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Girly boy

Printed From: IslamiCity.com
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Groups Youth
Forum Discription: Groups Youth
URL: http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12579
Printed Date: 22 October 2014 at 7:16am


Topic: Girly boy
Posted By: Nabil
Subject: Girly boy
Date Posted: 30 May 2008 at 9:58am
Hi
 
Im new here and I dont really know how to explain my ' problem '. Lets start with a brief introduction. Im a 17 year old boy and I live in Lahore. My problem is that Im a bit like girl.No,not the ones who dress like girls or talk exactly like them or wear make up etc. Im a boy but my actions are like girl.Im sensitive and soft-spoken.The '' guys '' of my age do not understand me.They dont exactly make fun of me but are like, your choice is so bad,u play like a girl and stuff.But Im used to it now.Problem is that as Im growing older,my self-acceptnance is becoming less and less,become more shy and when going out,I think stuff like oh maybe he/she wont like me either cuz i talk like a girl,or my choices are like girls(for e.g I am not into football,I would rather watch a drama,I LIKE IT,I Like to draw)but people are like u should do guy stuff play football in heat and stuff..And Im like why????I dont want to!Why can not people accept me for who I am? No matter how hard I try make my voice deeper,or walk exactly like they tell me to and do stuff what boys should do..I simply can not change...And the problem is,Im so confused that I dont like my self anymore,Im always going for what others have and its like everyones always judging me.
 
The older I get,the bettet I used to be.
 
Ive been worried since 2-3 years now.I have been on other Western forums for help but then it didnt really help me.Then I realized that Im a Muslim and I should pray to Allah and go to Islamic forums and ask what they say,please tell me that Allah has allowed us to be ourselves?I will so much comfortable in me if only someone tells me that its ok to be me..
 
Please help me.Cry
 
And its not like,Im the only one like these,I see other people who're just like me,on tv,in the park etc and theyre so happy!I wonder how do they get so comfortable and have so much self-acceptance...(including few maulvis)
everyone is opt to just make me feel bad about myself but I still have hope and faith...



Replies:
Posted By: seekshidayath
Date Posted: 30 May 2008 at 6:33pm
As'Salamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,
 
Welcome to our boards of discussions at Islamicity.
 
You know the solution to it but still are waiting for approval ? Read you last lines. Is n't it ?
 
I feel your confidence level has gone very low. Only thing is you need to boost it up. There is a sister over here on boards, {Shasta's aunt}, and her signature may help you. It says , " No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. . And now answer yourselves.
 
Next important  thing is, remember none of us is perfect. So we are to pray Allah swt always, to turn our weaknesses into strength.
 
Never bother of crticisms  or even expect praises from people around you. Its there job that they keep commenting over us. Just be confident and move on with your way. InshaAllah, you shall see one day that these same people who comment over you, shall walk your way.
 
InshaAllah when you acquire such qualities expalined above, you shall regain your confidence and stop being sensitive and learn to be tough.
 
 
 
 


-------------
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."


Posted By: Nabil
Date Posted: 31 May 2008 at 12:26am
Originally posted by seekshidayath

As'Salamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,
 
Welcome to our boards of discussions at Islamicity.
 
You know the solution to it but still are waiting for approval ? Read you last lines. Is n't it ?
 
I feel your confidence level has gone very low. Only thing is you need to boost it up. There is a sister over here on boards, {Shasta's aunt}, and her signature may help you. It says , " No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. . And now answer yourselves.
 
Next important  thing is, remember none of us is perfect. So we are to pray Allah swt always, to turn our weaknesses into strength.
 
Never bother of crticisms  or even expect praises from people around you. Its there job that they keep commenting over us. Just be confident and move on with your way. InshaAllah, you shall see one day that these same people who comment over you, shall walk your way.
 
InshaAllah when you acquire such qualities expalined above, you shall regain your confidence and stop being sensitive and learn to be tough.
 
 
 
 
 
Thank you so much. I just needed to express my feelings so that I feel more confident in me. And now I know that I should keep being me and do not even bother what other people say.


