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Introduction: Who am I?
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Chrysalis
 
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Quote Chrysalis Replybullet Posted: 05 January 2009 at 4:38am
Originally posted by Hunter

Annoyed, I went back upstairs to report to my wife that there wasn't anything wrong with it. "I know." she said "Your daughter fixed it." I was stunned. When my wife asked my then 14 year old daughter how she knew what to do, she replied simply "I watched my daddy"
      
 
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Jazakallah for the correction Seeks. Smile
"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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Akhe Abdullah
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Quote Akhe Abdullah Replybullet Posted: 05 January 2009 at 11:46am
Originally posted by Hunter

Hi all!   As Salaamulaikum  Akhe my friend, I'm stunned and surprised to think I could inspire anyone, but relieved that I'm not simply annoying you on a daily basis. Not that you've ever given me the impression you were annoyed; it's just my own insecurity talking. I guess it's possible for the student to inspire the teacher. Now, if I could just inspire my teenage daughters...[IMG]smileys/smiley7.gif" align="absmiddle" alt="Angry" /> As for the question I asked, it's really not a big deal. Don't you or Seekshidayath trouble yourselves over it too much. It's a term I ran across someplace in IC, I just don't remember where. In reading the post, if I mentally substituted "decadent western culture" for "yellow culture" it seemed to work. The next time I see it I'll simply ask the author of the post directly what it means. Isn't that how I met you Seeks? I asked you for clarification of a word in one of your posts, wasn't it? Take care everyone and I'll look foreward to talking with you all in the near future. Actually probably tomorrow when I'll pester poor Akhe with another of my never-ending questions.[IMG]smileys/smiley1.gif" align="absmiddle" alt="Smile" /> Goodnite all respectfully-- Hunter 
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Hunter
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Quote Hunter Replybullet Posted: 06 January 2009 at 12:36am
Hello brother Akhe.  Assalam alaikum  Not a good day on my end I'm sorry to report. My wife is really starting to have negative feelings about my finding Islam. She's afraid I'll get "sucked in" to the more radical or political aspects of it, threaten our family's safety, or simply become a different person. We had an argument about it after I got home from work. One of the coments she made was "Next thing I know, you'll be going to flight-school in Florida." I tried to joke it off, telling her I wasn't quite ready to join the Taliban just yet, but she wasn't having it. I think one thing she doesn't realize, is that rather than thinking "Oh, I suppose I could believe in this Islam thing." it was more a matter of discovering within Islam what I had always believed. My moral compass hasn't changed one degree since finding Islam. I haven't become a fundamentally different person and don't intend to. I want to work on my relationship with God in the company of other people who hold similar views. That's it! Nothing more! I fail to see how my sincere belief in a religion threatens my family. Just because my government, in its infinite st**idity, perceives Muslims to be the "evil dooers", doesn't mean that I personally am doing anything wrong by following it. Yes it makes me angry, but I think more than anything else, it just makes me sad. Take care my friend-- Hunter 
"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything"-- DrDre
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Quote Honzo Replybullet Posted: 06 January 2009 at 4:37am
Originally posted by Hunter

Hello brother Akhe.  Assalam alaikum  Not a good day on my end I'm sorry to report. My wife is really starting to have negative feelings about my finding Islam. She's afraid I'll get "sucked in" to the more radical or political aspects of it, threaten our family's safety, or simply become a different person. We had an argument about it after I got home from work. One of the coments she made was "Next thing I know, you'll be going to flight-school in Florida." I tried to joke it off, telling her I wasn't quite ready to join the Taliban just yet, but she wasn't having it. I think one thing she doesn't realize, is that rather than thinking "Oh, I suppose I could believe in this Islam thing." it was more a matter of discovering within Islam what I had always believed. My moral compass hasn't changed one degree since finding Islam. I haven't become a fundamentally different person and don't intend to. I want to work on my relationship with God in the company of other people who hold similar views. That's it! Nothing more! I fail to see how my sincere belief in a religion threatens my family. Just because my government, in its infinite st**idity, perceives Muslims to be the "evil dooers", doesn't mean that I personally am doing anything wrong by following it. Yes it makes me angry, but I think more than anything else, it just makes me sad. Take care my friend-- Hunter 



salam brother,

Tht flight school things really cracked me up LOL

Now to serious matter, the best way to do dawah with ur wife, is e by being kind and loving towards her.
Show more love and care towards here then u used to do. Tell her not to judge muslims by the acts of few ppl. If hiltler killed 6 million jews tht doesnt me we shld blame christianity for tht.

The Holy Prophet (Sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said: O people, your wives have a certain right over you and you have certain rights over them. Treat them well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers. (Tirmidhi)

If she asked y u hv u suddenly become so kind, u shld say our beloved prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) thought us so and said it is one an aspect of ur faith.

