IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum: How to deal with difficult MIL

Author

Message

Suleyman

Senior Member
Senior Member

Joined: 10 March 2003
Location: Turkey
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3324

Posted: 06 July 2006 at 11:31am

Sister i do not say that the MIL acts a good thing,all i want to say is the problem should be solved in a polite way,calling the lawyer or saying that she is Monster In Law or other names are condemned as you see in the ayat,both of them should discuss the issue with the MIL in a polite way without breaking her heart,if they care this ayat then Allah will help them for solving their problems with MIL...we are all agreed on the same issue,no difference...

IP Logged

mariyah

Senior Member
Senior Member

Joined: 29 March 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1283

Posted: 06 July 2006 at 11:59am

Originally posted by Suleyman

Sister i do not say that the MIL acts a good thing,all i want to say is the problem should be solved in a polite way,calling the lawyer or saying that she is Monster In Law or other names are condemned as you see in the ayat,both of them should discuss the issue with the MIL in a polite way without breaking her heart,if they care this ayat then Allah will help them for solving their problems with MIL...we are all agreed on the same issue,no difference...

You are right, there should be no name calling, maybe it would be more economical for them to all live together?

I send my mother in law money monthly. She lives on $514 dollars per month. She is Catholic. Catalina is a good woman and gets little help from her 7 children. I make good money as a nurse and my husband makes only enough to pay the bare utilities. I am putting myself through college for my master's, own the house I live in (it was mine before the marriage) and am caring for my (mentally thanks to the war in Iraq) disabled son while he exists in his own apartment, and I supplement his income when needed. He was a consciencious objector who was dc'd on a mental discharge while he was found crying inconsolably and holding the remains of an Iraqi child outside a blown up masjid.He is a good son that does all he can for me by doing repairs on my home. I am helpin to pay for Pharmacy school this fall when my 3rd son starts, and shortly we will be helping the youngest son enter comunity college in the fall. Inshallah, we hope to make it to Haj in the next couple of years! On top of that, we help our 2 daughter with the grandchildren! Nothing is impossible, even an impossible seeming mother in law!

Edited by Maryah

"Every good deed is charity whether you come to your brother's assistance or just greet him with a smile.

IP Logged

Angela
Female
Senior Member
Senior Member

Joined: 11 July 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2555

Posted: 06 July 2006 at 4:01pm

Originally posted by Maryah

She is a non believer and is Catholic.

Sorry Maryah, this is almost an oxymoron. She's a believer in something if she's Catholic. Perhaps, Non Muslim would be better. It promotes more respect among the Peoples of the Book. She would still be legal for a muslim man to marry. She still believes in Allah, if not his Prophet.

I don't mean to derail the thread. Its just a minor respect issue. You would hate for me to call a Muslim a heathen or an infidel (a bad label whoever uses it). Please, we should all be a bit more mindful and respectful towards each other.

And, Suleyman. You can respect your Parents without enabling them to live in an immoral or unjust way. Yes, a man has a responsibility to his mother, but that doesn't mean he has to shower her with expensive gifts while his wife and unborn are living in a hotel without the barest necessities. This woman is (in my opinion) stealing from her grandchildren and acting in a very greedy and undignified manner. She should be taught a lesson. But, the lesson should be out of love, not spite.

IP Logged

mariyah

Senior Member
Senior Member

Joined: 29 March 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1283

Posted: 06 July 2006 at 11:26pm

Originally posted by Angela

Originally posted by Maryah

She is a non believer and is Catholic.

Bismallah

Angela, are we having a bad day or what? you just chastized Suley for something he did not say. It is NOT polite to chastize someone for something he did not say. Please reread his post. He was supporting being polite to the Mother in Law?

Hope you are OK, are you seeing that specialist?

"Every good deed is charity whether you come to your brother's assistance or just greet him with a smile.

IP Logged

Angela
Female
Senior Member
Senior Member

Joined: 11 July 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2555

Posted: 07 July 2006 at 9:29am

Originally posted by Suleyman

May Allah bless your sins dear brides,

When you will reach to their ages you will understand what a mistake you made then will begin to cry trying to turn back and saying it's my turn,i did to my MIL and now me seeing the same things from my son's bride with understanding what a bad thing you did in the past...i know the story and it's end,no way to escape if you made a mistake like that,you value the issue from an absent perspective,you will see the whole perspective when you become a MIL but it will be too late to correct,you know time has no mercy and these kind of issues beside Allah has no exception,sharp price it includes....

Maryah,

No, I wasn't having a bad day....this is Suleyman's response that I was commenting on....

What kind of perspective leads a person to think that its okay to demand from your son (with his pregnant wife living in a hotel) money for expensive cars, facials and clothes?

This isn't about his Mother struggling to pay rent or buy food. This isn't about his Mother just wanting some kind words and love from her family. This is about a very selfish woman who is abusing her family by being selfish. What I wanted is for Suleyman to realize that yes, we are to respect our parents, but there comes a time when you have to put your foot down. He's asking people to see the whole perspective, but all he's seeing is the disagreement between DIL and MIL, he's not seeing the woman close to giving birth, struggling to make ends meet and having her MIL put undue stress in her life by demanding money they do not have for themselves.

