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Groups Women (Sisters)
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Message Icon Topic: husband and his addiction to porn Post Reply Post New Topic
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aya918
 
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Quote aya918 Replybullet Posted: 20 June 2007 at 12:14am

leave him...what kind of a role model is he going to be for his children??? he should be ashamed of himself. besides the fact that its haram, he has a wife so he really has no excuse to resort to this degenerate behavior. maybe u should try a trial separation at first and then see if he changes--only for the sake of ur children. he must think u r really naive too--denying the fact that he signed up for a dating service when the proof is on the credit card statement!!!! some ppl have some nerve i guess...and just to let u know, u r not alone, u have Allah and that is sufficient. Inshallah whatever is in ur and ur childrens best interests will prevail...

 

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sadadilbanday
 
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Quote sadadilbanday Replybullet Posted: 21 June 2007 at 11:42am

I thought you could create a more ISLAMIC environment in the house. No, i guess not what you just thought. See this:

1. Be a committed / responsive / conciliating wife

2. Fulfill his basic sexual needs

3. Ignore what he is doing and concentrate on what you should do to overhaul his porn activities

4. Do not react. Ask, talk (not argue) ONLY when you see that the above strategy is not working which I hope must work.

I know it is time consuming and difficult. But I also believe, you have that courage to achieve the hard target. You are worth it. Remember, no problem is unique. We all suffer similar circumstances.

 

Now! Could someone answer MY question please?

Can anyone please say whether a girl can marry a boy who is not her brother but they have been calling each other brother and sister for a long time. please answer according to the fiqh of Barelvi sect (dawat e islami) i am very worried!

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kane
 
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Quote kane Replybullet Posted: 29 June 2007 at 4:34am

As-salaam alaikum wa rahmatullah wa baraktuhu,

Dear ambreenq,

I haven't been on this forum for quite a long time and have just read your posting. I was wondering how you got on with this issue. I too, am having a similar problem with my husband who is also in denial. He prays five times a day etc. but has been chatting to women on internet and joined dating site. We have discussed this several times and he always promises that he will stop but I eventually find him doing it again. It is easy for other sisters to say get him out or leave him, but that is very difficult if you have children, no income and really want your marriage to last. And I have no proof of adultery, so what grounds for divorce would I have? 

Anyway, I hope and pray that you have been able to work everything out,

Your sister in Islam, Sharon.

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Angela
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Quote Angela Replybullet Posted: 29 June 2007 at 5:43am

You know there is another solution....

When a teenage relative of mine was caught using my family computer for porn searches... I locked down the computer with software specifically designed to block adult content.  It required a password for websites that were considered adult material.

So, you could buy a monitoring software and set it up with a password.  We are Christian so I made the password "JesusLovesMe" and gave the password to everyone but the offending person.  It was a real gas, no one said a word to him.  We just went on with our business.  All the computers in the house were set up this way.

Eventually he got upset and there was a confrontation about trust.  It lead to dialogue about sin and porn addictions and he finally got the help he needed. 

Make it work for him to surf porn.  Get smarter about the technology than he is.  Monitoring system, site blocking and passwords are three great ways to stop teenagers and husbands.

Anyone needing the tricks of the trade, lemme know.  I'm a computer science major...or ask ak-m-f, he's pretty good with computers too.

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Hayfa
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Quote Hayfa Replybullet Posted: 29 June 2007 at 7:23am

I agree with Angela, once you've tried other methods, communication, prayers etc. Take action. You can lock in down as well.

This is when you wish other people, like family members would intervene as well. sigh..

When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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kane
 
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Quote kane Replybullet Posted: 29 June 2007 at 1:53pm
Locking the computer is ideal for youngsters ( I have used such software for my children) but it is not ideal in a marriage. You should be able to trust your husband on the computer or whereever he may be. And if he's not doing it at home he could always be doing it from work or a friends house etc. And that would not resolve the trust issue between husband and wife, which is vital for a marriage to work.
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Angela
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Quote Angela Replybullet Posted: 01 July 2007 at 10:47pm

There comes a time where you have to put your foot down and say to your husband.  Look, when you surf porn, you are hurting me.  That if he really loves you that he will stop.  Tell him what you are doing. The Quran says to forbid wrong.  If he gets upset, do not be afraid to fight.  If you love him you will fight for him, even if its helping him fight himself.  Porn is destructive.  How can he approach you in righteousness if he is partaking in filth. 

If he says its boredom, suggest a weekend getaway.  There are things couples can do together to spice things up that are not haram.  But, if you aren't sneaky about locking the computer and fully express to him that you are forbidding haram and protecting your house, he will have choices to make.  He may throw a fit, he's a man, which means his problem solving skills are on par with a toddler on emotional issues.  He will tantrum and yell, but stand firm.  Perhaps you could talk to the local sheik about approaching him about it. 

 

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