Active TopicsActive Topics  Display List of Forum MembersMemberlist  CalendarCalendar  Search The ForumSearch  HelpHelp
  RegisterRegister  LoginLogin  Old ForumOld Forum  Twitter  Facebook
Advertisement:
         

Groups Women (Sisters)
 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Culture & Community : Groups Women (Sisters)
Message Icon Topic: How to deal with difficult MIL Post Reply Post New Topic
<< Prev Page  of 7 Next >>
Author Message
Suleyman
 
Senior Member
Senior  Member


Joined: 10 March 2003
Location: Turkey
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3324
Quote Suleyman Replybullet Posted: 06 July 2006 at 11:31am
Sister i do not say that the MIL acts a good thing,all i want to say is the problem should be solved in a polite way,calling the lawyer or saying that she is Monster In Law or other names are condemned as you see in the ayat,both of them should discuss the issue with the MIL in a polite way without breaking her heart,if they care this ayat then Allah will help them for solving their problems with MIL...we are all agreed on the same issue,no difference...
IP IP Logged
mariyah
 
Senior Member
Senior  Member
Avatar

Joined: 29 March 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1283
Quote mariyah Replybullet Posted: 06 July 2006 at 11:59am

Originally posted by Suleyman

Sister i do not say that the MIL acts a good thing,all i want to say is the problem should be solved in a polite way,calling the lawyer or saying that she is Monster In Law or other names are condemned as you see in the ayat,both of them should discuss the issue with the MIL in a polite way without breaking her heart,if they care this ayat then Allah will help them for solving their problems with MIL...we are all agreed on the same issue,no difference...

You are right, there should be no name calling, maybe it would be more economical for them to all live together?

I send my mother in law money monthly. She lives on $514 dollars per month. She  is Catholic. Catalina is a good woman and gets little help from her 7 children. I make good money as a nurse and my husband makes only enough to pay the bare utilities. I am putting myself through college for my master's, own the house I live in (it was mine before the marriage) and am caring for my (mentally thanks to the war in Iraq) disabled son while he exists in his own apartment, and I supplement his income when needed. He was a consciencious objector who was dc'd on a mental discharge while he was found crying inconsolably and  holding the remains of an Iraqi child outside a blown up masjid.He is a good son that does all he can for me by doing repairs on my home. I am helpin to pay for Pharmacy school this fall when my 3rd son starts, and shortly we will be helping the youngest son enter comunity college in the fall. Inshallah, we hope to make it to Haj in the next couple of years! On top of that, we help our 2 daughter with the grandchildren!  Nothing is impossible, even an impossible seeming mother in law!

 



Edited by Maryah
"Every good deed is charity whether you come to your brother's assistance or just greet him with a smile.
IP IP Logged
Angela
 Christian
Senior Member
Senior  Member
Avatar

Joined: 11 July 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2555
Quote Angela Replybullet Posted: 06 July 2006 at 4:01pm

Originally posted by Maryah

She is a non believer and is Catholic.

Sorry Maryah, this is almost an oxymoron.  She's a believer in something if she's Catholic.  Perhaps, Non Muslim would be better.  It promotes more respect among the Peoples of the Book.  She would still be legal for a muslim man to marry.  She still believes in Allah, if not his Prophet. 

I don't mean to derail the thread.  Its just a minor respect issue.  You would hate for me to call a Muslim a heathen or an infidel (a bad label whoever uses it).  Please, we should all be a bit more mindful and respectful towards each other.

And, Suleyman.  You can respect your Parents without enabling them to live in an immoral or unjust way.  Yes, a man has a responsibility to his mother, but that doesn't mean he has to shower her with expensive gifts while his wife and unborn are living in a hotel without the barest necessities.  This woman is (in my opinion) stealing from her grandchildren and acting in a very greedy and undignified manner.  She should be taught a lesson.  But, the lesson should be out of love, not spite.

IP IP Logged
mariyah
 
Senior Member
Senior  Member
Avatar

Joined: 29 March 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1283
Quote mariyah Replybullet Posted: 06 July 2006 at 11:26pm
Originally posted by Angela

Originally posted by Maryah

She is a non believer and is Catholic.

Sorry Maryah, this is almost an oxymoron.  She's a believer in something if she's Catholic.  Perhaps, Non Muslim would be better.  It promotes more respect among the Peoples of the Book.  She would still be legal for a muslim man to marry.  She still believes in Allah, if not his Prophet. 

I don't mean to derail the thread.  Its just a minor respect issue.  You would hate for me to call a Muslim a heathen or an infidel (a bad label whoever uses it).  Please, we should all be a bit more mindful and respectful towards each other.

And, Suleyman.  You can respect your Parents without enabling them to live in an immoral or unjust way.  Yes, a man has a responsibility to his mother, but that doesn't mean he has to shower her with expensive gifts while his wife and unborn are living in a hotel without the barest necessities.  This woman is (in my opinion) stealing from her grandchildren and acting in a very greedy and undignified manner.  She should be taught a lesson.  But, the lesson should be out of love, not spite.

