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Message Icon Topic: Why do Muslims Marry their Cousins? Post Reply Post New Topic
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Muslimah07
 
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Quote Muslimah07 Replybullet Posted: 31 December 2006 at 9:51am

Salaam,

Thank You Niquab-Ummi, Rookiya, Aply, Aamna, and UmmiAmmit for all the answers and insight. Although I was raised Muslim, I did not know this at all.

Can I be honest? I understand that Allah has allowed for people to marry their cousins, and now I see this is common in the Middle East. However, now that I've read what goes on, I dont know WHY I find this a little "disturbing"    

and may Allah forgive my lack of understanding.

 

UmmiAmmit gave a List of preferences that she has noticed...

First choice Marry cousin Second choice Marry within in local tribeThird choice

and Aply wrote

The origin of this phenomenon is mainly related to the polygamy which generates a group which defends these interests. This group in sociology is called a tribe.

 

I cant help but think that this would create an extreme "Tribal" mentality amongst familes. If people only marry "within the family", I'd bet that these familes think of themselves with a sort of Tribal/Clan/Cult/Ethnic Group mentality who  "Shuns" any "outsiders" from  from their "tight-knit tribe". 

I used to work with a beautiful young Muslim Sister from India--she was the sweetest person you ever met, and she fell in love with a nice Muslim man from Pakistan--He wanted to marry her. But his Muslim Parents told her they did not like her--because she wansn't from "their tribe".  

Plus, A Sister on this post said that her in-laws do not accept-- her because her husbands family really wanted him to "marry his cousin". I mean, is this how we are sopposed to be as Muslims?

 

Niquab's post said

Some clans restrict marriages to amongst their kin only a practice far from what is advocated.

If you look at the Middle East & African nations--people divide themselves up into these Tribes, and wars actually get started from people "defending the tribe". Look at the so called Shiites, Kurds, and Sunni fighting in Iraq right now. I'd bet all of their "tribish" behavior stems from the fact that they all marry their cousins--producing a Big Ethnic Group of people who are all related an form into a "Clan" who "shuns" and "hate" anyone not from their clan or tribe.

BUT Allah says in Koran "I have created you into nations and tribes--that you may get to Know Each Other"...and he also says "Be not divided among yourselves"

 

My husband is from Pakistan and it's really common over there.  He's had several cousins who've had a 'crush' on him..

I'm sorry, but its bad enough to have women around town trying to get with your husband, I dont want to have to worry about my husband's own family members coming after him! That' too much and too close--they're family so you have to deal with them for the rest of your life at family functions--gee whiz!

 

Niquab-Ummi's post said:By permitting such marriages Islam does not encourage them. It advocates the cementing of social relations through marriages between totally unrelated families.

Sometimes we Muslims take things to the extreme. Just because Allah allows Polygamy--it doesn't mean that evey married man should run out tomorrow and get 3 more wives. Just because Allah allows people to marry a cousin doesnt mean this should first and number 1 option for getting married!

I'm like Rookiya--I have a Huge family--and cousin are like brothers and sisters--we grow up together, play and fight like hell. I couldnt imagine that happening in my family, but I still respect people who do this--I just wish Muslims would begin to think outside the box and see the benefits of marrying "outside the family" and stop being so divided into Tribes.

SALAAMS


 



Edited by Muslimah07
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divinepearlz
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Quote divinepearlz Replybullet Posted: 07 June 2012 at 8:53am

It is important that you post the who ayyat. Innvation will get us in trouble. The surah and ayyat that you speak of has more to say than what you stated. The ayyat specifically states that the Prophet ONLY has that prviledge. We are creating our own downfall by adding things that are not so and then lying on Allah (swt). To be a liar is bad but to lie on Allah (swt) is beyond horrible. I seek refuge in  Allah (swt) from innovation. I seek refuge in him from that which will lead me to teh fire. I ask that He protect me and my family from the heat of the fire.

Surah Al-Ahzab ayyat 50 specifically states:
33:50
Sahih International
O Prophet, indeed We have made lawful to you your wives to whom you have given their due compensation and those your right hand possesses from what Allah has returned to you [of captives] and the daughters of your paternal uncles and the daughters of your paternal aunts and the daughters of your maternal uncles and the daughters of your maternal aunts who emigrated with you and a believing woman if she gives herself to the Prophet [and] if the Prophet wishes to marry her, [this is] only for you, excluding the [other] believers. We certainly know what We have made obligatory upon them concerning their wives and those their right hands possess, [but this is for you] in order that there will be upon you no discomfort. And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful.
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seeja
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Quote seeja Replybullet Posted: 20 September 2012 at 12:19am

In Islam, the correct form of relationship between a man and woman is marriage, the one in which full social responsibilities are undertaken by them and which results in the emergence of a family. The choice of a marriage partner is one of the most important decisions a person will make in his or her lifetime.  It should be taken as seriously as any other major decision in life - with prayer, careful investigation, and family involvement.

 

There are certain blood relations, which are considered Haraam as far as marriage is concerned.

As a general rule, anyone who is Mahram is forbidden for marriage.

 The list of such relatives is given in the Holy Qur'an as follows:

(See Holy Qur'an, ch. 4, verse 23-24)

Haraam for Man:

         Mother,

         Daughter,

         Paternal Aunt,

         Maternal Aunt,

         Niece,

         Foster-Mother,

         Foster-Sister,

         Mother-In-Law,

         Stepdaughter,

         Daughter-In-Law,

         All Married Women,

         Sister-In-Law (As A 2nd Wife)

 

Haraam for Woman:

         Father,

         Son,

         Paternal Uncle,

         Maternal Uncle,

         Nephew,

         Foster-Mother's Husband,

         Foster-Brother,

         Father-In-Law,

         Stepson,

         Son-In-Law.

In Islam consent is very important- that is neither women nor men can be married against their will.  Islam has given this freedom of choice to both young men and women - they cannot be forced into a marriage that they don't want.



Edited by seeja - 20 September 2012 at 12:49am
Islam (Total Surrender, Submission, Obedience, Sincerity and Peace with Allah) is for all people, in all places and in all times
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