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what should i do?

Printed From: IslamiCity.com
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Groups – Women (Sisters)
Forum Discription: Groups – Women (Sisters)
URL: http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=16679
Printed Date: 01 August 2014 at 2:50am


Topic: what should i do?
Posted By: farheenfatima
Subject: what should i do?
Date Posted: 23 April 2010 at 9:18pm
Assalamalaikum dear sisters,

I'm really depressed nd disheartened as life has been very harsh on me. I feel suicidal too but lack strength to do that.



Replies:
Posted By: seekshidayath
Date Posted: 23 April 2010 at 10:51pm
Walaikum Salaam sis

You need to defeat the problems of your life. Allah says in the Qur'an- Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: ‘We believe,’ and will not be tested. Take every day of your life as a test. And kindly remember Allah swt, tests with the burden only that which one can bear. I understand that it's easy for me to sit and write these words, only one who bears these afflictions knows the pain --. I hope these reminders of Qur'anic ayaat help you out

Also sis, sometimes, we do have solution before us, yet we don't look at it. A sort of fear of that may happen in future or all that happened in the past keep us depressed. Don't forget we are to live for TODAY. So leave behind your past and don't think of tomorrow that is yet to come. Live your today. Stay bold, strong and confident and fight with your challenges. Before all these, seek the help of the Lord who created you and me, who promised to remove the distress of those who unto Him.



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Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."


Posted By: seekshidayath
Date Posted: 23 April 2010 at 10:52pm
This is the poem which i read for myselves when feel low :

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
when the road you 're travelling seems at uphill,
when your money is low and your debts are high
And you want to smile but you have to sigh

When problems are pushing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but never quit.

Life is strange, with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When we might have won if we'd stuck it out;

So stick to your job, though it's going slow-
You may succeed with one more go.

Success is failure turned inside out-
It's a silver lining in the clouds of doubt-
And you never can tell how close you are
Success may be near when it seems to be far;

so keep up your effort when you're hardest hit-
It's when things seem the worst that "'YOU MUST NOT QUIT"



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Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."


Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 24 April 2010 at 3:00am
Dear Sister, do not fret - take heart ! All these downfalls are a part of life. Yes, sometimes such things happen, that they shake our Imaan . . . and we feel like we have died inside . . . . and that life is over. Cry But Sis, that is what Life is . . . and that is the journey we have to make i.e. stand our ground and face all troubles whilst keeping our faith in Allah. Thats the purpose on earth sister.

The Prophet (PBUH) said: 'The greater reward comes with the greater trial. When Allah loves a person He tests them; whoever accepts that, will earn divine pleasure and whoever is discontent with that will earn divine wrath.' (Tirmidhi: 2396)

Abu Hurayrah radi Allahu anhu reported that the Prophet sallallahu alayhe wa sallamsaid: “Whenever Allah wills good for a person, He subjects him to adversity” [Bukharee and others]Just keep reminding yourself sis, that ALLAH KNOWS BEST. Allah also reminds us by saying:

Verily, that which is with Allah is best for you, if you, but knew all that which is with you is bound to end, whereas all that which is with Allah is everlasting. [an-Nahl 16:95-96.]

Right now it seems to you like this pain is everlasting and does not seem to end . . . but it will sister. Just try and focus on the time when it shall end inshAllah.

Great Prophets and their companions have even suffered hardships sister. Sometimes worse than us . . .

Abu Hurayrah radi Allahu anhu reported that the Prophet said: “Hardships continue to befall a believing man and woman in their body, family, and property, until they meet Allah Subhanahu ta’ala burdened with no sins.” [Tirmithee]

Just continue being patient, and it shall wipe all your sins away, inshAllah.

