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Polygamy Study

Printed From: IslamiCity.com
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Discription: Discuss Family Issues
URL: http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=17239
Printed Date: 21 April 2014 at 4:05am


Topic: Polygamy Study
Posted By: abuayisha
Subject: Polygamy Study
Date Posted: 09 August 2010 at 1:27pm
http://www.thenutgraph.com/the-impact-of-polygamy-in-malaysia/ - The impact of polygamy in Malaysia  



Replies:
Posted By: Divya_Mohammed
Date Posted: 10 August 2010 at 3:12am
Assalam Alaikum
 
I really do not understand the rationale of polygamy in modern times the world over, that is permitted in Islam. Although there are several guidelines as to when a man can take second, third and fourth wives, I wonder if all men really understand the responsibility. Polygamy earlier surely helped widowed and divorced woman to re-marry and seek respect in society.
 
In my case, as a former non-Muslim woman, I have sacrificed my family, parents, friends, religion etc and married a Muslim Man and accepted Islam and Muslim way of life. But somewhere in my heart, I have a fear, as to what I will do if my husband takes more wives.
 
A non-Muslim friend of mine freightened me that if he takes more wives, I will be forced not only to share my husband but even become a kind of a slave to him and his other wives and even do massage to his body and to the aching  sweaty bodies of his newer wives while they indulge in sex and love-making. Also she told me that a Muslim man can take as many temporary wives as he chooses. What is the truth about these accusations, which appear to be false.
 
I believe that a woman is created out of man and is designed to be subservient to a man and it is  duty as a wife to be subordinate to him and his desires and do every thing to please his mind and body, by accepting his domination at all times.
 
I am confused.
 
Allah Hafiz
Divya Mohammed Iyer
 
 


Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 10 August 2010 at 8:26am
Yes, you are correct the accusations are indeed false.


Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 10 August 2010 at 9:42pm
Yes they are false..

it is good you are checking.. can you imagine Allah Allah permitting the first part you wrote??? I mean haya- modesty - are very central to Islam.. that goes against it for sure.

I believe that a woman is created out of man and is designed to be subservient to a man and it is  duty as a wife to be subordinate to him and his desires and do every thing to please his mind and body, by accepting his domination at all times.

Let me ask you if the Prophet (PBUH) and his wives live as partners? I believe they argued with him. Domination is quite a strong word... In fact our beloved Prophet (PBUH) helped around the house etc. Would you interpret that he was "dominating"?

A good marriage has mutual kindness and respect where both spouses try to please each other. You or any other woman is not a machine.. (some people think that).

I cannot imagine I was "designed" to be subservient to a man. That makes it seem like we are beast of burden.

We were designed to worship Allah.


D all men "get" the guidelines of polygyny? No. That is clear. Do some yes.

Your own life: I can truly say that if on one hand you think about it and reflect it can be good. It has its benefits and there are people in polygyny who are quite happy. And is it "needed," sure. Even based upon "Numbers" of men and women, there are more men then women.

I think it is good to reflect sister  that you should never love anyone more then you love Allah. And this life is very temporal.

ON the other hand wasting time fearing something that may not come to pass is not good. Reflection and education yes. And if your husband did marry again, nothing says you need to stay with him.   It is not "for" everyone. Only you can decide that if that is the test you are to deal with in this life.


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When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi


Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 11 August 2010 at 1:23pm
Originally posted by Divya_Mohammed

Assalam Alaikum
 
I believe that a woman is created out of man and is designed to be subservient to a man and it is  duty as a wife to be subordinate to him and his desires and do every thing to please his mind and body, by accepting his domination at all times. 
 


Wa'alaikum salaam Sis,

As a general rule, Muslim women are not required to be 'subservient' to Muslim men. It depends on the sanctity of the relationship b/w a man and a woman. The role and respect-given changes according to the nature of a relationship. A son is supposed to be subservient to his mother, even more so than he is supposed to be subservient to his father.

Like Sis Hayfa explained, a Muslim marriage is more of a partnership than a slave-master relationship, while a husband does have certain authoritative rights in order to be an effective manager/leader of his household, his wife is not required to behave like a doormat or humble servant. Both the man and wife should do everything to please each other, not just the wife. Prophet Muhammad's Sunnah reflects how muslim men are taught to be pleasing towards thier wives. Its a mutual thing.

If a husband is caring, loving and protective of his wife - it is going to be a default/natural/biological response of the wife to be adoring, caring and respectful towards him as well.

Hayfa gave a good example of our Prophet, while he was an authoritative figure not only to his ummah as well as family, his wives were not the stereotypically "dominated" wives. They had immense love and respect for him, and he never tried to suppress their strong personalities or prevent them from expressing thier personality. Reading about the Prophets' interaction with his wives never fails to amaze me, and fills me with love for our Prophet and the mothers of the faithful each time! Heart





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"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."


Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 11 August 2010 at 1:26pm
Originally posted by abuayisha

http://www.thenutgraph.com/the-impact-of-polygamy-in-malaysia/ -


Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 11 August 2010 at 1:38pm
"Reading about the Prophets' interaction with his wives never fails to amaze me, and fills me with love for our Prophet..."
 
Yes, and with others as well:
 
A Jewish man named Zayd bin Sana came to the Prophet of Islam to reclaim a debt. He grabbed the Prophet by his robe and cloak, pulled the Prophet close to his face, and said, ‘Muhammad, are you not going to give me my due? You and your clan Banu Muttalib never pay debts on time!’ Umar, one of the companions of the Prophet, got agitated and said, ‘Enemy of God, am I really hearing what you just said to God’s Prophet. I swear by the One who sent him with truth, if I were not afraid that he would blame me, I would have taken my sword and cut your head off!’ The Prophet looked calmly at Umar and censured him gently:

“Umar, that is not what we needed to hear from you. You should have counseled me to pay my debts in time and asked him to seek repayment in a respectful manner. Now take him, repay him his debt from my money and give him an extra twenty measures of date.”

The Jewish man was so pleasantly surprised by the Prophet’s behavior that he immediately declared his acceptance of Islam!



Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 11 August 2010 at 1:55pm
Originally posted by abuayisha

"Reading about the Prophets' interaction with his wives never fails to amaze me, and fills me with love for our Prophet..."
 
Yes, and with others as well:
 
A Jewish man named Zayd bin Sana came to the Prophet of Islam to reclaim a debt. He grabbed the Prophet by his robe and cloak, pulled the Prophet close to his face, and said, ‘Muhammad, are you not going to give me my due? You and your clan Banu Muttalib never pay debts on time!’ Umar, one of the companions of the Prophet, got agitated and said, ‘Enemy of God, am I really hearing what you just said to God’s Prophet. I swear by the One who sent him with truth, if I were not afraid that he would blame me, I would have taken my sword and cut your head off!’ The Prophet looked calmly at Umar and censured him gently:

“Umar, that is not what we needed to hear from you. You should have counseled me to pay my debts in time and asked him to seek repayment in a respectful manner. Now take him, repay him his debt from my money and give him an extra twenty measures of date.”

The Jewish man was so pleasantly surprised by the Prophet’s behavior that he immediately declared his acceptance of Islam!



Most definitely!!!! Heart

There are so many of such inspiring instances from Sunnah, many a times the Prophet never even got to "preaching" Islam, they would accept it based solely on his beautiful character and manners. Perhaps we should start a thread and share those stories...




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"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."


Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 11 August 2010 at 6:12pm
...or just derail this one.
 
 "I and an Ansari neighbor of mine from Bani Umaiya bin Zaid who used to live in 'Awali Al-Medina, used to visit the Prophet in turns. He used to go one day, and I another day. When I went I would bring him the news of what had happened that day regarding the instructions and orders and when he went, he used to do the same for me. We, the people of Quraish, used to have authority over women, but when we came to live with the Ansar, we noticed that the Ansari women had the upper hand over their men, so our women started acquiring the habits of the Ansari women. Once I shouted at my wife and she paid me back in my coin and I disliked that she should answer me back. She said, 'Why do you take it ill that I retort upon you? By Allah, the wives of the Prophet retort upon him, and some of them may not speak with him for the whole day till night.' What she said scared me and I said to her, 'Whoever amongst them does so, will be a great loser.' Then I dressed myself and went to Hafsa and asked her, 'Does any of you keep Allah's Apostle angry all the day long till night?' She replied in the affirmative. I said, 'She is a ruined losing person (and will never have success)! Doesn't she fear that Allah may get angry for the anger of Allah's Apostle and thus she will be ruined? Don't ask Allah's Apostle too many things, and don't retort upon him in any case, and don't desert him. Demand from me whatever you like, and don't be tempted to imitate your neighbor (i.e. 'Aisha) in her behavior towards the Prophet), for she (i.e. Aisha) is more beautiful than you, and more beloved to Allah's Apostle.

