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Question about Marriage

Printed From: IslamiCity.com
Category: Religion - Islam
Forum Name: General Islamic Matter
Forum Discription: Discuss Islamic matters/issues that not covered by other sub catagories
URL: http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18191
Printed Date: 16 September 2014 at 12:27am


Topic: Question about Marriage
Posted By: 1DM2
Subject: Question about Marriage
Date Posted: 21 January 2011 at 8:29am
I am currently attending college and I am taking a class on the the Middle East. Our focus is to gain better insights that will erase any bias we may have about your religion, culture, and ideology. I have decide to join this forum so I can further my knowledge outside the class room.

During a discussion a few days ago we talked about marriage within the Islam religion. I would like to gain further insight on how your religion views or deals with divorce. It is a subject that interest me because I see so much of it here in america and would like to learn if its as wide spread in other regions.

Thank you to anyone who chooses to help me in this matter.



Replies:
Posted By: semar
Date Posted: 21 January 2011 at 10:39am
Salam/Peace,
 
I am not a an Islamic scholar, here what I know about marriage in Islam. Marriage is very important part in Islam. The Scripture says that marriage is 1/2 of the religion. Marriage is consider as integral part to build a healthy community. The process of marriage in Islam is very simple, might similar with in Christianity. Here the minimum requirements:
1. The bride and the groom.
2. The guardian of the bride.
3. 2 Witnesses
4. Mahr (gift from groom to the bride). This can be cash, property etc. Can be paid right away or later, even installment. Can be small things (cheap) or expensive house. Mahr will be hers, and can not be taken back without her permission.
5. Statement from both bride and groom about their willingness to marry each other.
 
Who lead the marriage itself can be the guardian or somebody else (Islamic preacher).


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Salam/Peace,
Semar
The Prophet said: "Do not eat before you are hungry, and stop eating before you are full"
"1/3 of your stomach for food 1/3 for water, 1/3 for air"


Posted By: semar
Date Posted: 21 January 2011 at 10:58am
After marriage the man responsible to provide the basic need of the family, such as housing, clothing, food etc. It's voluntary of the wife to help her husband in this regards.
 
About divorce also simple. As they no  longer able to leave together as a couple, they can divorce. They can divorce 2 times and remarry. After they divorce the third times they can not remarry until they marry with somebody else. After divorce there is a "grace period", that called "idah" . It's 3 months (or 3 times mens). This is the waiting time before the woman can marry somebody else. During this time, if they change their mind, they reestablish their marriage without doing "marriage ceremony".
 
The Islamic scripture says that "divorce" is halal (permissible) but it's hated by God (Allah).


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Salam/Peace,
Semar
The Prophet said: "Do not eat before you are hungry, and stop eating before you are full"
"1/3 of your stomach for food 1/3 for water, 1/3 for air"


Posted By: semar
Date Posted: 21 January 2011 at 11:02am
The following I copied from about.com. It's simialr with what I said, just more complicated (modern) versions of it:
 
http://islam.about.com/od/marriage/a/contract.htm - http://islam.about.com/od/marriage/a/contract.htm
 
The Islamic Marriage Contract
Required elements for a legal Islamic marriage

In Islam, marriage is considered both a social agreement and a legal contract. In modern times, the marriage contract is signed in the presence of an Islamic judge, imam, or trusted community elder who is familiar with Islamic law. The process of signing the contract is usually a private affair, involving only the immediate families of the bride and groom.
 
Marriage Contract Conditions

Negotiating and signing the contract is a requirement of marriage under Islamic law, and certain conditions must be upheld in order for it to be binding and recognized.
 
•Consent – Both the groom and the bride must consent to the marriage, verbally and in writing. This is done through a formal proposal of marriage (ijab) and acceptance of the proposal (qabul). A first-time bride is usually represented in the contract negotiations by her Wali, a male guardian who looks out for her best interests. Even so, the bride must also express her willingness to enter into marriage. Consent cannot be obtained from those who are legally unable to give it, i.e. people who are incapacitated, minor children, and those who have physical or mental impairments which limit their capacity to understand and consent to a legal contract.
 
•Mahr – This word is often translated as “dowry” but is better expressed as “bridal gift.” The bride has a right to receive a gift from the groom which remains her own property as security in the marriage. The gift is payable directly to the bride and remains her sole property, even in case of later divorce. The mahr can be cash, jewelry, property, or any other valuable asset. Either full payment or an agreed-upon payment schedule is required at the time of contract signature. The mahr may also be deferred until termination of the marriage through death or divorce; in such an instance the unpaid mahr becomes a debt against the husband’s estate.
 
•Witnesses – Two adult witnesses are required to verify the marriage contract.
 
