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Questions About Marriage

Printed From: IslamiCity.com
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Discription: Discuss Family Issues
URL: http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12535
Printed Date: 27 July 2014 at 11:42pm


Topic: Questions About Marriage
Posted By: rosie
Subject: Questions About Marriage
Date Posted: 24 May 2008 at 9:08pm
I reverted to Islam 4 years ago and married a Muslim man quickly after.  I had 2 kids from a previous marriage.  At first he was sweet and kind.  He cared for me and my children. He had a temper; however, he would only yell.  The past two years he has not only been yelling, he has begun swearing at me and my children and calling us names.  He is overly strict with the kids and me.  He never allows us to make a mistake and if we do we are punished.  He will yell and hit.  Whenever we are doing exactly what he wants, he is a very good man.  I know he will never change to stop acting like this.  I don't know what to do.  I am not happy; but I do not want to put my children through another divorce nor do I want to be alone.  I know if I get another divorce, I know I will never be able to get married again.  No man will want a woman with 2 teenagers that has been divorced twice and can't have any more kids.  I also don't think I can live in another abusive relationship.  I stayed with my first husband until his abuse became unbearable and only left because my father made me. Now I don't even have a relationship with my parents. After I remarried, my husband didn't like my parents, the only family I have left is a sister.  Are all marriages like this?  Does every man control and abuse his wife and kids?  Sometimes I just don't see the point in all this.  No matter what I feel alone. Help. I am tired.



Replies:
Posted By: seekshidayath
Date Posted: 30 May 2008 at 7:00pm
As'Salamu Alaikum
 
We are very sorry for being late to reply your posts. May me most of our members, esp sisters, who give good suggestions and advices, must not have gone thru your thread.
 
I have no solution or any advice. But hope other members shall answer you now, Insha Allah. I pray Allah swt to ease your condition and strengthen all  of us with strong faith.
 
Can you answer me a question sister ? Is he into some business losses, or any kind of stress or depression, like financial problems or any ? Is he a practicing muslim ?
 
 


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Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: ďAll the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."


Posted By: martha
Date Posted: 31 May 2008 at 3:55am
Dear sister,
This is very sad. But perhaps in your heart you already know how to deal with this situation, and need courage. And perhaps is why you have come here.
 
It is not good for any husband,muslim or not, to manipulate his wife, and children. This is what he is doing. You are not his prisoner, or slave, to do as he demands, and getting a beating for what he says is disobedience, is totally wrong.
 
From what you say, he is at fault. You will not be able to change him. As a revert, your understanding of Islam could be better than his, if he is a born muslim. Perhaps that scares him a bit if his conscience pricks at him. He surely will know he is wrong with his actions. He could be jealous of your relationship with Allah, after all he obviously doesn't have the same relationship with Allah as you have. Or perhaps he is just a weak man, weak muslim.
 
If you have done all that is necessary as a wife in Islam, yet still he continues to behave this way, you should get out of this marriage.  Your husbands behaviour is totally unacceptable. Allah will tell you if you have done enough with this marriage or not. He will, I am certain of this. I have my reasons for saying this.
 
You have your children to think about. Don't subject them to this. You must also think what is best for you. Is this situation best for you? Divorce does not mean you cannot have a future with a decent muslim husband. OK, so you have had 2 marriages. It doesnt mean anything. But your self esteem is perhaps rock bottom, and you are unable to see clearly.
 
Please pm me anytime. I understand what manipulation from another can do. It does the head in, big time doesnt it? Also I want to ask you some more questions if I may.
 
Take care,
Martha


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some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set


Posted By: gilchrist1
Date Posted: 31 July 2008 at 9:06pm

To get marry is necessary for every person

that  is very important for every humanbeing
======================================
 
Gilchrist1
 
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Posted By: ayisha098
Date Posted: 18 September 2008 at 4:32pm
I come from an abusive father and a child mother.  I was also abused physically, sexually and emotionally by my former stepfather, and emotionally abused by my current stepfather.  I know what abuse does to a woman's or a child's self esteem.  I urge you to get out of this relationship before he kills  you or your children.  It sounds to me like he is at fault.  If you and your children have done everything possible Islamically to be good wife and children, then it is of no fault of your own.  Please leave this relationship before someting worse happens.  Why are your parents not speaking to you?  They should be supportive of you.  Also since you have had 2 marriages and 2 kids, that's no reason for you to be rejected for marriage.  Any decent Muslim man will want to marry someone no matter what her past is like.  This man is either Muslim in name only, or he just has too many problems/issues that needs to be resolved. My husband is very jealous and protective of me, yes, but it is for my own protection and safety, even though he can be controlling of what I do.  He only controls me because he wants me safe and doesn't want anything to happen to me.  Sister, don't put up with a man who beats you and your children.  Get out before it's too late.  You never know if you'll wake up tomorrow or your kids will wake up tomorrow.

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