Posted By: lovesakeenah
Date Posted: 02 June 2008 at 7:20am
Wa alaykum salaam waarahamatullah wabarakatuh
Nabil...you are masha Allahu already made and cannot change that.(you know what I mean here,nmot surgery or anything of sort).I am pleased you finally came here for help because people who have issues recognising who they are eventually fall into the wrong notion of'becoming what 'people' ask them to ,not what they are or who they want to be.And let me just chip it in here that not playing football does not make you 'girlie',just like it doesn't make a girl become a boy because she likes soccer.And there are tons of activities you can engage yourself in.There're hundreds of Sports that is acceptable for both male and female.Are you sure you've explored everything,I mean,even half  of it???
My brother, please worry less and perhaps,you could try reciting the Qur'an with your voice, am sure that will make you more relaxed and happy,not depressed by people's comments.People have right to their opinion.It's just unfortunate that they don't know where to draw the line.Find your voice and use it the right way.Do not let anyone make you feel inferior.
Take that saying like seekshidayath said"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent".
And remember that you can't please everyone.If they are really your riends,they will accept you and not chastise or make fun of you.
 
May Allah give you the courage to overcome this challenge, masha Allahu.


-------------
"I have conviction that Allah has power over everything.Verily!Allah's knowledge includes and encompasses everything".


Posted By: final_fata
Date Posted: 02 June 2008 at 9:52am

Assalamualaikum

hi there, iam also new in this forum
just hanging out, you know a bit of here and there stuff, i came across your issue here and i find it interesting. totell u the truth, im also in such condition, once. its still in me but i managed to control it, eventhough not always. Firstly i wouldn'y want to consider myself as such,for im a guy for whatever reason there is. you got what i meant. The prospect of some men being in such condition is that some are born with it. This is a matter of fate. Once, i've asked a friend, whom i knew have better understanding in islam stated that, afyer i asked him whether i can change this girly attitude of mine though i was born with it, and he says, yes you can. another friend told me that a man should always be a man. Everyone know that we, men could never impersonate as a girl, in the context of clothing and so forth, even acting like one is prohibited.
 
the point is, it is best to be ourselves, but try to be ourselves which is good, because we also have rotten attitude an so forth right? for example, liking drama and so on, i would also prefer to watch drama but that doesnt proof im a man. im sorry if any of my words urt u in any ways. 
 
i would like to conclude that, it is best to change in some of our attitude or habit but it is also best to retain what is always good in our life.
 
Every good deeds, came from Allah, and every bad deeds, came from me. again i apologize if any words disturb u in any kind of way. Hope you find better resolution.
 
a tip, why not asking someone better in islamic understanding near you, it usually works for me. whenever you had a problem try to consult it with a better understanding man.  


Posted By: seekshidayath
Date Posted: 02 June 2008 at 6:05pm
As'Salamu Alaikum,
 
Welcome to our Islamicity brother  { Final fata }
 
Hope both yours and sis Sakeenah's posts help him . InshaAllah


-------------
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."


Posted By: Nabil
Date Posted: 04 June 2008 at 1:59am
I appreciate u helping me but Im confused.
 
U guys are not telling me about what ISLAM says of having girly characteristics?Is it right from birth or u just adopt them?I want to feel comfortable in my own " girlish " way cuz I like it but Im confused if whether or not is it allowed by Allah.I cant act guyish cuz I dont like...so please tell me that its ok to be me..


Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 06 June 2008 at 1:22pm
Dear Nabil . . .
 
First of all, I applaud you for trying to find a constructive spiritual way to your "problem" . . .rather then depressing over it, or lashing out in other ways. . .or confusing it woth certain twisted western concepts.
 
First of all . . .And I am appalled that no one has mentioned it yet . . . THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING SENSITIVE!
 
Why is that only an effeminate thing? Strong, masculine men should feel comfortable enough with thier masculinity to be sensitive. Do you know that our Prophet was a sensitive man? He was very careful about hurting people, and has exemplary behaviour and ettiqute.
 
Secondly, just because you dislike football, and like the arts. . .does not make you "girly". I think I can see the underlying problem here,  as to why those wicked kids tease you . . . .Lack of self-confidence.
 
