process, and very private.

These feeling of resentfulness against me are causing much stress, and having almost equal-and-opposite feelings, which perpetuates an almost unspoken 'hostility'.

I can't live like this, when someone I care about has such feelings against me. 

Thus, I'm hoping there is someone out there who may know of some help, from a religious and Psychological point-of-view, on how I may approach this problem to better my situation.

Thanks.





Replies:
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 11 April 2012 at 10:04am

Possible ways of approach are controlling your own anger, overlooking and forgiving trivial mistakes, giving of gifts, communicate, inform and seek help from family, and have patience.

We know that every son of Adam makes mistakes, and the best are those who repent. The Prohet said 'He is not a liar who seeks to reconcile between people and says good things.' (al-Bukhari). Muslims should not forsake one another, and indeed it's important, if you are able, to deal with the source of the problem. If you feel the resultant harm of dealing with the problem's source will cause an even greater rift and additional problems, than make du'a for the person, and do your best with the initially  mentioned suggestions.  May Allah grant you success, and reward your good intentions.


Posted By: Ahmad83
Date Posted: 11 April 2012 at 2:52pm
Thank you.  Good Advice.  I will persevere and move forward to smooth out any of the bad feelings that are happening with the other person.   


Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 11 April 2012 at 11:06pm
Originally posted by Ahmad83

I can't live like this, when someone I care about has such feelings against me. 

Thus, I'm hoping there is someone out there who may know of some help, from a religious and Psychological point-of-view, on how I may approach this problem to better my situation.

Thanks.




Admitting one's fault and apologizing also helps. If they continue to blame you, say you are human, you were weak  - and you want to move on and fix the relationship.

Usually when the other party sees that the person apologized and accepted blame - it usually helps soften their heart.

All the best!



-------------
"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."


Posted By: HalaHala2012
Date Posted: 05 June 2012 at 8:27pm
Originally posted by Ahmad83

I did a search at this site for any Qur'an Verse, and, Sunnah that deals with "Resentful" and there are NO results.

  • I would like to know if there are any Qur'an Verses or VERY STRONG Haddith dealing with the topic, "If someone is resentful against you" - what approach is best to take.  Or, What Prayer can be said.  Or, even any Psychological Approach that can be used to BETTER the relationship with the person who feels this strong resentfulness.

Of course, I already know that perhaps the best way to deal with this is to attack the problems that are causing the resentfulness.  But the solutions to those problems are difficult, long-in-the-process, and very private.

These feeling of resentfulness against me are causing much stress, and having almost equal-and-opposite feelings, which perpetuates an almost unspoken 'hostility'.

I can't live like this, when someone I care about has such feelings against me. 

Thus, I'm hoping there is someone out there who may know of some help, from a religious and Psychological point-of-view, on how I may approach this problem to better my situation.

Thanks.


We can not control other peoples emotions. I completely understand how you are feeling. You sound like a very loving,sensitive person,much like myself. I know I hurt deeply inside when I feel someone I love is angry or upset with me,and I want to do anything to solve the problem.                                              The very Best thing to do I have found,is to pray. That is the best place for finding peace. Doing all you humanly can is all that we can do..the rest is up to Allah.      It's all actually,up to Allah.               Giving all my burdens to my maker ease's my heart so much,it's almost difficult to describe it.                                                           What I can tell you is, keep being yourself. Keep being kind and loving..and when the time feels right, maybe say to that person,"Do you still have ill feelings towards me? And what can I do to ease that?"  Being straight and honest,in my opinion, is always the best course of action.                                 May Allah bless you and keep you.


Posted By: Ahmad83
Date Posted: 07 June 2012 at 12:41am
Thank you.  You have kind and meaningful advice.


Posted By: AbdallahM
Date Posted: 17 July 2012 at 1:40pm
I read a really good article about overcoming resentments. Maybe the person who has resentment towards you would be willing to read it. Here is the address  - http://salaamhearts.com/advice/29/Sources_Stages_Prevention_and_Overcoming_of_Resentments. Hope it helps you.



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