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i have a question

Printed From: IslamiCity.com
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Groups – Women (Sisters)
Forum Discription: Groups – Women (Sisters)
URL: http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=21537
Printed Date: 18 April 2014 at 1:09am


Topic: i have a question
Posted By: whoknow?
Subject: i have a question
Date Posted: 10 August 2011 at 10:15pm
salamz everyone,

i would like to ask a serious question, and i would greatly appreciate an honest islamic response, not a cultural "we never do that" response

my issue is that i am currently seperated from my husband, and i have no desire to go back to him. he was very abusive, and deeply hurt me

a member of his family(even though i have no one in mind, this isn't even on the table right now) told me that if i get re-married that my daughter couldn't live with me(it's haram for me, but not for him). my mother confirmed this, and a friend confirmed it as well. this is immensely troubling to me(as i said i have no desire to go back to him, he was emotional, verbal, financially, property, and physically abusive. i did an assessment that said he would have eventually would have killed me)

is this true? it can't be. it sounds like i have to make a decision whether to be happy with a man who could(and again i have no one in mind, this would be very far in the future) make me happy, or my daughter who makes me happy. it doesn't sound like allah who speaks of family and how important it is.

plz give me some honest advice here.

thanx



Replies:
Posted By: mrs shadab
Date Posted: 11 August 2011 at 1:09am
walaikumassalm sister,,
 i read ur question but un able to understand that how could one daughter be haram to her motherShocked..and also please read the translation (whole)of suarah Nisa..every thing is cleared in that surah,,
if i could give u that ayath in whichthis iswritten,i would defintely help u inshaALAH
WASSALM


Posted By: mrs shadab
Date Posted: 11 August 2011 at 1:31am
http://www.biharanjuman.org/Quran/quran_urdu.html
pls sister go to this link and read the translation of surah  baqarah and surah nisa whole ,..this is an authentic site,,
wassaalm



Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 11 August 2011 at 9:16am
Originally posted by whoknow?

salamz everyone,

i would like to ask a serious question, and i would greatly appreciate an honest islamic response, not a cultural "we never do that" response

a member of his family(even though i have no one in mind, this isn't even on the table right now) told me that if i get re-married that my daughter couldn't live with me(it's haram for me, but not for him). my mother confirmed this, and a friend confirmed it as well. this is immensely troubling to me(as i said i have

is this true? it can't be. it sounds like i have to make a decision whether to be happy with a man who could(and again i have no one in mind, this would be very far in the future) make me happy, or my daughter who makes me happy. it doesn't sound like allah who speaks of family and how important it is.

plz give me some honest advice here.

thanx


Salam Alaykum Sister,

Based on a quick google search, it appears that Step-Fathers are considered Mahrams to the step-daughter. The Qur'an also mentions Stepfathers as mahrams:

"Forbidden to you (for marriage) are: your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your brother's daughters, your sister's daughters, your foster mother who breastfed you, your foster sisters, your wives' mothers, your stepdaughters under your guardianship, born of your wives to whom you have gone in -but there is no sin on you if you have not done so (to marry their daughters), the wives of your sons who spring from your loins, and two sisters in wedlock at the same time, except for what has already passed; verily Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. " [Qur'an 4:22-23]


List of Mahrams (for a female):

Mahrams (i.e. forbidden to marry permanently forever at anytime):

  • Step father (with the condition that both step father and one’s mother have been alone together)
  • Fathers and above (i.e. grandfathers, great grandfathers etc, maternal or paternal)
  • Sons and below (i.e. grandsons, great grandsons etc)
  • Brothers (regardless of whether it be one’s real brother, brother with whom your mothers are the same but fathers different or whether it be a brother with whom your fathers are the same but mothers different)
  • Uncles (i.e. one’s mother’s/father’s brother, again regardless of whether it be their real brother, brother with whom their mothers are the same but fathers different or whether it be their brother with whom their fathers are the same but mothers different)
  • Nephews (i.e. sons of brother/sister regardless of whether they be one’s real brother/sister, brother/sister with whom your mothers are the same but fathers different or brother/sister with whom your fathers are the same but mothers different)
  • Foster son (i.e. a boy who a lady has breast fed before the age of two)
  • Foster Brother (i.e. a male who was breast fed by the same lady as one was)
  • Father-in-law and above (i.e. grandfather-in-law, great grandfather-in-law etc, maternal or paternal) 
  • Husband’s sons
  • Son-in-law and below (i.e. daughter’s husband, granddaughter’s husband etc)
  • Husband (not forbidden in marriage but as an exception is classified as a ‘Mahram’ and therefore no restrictions apply with one’s husband)

    From a female’s perspective, men she is permitted to marry or who are temporarily forbidden and are those with whom Islamic restrictions apply.