Kindness to the wife, an aspect of faith
    A'isha, (radhialiaho anha) reported Allah's messenger as saying, "Among the believers who show most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition, and are kindest to their families." (Tirmidhi)



The Best men

    Abu Huraira (radhialiaho anho) reported Allah's messenger as saying, "The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition and the best of you are those who are best to their wives " (Tirmidhi)


Behaving with women emphasised

For the benefit of the believers who love and follow him, the Prophet Sallallaho alaihi wasallam) cited his own example to make these instructions more effective, he remarked:

    The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family. [Tirmidthi]



spending for wife's comfort
    It is narrated by Abu-Darda (radhiallaho anho) that the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) instructed me: "Spend as much as possible upon your family. . . " (Kanz)
This is indeed a source of encouragement to spend for the comfort of women.  The husband is also under an obligation to maintain his wife irrespective of whether she is rich or poor .

Those who are not generous with their wives should take heed of this advice.



Reward of everyday chores

    The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said; "Homemaking (Allah-willing) raises the station of a woman to the level of those who make Jihad “ (Kanz)
Jihad means striving the utmost in Allah's Path. Such a striving has many forms. Outwardly, this refers to the defense of the oppressed. Allah, Most Merciful, has revealed in the Holy Quran:
    "Fight in the way of Allah against those who fight against you, but begin not hostilities.  Lo! Allah loveth not aggressors" (Quran 2:190).

    "If it were not because Allah repels some men by means of others, cloisters, churches, synagogues and mosques where Allah's name is mentioned frequently would have been demolished" (Quran 22:40).

    "Why should you not fight for Allah's sake and of the oppressed men and of the women and the children who are crying: Our Lord! Lead us out of this town whose people are oppressors! Grant us a patron from Your Presence and grant us a defender from Your Presence" (Quran 4:75).

    Efforts to restrain the nafs (the vain desires of the lower soul) has been called the greatest Jihad. The Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) explained this mode of striving when returning from an expedition: "We are returning from the lesser Jihad (against our outward enemies), to the greater Jihad (against the nafs -the vain desires of the lower soul))"

Just as the foremost role of man within the context of his family is that of a provider, that of a woman in normal circumstances is the nurturing and management of domestic affairs. Despite this division of responsibilities being consistent with nature and optimal for maintaining the structure of a harmonious and organised society, Allah in His infinite mercy has blessed men and women with rewards for carrying out their respective primary roles.

Although this exceedingly great reward is a tremendous favour, the wife is at liberty to forego it and is fully entitled to ask the husband to arrange for domestic help. The wife's maintenance is not in lieu of any household services. Thus according to Shariah, housework or attending on the husband and children cannot be imposed on the wife as her religious obligation. On the other hand, remedial disciplinary recourse exists within the legal framework of Islam against husbands who deliberately abandon their primary responsibilities to the detriment of their wives.

Sharing domestic work with the wife.

    The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said; "Helping wives (in their domestic work) earns (men) the reward of charity." (Kanz)

    Narrated Al-Aswad (radhiallaho anho): I asked A'isha (radhiallaho anha), "What did the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) do at home? " She said, "He used to work for his family and when he heard the call for the prayer, he would go out." (Sahih al-Bukhari)

This demonstrates the great inducement to care for women by sharing their domestic chores.

Paradise welcomes the wife

    Anas (radhiallaho anho) reported Allah's messenger as saying, "When a woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of paradise she wishes (in other words nothing will prevent her from entering paradise)." (Mishtat)
Thus if women are mindful of the compulsory injunctions of religion, there is no need for them to toil hard in performing strenuous acts of worship. By doing just the above they merit the same lofty ranks as awarded to men who perform demanding forms of worship. This is indeed one of the innumerable favours of Allah.

Allah's creation prays for the wife

The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said: "The birds in flight, the fish in the rivers, the angels in heaven and the animals in the jungles seek repentance for the woman who is obedient and submits to her husband."

It is worth considering that merely upon doing the above women earn this great reward. It is to be noted that if there are any sins in one's account, those are forgiven by repentance and subsequent repentance causes elevation of one's grade in paradise.

Obedience towards the husband is not unqualified. The scope of obedience extends to those matters which are classified as the rights of the husband. Another rule is that the husband or anyone else cannot be obeyed if the act required amounts to disobedience of Allah.

    None can be obeyed in acts of transgression to Allah.
Wives to enter paradise before men
    The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said: "O women, the pious among you will enter Paradise before pious men. When the husbands will enter Paradise these women will be presented to their husbands after being bathed and perfumed. These women will be on red and yellow coloured conveyances accompanied by children (as beautiful) as scattered pearls."
A great saint has remarked: "O Ladies! What other superiority do you want? You will enter Paradise prior to men. Of course, being pious is a necessary condition, and this is not difficult.

