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IslamicGirl
 
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    Posted: 12 April 2005 at 7:19am
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jalillah
 
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Quote jalillah Replybullet Posted: 12 April 2005 at 7:35am

assalamulaikum...well by the looks of things your having a second thought about your religion for a start ...let me tell you something about marriage, and your relationship with your partner it has nothing to do with being bless or because your a muslim and your whole life will be like paradise forever this is not the case by being a mear muslim its about earning every drop of pleasure is like milking a cow ..you have to fight for every drop...so! am I making any sense yet?

 

May Allah Bless those who seek the truth......Allah Stands Alone in truth..
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IslamicGirl
 
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Quote IslamicGirl Replybullet Posted: 12 April 2005 at 7:41am

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jalillah
 
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Quote jalillah Replybullet Posted: 12 April 2005 at 7:45am

inshaallah sister.. but I dont understand why talk about splitting up?

May Allah Bless those who seek the truth......Allah Stands Alone in truth..
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blond
 
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Quote blond Replybullet Posted: 12 April 2005 at 8:16am

You can't be the woman of the house in another woman kitchen. He can't be the man in his father's house. Sister, this is why courtship is such a valuable resource for us. You are supposed to find these things out ahead of time, before you say, "I do". But, now that you have committed yourself, you must get your own space to set up the lifestyle that you control.

Remember, Allah hates divorce.



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ummziba
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Quote ummziba Replybullet Posted: 12 April 2005 at 8:29am

Islamic Girl,

I am so sorry to hear of your troubles.  I surely don't pretend to have any answers but I will try to give some advice.  It seems that your husband cannot "cut the apron strings" from his mother (or maybe his father too).  He needs to decide if he wants to be married or not, he can't have it both ways.  Is there an imam or other respected brother you know who might talk with your husband and try to find the root of his problem?

You know, I think a lot of sisters get married with the "cinderella" idea of what marriage is supposed to be, you know, you marry the guy and live happily ever after!  It is seldom like that at all in real life.  I have been married for a long time so I can give you some small insight into it.  Marriage is a lot of work.  Both parties need to make compromises, both need to work at getting to know each other intellectually and intimately.  A lot of expectations (on both sides) have to be dashed and then worked on and looked at realistically.  There must be a lot of give and take.

If he won't talk to you about this problem then you are really in a fix.  There has to be communication to move forward.  All I can offer is please keep trying.  Be patient and respectful, though it is so hard to do when you are feeling so hurt and stressed.  If he absolutely won't talk to you and you can get no one else to try to intervene for you, then think about your future dear.  Maybe a divorce, though not liked by Allah, might be the only good option for you.  You don't want to live the rest of your life like things are now.

Don't feel that a failed marriage (if it comes to that) is a failure on your part.  You cannot live the rest of your life so unhappy and stressed.  Learn from this and move on.

I pray that Allah grants you patience and courage and most of all ease, after this hardship.

Peace, ummziba.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but your words...they break my soul ~
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Quote jalillah Replybullet Posted: 12 April 2005 at 8:32am
no ..thats not true allah doesn't hate divorce he created it.. they are only a resort to a disharmony relationship and not a tool when one feels they can no longer handle the situation, if your husband's preys thats a good thing even if he does'nt... its his grave or his blessing not yours but the point iam trying to make here sister is that for whatever reason dont go down to the same level as those who dont care weather they live or die you must have a home of your on in your heart where you could actually go into every now and then where nothing else matter but your duty as the usual. If your husband keeps up the way he is liked you've mention.. then one day... god will open his flood of mercy to you.. and he will grant you pleasure u aquired.. it all depends on how god sees fit.. and if you really are  the person you say you are.... then your husband will miss out on you in this life and the here after.. does this sounds fair to you??

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May Allah Bless those who seek the truth......Allah Stands Alone in truth..
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blond
 
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Quote blond Replybullet Posted: 12 April 2005 at 10:06am

Originally posted by jalillah

no ..thats not true allah doesn't hate divorce he created it.. 

Ibn Omar reported that the Apostle of Allah said, "The most detestable of lawful things to Allah is divorce.

Ma`uz-b-Jabal reported that the messenger of Allah said to him, "Allah created nothing on the face of the earth more disliked by him than divorce."

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