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Groups Women (Sisters)
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liyala
 
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Quote liyala Replybullet Topic: a matter of sin
    Posted: 16 July 2006 at 8:34pm

salaam,

a friend just told me about this brother she knows who is going to get married. she says the brother is a not reliable and a fornicator. the girl he is marrying is very young and has no idea about his bad character. she asked me if she should inform the girls family about it and i said she should. what do you think?

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amah
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Quote amah Replybullet Posted: 17 July 2006 at 4:53am
Assalaamualaikum

Yes, the family should be informed about the man's character, if it is certain that he is a fornicator , etc.

But make sure that the man is really like that. I know a good sister who was getting married. Her friend had "heard" from someone that this sister's fiance was a flirt, had girlfriends .. blah blah. This information turned out to be completely false. In fact the fiance turned out to be a decent guy .

The girl's family should do a thorough background check and ask many people about him. Not just rely on a single person. In this case the person is your friend so insha allah you know better....

WAssalaam.




Edited by amah
Allah is Sufficient as a Walee (Protector) and Allah is Sufficient as a Naseer (Helper).
(Surah An-Nisa, Chapter #4, Verse #45)
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Suleyman
 
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Quote Suleyman Replybullet Posted: 17 July 2006 at 12:07pm
Originally posted by liyala

salaam,

a friend just told me about this brother she knows who is going to get married. she says the brother is a not reliable and a fornicator. the girl he is marrying is very young and has no idea about his bad character. she asked me if she should inform the girls family about it and i said she should. what do you think?

Save a life,do not wait!!!......

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Angela
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Quote Angela Replybullet Posted: 17 July 2006 at 1:00pm

There are lots of sexually transmitted diseases out there.  The girl should have the foreknowledge before her wedding night.  Perhaps she will still marry him if this behavior is in the past, but she should demand that he be tested too. 

If its not in the past, she should know so he's not stepping out on her with other women.

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mariyah
 
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Quote mariyah Replybullet Posted: 17 July 2006 at 1:49pm

Assalaamu Alaikum:

Instead of making her prospective husband look bad, you should tell this young lady the following, this way there are no false accusations.

 

Getting tested for disease should be mandatory again for both people getting married, as it used to be in the US.

When you marry someone, you marry their history and the history of each person they may have had intimate relationships with in the past.

HIV, Hep B. and other diseases are sexually as well as blood borne, not to mention syphillis, gonorrhea, clymadia, and other nasties that can ruin your chances of ever having children do and other bad things to your body,

So if the person you are going to marry has committed zina in the past, even if you are virgin when you marry, you can catch it!  Tell them you want proof of their cleaness and have had been tested for these diseases before you marry. Venereal disease can kill!

 

Info from a former public health nurse.

"Every good deed is charity whether you come to your brother's assistance or just greet him with a smile.
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liyala
 
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Quote liyala Replybullet Posted: 17 July 2006 at 7:38pm
thank you all for your advice. i'll pass it along. however, sister maryah it is not so easy to ask for testing, even to suggest something of this sort to people who consider themselves muslims. first the girl's family will be very shocked that the guy's cousin is accusing him of something so serious.
because of his family (very religious) and he is such a hypocrite, everybody thinks he is a good muslim. my friend is very upset and i think she has known about it for a while but was delaying and hoping that i would tell her to not say anything... you know that hadeeth about hiding a believers mistakes... except this guy is not a believer but a hypocrite.
initially she confronted him. first reaction he denied, then he said he is sorry and will change after he is married... i don't believe him but they are cousins and she wants to believe him.
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najamsahar
 
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Quote najamsahar Replybullet Posted: 22 July 2006 at 6:52am

Liyala,

have you considered telling this girls parents about the info you know. Maybe you can pass this on through someone. If your freind is naive, maybe her parents or someone older will act more responsibly. Or do it through your imam or someone like that.

Or the best way would be to tell someone older in the masjid and then keep out of it. Let them handle it the way they feel best.

Sometimes when getting married to cousins can lead a girl to be scared to voice her feeling s to her parents.

 

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liyala
 
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Quote liyala Replybullet Posted: 22 July 2006 at 10:01am

the girl and the guy who are getting married are not cousins.

my friend is a cousin of the guy. i don't know how many other members of his family know about his character. but i am sure there others who know. this sort of a thing cannot be kept hidden for very long.

i live in a different country and don't know either family. it is really upto the cousin and others to warn the parents or the girl. besides, they should also investigate further.

wassalaam

liyal.a
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