Allah's special mercy on the wife

    The Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said: "May Allah show mercy to a woman who gets up during the night and prays, who wakens her husband and he prays, but if he refuses, sprinkles water on his face."
Reward for martyrdom
    The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) also said in the above detailed hadith: "The woman who dies during pregnancy gets the status of a martyr. . . "
Rewards beyond imagination
    Addressing Salamah (radhiallaho anha), the nurse of his son Ibrahim (radhiallaho anho), the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) said, "Does it not please any one of you that if she conceives by her husband and he is satisfied with her that she receives the reward of fasting and vigil for Allah's sake. And none of the dwellers of Heaven or Earth know about the coolness of her eyes (a unique repose) she will get for the labor pains she suffered. When she delivers, not mouthful of milk flows from her and not an instance of the child's suck, but that she receives for every suck and mouthful, the reward of a good deed. If she is kept awake by her child during the night she receives the reward of freeing seventy slaves for the sake of Allah."

    The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) then said: "O Sallamah do you know which women are being referred to? Those who despite piety and enjoying a respectable position obey their husbands and do not belittle them." (Al-Tabarani)

Reward through husband's earnings
    The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) said: "When a woman spends (in the Path of Allah) from her husband's wealth, not wasting it (but spends reasonably and within permissible limits) she will have her reward for what she gave and her husband will have his for what he earned. The same applies to the storekeeper. The reward of any of these persons does not diminish the rewards of the others." (Bukhari)
In the life of this world, the title or ownership of wealth is outwardly assigned to human beings through apparent means such as earnings or inheritance, due to the necessity of organising the affairs of an orderly society. However all human beings are on an equal footing in terms of real ownership of possessions, in view of the fact that it is not man but Allah Who is the Absolute Owner. The husband, the wife, and even an employee who arranges for the charity payment to be made, are all rewarded due to their respective roles in facilitating the giving of charity and not on account of their temporary ownership of what was donated. This saying of the Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) is a source of profound reassurance for ladies not to fear that giving charity without having personally earned the money carries no reward.

Reward for pilgrimage

    Narrated A'isha (radhiallaho anha), the mother of the faithful believers: I requested the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) to permit me to participate in Jihad, but he said, "Your Jihad is the performance of Hajj." (Bukhari)
Note: Hajj: The pilgrimage to the Kabah is obligatory on Muslims(The first House of Allah founded on earth for His worship in Makkah), once in a lifetime, provided one has the means to undertake the tourney.
    According to another narration, the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) remarked, "The (best) Jihad (for women) is (the performance) of Hajj." (Bukhari)
Jihad is the most difficult form of worship and women merit its reward by just performing Hajj which is very easy compared to Jihad. It is to be noted that there were many honourable Muslim ladies who participated in the early Jihads. The above ahadith refer to those circumstances in which Jihad is Fard-i-Kifaya (an obligatory duty which if fulfilled by a part of the community, absolves the rest).

Reward earned in the safety of the home.

    The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said: "Waging Jihad is not obligatory for women (as long as it remains Fard-e-Kifaya), nor is attending (congregational) prayers on Fridays and accompanying funerals." (Kanz)
Imagine the great reward that women earn within their homes!

Reward for the loving wife

    The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said:: "Allah likes the woman who obeys and loves her husband and protects herself from other men." (Kanz)
The above implies that the woman should not consider it beneath her dignity to love and obey her husband.

Men counterparts of Women

    The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) said: "Women are twin halves of men." (Kanz)
The creation of Hawwa (Eve) from Adam (alaihis salam) is well known. Both men and women being from the same essence, their rights and obligations are also similar. Therefore even if the virtues of women had not been detailed separately, it would not have been a cause of concern, as they are automatically covered by the same rewards. Thus the virtues of good deeds earned by men are the same as those which women earn.

Leniency towards women enjoined

    The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) instructed in the longer hadith: "Act kindly toward women, for a woman is created from a rib. . . " (Bukhari)
This teaches men not to demand infallibility from women. If some incompatibility of temperaments persists in the relationship, the husband should give up his obsession to change the wife's nature. Just ponder how much leniency and forbearance is enjoined by the Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) towards the lapses of women.

The Best women

    Abu Huraira (radhiallaho anho) told that when Allah's messenger was asked which woman was best, he replied, "The one who fills [her husband] with joy when he sees her, obeys him when he directs and does not oppose him by displeasing him regarding her person or property." (Mishkat)
Prayer for modest women,
    The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) said: "May Allah have mercy on women who wear the sirwal (loose fitting lower garment)." (Kanz)
Our natural instinct of bashfulness prompts us to cover the body adequately, nonetheless the Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam), in his boundless compassion for women, prayed for those who dress modestly.

The great value of women's actions.

    The Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said: "The vice of an immoral woman is equal to the vice of a thousand immoral men while the virtue of a pious woman is equal to the reward of worship of seventy saints." (Kanz)
What a great reward for a virtuous deed of a woman. It is indeed a great favour and a source of felicity for women.