He begs for the whole picture but he's not looking at it himself.

IP Logged

Suleyman

Senior Member
Senior Member

Joined: 10 March 2003
Location: Turkey
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3324

Posted: 07 July 2006 at 9:31am

Edited by Suleyman

IP Logged

Suleyman

Senior Member
Senior Member

Joined: 10 March 2003
Location: Turkey
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3324

Posted: 07 July 2006 at 9:48am

Edited by Suleyman

IP Logged

mariyah

Senior Member
Senior Member

Joined: 29 March 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1283

Posted: 07 July 2006 at 10:04am

Originally posted by Angela

Originally posted by Suleyman

May Allah bless your sins dear brides,

Maryah,

No, I wasn't having a bad day....this is Suleyman's response that I was commenting on....

What kind of perspective leads a person to think that its okay to demand from your son (with his pregnant wife living in a hotel) money for expensive cars, facials and clothes?

He begs for the whole picture but he's not looking at it himself.

Sorry then I will watch my speech in the future as not to offend. I really hope you are doing well Angela, and will pray for the positive outcome that you desire. I think little people are NEAT!

Maryah

"Every good deed is charity whether you come to your brother's assistance or just greet him with a smile.

IP Logged

	Active Topics Memberlist Calendar Search Help
	Register Login Old Forum

Groups – Women (Sisters)
IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Culture & Community : Groups – Women (Sisters)

Topic: How to deal with difficult MIL
	<< Prev Page of 7 Next >>

Author	Message
Suleyman Senior Member Joined: 10 March 2003 Location: Turkey Online Status: Offline Posts: 3324	Posted: 06 July 2006 at 11:31am
	Sister i do not say that the MIL acts a good thing,all i want to say is the problem should be solved in a polite way,calling the lawyer or saying that she is Monster In Law or other names are condemned as you see in the ayat,both of them should discuss the issue with the MIL in a polite way without breaking her heart,if they care this ayat then Allah will help them for solving their problems with MIL...we are all agreed on the same issue,no difference...
	IP Logged

mariyah Senior Member Joined: 29 March 2006 Online Status: Offline Posts: 1283	Posted: 06 July 2006 at 11:59am
	*Originally posted by Suleyman* Sister i do not say that the MIL acts a good thing,all i want to say is the problem should be solved in a polite way,calling the lawyer or saying that she is Monster In Law or other names are condemned as you see in the ayat,both of them should discuss the issue with the MIL in a polite way without breaking her heart,if they care this ayat then Allah will help them for solving their problems with MIL...we are all agreed on the same issue,no difference... You are right, there should be no name calling, maybe it would be more economical for them to all live together? I send my mother in law money monthly. She lives on $514 dollars per month. She is Catholic. Catalina is a good woman and gets little help from her 7 children. I make good money as a nurse and my husband makes only enough to pay the bare utilities. I am putting myself through college for my master's, own the house I live in (it was mine before the marriage) and am caring for my (mentally thanks to the war in Iraq) disabled son while he exists in his own apartment, and I supplement his income when needed. He was a consciencious objector who was dc'd on a mental discharge while he was found crying inconsolably and holding the remains of an Iraqi child outside a blown up masjid.He is a good son that does all he can for me by doing repairs on my home. I am helpin to pay for Pharmacy school this fall when my 3rd son starts, and shortly we will be helping the youngest son enter comunity college in the fall. Inshallah, we hope to make it to Haj in the next couple of years! On top of that, we help our 2 daughter with the grandchildren! Nothing is impossible, even an impossible seeming mother in law! Edited by Maryah
	"Every good deed is charity whether you come to your brother's assistance or just greet him with a smile.
	IP Logged

Angela Female Senior Member Joined: 11 July 2005 Online Status: Offline Posts: 2555	Posted: 06 July 2006 at 4:01pm
	*Originally posted by Maryah* She is a non believer and is Catholic. Sorry Maryah, this is almost an oxymoron. She's a believer in something if she's Catholic. Perhaps, Non Muslim would be better. It promotes more respect among the Peoples of the Book. She would still be legal for a muslim man to marry. She still believes in Allah, if not his Prophet. I don't mean to derail the thread. Its just a minor respect issue. You would hate for me to call a Muslim a heathen or an infidel (a bad label whoever uses it). Please, we should all be a bit more mindful and respectful towards each other. And, Suleyman. You can respect your Parents without enabling them to live in an immoral or unjust way. Yes, a man has a responsibility to his mother, but that doesn't mean he has to shower her with expensive gifts while his wife and unborn are living in a hotel without the barest necessities. This woman is (in my opinion) stealing from her grandchildren and acting in a very greedy and undignified manner. She should be taught a lesson. But, the lesson should be out of love, not spite.
	IP Logged

