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Istikharah

Printed From: IslamiCity.com
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Groups Women (Sisters)
Forum Discription: Groups Women (Sisters)
URL: http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=10379
Printed Date: 18 December 2014 at 12:15pm


Topic: Istikharah
Posted By: Kiwi
Subject: Istikharah
Date Posted: 27 September 2007 at 12:13pm

Assalamu alaikum. I actually posted this in another discussion but feel as though i should get advise from sisters.

I have performed Istikhara now 5 times and am confused as to the result. I understand that it is not necessary to see dreams or even have feelings but rather if it is good for you, Allah SWT will lead you towards it or otherwise take you far from it.

Here is the background. A Muslim guy and I have been discussing marriage for a while now. His parents were hesitant at first but started coming around. But all of a sudden he told me that he was not ready for marriage. We do care for each other but I am not so sure anymore if I should still pursue this. My reason for doing istikahara was to see if I should just wait and be patient for him to come around or otherwise just forget him completely.

I the first 3 nights I did have positive dreams. And also I had positive results during the day from what I belived was bringing him closer to me. Then on the 4th day in the morning I have this overwhelming feeling of happiness and contentness. I have never felt anything so strong as this. But in the afternoon when I was talking to this guy over the phone, he mentioned again that he was not ready for marriage. He said this all in a light hearted voice but it was enough to upset me. In the evening we spoke again and he was ok. That night I did istikhara for the 5th time. Then the next day again I got a positive result in the morning.

So I am confused as to the result of the istikhara. I have been told and have read that you should perform istikhara 3,5, or 7 times. For 4 days I belive I was seeing positive results until that conversation but then the 5th day more positive results. It doesn't seem like that the distance between us is increasing.

How do I handle the confliction results? Is one "bad" sign enough to trump the positive ones?

Anyone that can offer some advise would be great.




Replies:
Posted By: raz84
Date Posted: 27 September 2007 at 1:45pm
i think you should go with what your heart tells you.


Posted By: Kiwi
Date Posted: 27 September 2007 at 1:59pm
But thats the thing. for 4 days I felt as though my heart was telling me to be patient and wait for it. But later in the 4th day it was the opposite. Then again the 5th day that I should be patient..So I'm confused.


Posted By: raz84
Date Posted: 27 September 2007 at 2:22pm

well what to do then is,

 

start afresh and do the istikhara again just as a last resort and see what results you get and go with that.

 

ive never tried istikhara, i need to do it myself as im in the same kind of situation, i wish you goodluck sis, mwahh!



Posted By: sulooni
Date Posted: 10 October 2007 at 2:10pm
http://WWW.INSIGHT-INFO.COM/forum - istikhara means - seeking good.

first and foremost the person performing istikhara should be on a higher spiritual level. someone who stays away from sin and who does thier obligatory acts. also someone who is spiritually 'in God's proximity'.

of course that is if u want the best and most clear results.

secondly - istikhara is not a first step.

steps prior to istikhara:  dua, consultation, prayer, giving saddaqa.

again that is if you want the best and most clear results.


lastly: keep in mind istikhara is a guide, and although it is not obligatory to follow it. it is better to.


WWW.INSIGHT-INFO.COM




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www.insight-info.com/forum/default


Posted By: UmmTaaha
Date Posted: 10 October 2007 at 7:50pm

 Bismillah hir Rahman ir Rahim

 

It may be of help to know the meaning of the dua of IStekhara in your own language ... you can then appreciate that this prayer is done not only to know what move one must take, rather one is leaving everything in Allah's hands  - then whatever is the outcome of things, is in ones benefit, with no blame on the person for taking the coarse of actions.

It is sufficient to do istekhara one time, if one finds an answer through a dream or any positive sign or indication. If one does not get any sign, then going up to 7 times is recommended.