Honourable mention of the wife.

    The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said: "The best among your wives is the one who is chaste and loves her husband." (Kanz)
Purity and loving the husband is only natural, yet women are rewarded for it.

Verbal honour earns reward

    A companion said, "O Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) I have a wife, When I meet her she says, 'Welcome my chief and the chief of my household. ' When she finds me in a sad mood she says, 'Why worry about this world when the provision for your after-life is being earned (anyway)?" ' Upon hearing this the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) said; "Inform that lady that she is among the workers of Allah , and she earns the rewards of half Jihad." (Kanz)
This is the great reward for just verbally honouring the husband.

Quality of reward with men

    Asma (radhiallaho anha), reported that she approached the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) on behalf of women and mentioned that men have excelled women due to their participation in Friday and congregational prayers, visiting the sick, attending funeral prayers, performing the Hajj; and Umra and due to participation in Jihad. The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) replied: "Go and inform the women that their beautification for their husbands, discharging their rights, seeking their pleasure and obeying them is equal in reward (to the above mentioned acts) of men." (Kanz)
The great reward for nurturing
    The Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) said: "From the instant of conceiving up to the delivery and nursing of the baby, the woman gets the same reward as the one who has been appointed to guard the boundaries of Islam and remains steadfast for Jihad. If she dies during this period, she gets the reward of a martyr." (Kanz)
Besides the mother's exclusive opportunity to be rewarded in the hereafter, she enjoys vast authority and status in addition to her spousal rights. In her role of motherhood she has an unquestionably privileged position in relation to her husband. The following is a very brief but exact picture of these Islamic teachings.
    “We have enjoined man to respect his parents; his mother bears him in weakness upon weakness, while his weaning takes two years. Thank Me as well as your parents; unto Me is the journeying.” (Quran 31:14)

    Your Lord has decreed that you should worship none except Him, and (that you show) kindness to your parents. If one or both of them attain old age (while they are) with you, never say to them 'Shame!' nor scold either of them. Speak to them in a respectable fashion and lower unto them the wing of submission through mercy, and say: My Lord! Have mercy on them both as they did care for me when I was little. (Quran 17:23,24)

    Worship none save Allah (only) and be good to parents and also near relatives, orphans and the needy. (Quran 2:83)

A few sayings of the Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) are also cited which enjoin kindness towards the mother:
    Jahmah (radhiallaho anho) said to the Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam), "O Messenger of Allah, I desire to go on a (military) expedition and I have come to consult you." He asked him if he had a mother, and when he replied that he had, he said: "Stay with her because Paradise lies beneath her feet." (An-Nasai)

    A man asked the Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) to whom he should show kindness and he replied: "Your mother" He asked who comes next and he replied, "Your mother." He asked who comes next and he replied, "Your mother." He asked who comes next and he replied, "Your father, then your relatives in order of relationship." (Tirmizi, Abu Da'ud)

According to the learned scholars of Islam the reason for giving preference to the mother is on account of her exceptional efforts such as the difficulties of pregnancy, delivery and nurturing. Therefore she alone is blessed to deserve recompense for this in the hereafter as well as greater honour in this life.
    Narrated Anas (radhiallaho anho): A man came to the messenger of Allah (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) and said: I longed to go on Jihad but I was not able to. He said: Is either one of your parents still alive? The man said: My mother. He said: Allah has instructed us in devotion to her, so if you do thus, you are as one who has made the Hajj, the umrah and participated in jihad." (At-Tabarani)

    “Narrated Ibn 'Abbas (radhiallaho anho): Do not leave your mother unless she gives permission or death takes her, because that is the greatest (deed) for your rewards." (Al-Kabir):

    "Narrated Abdullah Ibn Amr Ibn Al-As (radhiallaho anho) about the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) that he said: The major sins are associating anything with Allah, and rudeness to parents, and killing anyone and swearing a false oath purposefully." (Bukhari)

    Narrated Abu Isa Al-Mughirah (radhiallaho anho) that the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) said: Verily, Allah forbade for you, rudeness to mothers." (Muslim)

It is to be noted that the Muslim women enjoy special privileges not only as mothers and wives but also as daughters
    The Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) said: "Whoever brings up two girls until they attain adulthood, he will be with me on the Day of Judgement, and so close to me as these two (adjacent) fingers of mine (and he pointed to his two fingers joined together). (Muslim)

    Narrated Ibn Abbas (radhiallaho anho): There is no Muslim, whose two daughters reach the age (of adulthood), and he is good to them as a companion, and they do not cause him to enter Paradise." (Bukhari)]

Angels applaud women
    The Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) said: "Each time the baby sucks milk the nursing woman gets the reward as of giving life to a mortal and when she completes the feeding the angels pat her on the shoulders and declare that all her past sins have been forgiven." (Kanz)
Minor sins are implied in this hadith, but this too is no small favor.