Self-Confidence is the single most important thing you could have. If you are confident, and can stand up for yourself, no one will dare tease you. Rather they will be following u around. Learn not to care what ppl think (too much)
 
I'm not saying you should 'act' girly . . .you can change easily. But what I want to understand is what is it that u consider girly? Your walk, your hand movements or what? Perhaps you should work on your posture, stance and walk. Dont use too many hand actions. . . stare the person in the eye when u talk. Dont be shy. Work on your conversational skills (join debates/public spkng. I know for a fact tht Lahore has many avenues for that)
 
There is also nothing wrong with being soft-spoken. Infact gentle-men are never loud and rowdy. Perhaps you should focus more towards being a gentle-man than a rowdy-guy :p you'll find that easier.
 
Don't feel guilt for the way you are. . . just try and work on it. Remember, Allah will never hold you at fault for something that is not in your hands. I'm sure you've heard of Begum Nawazish Ali . . .now that is an example of what Islam dislikes. . . .men cross-dressing as women and behaving in lewd fashions like that. But some men are naturally a little effeminate and some women are naturally a little tom-boyish. What Allah dislikes is when we conciousley try to behave like the opposite sex. And I'm sure you dont do that.
 
You are just 17. Many boys are late in getting facial hair and deepening voices. I used to have a class fellow, the poor guy was teased abt being girly just bcz of his voice and timidity. He grew up to have a very deep voice and changed completley. So it just might be puberty! :)
 
Ofcourse its okay to be you. . .who says guys cannot like the arts, or dislike sports? Just try not to behave femininly physcially . . . pick a male role-model and try to imitate his actions in order to achieve that.
 
Best of Luck . . .Feel free to PM me.
 
And dont let other kids let u down . . . teens can be very cruel to each other. What matters is how good a muslim and human you are. . . not how macho you are. Those are just social pressures. You can try and be more macho if you want . . . but dont let that depress you.
 
Cheers!


Posted By: Israfil
Date Posted: 08 June 2008 at 7:49pm
http://www.islamicity.com/forum/member_profile.asp?PF=58478&FID=19 - Chrysalis
 
Provided some insightful advice. Nabil, your feelings towards this matter is influenced by the society you live around. Islamically speaking there is nothing wrong with you. Your spiritual sense is not corrupted because you have characteristics that are "outside the norm" in your age. Perhaps in this way those qualities that you find girly are perhaps your strongest qualities things which young men your age lack until they develope later. As far as the way you speak as Chrysalis has correctly stated your development is not done yet and should allow yourself to develop further. The best advice anyone here can give you is to be yourself. If you have friends that reject you because of the way you sound then they are not truly your friends. Boys with no sense of understanding of individuality will act in that manner do not think you're out of the ordinary. But goodluck to you I extend the same offer as Chrysalis. If you need to talk to mr you can PM me


Posted By: Nabil
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 10:35am
Originally posted by Israfil

http://www.islamicity.com/forum/member_profile.asp?PF=58478&FID=19 - Chrysalis
 
Provided some insightful advice. Nabil, your feelings towards this matter is influenced by the society you live around. Islamically speaking there is nothing wrong with you. Your spiritual sense is not corrupted because you have characteristics that are "outside the norm" in your age. Perhaps in this way those qualities that you find girly are perhaps your strongest qualities things which young men your age lack until they develope later. As far as the way you speak as Chrysalis has correctly stated your development is not done yet and should allow yourself to develop further. The best advice anyone here can give you is to be yourself. If you have friends that reject you because of the way you sound then they are not truly your friends. Boys with no sense of understanding of individuality will act in that manner do not think you're out of the ordinary. But goodluck to you I extend the same offer as Chrysalis. If you need to talk to mr you can PM me
 
Thanks.
 
Yes,I do talk like a girl its just my voice,some people think its really cute....and no one makes one of me,they react in a way that makes me feel like they make fun of me.
 
whenever i pick up the phone,the other person thinks he/shes talkin to a girl.Haha thats funny(most of time)
 
thank u so much for telling me to BE MYSELF.I like it and now wont bother wat others think of me,have positive thoughts.
 
im  a girly boy-yay!