So a female doesn't have to worry about observing Hijab in front of her mahrams, i.e. she can live comfortably in the same household. However, given today's time and age - and modern day perversions, it would still be better to be safe than sorry, and as a mother one should ensure that her daughter is not left alone with a stepfather.

Links used:

http://forums.almaghrib.org/showthread.php?t=12951 - http://forums.almaghrib.org/showthread.php?t=12951

http://www.muftisays.com/viewarticle.php?article=mahram - http://www.muftisays.com/viewarticle.php?article=mahram





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"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."


Posted By: whoknow?
Date Posted: 11 August 2011 at 4:12pm
alhumidallah!!

thanx sisters, i was very worried, this was actually my interpretation, that a woman's daughter cannot marry her step-father.

it is most likely people wanting to scare me into going back to my husband.

chrysalis, from your list, would a son/daughter be forbidden to marry a stepsister/brother??


Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 12 August 2011 at 7:17am
Originally posted by whoknow?

alhumidallah!!



it is most likely people wanting to scare me into going back to my husband.



Oh and I wanted to comment on that earlier... While Islam doesn't consider divorce ideal - your case was justified (from what I have gathered in your post). There is absolutely no reason why a woman should stay in marriage with an abusive husband! He has no right to physically abuse you.

So, ignore people who try to make you go back to your abusive husband. Your life and wellbieng is more important than a sham marriage. It is also not a healthy environment for your daughter.

May Allah make things easy for you and grant you a pious spouse.

 




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"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."


Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 12 August 2011 at 7:19am
Originally posted by whoknow?



chrysalis, from your list, would a son/daughter be forbidden to marry a stepsister/brother??


I am not sure about that one sister. I don't think step-siblings (who don't have common birth parents) are mahrams to each other. But I am not sure, you better check that one out.




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"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."


Posted By: wisdomseeker
Date Posted: 13 August 2011 at 9:43am
Assalamu alaikum,

Well..no step siblings cannot marry. As a reference this might help: http://www.witness-pioneer.org/vil/Books/SH_SL/islamic_law_regarding_marriage.htm - http://www.witness-pioneer.org/vil/Books/SH_SL/islamic_law_regarding_marriage.htm

May Allah ease your hardships. Ameen.


Posted By: whoknow?
Date Posted: 16 August 2011 at 9:34pm
salam,

thank you sisters so much for the truth, and for the support. i talked to my lawyer yesterday and she says that my next court date i might be able to get a permanent parenting order, and the kids can stay with me this is a huge step for me, we have been going to court since may, and man those judges are so harsh, i really thought i would loose the kids, and so did he but with the grace of allah, i might not have to worry about custody anymore


Posted By: travel2hajj
Date Posted: 17 August 2011 at 4:09am
i think there's no question of going back to your husband..you cant say that now he will treat you in a better way..


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http://www.travel2hajj.com - hajj clothing


Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 18 August 2011 at 1:48am
Salaam Sister,

Please keep us posted!

My Allah keep you and your children well.

Hayfa


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When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi


Posted By: seeja
Date Posted: 31 October 2011 at 6:09am

Salam Sisters

I really have doubt about step-sibling marriage is forbidden or not.

I thing children from different parents can be married as per the Islamic law

Please confirm.



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Islam (Total Surrender, Submission, Obedience, Sincerity and Peace with Allah) is for all people, in all places and in all times


Posted By: whoknow?
Date Posted: 04 December 2011 at 8:36pm
salamz everyone,

we have resolved the custody, woohoo!!

so, i get primary care(this isn't full custody) and he gets a lot of time with the kids.

i have to say it is very frustrating but i am so happy that part is done and over, we just have a few more things to take care of then we are done.

thank god!!

there was a woman who asked if i could go back try again, i did an assessment when i went into the shelter, one of them was a danger assessment. the conclusion was that he would have eventually would have killed me. he was leading down that road. my abuse assessment was the abuse was ongoing and serious, it was getting worse as the years went by. i believe that speaks for itself.