Pleasant after-life assured

    A'isha (radhiallaho anha) narrates the hadith that the woman whose husband is absent and she guards herself in such a manner that she does not adorn herself, and stays home and observes the prayers regularly, will be raised as a virgin on the Day of Judgment. If her husband was a believer she will be his wife in Paradise. If he was not a believer (e.g. Allah forbid he turned a disbeliever and died in that condition), Allah will marry her to a martyr." (Kanz)
The price of leadership
    A’isha (radhiallaho anho) said that a man does not become the head of the household until he gives up the concern (out of consideration for the other members of his family) about what he wore and what food he ate to satisfy his hunger. (Kanz)
This is an admonition for those who are heedless of their family members due to their preoccupation with food and clothe

Some essential duties of husbands

    Once the Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) was asked about the obligations of the husbands in relation to their wives, and he said, "You should feed her when you eat; clothe her (in a fitting manner) when you clothe yourself; neither strike her on the face, nor use impolite language (when addressing her), nor separate from her except in the house (should it become necessary)." (Mishtat)
Should there be any argument in the family, the husband is urged not to leave the home, as such a separation would cause distress and worry to the wife.

Husband forbidden to hate wife.

    Abu Huraira (radhiallaho anho) reported Allah's Messenger (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) as saying; "A believing man must not hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her characteristics he will be pleased with another (of her good qualities)." (Mishtat)
Men should forbear any shortcomings of women in view of this teaching and the following Quranic injunction:
    “Live with them in kindness; even if you dislike them, perhaps you dislike something in which Allah has placed much good. (Quran 4:19)
Patience earns Paradise.
    The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) said: "None of you will lose three children by death and accept it (as Allah's will with the intent of earning reward) without entering Paradise." (Muslim)
In the above, similar hadith, a lady enquired, "O Prophet of Allah! what if only two children die?"

Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) informed that the recompense is the same even for two.

    According to another narration, a companion enquired' about the death of only one child. In this case also the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) conveyed the glad tidings of a great reward.

    The Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) said in the above, longer hadith: "If a woman has a miscarriage, even the (still-born) foetus will drag its mother to Paradise provided she forbears with the intention of earning reward. . . " (Kanz)

Wife best Teasure of man
    The Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) said: "The best treasure is an obedient wife having a good disposition so that her husband is pleased to see her and she obeys him and when the husband is not home she protects her chastity.

    Should an attitude of defiance be adopted (as opposed to that of mutual consultation) it will naturally lead to discord the family which will be ruinous for all. This hadith therefore enjoins loyalty and faithfulness with a promise of a vast reward. (Ma 'Arif al Hadith)

Pleasant attitude with the wife
    A'isha (radhiallaho anha) has related that the Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) would enter the house with a pleasing disposition and a smile on his lips. (Uswa-i-Hasna)

    Ibn Mastud (radhiallaho anho) said, "Mix with the people on the condition that your religion is not injured, and joke with your family." (Bukhari)

Affinity with the wife
    The Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said: "O men. There is a reward in your affinity with the wife." (Ibn Hiban)
Tender dealings with women
    During the farewell Pilgrimage the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) said to the camel driver: "Anjasha, drive slowly; for you are carrying (on the camels, women, delicate like fine) glassware." (Muslim)

    `Narrated Abu Qatadah (radhiallaho anho): The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) said: When I stand for prayer, I intend to prolong it, but on hearing the cries of a child, I cut it short, as I dislike to trouble the child's mother." (Bukhari)

Advice for Husband

Women's rights are duties of men

After perusing the preceding teachings of Allah and His beloved Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam), the religious minded will hopefully become happily willing to grant the rights of women. If it is still a burden for anyone's ego then it should be kept in mind that fulfilling the ordained rights is not merely for the sake of the person entitled to those rights. By discharging the rights, one is actually fulfilling his own duty.

The verse of the Holy Quran

    Women have the same [rights in relation to their husbands] as are expected in all decency from them; while men have a degree over them. Allah is Powerful, Wise." [Quran 2:228]
outlines the mutual rights of spouses, and emphasises that men are under the same obligation to grant women's rights as women are to grant the rights of men.

A subtle hint in this verse is that instead of each demanding his, or her, rights, they should be mindful of their duty towards each other. This will eliminate the problem of demanding one's rights because the rights of women are nothing but the duties ordained for men. Likewise men's rights are merely duties enjoined upon women. Thus when the respective duties are performed, the rights of each party will automatically be fulfilled.

Nowadays, the root cause of disputes is that everyone keeps his rights in focus but is heedless of his own obligations. This attitude leads to bitter quarrels among couples or other parties having mutual dealings. The above interpretation of the Quranic verse teaches the method of avoiding this sad trend by emphasising that each should make all conceivable effort to fulfil the rights of the other, while at the same time adopt leniency, flexibility and forgiveness concerning assertion of his own rights. Allah's pleasure can be earned by giving up the exacting fulfilment of one's own rights.