mariyah Senior Member Joined: 29 March 2006 Online Status: Offline Posts: 1283	Posted: 06 July 2006 at 11:26pm
	*Originally posted by Angela* *Originally posted by Maryah* She is a non believer and is Catholic. Sorry Maryah, this is almost an oxymoron. She's a believer in something if she's Catholic. Perhaps, Non Muslim would be better. It promotes more respect among the Peoples of the Book. She would still be legal for a muslim man to marry. She still believes in Allah, if not his Prophet. I don't mean to derail the thread. Its just a minor respect issue. You would hate for me to call a Muslim a heathen or an infidel (a bad label whoever uses it). Please, we should all be a bit more mindful and respectful towards each other. And, Suleyman. You can respect your Parents without enabling them to live in an immoral or unjust way. Yes, a man has a responsibility to his mother, but that doesn't mean he has to shower her with expensive gifts while his wife and unborn are living in a hotel without the barest necessities. This woman is (in my opinion) stealing from her grandchildren and acting in a very greedy and undignified manner. She should be taught a lesson. But, the lesson should be out of love, not spite. Bismallah Angela, are we having a bad day or what? you just chastized Suley for something he did not say. It is NOT polite to chastize someone for something he did not say. Please reread his post. He was supporting being polite to the Mother in Law? Hope you are OK, are you seeing that specialist?
	"Every good deed is charity whether you come to your brother's assistance or just greet him with a smile.
	IP Logged

Angela Female Senior Member Joined: 11 July 2005 Online Status: Offline Posts: 2555	Posted: 07 July 2006 at 9:29am
	*Originally posted by Suleyman* May Allah bless your sins dear brides, When you will reach to their ages you will understand what a mistake you made then will begin to cry trying to turn back and saying it's my turn,i did to my MIL and now me seeing the same things from my son's bride with understanding what a bad thing you did in the past...i know the story and it's end,no way to escape if you made a mistake like that,you value the issue from an absent perspective,you will see the whole perspective when you become a MIL but it will be too late to correct,you know time has no mercy and these kind of issues beside Allah has no exception,sharp price it includes.... Maryah, No, I wasn't having a bad day....this is Suleyman's response that I was commenting on.... What kind of perspective leads a person to think that its okay to demand from your son (with his pregnant wife living in a hotel) money for expensive cars, facials and clothes? This isn't about his Mother struggling to pay rent or buy food. This isn't about his Mother just wanting some kind words and love from her family. This is about a very selfish woman who is abusing her family by being selfish. What I wanted is for Suleyman to realize that yes, we are to respect our parents, but there comes a time when you have to put your foot down. He's asking people to see the whole perspective, but all he's seeing is the disagreement between DIL and MIL, he's not seeing the woman close to giving birth, struggling to make ends meet and having her MIL put undue stress in her life by demanding money they do not have for themselves. He begs for the whole picture but he's not looking at it himself.
	IP Logged

Suleyman Senior Member Joined: 10 March 2003 Location: Turkey Online Status: Offline Posts: 3324	Posted: 07 July 2006 at 9:31am
	. Edited by Suleyman
	IP Logged

Suleyman Senior Member Joined: 10 March 2003 Location: Turkey Online Status: Offline Posts: 3324	Posted: 07 July 2006 at 9:48am
	. Edited by Suleyman
	IP Logged

mariyah Senior Member Joined: 29 March 2006 Online Status: Offline Posts: 1283	Posted: 07 July 2006 at 10:04am
	*Originally posted by Angela* *Originally posted by Suleyman* May Allah bless your sins dear brides, When you will reach to their ages you will understand what a mistake you made then will begin to cry trying to turn back and saying it's my turn,i did to my MIL and now me seeing the same things from my son's bride with understanding what a bad thing you did in the past...i know the story and it's end,no way to escape if you made a mistake like that,you value the issue from an absent perspective,you will see the whole perspective when you become a MIL but it will be too late to correct,you know time has no mercy and these kind of issues beside Allah has no exception,sharp price it includes.... Maryah, No, I wasn't having a bad day....this is Suleyman's response that I was commenting on.... What kind of perspective leads a person to think that its okay to demand from your son (with his pregnant wife living in a hotel) money for expensive cars, facials and clothes? This isn't about his Mother struggling to pay rent or buy food. This isn't about his Mother just wanting some kind words and love from her family. This is about a very selfish woman who is abusing her family by being selfish. What I wanted is for Suleyman to realize that yes, we are to respect our parents, but there comes a time when you have to put your foot down. He's asking people to see the whole perspective, but all he's seeing is the disagreement between DIL and MIL, he's not seeing the woman close to giving birth, struggling to make ends meet and having her MIL put undue stress in her life by demanding money they do not have for themselves. He begs for the whole picture but he's not looking at it himself. Sorry then I will watch my speech in the future as not to offend. I really hope you are doing well Angela, and will pray for the positive outcome that you desire. I think little people are NEAT! Maryah
	"Every good deed is charity whether you come to your brother's assistance or just greet him with a smile.
	IP Logged