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Low Self Esteem

Printed From: IslamiCity.com
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Groups – Youth
Forum Discription: Groups – Youth
URL: http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12116
Printed Date: 30 September 2014 at 1:18pm


Topic: Low Self Esteem
Posted By: seekshidayath
Subject: Low Self Esteem
Date Posted: 25 March 2008 at 10:37pm

As'Salamu Alaikum,

I read this article and hope it shall help all of us suffering with this problem of low-esteem.

It’s a silent one, but the affects are large. It is one of the main causes of depression in the youth. It could be one of our closest friend, colleagues that suffer from it, or someone in our household, whether it is siblings or our own children. It’s hard to recognize it in some, and in others it is easier. We could be the ones who are impacting on it, without realizing, not that it is due to any fault of our own, but it’s something which is rarely brought to attention, and rarely admitted by those that suffer from it. Those that haven’t experienced it, will have difficulty understanding it, or relate to it. It stems from a form of irrational thought. It is a major barrier or an obstacle that one suffers from. There are no set solutions you can give to people that have low self esteem because it’s all what they have developed in their own mind, or in their ‘own world’.


The effects of it many of us underestimate. For some it has a lesser degree of affect, they may not interact well with people, may want to be alone a lot, lack confidence or lack of self belief, or low educational attainment. For some it leads to drug abuse, suicidal thoughts, and committing crimes, many of which Islam condemns. One that suffers from it, takes negative comments to heart, and receptive to what others think of them. They always evaluate themselves- which is praiseworthy in Islam - yet it is a lot of negative evaluation, which blinds them from the good they have. This causes a veil over their inner good, and leads to a vicious cycle. Some aim to please people, and this can affect a person’s deen, as we should intend to please Allah only in all that we do. It varies depending on thier age.


Alhamdulilah, we know Islam is a cure for all things, especially from individual reformation. Relating it from personal experience, I hope this can benefit us all insh’Allah, to see the beauty of Islam. Also recognize its dangers so we can prevent what leads to self destruction.


Before dealing with the effect, one needs to deal with the cause. Although the cause cannot be usually rewound and changed, knowing it, can lead to its solution. The causes are many, without going too much into detail.


From childhood, a child may be criticized negatively in front of those around them, which leads to lack of self worth. Children needs to be praised and told that they have done well for them to recognize their abilities and the praise gives them their confidence. Many parents have full time jobs, and cannot devote time enough to their child. This lack of attention is another cause. Children need a lot of time and especially love. The more you speak to a child, you will find him more talkative from a young age and the language is very rich.


Playing with children, with their toys, and encouraging them to play with other children, helps them have better social skills. The ages between 2-10 are a crucial time for kids and affects them for majority of their life. Finally, it could be from traumatic events which took place earlier in life, which put insecurities in them and make their confidence low. The crucial issue lies with the parenting style. If we look deep into it, this which what leads to a lot of sins. As mentioned before, it can lead to drug abuse, and crime. A dangerous one for women, especially the younger ones, is the attention of the opposite sex, this which makes their esteem feel a little higher, and so their beauty is taken advantage of.



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Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."



Replies:
Posted By: seekshidayath
Date Posted: 25 March 2008 at 10:54pm

 

They may feel loved and seek a lot of attention, and also get attention, and feel somewhat uplifted from their insecurities. In reality, it’s feeding the low esteem in a bad way, which only leads to more self damage.


Without getting psychological about it all, inshallah I am putting forward how Islam came about to bring its cure, for me and it will inshallah many others.


Believing that turning to the deen was a way out of it, I began posing questions about how to deal with low esteem on Islamic forums, and how it was affecting me in my everyday life. I found many came forward and also said they had the same issue. In different forums people were asking the same question.


It really is a battle you have everyday within you, no matter how much a person tells you how good you are or what potential you have, you will never think that of yourself. Anytime you receive any negative remarks, all you think about is that, and you then feel more worthless. I looked at the Prophet’s (Pbuh) character. He was an outgoing and friendly person, just perfect in every way. Suffering from low esteem will get you nowhere near implementing his character. I have many ambitions, whether I get there or not is up to Allah, but having this problem I thought to myself, I can’t get anywhere being the way I am. You feel trapped within yourself. I didn’t worry too much about the cause, but I knew it had to be dealt with. I found no way to get help for it, as many suggest to see a psychologist etc. Alhamdulilah it was a blessing in itself that I had no access to any. Many times I suffered from depression, it got pretty bad. Du’a was my first step, asking Allah to help me overcome it. I read a lot about purifying the heart and the Akhlaq of a good Muslim, using Prophet’s (saw) example as my practical guide.