Wife's freedom

May thousands of blessings be upon the Holy Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam), a mercy for the worlds, and blessings also upon the true religion of Allah revealed to him. Islam has brought the world out of darkness by establishing the criterion of right and wrong and has taught respect for others. It has established justice and enjoined the rights of women and men as being duties to be performed by each. Islam has bestowed freedom and independence upon women and has also conferred upon them full ownership and authority over their lives and property, like it has upon men. No one, be he a father a grandfather can oblige a woman to marry someone against her wishes. Should she be married without her consent, the validity of such a contract becomes solely dependent upon her whole hearted acceptance, failing which it is annulled.

It is the wife's right to be provided with a suitable residence which allows her comfort and privacy. To ensure the wife's independence, the Islamic Law (Shariah) has given her the exclusive right over her home, in that none of the husband's dependants or relatives may live in the same dwelling without her willingness and consent.

    Providing a separate dwelling may become mandatory even if the in-laws insist on living together. However if the parents are crippled, they may be included in the family (Durr-i Mukhtar).
Another consideration from the requirements for suitable residence is that the neighbourhood should be of virtuous people amidst whom the wife does not experience fear or loneliness
    House women wherever you reside, according to your circumstances, and do not harass them in order to make life difficult for them. (Quran 65:6)
Kind and friendly treatment towards the wife's relatives is expected of the husband, so much so that her senior blood relations should also be regarded as his elders. If the wife's parents are ill or incapacitated with no one to serve them, the wife has the right to look after them as often as required even if they are disbelievers. The husband has no right to prevent her from doing so.
    Asma (radhiallaho anha) said, "My mother who was a pagan, came with her father during the period of the peace pact between the Muslims and the Quraish infidels. I went to seek the advice of the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) saying, My mother has arrived and she is hoping (for my favour)." The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) said, "Yes, be good to your mother." (Good treatment implies good behaviour; helping her financially; visiting her etc.) (Bukhari)
Islam has granted both married and single women the incontestable right to retain any wealth or properties in their own names, and they have the unequivocal authority to independently carry out any transactions of acquisitions and sales concerning such holdings.

Thus no male has the authority to spend from the wealth and property of a female without her permission. Women remain fully independent and cannot be coerced in any way. Even in the event of divorce or their husband's death, women get their share of inheritance as stipulated by Islamic Law in the same way as men get their share. However, unlike men, women are not responsible for maintaining any relative, irrespective of their sound financial standing. The husband is not at liberty to help his relatives at the detriment of his own family.

    Narrated Abu Huraira (radhiallaho anho): Allah's Apostle (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) said, "The best alms is that which you give when you are rich, and you should support your dependants first." (Bukhari)

    Abu Huraira (radhiallaho anho) reported Allah's Messenger (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) as saying: Of the dinar (money) that you spend as a contribution in Allah's path, or to set free a slave, or as charity given to a needy, or to support your family, the one yielding the greatest reward is that which you spent on your family. (Muslim)

If the husband does not provide for his family, the wife can take of his wealth what is sufficient for her needs and the needs of her children, in a reasonable way.

The Islamic Law revealed to the Prophet, upon whom be thousands of blessings, teaches that pleasing women and spending for their welfare is a form of worship. Should the husband fail to grant her essential rights, she has the recourse of Islamic Law to secure the same or else compel him to divorcee her. (The vast rights of women in matters of divorce, alimony, child custody, etc., may be seen in books of Islamic Jurisprudence)

To prevent injustice and distress, it is in-sufficient to fulfil rights that merely satisfy the letter of the Law. The underlying spirit of the Law is equally important. Therefore, according to Islam the social norms are an additional criterion to determine if the parties are suffering injustice. Hence Islam forbids those attitudes and dealings which inflict injury or annoyance according to the established norms of society. For example, ignoring someone in a given society might be more painful than in another society. These matters cannot be dealt with in courts of Law, therefore they are encompassed by this provision of "social norms."

