Marrying a divorced woman
Printed From: IslamiCity.com
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Groups – Men (Brothers)
Forum Discription: Groups – Men (Brothers)
Printed Date: 21 May 2013 at 5:20pm
Topic: Marrying a divorced woman
Posted By: complicated
Subject: Marrying a divorced woman
Date Posted: 22 September 2010 at 8:16pm
Asalamu ailaikum to everyone here.
I am a 24 year old muslim virgin and proud of it. I recently told my parents to start looking for a wife for me. One of my friends recommended a very great girl the only "problem" was that she was married once before and it didint work out.
I told my parents about this girl and they FREAKED out saying you deserve better than that, you are a virgin and you should get the same. I know they are only scared of what people will say if I do marry this girl. I told them islamicly there is absolutely nothing wrong with marrying this girl.
I need some help, evidence from quran, hadith, sunnah to prove to my parents that what they are saying is wrong.
Posted By: semar
Date Posted: 22 September 2010 at 9:23pm
There is nothing wrong marry to a widow. Prophet Muhammad pbuh did it. He was also a virgin too, and Khadijah was a widow. However. don't be hurry, if this is the first girl you come a cross wait a little bit and look around again who knows you find some other candidates. Because this is the time to open your eyes look around, after you marriage you should "close" your eyes. Not the other way around.
The Prophet said: "Do not eat before you are hungry, and stop eating before you are full"
"1/3 of your stomach for food 1/3 for water, 1/3 for air"
Posted By: complicated
Date Posted: 23 September 2010 at 7:43am
This is not the first girl I was shown or looked at. my parents showed me over 30 muslim girls and I really think this is the one. and I totally agree with you. after marriage a husbands eyes should close.
My parents will probably disown me if I go after this girl. I told them I am not better than the prophet PBUH so there is no problem with me marrying a widow. and shes very young, 20 years old. I need to convince them I guess.
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 23 September 2010 at 8:20am
Your folks can not be "wrong" because they are only advising their son, which is not only their right, but duty. You are well advised to listen carefully to their concerns and not seek to "win" or be right. I personally fear that if taking this girl you do not feel you have done her a "favor" and when troubles begin, as natural in any and all marriages, you then feel I should have listened to my parents and treat her badly. Are you confident you can adjust to an experienced woman? How long was she married before? Are cultural and educational backgrounds similar? Why is she now divorced?
Posted By: complicated
Date Posted: 23 September 2010 at 12:17pm
The girl got divorced after a year because her ex husband promised he would send her to school, before they got married then after they got married he didnt, among other things, she was married at 16 for a year. in my opinion thats way too young.
And you are right, my parents are just concerned, but i am in no way just trying to "win". I listen to my parents in everything alhamdullilah. but sometimes parents are wrong. like telling I cant take this girl for the simple fact that she was married before. I am in no way better than the prophet and he lived his life as complete as possible and it is sunnah to follow what he did. that doesnt mean we have to do exactly what he did but if a chance comes that you can, you should.
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 27 September 2010 at 12:52am
Abu aisha is right,you should not marry her cause u want to do some charity,you should marry her for what she is,remember the supreme model Mohammed s.a.w,he married khadija a widow 2 times, 15 years older to him,and many other wives of profet were widow or divorced.
Islam is very paractical in life and does not care for such things like virginity as far as it is within the islamic Law.yes verginity lost out of wedd lock is big issue and hard for any muslim man to accept.
so do istekhara if you adamant to marry and try to convince your parents for this.
Posted By: The absurd one
Date Posted: 07 October 2010 at 11:57am
If you want my very personal opinion, I'd like first to know how old she is. If she is, like you, 24 and was already married and divorced I'd say careful, you may be surprised by what you'll get yourself in.
Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 24 October 2010 at 1:33am
"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
Posted By: Gibbs
Date Posted: 24 October 2010 at 11:28am
I think its silly to disown your kid because they are making an adult decision. A couple things to consider:
1) If she is a divorced, becareful, not because she is divorced but there may be some hidden issues.
2) Although your parents want you to be with someone who has maintained their virginity, these days young girls are engaging in sexual activity outside marriage however whether they are a virgin or not is not important but whether they are a compatible mate for you.
3) If you still live at home and are about to make a decision that your parents dislike this may affect your living situaton.
Posted By: Nausheen
Date Posted: 01 November 2010 at 1:43am
I think marriage is the most important decision of ones life.
If you land in a wrong marriage - ie married to a wrong person, the last think you'd want that it be someone elses mistake 'done to you' - ie a scenario in which parents end their kids in a wrong marriage.
I would advice in marriage make your own mistakes, dont let your parents do that for you!
That having been said, its your life, thus you should get the preroragative to choose, from your heart. If you like this girl, for all genuine reasons, you may go ahead. As far as convincing the parents is concerned, I would advice you may be patient and 'percevierent' and give them ample time to 'give in' to your wishes.
This is my advice - maybe off trend, but still this is what I think!
Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena
wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 01 November 2010 at 8:18am
Dear Sister Nausheen,
I would advice in marriage make your own mistakes, dont let your parents do that for you.
The above statement could convey a wrong message,when u say u make your own decision it could be misunderstood by some,and they might think you should contact the propective personally and make friendship kind of thing and then decide.which is not Islamic,this is very dangerous for girls specially.
You never pay for somelse mistake,its your destiny,we have rules to select your partner in islam and once you have followed just leave it to allah.no body can predict how the prospect will be, even after a deep loving affair before marraige people feel they made a mistake marrying the one they loved.
If the daughter is trusting her father there for her best interest it is no harm,this also an ibdah that you obeying your fathers decision.
Posted By: Fearfull
Date Posted: 05 August 2011 at 11:34am
As a person who has undergone divorce, I tell you be very careful. Divorce is one of the most painful experiences. If a man is ready to divorce a woman then it is an extreme step. Be wary why such a step was needed. Most couple will adjust and move on. If such a step was taken, then it was not done in the heat of the moment. It was well thought out and very painfil decision. Your parents are not trying to do bad things for you. They realize that part of the reason for you wanting to marry this girl is the compassion you feel towards her and her condition.
Dont let sympathy govern your decision. My recommendation is to let the matter sleep for a few days while you pray to Allah for clarity and may He provide you that.
Posted By: doherty12
Date Posted: 16 November 2012 at 12:52am
By looking at your problem i may advice you to listen to your heart. If you know that women very well or if you have got a feelings for her then you can proceed to marry her. But in case you are marrying her in a hurry then you must think twice before going for it.
Posted By: alia777
Date Posted: 28 December 2012 at 4:20pm
I am a Muslim sister who was divorced 6 weeks ago. My ex-husband and I divorced because we simply couldn't get along. We were together 7 years but we couldn't make it work. We had no support networks and in the end we both regretted the decision but it was too late.
It causes me pain when I read people advising the OP to beware of this divorcee who he is interested in marrying. Who can guarantee the behaviour of any prospective spouse?
I understand the sensitivity of the situation but life is not always black and white and it would be an injustice to view all divorcees as people of suspicion.
Posted By: Mruben
Date Posted: 30 December 2012 at 1:32am
I am a new Muslim, i like to know the ruling of marriage a divorce Sister, i need to ask the hand from her father or i just need to inform them i will marry with is daughter?
I like to have some advice if is possible.