Asalamalaikum Everyone!

 

I have a bit of an indepth question.

 

It is understood that parents are to be respected and loved and ties with family are to be kept.

 

what happens in the case of abusive parents? Do they loose their right to respect and obediance because they neglected their responcibility for caring for their children?

 

I had a discussion with my husband, he was angry over a man who was abusing his friend, and was wanting him dead. After getting at him about how such thoughts are wrong to wish death and suffering on someone, I asked him "well what about my dad, he has doen the same to his wife and to me" he told me its different because he is my father.

 

Why is it that if a husband abuses a wife she can leave and people dislike him and he looses his rights to her (as it should be, no woman should be abused) but it seems that if a father is abusive to his daughter she is supposed to sit back and deal with it because it is her father?

This doesn't make sence to me.

 

Don't get me wrong I don't want my dad dead, but I havn't spoken to him since I was 16, and I know he still hasnt changed cause I havbe had a few dangerous run ins with him over the past 10 years, and my aunts keep me informed about him. If he would change I would work to reconcile, I have tried 3 times before with all attampts failed. I feel like he has lost the priviledge of being involved in my life because of what he did and he is not sorry nor has he changed.

 

Am I wrong?

 

Maria

 

 

 

It is a tough question. er must be kind and respect our parents but we are not to obey them if they are telling us or doing something haram. If someone is dangerous to you, you have right to self-defense. And it may not be safe to be around them if they are dangerous or a threa.d Some people do harm and kill their children.

 

We should not be mean or unkind or cruel. Its like if you were to yell, or be mean to them. Pretty much one does not need ot do that. But ther are rare cases where one may have morelimited contact.

 

To me "cutting ties" is like you vow never to have contact.. almost like a statment or declaration. You are open to change.. and to build a relationship.  And Allah knows what is in one's heart and the effort's one makes.

 

I know a friend whose mother used to beat her and tell her that she wishes she (her daughter) were ded. This happened throughout childhood. A very sad story. And it is BETTER to limit or ceae contact rather than lashing out in any type of anger.

 

Pray to Allah to help you and your dad. Pray for mercy for both of you. For both have obligations to each other.

 

Thank you for your reply. These tough issues we reverts show up with lol

 

My husband has been wanting to go to where my mom works and introduce himself and tell her I am doing well, I've been afraid of what would happen. Perhaps I should let him.

 

InshaAllah we will work throught it someday.