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Jenni
 
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Quote Jenni Replybullet Posted: 02 October 2006 at 10:44pm
Taliyya as a Muslim you should respect the laws of where you live. That is true. If you want to practice polygamy move to saudi arabia, here it is ILLEGAL!!!
You cant be a good muslim if you are not decent and have a cold heart. Be a decent and kind person and care for women and children and the elderly.
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Quote lady Replybullet Posted: 03 October 2006 at 4:32pm

AssalamuAlaikum Jenni.  Is it in the Quran or  is it a hadith that you cannot practice polygamy in the US?  Yes, it is illegal in some countries, but so what. Do you actually think that Allah(SWA) will punish them for having a polygamist marriage in the US or countries where polygamy is illegal.  Even if they get jailed, do you think that Allah (SWA) will still punished them for practicing polgamy.    I agree with Taliyya 100percent.  Please, I hope that you will delete your comment when you said 

"Other than that the reasons can only be selfish and self serving and he is not looking out for you. All his money, time as resources will have to be diveded between two families and unless he is very rich you will probably suffer poverty because of it. Most women I know would tell thier husband no way, and if he insisted they would file for divorce. That is what I would do, since the deal was clear before marraige, I wouldn't stand for it!!!"

 To all sisters, we have to be careful of the advice that we  give one another.  Allah (SWA) may punish us for not rightly guiding our brothers and sisters.  Sister Jenni I am sure that your intentions were from a good heart.  But what will work for you is not necessarily the best for someone else.  I know many sisters who are in polygamy relationships and they agreed to it.  In fact, I know few sisters, like me who would say no to it.  I am sure that if you were to discuss to us some of the things that your husband do to you or vice versa, then there will always be room opened for someone to say "girl leave that husband of yours?"  Sister Jenni, I hope that you will read this message with a gentle heart and with the understanding that my words were written with kindness.  I think that we as muslims forget when it is time to give advice, and when it is time to direct a person to an Imam.  If my advice is wrong, then may Allah(SWA) give some of my blessings to Jenni.

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taliyya
 
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Quote taliyya Replybullet Posted: 03 October 2006 at 4:58pm
 My bad if I misunderstood Sister Jenni. It seems to me that she has no tolerance for people who break the law practising polygamy in particular. I know of several families who practice polygamy in England and in the U.S. They do not get married legally, but they do so in the Masjid and get a marriage certificate there. I myself don't even have a proper legal marriage certificate even though I am a first wife. Not everyone gets married legally. So it can be done in the west without breaking the law. It's interesting to note that a man in the west who has a mistress or girlfriend along side his wife has broken no law while a man who wants to marry two women and make all children coming from his relationships with them legitimate is a lawbreaker. Don't get me wrong, I'm no fan of polygamy. I certainly don't want my husband taking another wife. But, this is part of my deen and I can't go around saying I wouldn't stand for it and giving other sisters the same advice.
Do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Verily Allah forgives all sins.
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sakeena
 
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Quote sakeena Replybullet Posted: 03 October 2006 at 8:44pm
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rookaiya
 
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Quote rookaiya Replybullet Posted: 03 October 2006 at 10:43pm
thanks sakeena. btw my eldest daughters name is sakeena n she is a sweet n pleasant girl
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Jenni
 
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Quote Jenni Replybullet Posted: 04 October 2006 at 9:06am
Again, search Islamicity website Q.and A on the subject of marriage and polygamy. The scholar advises aganst polygamy here because one of the reasons it it is illegal and you are supposed to FOLLOW THE LAWS OF THE LAND YOU LIVE In!!! Furthermore most polygamists cannot support both wives so the State or country ends up picking up the slack. Most people I have heard of who practice polygamy are poor or lower middle class people who don't have the money, have lots of kids, the women lie and say they are single mothers and collect welfare, food stamps, housing and every other benifit they can get. They also rely on handouts from the Mousque. Now if any of you women can honestly tell me that you think it is moral to get married in secret, have a husband who does not support you well and fully, then lie to get government benifits to support you and your kids, then I don't know what you learned growing up. But to me stealing, lying, and living in poverty to please a man is just disgusting. And by the way ladies there are MORE single Muslim men in western countries than women. So ladies wise up, there are so many good guys out there looking for one good lady!!! You are in high demand and I know many women who have had multiple marraige offers, even women divorced with kids!!!
You cant be a good muslim if you are not decent and have a cold heart. Be a decent and kind person and care for women and children and the elderly.
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Hayfa
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Quote Hayfa Replybullet Posted: 04 October 2006 at 9:33am

I know a guy who lives in Saudi Arabia. He knows a few people in polygamous marriages. He says it is not all that common, just more common then here.

Taliyya: you brought up a good point about having a girlfriend, or several, and having kids is not illegal. But having two wives is. That was a very interesting point.  The man is not thrown in jail. But if a man marries two women it is illegal. hmmm

I do agree that to make it work properly and Islamically is very difficult. But people do make it work. It really depends upon the people involved. 

It would be interesting is a man with two wives and is legal in the country he lives in, decided to come to a place like US or UK, then is one no longer legal? Guess that would be the 2nd wife?

Of course it is not Islamic but there are places where women marry two men in tribes in Nepal. They often marry brothers. And they rotate where one goes up to the hills with the animals. The other stays with the wife. So she always has help. And then the kids are related to the father.    Go figure.

When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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taliyya
 
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Quote taliyya Replybullet Posted: 04 October 2006 at 9:50am

I don't know who you know but the polygamous families I know aren't liars, stealers, or poverty stricken. And I know many. I grew up in a community where almost all of the women had co-wives and none of the families were on welfare. Our community doesn't believe in taking money from Uncle Sam. So that excuse is out the window. None of the families were rich but that's not why we are on this earth. Furthermore, you mention 'sneaking'. I assume you mean sneaking to marry as a second or third wife. I'm not telling anyone to sneak around. Marriage should be announced to everyone. All I said was that one doesn't need a legal marriage certificate to be married in the sight of Allah and the Muslims. You say scholars on Islamicity say FOLLOW THE LAWS OF THE LAND YOU LIVE IN. Well, I know scholars who say that the earth is owned by Allah and whatever Allah has allowed or has ordained can be practiced ANYWHERE. Maybe I wasn't clear. A man marrying one woman legally and then the second, third, or fourth Islamically isn't illegal in the U.S. So that excuse is out the window also.

 As a side note, it seems to me that you have a problem with ppl who have 'too many kids'. Is this so?

Do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Verily Allah forgives all sins.
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