Bismallah

Angela, are we having a bad day or what? you just chastized Suley for something he did not say. It is NOT polite to chastize someone for something he did not say. Please reread his post. He was supporting being polite to the Mother in Law?

Hope you are OK, are you seeing that specialist?

"Every good deed is charity whether you come to your brother's assistance or just greet him with a smile.
IP IP Logged
Angela
 Christian
Senior Member
Senior  Member
Avatar

Joined: 11 July 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2555
Quote Angela Replybullet Posted: 07 July 2006 at 9:29am
Originally posted by Suleyman

May Allah bless your sins dear brides,

When you will reach to their ages you will understand what a mistake you made then will begin to cry trying to turn back and saying it's my turn,i did to my MIL and now me seeing the same things from my son's bride with understanding what a bad thing you did in the past...i know the story and it's end,no way to escape if you made a mistake like that,you value the issue from an absent perspective,you will see the whole perspective when you become a MIL but it will be too late to correct,you know time has no mercy and these kind of issues beside Allah has no exception,sharp price it includes....

Maryah,

No, I wasn't having a bad day....this is Suleyman's response that I was commenting on....

What kind of perspective leads a person to think that its okay to demand from your son (with his pregnant wife living in a hotel) money for expensive cars, facials and clothes? 

This isn't about his Mother struggling to pay rent or buy food.  This isn't about his Mother just wanting some kind words and love from her family.  This is about a very selfish woman who is abusing her family by being selfish.  What I wanted is for Suleyman to realize that yes, we are to respect our parents, but there comes a time when you have to put your foot down.  He's asking people to see the whole perspective, but all he's seeing is the disagreement between DIL and MIL, he's not seeing the woman close to giving birth, struggling to make ends meet and having her MIL put undue stress in her life by demanding money they do not have for themselves. 

He begs for the whole picture but he's not looking at it himself.

 

IP IP Logged
Suleyman
 
Senior Member
Senior  Member


Joined: 10 March 2003
Location: Turkey
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3324
Quote Suleyman Replybullet Posted: 07 July 2006 at 9:31am

.



Edited by Suleyman
IP IP Logged
Suleyman
 
Senior Member
Senior  Member


Joined: 10 March 2003
Location: Turkey
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3324
Quote Suleyman Replybullet Posted: 07 July 2006 at 9:48am

.



Edited by Suleyman
IP IP Logged
mariyah
 
Senior Member
Senior  Member
Avatar

Joined: 29 March 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1283
Quote mariyah Replybullet Posted: 07 July 2006 at 10:04am
Originally posted by Angela

Originally posted by Suleyman

May Allah bless your sins dear brides,

When you will reach to their ages you will understand what a mistake you made then will begin to cry trying to turn back and saying it's my turn,i did to my MIL and now me seeing the same things from my son's bride with understanding what a bad thing you did in the past...i know the story and it's end,no way to escape if you made a mistake like that,you value the issue from an absent perspective,you will see the whole perspective when you become a MIL but it will be too late to correct,you know time has no mercy and these kind of issues beside Allah has no exception,sharp price it includes....

Maryah,

No, I wasn't having a bad day....this is Suleyman's response that I was commenting on....

What kind of perspective leads a person to think that its okay to demand from your son (with his pregnant wife living in a hotel) money for expensive cars, facials and clothes? 

This isn't about his Mother struggling to pay rent or buy food.  This isn't about his Mother just wanting some kind words and love from her family.  This is about a very selfish woman who is abusing her family by being selfish.  What I wanted is for Suleyman to realize that yes, we are to respect our parents, but there comes a time when you have to put your foot down.  He's asking people to see the whole perspective, but all he's seeing is the disagreement between DIL and MIL, he's not seeing the woman close to giving birth, struggling to make ends meet and having her MIL put undue stress in her life by demanding money they do not have for themselves. 

He begs for the whole picture but he's not looking at it himself.

 

Sorry then I will watch my speech in the future as not to offend. I really hope you are doing well Angela, and will pray for the positive outcome that you desire. I think little people are NEAT!

Maryah

"Every good deed is charity whether you come to your brother's assistance or just greet him with a smile.
IP IP Logged
<< Prev Page  of 7 Next >>
Post Reply Post New Topic
Printable version Printable version

Forum Jump
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot create polls in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

Disclaimer:
The opinions expressed herein contain positions and viewpoints that are not necessarily those of IslamiCity. This forum is offered to stimulate dialogue and discussion in our continuing mission of being an educational organization.
If there is any issue with any of the postings please email to icforum at islamicity.com or if you are a forum's member you can use the report button.

Note: The 99 names of Allah avatars are courtesy of www.arthafez.com

Advertisement:



Sponsored by:
Islamicity Membership Program:
IslamiCity Donation Program  http://www.islamicity.com/Donate
IslamiCity Arabic eLearning http://www.islamiCity.com/ArabAcademy
Complete Domain & Hosting Solutions www.icDomain.com
Home for Muslim Tunes www.icTunes.com
Islamic Video Collections www.islamiTV.com
IslamiCity Marriage Site www.icMarriage.com