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babysteps
 
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Quote babysteps Replybullet Topic: online marriage...any thoughts???
    Posted: 27 July 2007 at 10:06pm

Salam sisters, I wasn't sure where to post my question but I decided to start here to see if I get any responses. Here it goes...

There are many Islamic online matrimonial services available (including on this website) and I wanted to know, what makes online interaction different from dating??? Other than the fact that you are not in the same room as the other person...what makes it any different? In other words, what makes it acceptable???

There is much more I'd like to bring up but I want to leave it at that for now. Inshallah, I will get some insightful responses so that others may benefit as well. I truly appreciate any comments but it would be great to hear from a scholar as well (again, I am still VERY interested in hearing people's opinions nonetheless).

Thank you. Wasalamu Alakum.

..babysteps.. 

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UmmAminata
 
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Quote UmmAminata Replybullet Posted: 28 July 2007 at 3:33am

 

 

Salaam'Alaikum Sister

If you're seeking a fiqh/sheri related answer to your question, I believe it would better to consult an Islamic Scholar of Family Law.

I also want to point out which I'm sure you already know that Muslims aren't a monolithic group of people and do not subscribe to one interpretation of Islam across the board.

I do not believe that a divorced/widowed/non-virgin or matured woman needs a Wali ( Marriage guardian) to orchestrate the affairs of her marriage.

I do not believe that two Muslims conversing through the Internet or the phone can commit any type of fornication becuase they are not in each others presence physically.

I do not believe a woman's voice is her awrah either.

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.

I wish you well.

Mrs. Dia
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babysteps
 
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Quote babysteps Replybullet Posted: 28 July 2007 at 8:42am

Thank you so much! I will, inshallah, consult an Islamic Scholar of Family Law in the future if necessary but I really wanted to hear how others felt about this- don't worry, I won't take action based on any comments posted here so don't feel responsible in that sense...just voice your opinion :)

Are there any other thoughts on online matrimonial services? acceptable? not accebtable? why?

Thanks again Mrs. Dia!

..babysteps..

 

 

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herjihad
 
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Quote herjihad Replybullet Posted: 28 July 2007 at 12:19pm
Originally posted by babysteps

Thank you so much! I will, inshallah, consult an Islamic Scholar of Family Law in the future if necessary but I really wanted to hear how others felt about this- don't worry, I won't take action based on any comments posted here so don't feel responsible in that sense...just voice your opinion :)

Are there any other thoughts on online matrimonial services? acceptable? not accebtable? why?

Thanks again Mrs. Dia!

..babysteps..

 

 

Salaamu Alaykum,

ISA you will be successful in whatever you choose to do.

I have seen sisters get hurt from such arrangements, and personally have not heard any success stories from those I know.  They seemed successful at first, but then after time, the truth of the inherent difficulties of such situations revealed itself.

I think that if you could find a reliable person whom you trust to weed out brothers/guys who ignore clearly stated specifications that it would be emotionally easier for you.

I tried for a year to find a potential spouse for my obese older Sister in Islaam, and you wouldn't believe the number of young guys who answered her ad ignoring the minimum age requirement.  It was very obvious that these young guys wanted a green card.  She's super intelligent and educated and needs someone who not only speaks English, but soars in its usage. 

The good thing is that I didn't tell her about these awful emails that kept coming.  She didn't have to go through the ups and downs of anticipating someone's true answer.  Whereas I have another Sister in Islaam who is doing this herself with noone's help, and it seems very difficult for her.

ISA you will find your way peacefully and have a lovely story to share with us in the end.  Salaams.

Al-Hamdulillah (From a Married Muslimah) La Howla Wa La Quwata Illa BiLLah - There is no Effort or Power except with Allah's Will.
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babysteps
 
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Quote babysteps Replybullet Posted: 28 July 2007 at 7:56pm

I never thought about these types of problems...thank you for your response sister (herjihad)!

Inshallah people will continue to post and it will be interesting to see how the guys feel about these online matrimonial service as well. Inshallah I will post this topic for them soon...

Jazakallahukhair :)

..babysteps..

 

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lovesakeenah
 
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Quote lovesakeenah Replybullet Posted: 29 July 2007 at 1:50pm

As-salaam alaykum

 

If we follow the grades of Zeenah,(eyes,hands,even mind);then it is possible to have committed Zeenah online with a propospective partner.I apologise for not being able to relate the Hadith accordingly.Just like there are boundries not to be trangressed in a one-one or physical courship,ssame rule applies to online dating,but with some major differences such as the two intending couples not seeing each other.However,this does not mean that both or either of them could not commit Zeenah.With the exception of physical contact,the mind could wander andimagine even what someone might not be bold to do in reality.As a matter of fact,the anxiety of not having met each other makes one vulnerable to thinking and imagining things,wishes &what have you.

Meanwhile,no doubt online dating has reduced the propability of Zeenah.May Allah forgive us.However,I agree that if we are truly looking out for our brethren,we can match-make if we find someone suitable.However,I do not think the recommendation should be based on loyalty or obedience to some Imam or Sheik (astagfirullah).But believe me,it is necessary to have someone you could turn to if anything goes wrong,hence,the need for a Waalih.But opinions vary over this.So Allah knows best.

As regards the success of online marriages,believe me,I haven't heard of any until about four days ago when a fellow sister on line told me she met her husband through the net.I do not know how long they've been married,but she admitted to being fully satisfied with her husband.She said they never even saw either's picture and only met the night prior their Nikkah..I exclaimed with utmost surprise and this gave me a different outlook on this subject.I didn't hesitate to tell her that I never thought things like that work.So,I guess I also learnt not to be presumptious about issues I haven't knowledge of its end result.

Allah knows best!

"I have conviction that Allah has power over everything.Verily!Allah's knowledge includes and encompasses everything".
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babysteps
 
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Quote babysteps Replybullet Posted: 30 July 2007 at 7:19pm

Thanks for posting (lovesakeenah)! This is exactly my concern: Whether or not the online service eliminates chances of one committing Zeenah or not!

So lovesakeenah believes the service reduces the chance for Zeenah but doesn’t eliminate it completely. I can understand this perspective but then what must be done, or what must be avoided, in order to prevent Zeenah through these online relationships????

For instance: is it important that you never share your picture? Should you avoid phone conversations? Should you limit discussions to marriage plans? Should you avoid joking around? Should you avoid physical descriptions (i.e. height, eye color, etc.)? Should you avoid mentioning your income? your ethnicity???

I have thought about this a lot and can't seem to come up with guidelines for online relationships (if they should even be allowed)! One-on-one, I feel, it’s easy to tell what is allowed and what is not. But through the internet....I'm just confused

I hope that makes sense :)

Allah Kareem.

..babysteps..

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Salams_wife
 
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Quote Salams_wife Replybullet Posted: 31 July 2007 at 9:01pm

I met my husband online and honestly felt really good about it.  We did not meet in person until about a week before we got married.  This gave us time to be sure, but to be honest we had discussed a lot about ourselves, our goals and our beliefs long before we met.  I felt I really knew him and so things went fairly smoothly.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do! Allah Kareem

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