    Common usage is (binding like) a condition
Removing ladies from the guardianship of men leads to chaos and is in itself a form of encroaching upon women's rights. Just as Islam has checked the cruelty and injustice of violating the rights of women, likewise it upholds that burdening them to fend for themselves and their withdrawal from the leadership of men is an infringement of their rights. Neither can the woman's delicate constitution endure this hardship nor can her management of domestic affairs and her honourable natural function of nurturing her children bear this distraction. Therefore, along with mentioning women's rights, the Quran declares that men are a degree above women, which simply alludes to their obligation of being responsible for women, as explained earlier. There are dire warning for any negligence on the part of men in fulfilling this ordained duty. Allah has warned:
    You who believe, shield yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel will be men and stones. . . " (Quran 66:6)
In preceding verses, the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) was enjoined to urge his wives to do good. The above verse emphasises this as a duty for all Muslims. Men have been exhorted not to be heedless about shaping the character of their family.
    When this ordinance was revealed, Umar (radhiallaho anho) mentioned, "O Messenger of Allah ! It is understandable to worry about saving oneself from Hell-fire (by avoiding sins and adhering firmly to the Divine Commandments), but how can we save our families from Hell?" Allah's Prophet responded: "This can be achieved by dissuading your family from whatever Allah has forbidden you and by enjoining the deeds which Allah has enjoined on you. Your family can thus be saved from Hell."
The Muslim jurists have explained that it is obligatory to arrange for the religious education and training of the wife and children. Men whose families are ignorant of religion will suffer the most severe punishment in the Hereafter. The following forewarning is included for those who believe in Allah as their Lord on Whom we are totally dependent, and who also believe in the compassion of His Prophet Muhammad (sallallaho alaihi wasallam).
    Beware, each of you is a guardian and each of you will be questioned about your wards. The man is the guardian of his family and will be answerable about every member of it. . . (Mishkat)
According to another hadith:
    The one to whom Allah entrusted the responsibility of supervision but he did not perform this duty satisfactorily, and did not impart good instructions; will not even smell the fragrance of Paradise. (Mishkat)
Guidelines for men

In carrying out the entrusted duty of supervision, men should proceed gradually and sensibly, exercising magnanimity and patience. The learned scholars should be consulted to avoid extremes, because an unbalanced attitude causes cruelty, and quarrels. Instead of producing a virtuous result, the immoderate approach results in evil and sin.

The blessed Islamic Law has also forbidden unfounded suspicion, mistrust, inquisitiveness and undue investigation. On the contrary, Islam teaches wise and subtle manners for a pleasant social life. For example, it is also from among the mannerisms of returning from a journey that the husband should convey the news about his return to his family, so that they might not be taken by surprise.

The following saying of the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) narrated by Jabir (radhiallaho anho) contains this teaching:

    We were with the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) on an expedition. When we were about to enter Madina the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) told us to wait until later in the evening in order that the lady with unkempt hair may comb it and the woman whose husband has been away may get herself clean. (Muslim)
This teaching suggests that the wife should be informed about the return to avoid something surfacing that might be misconstrued by the returning husband, or which might arouse his suspicion. On the whole, all the sayings of the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) emphasise the importance of women and reflect the deep concern of Islamic Law about their issues.


    http://www.as-sidq.org/women.html
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Akhe Abdullah
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Quote Akhe Abdullah Replybullet Posted: 06 January 2009 at 11:56am
Originally posted by Hunter

Hello brother Akhe.  Assalam alaikum  Not a good day on my end I'm sorry to report. My wife is really starting to have negative feelings about my finding Islam. She's afraid I'll get "sucked in" to the more radical or political aspects of it, threaten our family's safety, or simply become a different person. We had an argument about it after I got home from work. One of the coments she made was "Next thing I know, you'll be going to flight-school in Florida." I tried to joke it off, telling her I wasn't quite ready to join the Taliban just yet, but she wasn't having it. I think one thing she doesn't realize, is that rather than thinking "Oh, I suppose I could believe in this Islam thing." it was more a matter of discovering within Islam what I had always believed. My moral compass hasn't changed one degree since finding Islam. I haven't become a fundamentally different person and don't intend to. I want to work on my relationship with God in the company of other people who hold similar views. That's it! Nothing more! I fail to see how my sincere belief in a religion threatens my family. Just because my government, in its infinite st**idity, perceives Muslims to be the "evil dooers", doesn't mean that I personally am doing anything wrong by following it. Yes it makes me angry, but I think more than anything else, it just makes me sad. Take care my friend-- Hunter 
As Salaamulaikum Brother Hunter.I use to be married also to a non-Muslim women a divorced for eight years now we had one son who is now 9and she also had two children already so it gets to be more complicated even though,We tin to complicate things ourselves.Brother Hunter always try to remain calm and full of taqwa(patience)Inshallah.You have to show the beauty of Islam through your actions and your words remember its not just a Deen(religion)its a way of life that shows us how to conduct ourselfs and get along with others, yes even the Kaffars.I am not perfect and I have alot of corrections in my own life to make(Inshallah).Alhamduillah" I have the right path to follow.Its up to us to show others.I was ounce read that marriage is have your Iman(faith).It's never a smooth ride speaking for myself.Save yourself and your family.But sometimes things get so hard and out of our hands to the piont We must save ourselves.   
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Quote Imani Replybullet Posted: 06 January 2009 at 12:13pm
Originally posted by Hunter