However scholars say that after doing the istekhara prayer, one must leave the matter to Allah and refrain from taking any steps based on ones own inclinations.

http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=1056&CATE=4 - Istikhara: the Guidance prayer

http://www.al-baz.com/shaikhabdalqadir/Books_and_Text_of_Wisdom/Special_Prayers/Salat_al-Istikhara/salat_al-istikhara.html - Salat al-Istikhara

 



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Adab with Allah is the proper fruit of obedience - Habib Ali Jifri


Posted By: sulooni
Date Posted: 14 October 2007 at 9:07am
http://www.insight-info.com/forum - then we are talking about different kinds of istikhara.

the istikhara i was reffereing to is the istikhara that is usually done by a learned person - and not just learned but one close to allah a spiritual individual. it can be done with dhikr beads or with the Quran.

the purpose is to seek guidance for an action you wish to do - after taking the prior steps mentioned in my previous post.

for example- i am ddoubtful about moving to a particular country for marriage or work etc.

i can have someone do istikhara and that will reveal an answer and guide as to what is good for not to do.




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www.insight-info.com/forum/default


Posted By: safeena
Date Posted: 20 October 2007 at 9:09pm

Assalamualaikum..

I just want to add...

in my opinion..as i learn so far..Istikharah is a way to determine choices...

before we do shalah istikharah..firstly our minds, hearts must be in neutral..becuz sometimes when we do istikharah, our heart first already determined that we want this "one" from choice...our heart and mind must really in neutral..cuz we are seeking the guide from Allah...

dear Sister, just believe..Allah will always give the best for all of us..just keep positive thinking to HIM..

Peace...

 



Posted By: anonymous123
Date Posted: 18 April 2012 at 9:52am
This post is from a long time ago but I hope I can feedback because I have a similar situation with isthikhara. I met a man a couple months back and we decided that we loved each other and agreed that are values and beliefs matched and that inshallah our families would get along. I did not know how to preform istikhara before so i just made a dua to Allah swt asking if this was realtionship was right. I had three very positive dreams and a very happy feeling telling me this is right. We have been through alot together and our relationship always comes out strong and overcomes any obstacles. However now a couple months later my sister feels that it is wrong to continue this relationship because she feels i at 17 am not ready for engagement adn nikkah (the next step). However, I want to continue talking to him because he is like a best friend to me and inshallah see him as my spouse. The soonest my parents would allow me to get engaged is 18 and im not even sure about that...now I dont know if i should continue talking to him or not...I did isthikhara for this decision for two days but have not gotten any results...Advice?


Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 19 April 2012 at 2:23am
Originally posted by Kiwi

Assalamu alaikum. I actually posted this in another discussion but feel as though i should get advise from sisters.

But all of a sudden he told me that he was not ready for marriage.


There is your answer Sister :)


[Quote]

How do I handle the confliction results? Is one "bad" sign enough to trump the positive ones?

Anyone that can offer some advise would be great.



- First of all have firm faith that you (and that guy) will end up marrying whoever is destined for you. Come what may... if you both are meant to be together, then it will happen. If however you both are not meant to be together by Allah (swt) then you can keep waiting as long as you want and nothing will happen...

- After you realise that whatever if meant for you shall happen, inshAllah you will find it very easy to deal with life and relationships. The best thing would be let this matter be, and trust Allah (swt). If you trust Allah with this matter and just give Him the reigns, with full faith - you shall not be disappointed because Allah does not disappoint His Servants who believe in Him.

- Be prepared for the inevitable. Maybe he is not  meant for you. Have the courage to face that fact and move on. You said so yourself that he thinks he is not ready for marriage. Why would you still want to marry him? He clearly is not man enough to face responsibilities... what makes you think you shall be happy with him? Maybe this is Allah's way of letting you know he is not right for you. You can't force him into it, then whats the point? And trust me, men like this are not worth waiting for. He will eventually (pretty soon actually) find someone else and forget all about you. While you being a woman will be emotionally scarred.

- No point in 'waiting'. Best thing is to move on with your life and try not think too much about marrying him. Knowing full well that if you are meant to be, it will be. If in the meanwhille you get a good proposal, don't reject it for this man. Look forward.