O you who believe! Seek help in patience and prayer. Truly! Allah is with the patient.”(Quran Verse 153) Surat Al-Baqarah


Abu Hurayrah radi Allahu anhu and Ka’b Bin Maalik radi Allahu anhu reported that the Prophet sallallahu alayhe wa sallam said: “The parable of a believer is that of a fresh and moist plant; the wind tilts it this way and that way; and so is the believer; he continues to be subject to affliction. And the parable of a hypocrite is that of a firm cedar tree; it does not shake – until it is uprooted all at once.” [Bukharee and Muslim]

The prophets and righteous people are afflicted the most, and their rewards are the highest. SubhanAllah, read this sister, and feel good:

 Sa’d radi Allahu anhu reported that the Prophet sallallahu alayhe wa sallamsaid: “The most in their suffering among the people are the prophets, then the best, then the (next) best. One is afflicted in accordance with his deen (faith). If his deen is firm his affliction is hard, and if his deen is weak, his affliction is light. Indeed, one would be so much subjected to adversity until he walks among the people without any sins.” [Ahmad, Tirmithee]

Allah Akbar ! So this pain that you and I feel - it is just wiping away our sins sister . . . so we should just try and stick to our Imaan as strong as we can . . . even though Shaitan tries to shake us by saying, Oh look at how Allah has abandoned you, nauzubillah . . . or whatever waswasa or doubts you get - that is the Shaitan whispering. . .

Do take time out and read this article sister, very motivational Ahadith here that actually speak to your soul . . . may Allah reward the compilers of  this site:

http://dailyreminders.org/hardships-benefit-the-believer/ - http://dailyreminders.org/hardships-benefit-the-believer/


I pray that you inshAllah you see better times as soon as possible, just try and maintain your contact with Allah and don't let it damage your relationship with Him.

Fee amaan Allah sis.


VERILY WITH EVERY HARDSHIP THERE IS RELIEF ( Qur'an 94:5)





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"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."


Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 24 April 2010 at 3:08am
Originally posted by seekshidayath

This is the poem which i read for myselves when feel low :



That is a very nice poem sister ! JazakAllah.


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"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."


Posted By: Pati
Date Posted: 24 April 2010 at 8:29am
Originally posted by farheenfatima

Assalamalaikum dear sisters,

I'm really depressed nd disheartened as life has been very harsh on me. I feel suicidal too but lack strength to do that.
 
Hi dear,
 
Welcome to the forum.
 
I supose that you don't want to explain your problems, but maybe that's what you need. The life is not like a fairy tale, and some people have to fight daily to go ahead. I guess that's your role in this life.
 
But after all, you are here, isn't it? So, maybe there is a reason, and something very good is waiting for you at any point of your life. Maybe it will not be today, nor tomorrow, nor next week... but it will happen suddenly and you will think about this moment in a very different way.
 
I suggest you to express yourself (it's not necessary to do it in this forum, sure), because sometimes, when you talk about your problems you realize that you are not the only one having that kind of problems.
 
I heard once a phrase that is very lightness for me: "After every cloud, there are thousand suns"... so just wait for the sun after the cloud and be patient with the life, because sometimes we cannot control it.
 
I wish you all the best and if I can help you, don't hesitate to ask me.
 
Hugs,
Patricia


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No God wants the killing, but the peace.
The weapons are carried by people, not by religions.


Posted By: farheenfatima
Date Posted: 24 April 2010 at 10:31pm
THANKS to all of u who have replied with positive words The poem is truly inspiring, special thanks for that.

Dear sis pati ur right that i need to explain my problems so that i heal nd find solutions. thanks again.


Posted By: Pati
Date Posted: 25 April 2010 at 4:45am
Originally posted by farheenfatima

THANKS to all of u who have replied with positive words The poem is truly inspiring, special thanks for that.

Dear sis pati ur right that i need to explain my problems so that i heal nd find solutions. thanks again.
 
Wink
 
No need to give thanks. Stay around with us, and maybe in the future, you can help any new or any old member when facing a bad moment. What do you think? Smile
 
Kind regards,
Patricia
 


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No God wants the killing, but the peace.
The weapons are carried by people, not by religions.


