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advice me, please

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Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Discription: Discuss Family Issues
Printed Date: 25 May 2018 at 12:06am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 8.04 -

Topic: advice me, please
Posted By: liliana
Subject: advice me, please
Date Posted: 19 February 2010 at 3:27am
Dear friends, I need your advice, please....I'm married from 24 years with 3 girls, 21, 21 and 17 years old. I have my own work and I have a big problem with my husband for a long time....
I was asking to know about zina at work. My husband is a Muslim  and I find about him that he is involved in a relationship (sexual and phisical attraction) with a woman at his work. I have proves that he is with her from a long time ago( almost 2 years) and a lot of people from the work know about this.
After my sad discover, he begins to pray( he was not a real muslim before this) and because of this fact  I want to divorce of him. He told me that there was nothing with that woman and tried to make me to believe that he is a good husband. Now, he is praying regullarly, BUT continues to work with that person in the same conditions, like before, alone and together in the same room, and I need to know that this fact is not a zina? Because he stays with her in the same small room at work and they are talking together each day. He purpose to work with her in a new project, even I asked him a lot to fire her and bring a mam in her place. He told me that is nothing between, nothing to worry and he know how to do to be ,, clean"...But in the same time he is very nervous with me and he is rude when I try to speak with him about this. Our daughters know about this(2 years is too much, they told me...) and told me to divorce him , in the islamic way, because he want to continue to work with that person, and in the same time is praying.

Is  his prayer accepted by God? Is he in zina, if he is continuing to work with her?
I ask him to let her go from the work and find something else and he told me that it is impossible.
It is correct to work in such conditions and me to accept that?
He is praying every day after work and I think that it is wrong to stay in the same conditions and say that everything is ok from now.

'm so sad that I can't discuss with someone here, his family is far away and I don't want to upset my mother with this, she is enough old  and ill.
thank you for your time

Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 19 February 2010 at 7:10am
Zina is a very serious charge in Islam, that requires witnesses to the actual act, or a confession.  Emotional infidelity is extremely common and especially in the workplace.  If after 24 years of marriage you can no longer trust your husband you must decide are you better off with or without him.  Try to encourage him to seek marriage counseling, or you may want to have patience since he has now started praying, which may be a good sign, and an indication that your feelings of displeasure are having some effect on his behavior.   Presently, there is a worldwide recession and jobs are hard to come by, so likely it's difficult for him to make adjustments at work, that may risk financial stability.  I am very sorry for your sadness and family crisis and pray for good to come from this.

Posted By: liliana
Date Posted: 22 February 2010 at 12:21am
Thank you for replaying me. I know a lot about islam and the rules about proving zina. I made an audio recording in his office about that and I know exactly what was inside of the office for a period of time, I was badly surprised that he did that and I warn him about my actions. He was indifferent about and , I think that he is now, because of the crissis, able to find someone else to work with. A lot of men engineers are without work and he can find someone else.
But he prefere to work with this person ( she have a friend , without marriage from 10 years and living toghether from time to time ) for no reasons.
I 'm not secure in my marriage and my mind is ghoing crazy knowing that they are toghether in the office, with no other person with them. Zina is , for me, and I think for a lot of women , not only to have sexual relations with a person , but flirting and looking and eating and speaking about private and personal subjects with a strange person, like her. If I was involved in a such relation at my work , the consequensies were  so bad for me....At least I try to explain for him that he is wrong in his actions.I never had in my mind to do that and I was always able to avoid to stay with someone (men) in the same closed room. Because staying in such conditions will conduct to bad make and act badly and infortunately this was the way for my husband to reach this zina.
I also know that is almost imposible to have trust in him and I can not understand that I must to accept that. If he want to reconciliate with his family he can do something and he doesn't want to do least to change his environment at work.
I think that insecurity in the family and in life is not good, my children told him also to change his conditions at work and nothing happened, even if he had now some troubles at work .... I need to get back my trust in him to continue to live toghether and how can I do that if every day they are at work toghether, to see each other and working in this conditions?

Posted By: UmmFatima
Date Posted: 02 March 2010 at 1:55pm
Can you talk to a local sheikh? This seems like a sticky situation.

You have my duas.

“Our Lord! Grant us comfort in our spouses and descendants, and make us leaders of the God-fearing.” -Al-Furqan 74

Posted By: liliana
Date Posted: 02 March 2010 at 10:31pm
I think about this and i will contact a sheikh from the mosque as soon as i can to ask about my situation. What is bad is that my 17 years old daughter is suffering a lot and if she didn't show me , she is so stressed about. She told me that she doesn't want to leave me with him next year and she want to make a gap year from the university to stay with me. I think that is a signal that I need to do something to solve the problem, because I'm affected to much and she is also. Your advice is wellcomed and I will find a person to advice me about this.
Thank you.

Posted By: honeto
Date Posted: 09 June 2010 at 8:56pm
May Allah help you in this situation, my prayers go out to you, and to your family, may Allah give you all courage and patience and strength to go through this tough time. And may Allah guide this man to understand your concern.

39:64 Proclaim: Is it some one other than God that you order me to worship, O you ignorant ones?"

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