Posted By: Wardah
Date Posted: 20 December 2011 at 8:26am
Waslam sister

You are right sister siblings from different parents mean both of them are different, these kind of siblings are na-mehram for each other and they can marry. Only the siblings from same parents and the sibling where mothers are same but fathers are different or fathers are same but mothers are different are mehram to each other and they can not marry withe each other. Here I give you an example when a woman with kids from her ex-husband marry to a man with kids from his ex=wife than, those children are ne-mahram for each other and they can marry, because they from tow different parents not the father niether the mother is same. So, it is better to not call them "siblings" cuz they are not "blood realtives" to each other in any way. Plus please read Al-Nissa from Quran it would help.


Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 23 December 2011 at 8:22pm
Salaams Sister,

I am glad it seems to be resolving for you in a positive manner.

My duas for you and your family.

Hayfa


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When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi


Posted By: whoknow?
Date Posted: 24 December 2011 at 10:02am
really?? that means i can only marry a man who has no children. i have both a girl and boy, so it's not as if it would be easy to marry a man who only has a girl(s) or only a boy(s). or wait till they grow up and then be happy with a man. i'm not saying that i want to marry right this moment, but in the future it would be something i would like to do.

thanx sister, despite a few arguments things have been fairly amicable.


Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 02 February 2012 at 9:35am
Awesome Sister! I am so glad that things are working out for you! (despite not being ideal)

On the positive side, the children will get to interact with their father... thats good for them.

May Allah bless your family and grant you all health, happiness and hidayah <3


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"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."


Posted By: whoknow?
Date Posted: 04 February 2012 at 10:26am
thank you sister.

it has been a lot easier for the kids to see their father, i know that is the most difficult part of the separation is not seeing their dad everyday.


Posted By: seeja
Date Posted: 21 March 2012 at 11:41pm

Best wishes for your future life.



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Islam (Total Surrender, Submission, Obedience, Sincerity and Peace with Allah) is for all people, in all places and in all times


Posted By: seeja
Date Posted: 21 March 2012 at 11:44pm
Originally posted by whoknow?

really?? that means i can only marry a man who has no children. i have both a girl and boy, so it's not as if it would be easy to marry a man who only has a girl(s) or only a boy(s). or wait till they grow up and then be happy with a man. i'm not saying that i want to marry right this moment, but in the future it would be something i would like to do.

thanx sister, despite a few arguments things have been fairly amicable.

Why So?

As a believing Muslima you are allowed to be in wedlock with a believing Muslim irrespective whether or not he has sons/daughters in the previous marriage.



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Islam (Total Surrender, Submission, Obedience, Sincerity and Peace with Allah) is for all people, in all places and in all times


Posted By: whoknow?
Date Posted: 30 March 2012 at 11:41am
that's not what i meant, i was referring more to the point that my child and their child could get married. if my daughter lived with me, chose to wear the hijab she would have to wear it all the time around her step-brother, which would be uncomfortable to say the least.


Posted By: seeja
Date Posted: 01 April 2012 at 9:40pm
Originally posted by whoknow?

that's not what i meant, i was referring more to the point that my child and their child could get married. if my daughter lived with me, chose to wear the hijab she would have to wear it all the time around her step-brother, which would be uncomfortable to say the least.

For being on the safest side you may be right…But Islam allows woman to be in wedlock and all are permitted to marry someone who is religious and non mehrams to each other….

May the blessing from Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) help you to get someone who is a real Muslim and having religious background. By the blessing from Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa); you will able to build a Muslim family with Islamic environment. It may be possible to make a family with a person even though he may having children from previous marriage, if all of the family members are abide to Islamic belief and rules.

If children are taught from early years and from an young age then there may not be problems between them, they may be consider themselves siblings even though they may not have common biological parents. For the matter of wearing the Hijab for the girl children inside the house is not that serous if all of them are consider siblings to each other and are islamically religious.

The matter can be even helpful if the Husband is having Girl Children only or having a combination of boy and Girl from the previous marriage. The boy child from the previous marriage will be learned and sensed the beauty of sisterhood if he may already have one with same biological parents.



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Islam (Total Surrender, Submission, Obedience, Sincerity and Peace with Allah) is for all people, in all places and in all times



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