Posted By: Israfil
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 9:52pm
Nabil there is a better word than "girly-boy" its called androgynous look it up.....Thumbs%20Up


Posted By: Nabil
Date Posted: 12 June 2008 at 10:17pm

ok thanks........................

im happy to know there are people like me and thats GOD made us like this.



Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 9:41pm
Originally posted by Nabil

ok thanks........................

im happy to know there are people like me and thats GOD made us like this.

 
As'salamualikum Nabil.
 
I am glad to know we could be of help.
And ofcourse Allah does not care about the extent of Masculinity and Feminity of a muslim, nieter does it effect our faith
. . . but for the sake of practicality, I would still suggest that you try and make an effort to change the feminine physcial traits (walking,hand movements etc) . Don't get me wrong AT ALL. I'm not suggesting it is wrong or anything, I just feel that you will better be able to adjust in society and not be ignored or looked down upon by the biased-elements. And all of us want to be accepted. And though it really isnt important at your age, but once you grow older and enter manhood, your habits may set in stone and you may have trouble adjusting in future, (Don't let that scare you or stress you tho! :P) I simply suggested that keeping your best interests at heart Smile And I only mentioned that incase you stopped trying after reading our posts. And dont call yourself a girly-boy Smile You are a boy.
 
And I hope that insha'allah that despite changing, you never lose your sensitiveness, gentleness & kindness . . .remember, we need more sensitive men around Wink and keep your faith in Allah.
 
Best Regards,


-------------
"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."


Posted By: Nabil
Date Posted: 13 June 2008 at 10:43pm
Originally posted by Chrysalis

Originally posted by Nabil

ok thanks........................

im happy to know there are people like me and thats GOD made us like this.

 
As'salamualikum Nabil.
 
I am glad to know we could be of help.
And ofcourse Allah does not care about the extent of Masculinity and Feminity of a muslim, nieter does it effect our faith
. . . but for the sake of practicality, I would still suggest that you try and make an effort to change the feminine physcial traits (walking,hand movements etc) . Don't get me wrong AT ALL. I'm not suggesting it is wrong or anything, I just feel that you will better be able to adjust in society and not be ignored or looked down upon by the biased-elements. And all of us want to be accepted. And though it really isnt important at your age, but once you grow older and enter manhood, your habits may set in stone and you may have trouble adjusting in future, (Don't let that scare you or stress you tho! :P) I simply suggested that keeping your best interests at heart Smile And I only mentioned that incase you stopped trying after reading our posts. And dont call yourself a girly-boy Smile You are a boy.
 
And I hope that insha'allah that despite changing, you never lose your sensitiveness, gentleness & kindness . . .remember, we need more sensitive men around Wink and keep your faith in Allah.
 
Best Regards,
 
but i  see grown up people and theyre completley comfortable with who they are,being girlish. theyre body language,walking style and hand movement is all like a girl. They didnt change so why should I?Also through TV shows theyre tring to tell people like us to be ourselves.\
 
And by the way if Im changing my style, I dont feel comfortable at all cuz Im pretending. And I can never change my voice. Its mine, Its unique. sure its thin and cute and people can see politness in my voice. But if I deepened it, it doesnt feels the same and Im not at all comfortable with that. Maybe if u were in my place then ud know how it feels.
 
And are u trying to say that its a sin just being girlish?? WHY IS IT ALL SO CONFUSING TO ME!!Cry


Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 16 June 2008 at 7:54am
Originally posted by Nabil

Originally posted by Chrysalis

Originally posted by Nabil

 
As'salamualikum Nabil.
 
I am glad to know we could be of help.
And ofcourse Allah does not care about the extent of Masculinity and Feminity of a muslim, nieter does it effect our faith
. . . but for the sake of practicality, I would still suggest that you try and make an effort to change the feminine physcial traits (walking,hand movements etc) . Don't get me wrong AT ALL. I'm not suggesting it is wrong or anything, I just feel that you will better be able to adjust in society and not be ignored or looked down upon by the biased-elements. And all of us want to be accepted. And though it really isnt important at your age, but once you grow older and enter manhood, your habits may set in stone and you may have trouble adjusting in future, (Don't let that scare you or stress you tho! :P) I simply suggested that keeping your best interests at heart Smile And I only mentioned that incase you stopped trying after reading our posts. And dont call yourself a girly-boy Smile You are a boy.
 
