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 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : General : Comments & Complaints
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B.H.
 
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Quote B.H. Replybullet Topic: Private messages to women
    Posted: 05 August 2006 at 10:45am

Hello,

 

It is my understanding that many women feel uncomfortable when a man sends them a private message.  All the messages I have sent have been seeking information about some matter concerning ISlam or religion I believe, and never meant to offend anyone.

To avoid further offense in the future, how do I tell who is a man or a women here?  Many of the names are not common in the USA and I do not know if they are female or male names.

Again, I never meant to offend or hurt anyones feelings and I ask forgiveness if I have done so.

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fatima
 
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Quote fatima Replybullet Posted: 05 August 2006 at 11:03am

Bismillah irrahman irrahim

Assalamu alaikum

Brother Allah swt knows the secrets of hearts and inshaAllah you will be safe as you showed your sincerity posting this here and i am sure every1 involved would be generous enough to let it go inshaAllah.

Now if you want to know something about islam, you can PM moderator brothers, peacemaker, andalus, Mockba or BMZ. There are few other brothers as well who are mashaAllah quite knowledgeable. Just a clue check who regularly posts in brother's section and you will know inshaAllah.

wassalam

 

Say: (O Muhammad) If you love Allah, then follow me, Allah will love you and forgive you your faults, and Allah is Forgiving, MercifuL
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herjihad
 
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Quote herjihad Replybullet Posted: 05 August 2006 at 11:25am
Originally posted by B.H.

Hello,

 

It is my understanding that many women feel uncomfortable when a man sends them a private message.  All the messages I have sent have been seeking information about some matter concerning ISlam or religion I believe, and never meant to offend anyone.

To avoid further offense in the future, how do I tell who is a man or a women here?  Many of the names are not common in the USA and I do not know if they are female or male names.

Again, I never meant to offend or hurt anyones feelings and I ask forgiveness if I have done so.

Bismillah,

I'm sure the sisters were just being circumspect and dignified in their responses to you.  Your post to me was just a simple question with a simple answer.  However, you can also post something like that on the general posts to a person.  Some of the sisters don't mind answering you if it's in the public forum.  Others who do can just ignore it.

You can click on a user name when you are logged in to check their profile.  Many people put either male or female.  If female is not checked, you could do a forum search using the names to see if they have revealed it in their posts.

Salaamu Alaykum

Al-Hamdulillah (From a Married Muslimah) La Howla Wa La Quwata Illa BiLLah - There is no Effort or Power except with Allah's Will.
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Israfil
 
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Quote Israfil Replybullet Posted: 09 August 2006 at 8:37am
No offense to any woman here but I think it is a bit ridiculous for any woman to be offended or feel uncomfortable with a private message, especially if the message is out of sincerity. I have had a woman say that to me and I was like "WHAT?" I just think, in humble but imperfect opinion that its just plain ole ridiculous. I understand perhaps in person and in an intimate setting yes but I think PM's especially on the internet and being ashamed or what not or feeling entrapped is ridiculous. Unlike like life, you can simply delete the PM or choose to read it.
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Angela
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Quote Angela Replybullet Posted: 09 August 2006 at 8:46am

Israfil,

I disagree.  Sometimes the posts are just wholy unwelcomed.  The women have every right to tell a man they do not wish to receive messages from them.  Any messages after that are strictly harassment.  I think that instead of deleting it, its best to just let the person know that you are not interested in private conversation.

I know I've been actually hit on twice since I've been here.  TWICE!  Both men were informed very curtly that I was a married woman and it was inappropriate for them to be private messaging me.  End of story. 

The best thing a man can do is send a message asking if they may inquire privately about an issue.  If the woman does not want to do so, then she can say No then.  Easy and no feelings hurt.

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Israfil
 
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Quote Israfil Replybullet Posted: 09 August 2006 at 9:07am
True, but I'm having a hard time of why this would be inappropriate. First off the internet is not a physical public place. Its an "electronic environment" of socializing but I don't think this type of environement is an intimate setting much like park or a resturant. Yes we all have the right to tell people politely not to send PM's but the question is why. If I PM a woman its because I have a question that can only be answered by a woman. Now out of sincerity I may ask this question, out of arrogance a woman may feel that I'm just pushing up on her. I think much like the woman who has the right to reject I as a man have the right to question....Yes simple as that....I've gotten to the point that a lot of women with the exception of a few I can note Sister Herjihad as one whom is cool people in my book, that, women here are uptight. This is internet people!
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Angela
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Quote Angela Replybullet Posted: 09 August 2006 at 9:21am

Israfil,

Perhaps I should point out why I consider it inappropriate.  I met my husband online.  We developed a close friendship that later became love.  I personally know how the little bits of data back and forth can lead to something very inimate.

One of my Prophets once instructed us to "avoid even the appearance of evil." 

I usually look over the question and determine comfort level.  But many Muslimahs would be even less comfortable about some things I've been asked than I was. 

Perhaps a good rule of thumb is, would you feel comfortable with another man asking your sister this question.  If you are unsure, then its best not to ask.

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Israfil
 
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Quote Israfil Replybullet Posted: 09 August 2006 at 9:33am

As a Muslim, if I were married and a fellow brother asked my wife questions which are not intimate, I'd have no problem with this. Sorry to say a woman can be a teacher of men! can't judge everything basded on your own experience and I don't think it hurts to answer a brothers question. Like I said many women are too uptight here. As long as the guy is not indicating he wants more thn what he is asking and as long as he is not asking intimate things whats the problem?

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