It takes courage and motivation; you can do anything, as long as you are not your own barrier, because that is the only barrier. I used the Prophets (Pbuh) example and over time my confidence grew, I put myself out there and aimed for sincerity. Constant dua is was what gets one through and remembering the ayat where Allah says ‘Allah doesn’t change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselve .’ In whatever we do, we have to make the effort as a way for the barakah to come through.


How do we prevent this from happening to our children? Giving children time and love, teaching them both negative and positive criticism. Not expecting too much from our child, but help guide their steps slowly in each stage of their life. Parents have high expectations from children, some expect too much and it becomes a burden on them feeling that they may fail. Not that we shouldn’t aim high, but going easy on them and helping- rather than making- them make their decisions.


This is a critical issue, and although briefly mentioned the effects are what sometimes may feel impossible to overcome. One needs determination and sincere intention. We have the Prophet (Pbuh) as a practical guide, we have Islam and Allah as our Wali (protector), which gives us hope in all situations. There will be some that aren’t aware that this is the root of their problems, and maybe those close to them can help tackle it. Alhamdulilah, there is much potential out there, and it needs to spread. It needs to be spread by interaction, channeling and filtering ones contribution through all walks of life.


I pray Allah gives us strength and the ability to overcome our inner struggles and shortcomings.

Its by Sister Ayesha Khanam.



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Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."


Posted By: apha
Date Posted: 16 August 2011 at 11:16am
asalam alaikum
this post have been vv helpful..this is one of the reasons why joined this forum


Posted By: Ishaaq Mohammed
Date Posted: 22 February 2012 at 7:41am
Mashallah. A nice article. It would be great if u share more your life experiences  related to this.


Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 23 February 2012 at 12:03am
Salam Alaikum,

Nice post Seeks! And a very appropriate topic since it plagues the youth everywhere.

Makes me realise that in the Islamic Context, I feel that there are SO MANY aspects of Islam that can help bring out the Self-Esteem of a Muslim!

Take Hijab for example, it compels females (and males) to keep their sexuality & beauty private, which reduces sexual competition in a society. When young  women don't have to compete with each other in terms of physical image and beauty, it helps increase self-esteem. One of the biggest reasons for low-self esteem is the problem of low self-image and young teens thinking  they are not physically up to a certain standard.

Showing-Off: In Islam it is not liked that a person show off their money or material possessions. This also helps the society protect an individual's self-esteem. When a Muslim is not supposed to show-off wealth and brands and property and beauty, they realise that their self-worth is not in beauty or wealth... rather our character and manners and intelllect.

Diversity of Sahabah: I find it beautiful that the Companions of the Prophet came from so many backgrounds and stories! We have examples of Abdullah bin Umm-e-Maktoom who was extremely skinny and people would make fun of his skinny legs, yet the Prophet (S.A.W) said in front of every body how his skinny legs would carry him to Jannah! SubhanAllah! We have examples of Blind Companions, Rich Companions, Poor Companions, Companions who sinned but were forgiven, Companions who were non-Arabs, Companions who were Slaves! Companions who were Black, White, Brown!!!!

I think the hikmah behind it is so us modern-day Muslims realise that our worth comes from our actions and character! Not worldly things! That sense of self-worth helps bring up self-esteem.

I have noticed that many people who have that understanding and faith in Islam develop a certain confidence - even if they were shy before.





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"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."


Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 23 February 2012 at 12:11am
And we wonder why our youth have low self-esteem:

http://shine.yahoo.com/fashion/jeans-ad-sparks-controversy-levis-models-come-other-202400157.html - http://shine.yahoo.com/fashion/jeans-ad-sparks-controversy-levis-models-come-other-202400157.html

The line of customized shape-fitting denims boasts in a print ad, "hotness comes in all shapes and sizes." But underneath that message of empowerment, are three models with very similar, slender body types. Aside from slight differences in backside protrusions, none of the models reflect the size 14 shape of the average American woman.






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"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."



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