And I hope that insha'allah that despite changing, you never lose your sensitiveness, gentleness & kindness . . .remember, we need more sensitive men around Wink and keep your faith in Allah.
 
Best Regards,
 
but i  see grown up people and theyre completley comfortable with who they are,being girlish. theyre body language,walking style and hand movement is all like a girl. They didnt change so why should I?Also through TV shows theyre tring to tell people like us to be ourselves.\
 
And by the way if Im changing my style, I dont feel comfortable at all cuz Im pretending. And I can never change my voice. Its mine, Its unique. sure its thin and cute and people can see politness in my voice. But if I deepened it, it doesnt feels the same and Im not at all comfortable with that. Maybe if u were in my place then ud know how it feels.
 
And are u trying to say that its a sin just being girlish?? WHY IS IT ALL SO CONFUSING TO ME!!Cry
 
Dude, its not a sin to have such innate-traits Smile Nobody is saying that. Oh, and when I was referring to your future, I was referring to issues like Work, and Marriage. You may need to show your 'dominance' side in a work-place to have an impact on some male-colleagues . . . also, many females find too much feminism in men to be unappealing hence trouble finding a mate/wife... potential marital issues.
 
Like I said, those are just possible instances. They may not necessarily happen, but I felt obligated to show u the whole picture. I thought it would be in your interest to make slight changes, not saying that you need to be a different person/pretend.
 
However its all up to you. And Allah knows best.
 
(btw I was conflicting with myself to mention this or not. . . but due to your excessive usage of words such as 'ppl like us'. . . i was slightly concerned, I hope you donot and never mistake this trait of yours as 'Gay' . . . bcz thats not the case, and that Islam does not tolerate)
 
Best of Luck!


-------------
"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."


Posted By: Ron Webb
Date Posted: 16 June 2008 at 6:32pm

My two cents' worth -- and in the interest of full disclosure, I should state that I am not Muslim, so I certainly cannot comment on any religious aspects of this.  However, I am a mature man, and in my youth I was probably a lot like you: not especially interested in cars, sports, and similar stereotypically masculine activities, but very interested in music, literature, theatre, and such.

The best piece of advice, but the one that is hardest for most people to believe, is: be yourself.  Whatever you do, make sure that you remain authentically you.  I agree with much of what Chrysalis has said, except for the well-meaning suggestions to modify your behaviour to suit others.  You won't be very good at it and people will see right through it; and even if they don't, you won't enjoy living like an actor playing the part of somebody else.

The second best piece of advice, which nobody ever gave me but I wish they had, is: you have plenty of time.  You may feel like you're being left out, that everyone else is making friends (girlfriends in particular) and your life is going nowhere.  But that's okay.  Kids grow up way too fast these days anyway.  Concentrate on getting a good education, developing your talents in the arts or whatever truly interests you, and go on from there to find a job that you like and you are good at.

Trust me, the world is much bigger than your school and your immediate neighborhood.  Once you get out there, you will meet lots of people who will find you fascinating, precisely because of the things that make you different.  That will include lots and lots of women who as girls have had their fill of loud, macho, insensitive guys, and are eager to meet a man who understands them and shares their own interests.

(The following may not be entirely appropriate for a Muslim forum, but I can't resist.)  I'll never forget an interview I saw once with a male ballet dancer, who described all the sneers and scornful remarks from the jocks in his high school class because he attended ballet class while they were playing sports.  But he had the last laugh. "They were spending their time tossing around a ball," he said; and then gesturing to all the beautiful ballerinas standing around him, he added: "If they could only see what I'm tossing around now!" Wink



-------------
Addeenul Aql Religion is intellect.


Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 17 June 2008 at 3:06am
Thankyou for your sincere advise Ronn. It must be helpful to Nabil to hear all that straight from a person who has actually been through it all.
 

 I agree with much of what Chrysalis has said, except for the well-meaning suggestions to modify your behaviour to suit others. 

