Nasruddin delivers a khutbah (sermon)
Once, the people of The City invited Mulla Nasruddin to deliver a khutba. When he got on the minbar (pulpit), he found the audience was not very enthusiastic, so he asked "Do you know what I am going to say?" The audience replied "NO", so he announced "I have no desire to speak to people who don't even know what I will be talking about" and he left.
The people felt embarrassed and called him back again the next day. This time when he asked the same question, the people replied "YES" So Mullah Nasruddin said, "Well, since you already know what I am going to say, I won't waste any more of your time" and he left.
Now the people were really perplexed. They decided to try one more time and once again invited the Mullah to speak the following week. Once again he asked the same question - "Do you know what I am going to say?" Now the people were prepared and so half of them answered "YES" while the other half replied "NO". So Mullah Nasruddin said "The half who know what I am going to say, tell it to the other half" and he left!
Nasruddin and his donkey
One day , one of Mullah Nasruddin's friend came over and wanted to borrow his donkey for a day or two. Mullah, knowing his friend, was not kindly inclined to the request, and came up with the excuse that someone had already borrowed his donkey. Just as Mullah uttered these words, his donkey started braying in his backyard. Hearing the sound, his friend gave him an accusing look, to which Mullah replied: "I refuse to have any further dealings with you since you take a donkey's word over mine."
Nasruddin and the violin
Once, Mullah Nasruddin bought a violin. And he began to play.
Same note, same string, over and over.
After a few hours his wife was at her wits' end. "Nasruddin!" she screamed.
Nasruddin put down the bow. "Yes dear?"
"Why do you play the same note? It's driving me crazy! All the real violin players move their fingers up and down, play on different strings! Why don't you play like they do?"
"Well dear, I know why they go up and down and try all different strings."
"Why is that?"
"They're looking for *this* note." And he picked up his bow and resumed his playing.
Nasruddin and the conqueror
A certain conqueror said to Nasruddin:
"Mulla, all the great rulers of the past had honorific titles with the name of God in them: there was, for instance, God-Gifted, and God-Accepted, and so on. How about some such name for me?"
"God Forbid," said Nasruddin.
Nasruddin and the bedouins
"When I was in the desert," said Nasruddin one day, "I caused an entire tribe of horrible and bloodthirsty bedouins to run."
"However did you do it?"
"Easy. I just ran, and they ran after me."