•Prenuptial Contract Conditions – Either the bride or the groom may submit contract conditions which, if agreed upon, become legally-binding conditions of marriage. Often such conditions include agreements about the country of the couple’s residence, the wife’s ability to continue her education or career life, or vistation with in-laws. Any condition that is allowable in Islamic law is allowed to be entered, as long as both parties agree.
 
After Contract Signature

After the contract is signed, a couple is legally married and enjoy all the rights and responsibilities of marriage. In many cultures, however, the couple do not formally share a household until after the public wedding celebration (walimah). Depending on the culture, this celebration may be held hours, days, weeks, or even months later.


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Salam/Peace,
Semar
The Prophet said: "Do not eat before you are hungry, and stop eating before you are full"
"1/3 of your stomach for food 1/3 for water, 1/3 for air"


Posted By: semar
Date Posted: 21 January 2011 at 11:10am
http://islam.about.com/od/marriage/a/marriedlife.htm - http://islam.about.com/od/marriage/a/marriedlife.htm
 
Married Life in Islam
Relationship Between Husband and Wife in Islam
 
"And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Verily in that are signs for those who reflect." (Qur'an 30:21)

In the Qur'an, the marriage relationship is described as one with "tranquility," "love" and "mercy." Elsewhere in the Qur'an, husband and wife are described as "garments" for each other (2:187). Garments offer protection, comfort, modesty, and warmth. Above all, the Qur'an describes that the best garment is the "garment of God-consciousness" (7:26).

Muslims view marriage as the foundation of society and family life. In a practical aspect, Islamic marriage is thus structured through legally-enforceable rights and duties of both parties. In an atmosphere of love and respect, these rights and duties provide a framework for the balance of family life and the fulfillment of both partners.

General Rights

•To be treated with honor, kindness, and patience.
•To enjoy intimate relations with each other.
•To have children, by God's will.
•To keep one's legal and personal identity after marriage, retaining one's own family name, inheritance rights, property, mahr, etc.

General Duties

•To be faithful to the marriage bond.
•To strive to be attractive to one's spouse.
•To assist and support one another, and to resolve disputes amicably.
•The husband has the duty to provide all physical maintenance of the family (housing, clothing, food, medical care, etc.).



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Salam/Peace,
Semar
The Prophet said: "Do not eat before you are hungry, and stop eating before you are full"
"1/3 of your stomach for food 1/3 for water, 1/3 for air"


Posted By: 1DM2
Date Posted: 21 January 2011 at 1:06pm
Thank you so much for this information. I love how the Qur'an describes marriage as one with tranquility love and mercy, perhaps if more people took this approach there would be less divorce, and stronger families.In my class next time I am going to quote the part about husband and wife being a garment for each other, this is a very powerful description of how we should care for each other. I will continue to study the Qur'an and gain more insight, thank you again for the reply.


Posted By: honeto
Date Posted: 26 January 2011 at 10:30am
Hi,
I would like to say that please be aware of differences of cultures within Muslims from various parts of the world and their own understanding, integrating and practice of non-Islamic customs. For example Muslims of sub-continent have mixed in their practices somethings that do not have Islamic origins, yet they are percieved as Islamic. For example, the practice of dowry by bride's family, which sometimes consists of almost everything the couple will need to start their new life, furniture, cloths, daily essentials and so on. Somtimes all of this is demanded by the groom's family. This is certainly not an Islamic practice, and nowhere found to be in Islamic teachings.
Similarly, there are some other customs, 'valver' is one of them. This one fading away, but it might still be in practice in more traditional or rural 'Pashtoon' areas of Pakistan and Afghanistan.  In this custom the groom has to work hard and save money to present a handsome amount to bride's family in order to get her as a bride. I don't know if this custom got into the Pashtoons, who are once thought to be from one of Jewish tribes of old times. But this practice is certainly not Islamic, but these people that practice it, are actually in thier own ways very religous.
 
So, I just wanted you to be aware of these and other similar practices practiced by Muslims, yet they are not Islamic.
 
Peace,
Hasan 


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39:64 Proclaim: Is it some one other than God that you order me to worship, O you ignorant ones?"


Posted By: 1DM2
Date Posted: 26 January 2011 at 4:35pm
Thank you, I had not considered the variations that would exist.


Posted By: Friendship
Date Posted: 29 January 2011 at 12:45pm
Assalamu alaika IDM2.

Your question: I would like to gain further insight on how your religion views or deals with divorce.

Answer: No should engage unless he has the means or she has the means to provide for their needs. When Abdullah ibn Umar proposed his marriage the holy Apostle has to look for a job for him or else he is given stipend.
Secondly, divorce is forbidden by the Shari'a. If you carefully read why Allah created Eve for Adam, you will understand the reason.


Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 01 February 2011 at 1:54pm

"And when you divorce women and they fulfil their term [of their 'Iddah], either keep them according to reasonable terms or release them according to reasonable terms, and do not keep them, intending harm, to transgress [against them]. And whoever does that has certainly wronged himself. And do not take the verses of Allaah in jest. And remember the favour of Allaah upon you and what has been revealed to you of the Book [i.e., the Quran] and wisdom [i.e., the Prophet's Sunnah] by which He instructs you. And fear Allaah and know that Allaah is Knowing of all things." [Quran 2:231]

 



Posted By: Sign*Reader
Date Posted: 01 February 2011 at 9:06pm
Originally posted by Friendship


Secondly, divorce is forbidden by the Shari'a. If you carefully read why Allah created Eve for Adam, you will understand the reason.
Question say such things that make you sound old geezer!
Hypothetically speaking say me and my wife were marooned on an island, of course I would be absolutely out of my mind to mention divorce no matter what she would say or do! if I did she would laugh so hard in my face that it would echo through the island! Now I understand where are you coming from my friend!
I wanted to try one time though,Wink


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Kismet Domino: Faith/Courage/Liberty/Abundance/Selfishness/Immorality/Apathy/Bondage or extinction.


Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 03 February 2011 at 10:13am
Originally posted by 1DM2

I am currently attending college and I am taking a class on the the Middle East. Our focus is to gain better insights that will erase any bias we may have about your religion, culture, and ideology. I have decide to join this forum so I can further my knowledge outside the class room.

During a discussion a few days ago we talked about marriage within the Islam religion. I would like to gain further insight on how your religion views or deals with divorce. It is a subject that interest me because I see so much of it here in america and would like to learn if its as wide spread in other regions.

Thank you to anyone who chooses to help me in this matter.


Another misconception I have come across regarding Muslim Marriages is the concept of 'Mahr'. Which in Islam, is a gift that the husband/groom gives to his wife/bride to seal the marriage contract. I have had atleast 2 non-muslims ask me about Mahr - apparently they thought my father would 'sell me' to my husband for a payment. So maybe you could mention that in your presentation. The Mahr is a gift to the woman. NOT her father. And no transaction takes place! Symbolically it is a gesture of love and protection towards the wife - and maybe the Divine Wisdom was to ensure the woman had some financial backup... If the woman wishes to divorce from her husband (Khula) she returns the Mahr gift, but if the Man initiates divorce he cannot take back the Mahr - it is her property.

Another misconception is 'arranged marriage. I cannot count how many times I have been asked about this as a muslim girl! Many people think arranged marriage = forced marriage i.e. a girl has no say and is married to whomever the father picks for her. In Islam - a woman cannot be married without her permission & consent (i.e. be 'forced'). She can say yes or no to whomever she pleases. She has the full right to choose her husband, and determine the amount of her Mahr and the terms of her contract (pre-nup). Muslim women have been using Pre-Nups for ages before it was made part of the modern day legal system.

Islam (since 1400yrs ago) has also given women sole right over thier property, even after marriage. Her property/money remains her own even after she gets married and the husband has no right/control over it.

A man is responsible for his wife's expenses - even if she is better off then him.

The Divorce process is very fair to both parties - there is no concept of alimony which allows one spouse to live off the other's hard-earned money. The husband provides financial support for his estranged wife until the waiting-term is over (which is approx a few weeks, so as to allow a chance for reconciliation). After the waiting-term they are not married any more and Ex is not required to provide her financial support UNLESS they have kids, in which case he pays for the kids' expenses.




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"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."


Posted By: Friendship
Date Posted: 03 February 2011 at 10:21am
Sign Reader!

Why are you not courageous enough to speak in a simple language? Understand that we are discussing islam in the Sunna of Muhammad Rasulullah.


Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 03 February 2011 at 10:38am
SignReader; uncourageous...truly an oxymoron!Hug


Posted By: Sign*Reader
Date Posted: 06 February 2011 at 1:51am
Now I am speechless, this made my day though, I haven't laughed so hard for some time, thanks



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Kismet Domino: Faith/Courage/Liberty/Abundance/Selfishness/Immorality/Apathy/Bondage or extinction.


Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 06 February 2011 at 7:26am
Masha'Allah!  We ask Allah, Most High, to keep you in good spirits.Thumbs%20Up


Posted By: 1DM2
Date Posted: 17 February 2011 at 3:16pm
Thank you for everyones response to my post, the information posted has been very helpful and has erased some misconceptions in my class.

God bless you all.



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