Posted By: farheenfatima
Date Posted: 25 April 2010 at 7:51am
I'm in tremendous mental pressure. Got married at 28 nd separated just after 3 months due to unforseen nd unfortunate situation.now i'm 30 nd living with my parents nd siblings. Before marriage i was working but now not working nd just killing time nd don't know what should i do.I'm a qualified trained teacher nd alhumdullillah was at the peak of my career when i decided to leave job nd get married. The man was quite a fellow who wanted to have the cake nd eat it too....anyways i have taken everything in the right spirit nd instead of fretting nd getting depressed decided to just live peacefully nd positively. I got myself admitted for MBA program but have skipped first semester exams due to lack of interest nd motivation in the subjects nd going back to college is not as easy i had imagined. I'm thinking of completely quitting the course nd not sure if that is the right decision The problem is with my younger sisters who constantly fight with me nd feel that i have ruined my life myself nd now i'm really not able to take the daily arguments anymore. I'm planning to move out of home by getting myself a job of a teacher in residential school BUT again worry if that is the right decision i'm really worried nd feeling horrible...i don't know how to solve the problems of my life! i'm really angry at myself for screwing up my life by marrying a person who was so selfish.....i left my career for him dreaming abt living with him in future but he was not brave enough to stand up for me nd honour the commitment anyways i have lost everything in life nd feel so disheartened nd sad that i'm really fed up of life i know that it's a test from Allah nd i have to face it i don't have any fnds nd so writing it all here to lessen the burden from my heart....it's really lonely nd i wish i had someone with whom i could share my feelings


Posted By: seekshidayath
Date Posted: 25 April 2010 at 9:43pm
Hmm tho yeh baat hai.

All that has happened has happened Farheen. Now we will not reveiew it. It's waste to blame anyone. I don't say they are not blameworthy, but hum apni zabaan unkay liye kharaab nahi karenge. Okay

Immediate steps you need to take up is BELIEVE IN YOURSELVES. There are many divorcees and many girls who are not yet married and above your age. So you need not feel low. Woh kehtay hai na ki

"Khud hi ko kar buland itna ki har taqdeer se pehlay
Khuda banday se poochay ki teri raza kya hai"

Built yourselves that way. Instill confidence.

Continue your MBA. Education is always an adornment. Bahot kaam ki cheez hai

And finally take the fights of your sisters easy. Don't pay your ears to them. Insha Allah, one day they shall realise what they had done. You be good to them yehi akhlaaq hai. Islam teaches us to be good to those who wrong us. Waisay bhi siblings rivalry is common. It'snot that they do not love us.

Stay active here. Alhamdulillah, though we are not own sisters but we get bonded here very much, insha Allah

Patty hope you won't mind as i used urdu language in midst. That was to express myselves in better way and to comfort Farheen.



You can write to us always.

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Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."


Posted By: farheenfatima
Date Posted: 26 April 2010 at 2:14am
Asak,

Ur words are encouraging dear sister shidayath.Thanks and i'll try to be positive. i don't know if i'll continue with MBA or not because rite now i'm feeling very low and the subjects are too hard for me there is an inside voice which tells me that i can do it but i'm unable to get up nd go to college as mornings are becoming very depressing each day. Atleast by afternoon i gain some confidence but most of the time i feel so shaken and low and

Pls remember me in ur prayers and thanks again


Posted By: farheenfatima
Date Posted: 27 April 2010 at 12:56am
pls advise me sister shidayath on this matter. I should go for a teacher job or continue with MBA. I'm in a dilemma and really worried nd confused. I don't know what to do and i'm afraid that i'll end up doing nothing


Posted By: seekshidayath
Date Posted: 27 April 2010 at 4:50am
As Salamu Alaikum wa rahmatullah

My apologies for been late Farheen

Why don't you go for Isteqarah.

Where do you stay ? Are you from India sis ? If so, i can suggest something.




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Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."


Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 27 April 2010 at 6:43am
Originally posted by farheenfatima

Asak,
  i don't know if i'll continue with MBA or not because rite now i'm feeling very low and the subjects are too hard for me there is an inside voice which tells me that i can do it but i'm unable to get up nd go to college as mornings are becoming very depressing each day.


Asallamualaikum Sis,

If you cannot decide b/w MBA & Teaching, then yes Istikhara is best. Make Istikhara. . .

However I would encourage you not to drop out of MBA until you find a teaching job. Because otherwise you will be free with nothing to do, and this will surely worsen depression. Staying busy helps us a lot. So why don't u start looking around for a job - meanwhile don't drop out just yet.

Also, another option - where do you live? Why don't you join a local islamic course ? This will not only refresh your imaan, it will give you a circle of good Muslimah friends & support system. You will learn & feel better , without wasting your precious time. Do think about it.




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"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."


Posted By: Nausheen
Date Posted: 30 April 2010 at 6:06pm
Bismillah ir Rahman ir Rahim
 
Dear Farheen,
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullah
 
That weak voice from within is a true voice, to listen to it carefuly you will have to shut out/ignore the chaos that is surrounding you.  So listen to your inner voice and go for it ...
What man has done, man can do [same goes for women/girls Wink ]
 
You did the best thing to move out of a marriage, when it was not working for you. The longer you had waited, the difficult it would have been for you to take this step.
 
In the book: "When Anger Hurts" they are saying whatever a person does, s/he thinks it to be the correct thing at that moment - think about your sister's actions in this light. At that moment when she fights you, and gets angry at you, she actually thinks what she is doing is the right thing. Due to her angry state of mind she may not understand its harmful effects on you. Try to avoid the arguments, instead of getting drawn into them.
 
Know that it is far better to make your own mistakes, than to let others make them in your life. There are so many girls out there who are married in a mismatch by their parents, and circumstances force them to continue life - you are much, much better than them.  Kindly and firmly explain to your sister you accept that you made some wrong moves in life, but you have trust in Allah and courage to take what life offers.
 
Then, sincerely place your trust in Allah. It is He who is running the affairs of this world, not us! He is taking care of all His creatures all the time, then why will He leave you unattended. He took care of you when you were in your mother's womb, when you were a baby and could not even think or do the right thing for you. He took care of you after you married a wrong man ... then why will He not take care of you now? Think about it! Your caring nurturing Lord is always with you. Supplicate to Him and never give up hope in Him.
 
MBA is just two years, they will pass like breeze. Even if you like to go back to teaching, suspend it for two years and decide later. Go to college, make friends, organize your time, and push the painful memories aside, let time heal some of the pain.
 
Leave you in Allah's care!
 
nausheen


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Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena
wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.


Posted By: farheenfatima
Date Posted: 01 May 2010 at 8:28am
Waleikumsalaam,

Dear sis Nausheen,

THANKS so much for positive encouragement. Ur words are truly like a fresh breeze and bring in new hope, especially at this time when I'm depressed and confused.

Inshallah will try to be positive and brave because life is not worth to be wasted in arguments and negativity. I gave all I could to the relationship and truly loved for the sake of Allah (SWT)and He knows best and He is the one whose 'WILL' prevails...It is by the wish of Allah SWT that the marriage failed and He does things for the betterment of his ibaadatguzaars. Yeah ur right that Allah is there for me always.

Do keep in touch dear sister,
Thanks again,
May Allah bless you,
Farheen.


Posted By: Nausheen
Date Posted: 02 May 2010 at 7:13pm
Bismillah,
Assalamualaikum wa rahamtullah dear Farheen,
 
Alhamdulillah, you  found those words helpful. 
Keep us posted of your decisions. Would like to stay around, and in touch with you. When life gets busy, I take a break from here, then show up on some blue moon, so if you ever miss me, just PM.
 
Barak Allahu Feeki,
nausheen


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Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena
wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.



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