-  Sister Yasmin Mogahed has a good lecture on Love & Marriage on youtube. Check it out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r98RGmC_92s&feature=results_video&playnext=1&list=PL19DD73CFE08A2114 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r98RGmC_92s&feature=results_video&playnext=1&list=PL19DD73CFE08A2114





- She (Yasmin Mogahed) also gives good pointers on how to deal with heartbreak and move on:

http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2012/04/15/on-treating-broken-hearts-love-addictions/ - http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2012/04/15/on-treating-broken-hearts-love-addictions/






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"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."


Posted By: Kiwi
Date Posted: 24 April 2012 at 8:19am
Salaam!
 
It has definately been a long time since my original post. Brought back memories with you posting in this thread...with that being thread all I can really say from experience is to stop looking for a sign. By doing istikhara you are leaving it up to Allah swt to bring out the results that are good for you. It may involve him and it may not. By you trying to interpret the signs, it will make it just harder on yourself. Keep faith and pray that it will work out. Can you maintain just a friendship with this person even though there are emotions involved? The only way to maintain a friendship is to remove yourself from the emotions already present unil you and your family are ready to take the next step.  All I can really say is just keep you head up and keep your faith. I am read the Quran frequently, but during the time of my initial post, I read the Quran every time I felt conflicted or hurt and reading and praying did give me peace.
 
Just to give an update for me....I ended up not marrying that individual and I am so thankful that I was patient and let it be until the truth came to light. It was into well into 2008 when I called it quits with a peace of mind that what I was doing was right. He was a dishonest person and a cheater. He was not ready to get married because he didnt want to make the commitment to just one girl.  My parents questioned his wavering decision to get married and were able to notice that this was not good guy. I utlimately saw this for myself. Later, he did end up getting married but the girl filed for divorce within 2 months as she suffered emotional abuse from him and his family.
I did recently get married aH. It was a long wait and a struggle but I left it up to Allah swt and the advice from my parents to get a good guy.
Inshallah things will work out for you! Just stay positive!


Posted By: semar
Date Posted: 24 April 2012 at 10:31pm
Salam,
 
Welcome back Kiwi...


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Salam/Peace,
Semar
The Prophet said: "Do not eat before you are hungry, and stop eating before you are full"
"1/3 of your stomach for food 1/3 for water, 1/3 for air"


Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 25 April 2012 at 3:16pm
Originally posted by Kiwi

Salaam!
 
It has definately been a long time since my original post. Brought back memories with you posting in this thread...with that being thread all I can really say from experience is to stop looking for a sign. By doing istikhara you are leaving it up to Allah swt to bring out the results that are good for you. It may involve him and it may not. By you trying to interpret the signs, it will make it just harder on yourself. Keep faith and pray that it will work out. Can you maintain just a friendship with this person even though there are emotions involved? The only way to maintain a friendship is to remove yourself from the emotions already present unil you and your family are ready to take the next step.  All I can really say is just keep you head up and keep your faith. I am read the Quran frequently, but during the time of my initial post, I read the Quran every time I felt conflicted or hurt and reading and praying did give me peace.
 
Just to give an update for me....I ended up not marrying that individual and I am so thankful that I was patient and let it be until the truth came to light. It was into well into 2008 when I called it quits with a peace of mind that what I was doing was right. He was a dishonest person and a cheater. He was not ready to get married because he didnt want to make the commitment to just one girl.  My parents questioned his wavering decision to get married and were able to notice that this was not good guy. I utlimately saw this for myself. Later, he did end up getting married but the girl filed for divorce within 2 months as she suffered emotional abuse from him and his family.
I did recently get married aH. It was a long wait and a struggle but I left it up to Allah swt and the advice from my parents to get a good guy.
Inshallah things will work out for you! Just stay positive!


Good to hear from  you Kiwi! Thanks for the update (and the advise for others).

May Allah bless you and your family both in this world and the hereafter.  Ameen.




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"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."



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