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blond
 
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Quote blond Replybullet Posted: 13 April 2005 at 6:41am

I believe that a nation can rise no higher than its woman.

Sister, you are civilization. You can not allow your Islam to sink because the man you selected is not practicing Islam to the degree you are accustomed.

Here is a comfort to you;

35. When a woman of Amran said: My Lord, I vow to Thee what is in my womb, to be devoted (to Thy service), so accept (it) from me; surely Thou, only Thou, art the Hearing, the Knowing.

36. So when she brought it forth, she said: My Lord, I have brought it forth a female and Allah knew best what she brought forth – and the male is not like the female, and I have named it Mary, and I commend her and her offspring into Thy protection from the accursed devil.

37. So her Lord accepted her with a goodly acceptance and made her grow up a goodly growing, and gave her into the charge of Zacharias. Whenever Zacharias entered the sanctuary to (see) her, he found food with her. He said: O Mary, whence comes this to thee? She said: It is from Allah. Surely Allah gives to whom He pleases without measure.

What is it that I mean by offering  this as a reference?

When Allah is sufficient for you, your husband will not be such a source of pain. When you are in this state, if he draws near to Allah, it will be a blessing for you. If he does not, it will be a blessing for you.



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IslamicGirl
 
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Quote IslamicGirl Replybullet Posted: 13 April 2005 at 6:42am
...

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blond
 
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Quote blond Replybullet Posted: 13 April 2005 at 7:21am
Originally posted by IslamicGirl

Just to add something too..

Blond said: 

You can't be the woman of the house in another woman kitchen. He can't be the man in his father's house. Sister, this is why courtship is such a valuable resource for us. You are supposed to find these things out ahead of time, before you say, "I do".

My response: 

Well my husband was not the communicating type... when i'd ask a question, he'd just say I don't know.. but as I said in my very first post:  "...his parents said we can choose to live with them or not".  He agreed to this too.. but I mean, what's the point moving out, when he clearly tells me all year that he's sorry he cannot be intimate with me??  I am not ALL interested just the 3 letter 'S' word.. I want to know how to love my man first by understanding him etc too... 

It's a bit hard too in the way we were brought up & Islamicallay I guess, to find out about how someone is over the phone.  I mean we spoke over the phone for 2 years before marrying.. but it's not the same as living with someone. 

If I knew from the start he wouldn't hug/cuddle me after marriage, and doesn't want to kiss me (I know i'm getting a bit personal now), then I wouldn't have said the 'i do' bit.  We spoke about all this b4, he seemed to be all up for it, but as soon as we had our Nikah, it all changed.     


Sorry to say Sister, but he's not being monogomous. Sex is a right and a need. If he is not having sex with you, 99.9999% he is having it with someone else.

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Quote IslamicGirl Replybullet Posted: 13 April 2005 at 7:38am

 



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nadir
 
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Quote nadir Replybullet Posted: 13 April 2005 at 9:57am

Assalaamu Alaikum

Islamicgirl

 

 

I read a spiritual story once, about a species of trees (of which I forget the name), which grew upon mountains in the North American continent. The trees were 1000’s of years old, and it was examined why they had survived for so long, when other species had become extinct.

 

The study concluded that because the weather conditions were so harsh upon the mountains, the trees had grown in strength, and hence were less affected, by slight climate changes that lead to the downfall of species, which had not endured such intrepid conditions.

 

Blond just to pick up on your point – Sorry to say Sister, but he's not being monogomous. Sex is a right and a need. If he is not having sex with you, 99.9999% he is having it with someone else.”

I am of the opinion Islam differentiates making Love, as a pose to having sex.

 

Marriage in itself is a commitment to your partner that you are willing to share Love, compassion, time, patience… (I could go on), rather than merely fulfilling a lust for self-satisfaction. 

 

A Muslim can offer Salah (make dua’) before making love, with the intention that if a baby is conceived within that particular act, it will be protected from the s***n (sorry I don’t even like using the name). Hence elevating a self-indulgent act, into a Godly act.

 

 

A personal conclusion I have thought about is that, a married couple in submitting to Allah (S.W.T.), are aware that their individual happiness, is to be found in their partners happiness. So when making Love, each partner surely wishes to fulfil the other partner, & if they are both sincere in doing so, they will acquire satisfaction while acting in a completely selfish manner. Making, Love a selfless act.

 

Sex on the other hand is the satisfaction of the self, even if the act is performed between two married people. And hence does not necessarily lead to a positive outcome (for both).

 

 

Islamicgirl, I truly hope your husband is able to ‘let go’, and give/share his ‘whole heart’ with you, Insha Allah

 

 

Wasalaam

 

Nadir

 

 

 

        
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iman
 
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Quote iman Replybullet Posted: 13 April 2005 at 11:19pm

salam islamicgirl

i red some more of ur story & im sorry to say this but it seams that the problem its not from the parents its from ur husband. for some reason which i dont know maybe u dont to he is acting like this.

im sorry i dont want to hurt u but from the fact that does not call you for weeks its clear how much he missis you, this is rediclulose.    ACTIONS SPEAK LOWED THEN THE WORDS...........

MY DEAR ITS ONLY U WHO CAN DICEDE HOW LONG TO WAIT FOR THIS MAN.........& IF YOU REALLY LOVE HIM & YOU THINK U CANT LIVE WITHOUT HIM THEN LEAVE EVERTHGN IN ALLAHS HANDS TO MAKE THIS MARRIEGE HAPPY INSHALLAH. AMIN. DONT FORGET TO DO ISTIGHARA SALAH.

UR SISTER IMAN......

   

Allah gives & forgives....man gets & forgets. Allah lets us sleep during the night even after we sin all day.Alhamdulilah
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blond
 
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Quote blond Replybullet Posted: 14 April 2005 at 4:01am

There are times when words do not suffice.

Sometimes, experience is the best teacher.

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IslamicGirl
 
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Quote IslamicGirl Replybullet Posted: 15 April 2005 at 1:59am

...



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