Hello brother Akhe.  Assalam alaikum  Not a good day on my end I'm sorry to report. My wife is really starting to have negative feelings about my finding Islam. She's afraid I'll get "sucked in" to the more radical or political aspects of it, threaten our family's safety, or simply become a different person. We had an argument about it after I got home from work. One of the coments she made was "Next thing I know, you'll be going to flight-school in Florida." I tried to joke it off, telling her I wasn't quite ready to join the Taliban just yet, but she wasn't having it. I think one thing she doesn't realize, is that rather than thinking "Oh, I suppose I could believe in this Islam thing." it was more a matter of discovering within Islam what I had always believed. My moral compass hasn't changed one degree since finding Islam. I haven't become a fundamentally different person and don't intend to. I want to work on my relationship with God in the company of other people who hold similar views. That's it! Nothing more! I fail to see how my sincere belief in a religion threatens my family. Just because my government, in its infinite st**idity, perceives Muslims to be the "evil dooers", doesn't mean that I personally am doing anything wrong by following it. Yes it makes me angry, but I think more than anything else, it just makes me sad. Take care my friend-- Hunter 
 
 
 
Salam alaikum.
In this kind of situatuion, the best thing to do is to have patience with yourself and your family.
Have faith and pray to Allah.
Your wife is just confused so take it easy on her.
do not act so quickly as to do the wrong thing. Pray to Allah!! Smile


Edited by Imani - 06 January 2009 at 12:15pm
"But those who believe and do righteous deeds are the best of all creatures."(surah98:7)
peace for all peace for the nation. To Allah indeed we are to return. SALAM
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Quote Akhe Abdullah Replybullet Posted: 06 January 2009 at 12:35pm
Originally posted by Imani

Originally posted by Hunter

Hello brother Akhe.  Assalam alaikum  Not a good day on my end I'm sorry to report. My wife is really starting to have negative feelings about my finding Islam. She's afraid I'll get "sucked in" to the more radical or political aspects of it, threaten our family's safety, or simply become a different person. We had an argument about it after I got home from work. One of the coments she made was "Next thing I know, you'll be going to flight-school in Florida." I tried to joke it off, telling her I wasn't quite ready to join the Taliban just yet, but she wasn't having it. I think one thing she doesn't realize, is that rather than thinking "Oh, I suppose I could believe in this Islam thing." it was more a matter of discovering within Islam what I had always believed. My moral compass hasn't changed one degree since finding Islam. I haven't become a fundamentally different person and don't intend to. I want to work on my relationship with God in the company of other people who hold similar views. That's it! Nothing more! I fail to see how my sincere belief in a religion threatens my family. Just because my government, in its infinite st**idity, perceives Muslims to be the "evil dooers", doesn't mean that I personally am doing anything wrong by following it. Yes it makes me angry, but I think more than anything else, it just makes me sad. Take care my friend-- Hunter 
 

 

 

Salam alaikum.

In this kind of situatuion, the best thing to do is to have patience with yourself and your family.

Have faith and pray to Allah.

Your wife is just confused so take it easy on her.

do not act so quickly as to do the wrong thing. Pray to Allah!! [IMG]http://www.islamicity.com/forum/smileys/smiley1.gif" height="17" width="17" align="absmiddle" alt="Smile" />
As Salaamulaikum Sister Imani.Jazakallah Kheiran for your reply nicely put.I hope that I wasnt wrong on the greetings with Sister its a habbit and Ive known both sexes with the name, mostly inpart of there parents nameing them just because its cute.

Edited by Akhe Abdullah - 06 January 2009 at 4:26pm
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Quote Hunter Replybullet Posted: 06 January 2009 at 11:53pm
Imani, Honzo, Akhe  Assalamu alaikum  Hello everyone! I hope I didn't miss anyone. I had no idea so many people were reading my posts-- how embarassing. I figured only Akhe was listening. First, I want to thank each one of you for taking the time out of whatever you were doing to give me your thoughtful advice and support. The advice from everyone here seems to be to use patience and kindness in dealing with my wife, and I agree. While I haven't done anything wrong, she really hasn't either; she's just scared. How quickly I've forgotten that only a year ago, I myself mistakenly thought of Islam as evil. I've read the Quran, the Hadiths (most of them), and talked to you people-- she's done none of these things. If Islam is a hard transition for me, it's also been hard for her. I think her greatest fear is loosing me to something else, and something else she doesn't even understand. Inshallah, in time she'll see I'm still the man she loved and married, only perhaps even better. What has drawn me to God to begin with is gratitude for the wonderful gifts I've been given in life, and a genuine desire to be the best person I possibly can be. I'm no saint and patience isn't my greatest attribute, but I'll work on it-- both for her sake and for mine. Apart from the fact that she's a die-hard Minnesota Vikings fan (I forgive her of that), she's a wonderful, sweet, good-hearted woman, and yes Honzo, she's quick witted and funny even when she's angry. Thank you all again. Respectfully-- Hunter
"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything"-- DrDre
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