In those days it was rumored that Ghassan, (a tribe living in Sham) was getting prepared their horses to invade us. My companion went (to the Prophet on the day of his turn, went and returned to us at night and knocked at my door violently, asking whether I was sleeping. I was scared (by the hard knocking) and came out to him. He said that a great thing had happened. I asked him: What is it? Have Ghassan come? He replied that it was worse and more serious than that, and added that Allah's Apostle had divorced all his wives. I said, Hafsa is a ruined loser! I expected that would happen some day.' So I dressed myself and offered the Fajr prayer with the Prophet. Then the Prophet entered an upper room and stayed there alone. I went to Hafsa and found her weeping. I asked her, 'Why are you weeping? Didn't I warn you? Have Allah's Apostle divorced you all?' She replied, 'I don't know. He is there in the upper room.' I then went out and came to the pulpit and found a group of people around it and some of them were weeping. Then I sat with them for some time, but could not endure the situation. So I went to the upper room where the Prophet was and requested to a black slave of his: "Will you get the permission of (Allah's Apostle) for Umar (to enter)? The slave went in, talked to the Prophet about it and came out saying, 'I mentioned you to him but he did not reply.' So, I went and sat with the people who were sitting by the pulpit, but I could not bear the situation, so I went to the slave again and said: "Will you get he permission for Umar? He went in and brought the same reply as before. When I was leaving, behold, the slave called me saying, "Allah's Apostle has granted you permission." So, I entered upon the Prophet and saw him lying on a mat without wedding on it, and the mat had left its mark on the body of the Prophet, and he was leaning on a leather pillow stuffed with palm fires. I greeted him and while still standing, I said: "Have you divorced your wives?' He raised his eyes to me and replied in the negative. And then while still standing, I said chatting: "Will you heed what I say, 'O Allah's Apostle! We, the people of Quraish used to have the upper hand over our women (wives), and when we came to the people whose women had the upper hand over them..."

'Umar told the whole story (about his wife). "On that the Prophet smiled." 'Umar further said, "I then said, 'I went to Hafsa and said to her: Do not be tempted to imitate your companion ('Aisha) for she is more beautiful than you and more beloved to the Prophet.' The Prophet smiled again. When I saw him smiling, I sat down and cast a glance at the room, and by Allah, I couldn't see anything of importance but three hides. I said (to Allah's Apostle) "Invoke Allah to make your followers prosperous for the Persians and the Byzantines have been made prosperous and given worldly luxuries, though they do not worship Allah?' The Prophet was leaning then (and on hearing my speech he sat straight) and said, 'O Ibn Al-Khatttab! Do you have any doubt (that the Hereafter is better than this world)? These people have been given rewards of their good deeds in this world only.' I asked the Prophet . 'Please ask Allah's forgiveness for me.



Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 12 August 2010 at 7:13am
Hazrat Umar's (r.a) incidents are always so interesting, always enjoy reading them. I find it "adorable" (for lack of a better word) how he was always so concerned for Hafsah's (r.a) marital life since she had a passionate temper like her father. He was always rebuking her for her that :)

On the authority of Sa‘d ibn Abi Waqqas, who related:

Umar said: ‘One day I went to the Prophet and saw him smiling. “May God make you smile forever, O Messenger of God!”, I said, and asked why he was smiling.

I smile at those women (his wives). They were chatting in front of me before you came. When they heard your voice, they all vanished, he answered still smiling. On hearing this answer, I raised my voice and told them, ‘O enemies of your own selves, you are scared of me, but you are not scared of the Messenger of God, and you do not show respect to him.’ “You are hard-hearted and strict”, they replied.
Tongue



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"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."


Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 12 August 2010 at 11:36am

I have worked in an Islamic community most of my adult life, and I testify to the need of both types of personalities; hard-hearted and strict, as well as soft and easygoing.  As a matter of fact, I guess our discussion board reflects this as well.



Posted By: abdi80
Date Posted: 29 November 2010 at 3:41am
So what you are saying is essentially some women need a strict hard hearted man who can keep them in check.


Posted By: abdi80
Date Posted: 29 November 2010 at 4:34am

Salaam Aleikum,

I have problem and I hope you can help me with the help of guidance from the Quran and Sunnah

I want to get married and my parents want me to marry but they wont accept the girl i want to marry becuase she is

from a different tribe. She is a good person and religious and we are really compatible. I have tried and tried to speak

with them  but to no avail. I dont think i will ever recover from this becuase soon or later the girl will go. She cant wait

for me forever as its not fair on her. Her family is ready and she wants to marry me as well. It is mutual. I have given

up with regards to my parents. What does the shariah say about this?? The girl wont marry me unless my parents are

involved. I have not told her the sticking point is her tribe. I think that would hurt her. Please advise  but as I said the

talking is over and to no avail.I have even used my relatives and they have not succeeded. The worst thing that annoys is me is that they are trying to set me up with girls who are of the same tribe as me. They say we have got the experience and we want what is best for you. I just dont get that. Surely everything is in the hands of Allah and you cannot predict the future. If a marriage works it works, if not, then it doesnt. It's a shame it's come to this. I never for once thought my parents would make marriage difficult for me. To make matters worse, they claim they want me to get married, but then wont let me marry whom i want. Did the prophet not say, there are four criteria in choosing a wife and the FIRST is her Deen?. So why are they causing this problem. I met the girl in an online forum. We have met and talked and talked. This is the girl i want. Please help. I dont talk to my parents anymore as its a waste of time. My dad is blind and I dont want to cause any more stress in the house. I have caused so much aleady. It is so sad.




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