Heh heh. I know what you mean. . .and since I am myself a firm believer in 'being yourself" I felt kind of hypcritical . . .and had to think abt it b4 saying that. . .Cz I was keeping in mind the society Nabil lives in, so had his interests at heart. Smile
 
The second best piece of advice, which nobody ever gave me but I wish they had, is: you have plenty of time.  You may feel like you're being left out, that everyone else is making friends  and your life is going nowhere.  But that's okay.  Kids grow up way too fast these days anyway.  Concentrate on getting a good education, developing your talents in the arts or whatever truly interests you, and go on from there to find a job that you like and you are good at. Trust me, the world is much bigger than your school and your immediate neighborhood.  Once you get out there, you will meet lots of people who will find you fascinating, precisely because of the things that make you different.
 Good advise.
 

   girls have had their fill of loud, macho, insensitive guys, and are eager to meet a man who understands them and shares their own interests.
Coming from a girl (me), I'd say thats true.

 



-------------
"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."


Posted By: Ron Webb
Date Posted: 17 June 2008 at 5:48am
Originally posted by Chrysalis

Cz I was keeping in mind the society Nabil lives in, so had his interests at heart. Smile
Good point.  I am writing from Canada, where kids have at least a bit of latitude to be "different".  Not that they don't get a rough ride here too, but I suspect it's a lot tougher in Pakistan.  So be true to yourself as much as you can, but if you're getting beat up every second week, then you gotta do something about it.
 
Oh, and I should also echo Israfil's comment: definitely lose the term "girly boy".  I don't know why people need labels at all; but if you do, I would call you a gentleman, which is an old-fashioned term that used to mean "gentle man".


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Addeenul Aql Religion is intellect.


Posted By: Nabil
Date Posted: 17 June 2008 at 10:22pm
Originally posted by Ron Webb

Originally posted by Chrysalis

Cz I was keeping in mind the society Nabil lives in, so had his interests at heart. Smile
Good point.  I am writing from Canada, where kids have at least a bit of latitude to be "different".  Not that they don't get a rough ride here too, but I suspect it's a lot tougher in Pakistan.  So be true to yourself as much as you can, but if you're getting beat up every second week, then you gotta do something about it.
 
Oh, and I should also echo Israfil's comment: definitely lose the term "girly boy".  I don't know why people need labels at all; but if you do, I would call you a gentleman, which is an old-fashioned term that used to mean "gentle man".
 
Haha thanks, I got the same title on my farewell and I was a really happy on that day.
 
 
But Im not getting any straight-forward answers. Everybodys like avoiding it and just telling me to ' change '.
 
Is it ok if u change your gender in Islam?


Posted By: lovesakeenah
Date Posted: 18 June 2008 at 1:51am
As-salaam alaykum warahamatullah wabarakatuh
 
Originally posted by Nabil
 
"Is it ok if u change your gender in Islam?"
I do not think so brother Nabil.Pls read and learn more from the link below...
 
 
 
http://www.safraproject.org/sgi-genderidentity.htm - http://www.safraproject.org/sgi-genderidentity.htm


-------------
"I have conviction that Allah has power over everything.Verily!Allah's knowledge includes and encompasses everything".


Posted By: lovesakeenah
Date Posted: 18 June 2008 at 4:17am
And this most especially bro.Nabil
 
http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?pagename=IslamOnline-English-Ask_Scholar/FatwaE/FatwaE&cid=1119503545898 - http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?pagename=IslamOnline-English-Ask_Scholar/FatwaE/FatwaE&cid=1119503545898


-------------
"I have conviction that Allah has power over everything.Verily!Allah's knowledge includes and encompasses everything".


Posted By: Nabil
Date Posted: 18 June 2008 at 7:12am
So it is not allowed. Im so confused. Should I commit suicide?I hope it is allowed in Islam since my life has no purpose and it is already said that its sin to be like a girl for a boy.


Posted By: Ron Webb
Date Posted: 18 June 2008 at 5:27pm

Nabil,

You said you're not getting any straightforward answers.  Maybe the problem is that you're not asking straightforward questions.  If you're even hinting at suicide, then you don't care about the teachings of Islam, so why would you care what it says about sex change operations?

Let's go back to the beginning:

Originally posted by Nabil

Im a 17 year old boy and I live in Lahore. My problem is that Im a bit like girl.No,not the ones who dress like girls or talk exactly like them or wear make up etc. Im a boy but my actions are like girl.Im sensitive and soft-spoken.

You said it yourself, Nabil: You're a boy.  A sensitive and soft-spoken boy.  You're not a transsexual or a transvestite or a homosexual.  I don't know whether you're trying to shock us with talk about sex change operations or suicide, but I don't believe it and I don't believe you believe it.

Your purpose in life can be anything you want it to be.  You love drama (and you are making that evident here!), so why not make it your purpose to become a great actor?  You like art, so maybe you will become a great artist.  If you think people like you are treated badly, then make it your purpose to change that.  If Islam seems like the truth to you, then that can be your purpose.

But it starts with honesty, with yourself as much as anything else.  What do you really want?



-------------
Addeenul Aql Religion is intellect.


Posted By: Nabil
Date Posted: 19 June 2008 at 4:55am
Hmmm

Heres the full story.
 
It was never like this. I never looked at myself like this but whenever I used to go out and then people confused me of being a boy or girl and so people asked me about my gender so that made me embarrased and sad until 1 day my confidence level hit zero. But then I moved to a new school and people made fun of me there.I changed my class and people there were  a  lot nicer to me. And suddenly I got this faith " Just dont mind what other people say " I was 12 then and the upcoming 3 years were the best years of my life cuz I simply wiped off wat others said to me and I was much happier and took everything positively until 1 day,my faith,got lost,just like that,and it has not returned ever since.I started thinking  a lot,worrying for no reason,every little thing started to bother me and stuff but then 1.5 years later I managed to control this whole depression thing but the thing I want the most is,MY FATIH. I WANT MY OLD FAITH BACK!!!


Posted By: Ron Webb
Date Posted: 19 June 2008 at 7:53pm
I think what happened to you is called "puberty". Wink And I think I see your problem now.  How are people (girls in particular) going to accept you as you are -- a sensitive, soft-spoken boy -- if they don't even know you're a boy?
 
In Canada, it's usually the other way around.  I've known a few girls who look distinctly unfeminine.  When I was young they made it a point to have long hair, and wear earrings and other jewelry, etc., so even if they didn't look stunningly attractive, at least no one would mistake them for guys.  Unfortunately that wouldn't work today, and it doesn't help you.
 
I have no idea what would work for a guy in Pakistan.  A beard would be proof positive if you can manage it, but it wouldn't suit me and maybe not you either.  Other than than that, maybe Chrysalis has some suggestions?


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Addeenul Aql Religion is intellect.


Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 20 June 2008 at 2:13pm
Originally posted by Nabil

So it is not allowed. Im so confused. Should I commit suicide?I hope it is allowed in Islam since my life has no purpose and it is already said that its sin to be like a girl for a boy.
 
I believe Ronn has made a valid observation. I think you are now dwelling in self-sympathy and overreacting a bit !
 
Nabil, everyone has clearly stated, and not at all been vague about this issue. Infact, for once, everyone here put forward the same opinion i.e. It is not a sin to be what Allah has made you. Meaning that if you are slightly effeminate, there is nothing "unislamic" about it, and Allah will not hold you accountable for something that is not within your control.
 
At the end of the day/life . . . what matters is how good a muslim/human bieng you were and Taqwa. Bieng a Macho-Man does not neccessarily mean you are a good person/muslim.
 
As far as the statement that you want your old faith back. .  .I believe you hold the solution to your own problem. . .i.e. get your old faith back. Noone is holding you back, but you. You have already experienced that being confident, sure of yourself, having faith worked for you. Just do the same thing.
 
And the only reason I suggested any change was IF you felt like an outsider, or had trouble adjusting, to which I suggested that perhaps you adapt yourself. But that was a mere suggestion keeping in mind your sole interest. If you are happy the way you are, Alhamdulilah. . . and all the more power to you.
 
I would like to add that you try and pick yourself up, and stop drowning in self-pity, feeling like a victim. 'Cz once you overcome that mentality, you will notice a wondrous change. All that talk of suicide signals to me that you are seeking attention. I suggest you talk about your feelings to your parents, and you will get the rightful attention. However, selfpity and suicide is not the way to go. Besides, as a muslim we knw that suicide does not end our troubles, it merely starts them. Surely you believe in the afterlife. . . how will you explain yourself to Allah? Allah dislikes suicide. This is a silly reason to contemplate suicide anyway. . .you'r not a coward, we should learn how to face our own demons. . .not run away from them. 
 
And from what you mention, your just slightly effeminate thats all, that is not exactly the grounds for a gender-change anyway . . . that is for deep-rooted psychological problems. Thank Allah that you have been blessed with a normal mind and body . . .and trust in Him.
 
There is nothing wrong with you. . .So stop thinking there is. And if you think you have acquired any bad habits that need changing, have the courage to face them, and change them.
 
PS: And if you're parent's are not the kind one can talk to. . . you can always post here. But not just for attention! :p We are here to provide constructive advise/help . . .or even to lend a listening ear. Whatever helps. Good Luck Nabil.


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"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."


Posted By: Nabil
Date Posted: 20 June 2008 at 7:45pm
Originally posted by Ron Webb

I think what happened to you is called "puberty". Wink And I think I see your problem now.  How are people (girls in particular) going to accept you as you are -- a sensitive, soft-spoken boy -- if they don't even know you're a boy?
 
In Canada, it's usually the other way around.  I've known a few girls who look distinctly unfeminine.  When I was young they made it a point to have long hair, and wear earrings and other jewelry, etc., so even if they didn't look stunningly attractive, at least no one would mistake them for guys.  Unfortunately that wouldn't work today, and it doesn't help you.
 
I have no idea what would work for a guy in Pakistan.  A beard would be proof positive if you can manage it, but it wouldn't suit me and maybe not you either.  Other than than that, maybe Chrysalis has some suggestions?
 
 
this is so not the problem!!!!
 
I do not look like a girl. I look like a normal guy,boy but upon meeting others they think im too polite and talk and walk like girl.
 
I can not control my mind. Dont know how to think,what to think.Please help me control my mind.


Posted By: Nabil
Date Posted: 01 July 2008 at 6:55am
ok guys I realized I had been acting silly.Sorry for that.
 
Well Im feeling much better than now.When I pray to Allah,this amazing thing happens,my mind blocks away.And its like the only connection present is between Allah and me.I feel I have no worries.I feel good.
 
And Im observing people more open mindedly now and I realize that I do not have a problem. No one said anything to me and I should not cry over spilt milk.I am who I am. So what if Im a bit girlish,a million other people are like me and Im happy :)
 
thank u ^^


Posted By: Nazarene
Date Posted: 08 September 2008 at 5:40pm
   my beloved, that which you're afraid  of is that which saves you. with us your called enlightined. the power you shall gain is that from the love and kindness that god has put into you by his will . never turn away from it.  few men are given this gift on their own. you are, who you are for a reason. let that what you have grow within. the power that you'll gain is that which saves worlds. you are one of gods elect the time will show itsrlf when all things shine.
 
  bless you my brother, protect yourself  from those  who would destroy the things of true love .
 
     yours truely in gods love.
  leland.     (please read my reply in the "where did the trinity teaching come from. topic under" prophet- jesus" to see how special you are!! )
 


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love for all conquers all


Posted By: candy sunny
Date Posted: 02 August 2012 at 1:03am
So long articles here.

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An apple a day keeps the doctor away.


Posted By: herber345
Date Posted: 13 December 2013 at 10:30pm
Very nice thread full of information, and I think this is not problem of single and it's normal and easily everyone can see same situation and similar person. My one friend is also similar like this and but he is happy because he doesn't mind what people think about him and what they say behind him. He is living life with fun and joy but I'm sure such questions will also come in his life. I had e-mail link to him. He is non-Muslim but I know it would be best for him also. Nice thread and Thanks specially for Nabil, who created this thread.



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