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Groups – Women (Sisters)
 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Culture & Community : Groups – Women (Sisters)
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Ketchup
 
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Quote Ketchup Replybullet Posted: 18 February 2006 at 3:59pm

This whole concept phases me.. I really don't understand.  A muslim man can marry many wives of which he is obviously getting sexual gratification from and children.. foolish to think he isn't.. no doubt he loves each in thier own way.  Yet a westerner sleeps with someone out of marraige and is wrong.... little difference.

Under uk law you can only have 1 wife/husband but lets assume many hear have more because they don't get married in the house of god or regisary office.. 

Why is bigamy ok?  In my eyes cheating is cheating.  A man only strays when they get bored.

Discuss because I really am confused over this.

 

 

"The days followed one another patiently. Right back at the beginning of the multiverse they had tried all passing at the same time, and it hadn't worked."
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ayesha17
 
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Quote ayesha17 Replybullet Posted: 18 February 2006 at 5:31pm

 Sister,

 If you think you will be jeslous of this women or envy her or not treat her fairly...then dont it...because that envy is a sin on you.

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fatima
 
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Quote fatima Replybullet Posted: 19 February 2006 at 4:33am

bismillah irrahman irrahim

assalamu alaikum

i dont think u got much to worry bout sis, u said it urself its a sunnah not fard so inshaAllah dont think that if u feel bad it makes u a hypocrite r voids ur salah n other ibadah, Allah swt is knower of all our feelings and is Ar-Rahman n Ar-Rahim.  Allah swt does not put more burden on us then we can take. 

if u take examples from our ummahat then u will know its natural to feel this way, One of the times when Sayyidina Muhammad (saw) got married, few of his wives (ra) went to the bride and told her to say when our Prophet (saw) approach her that may Allah swt protect me, when Sayyidina Muhammad (saw) went to her, she said what other wives (ra) told her, on this Sayyidina Muhammad (saw) backed away from her and this was one of marriages of our Prophet (saw) which ended in divorce.  Another incident was when Sayyidina Muhammad (saw) stopped going to see Marya bcos his wives (ra) dint like that. MashaAllah the reason u said why ur husband wants to marry this other sister its very noble but im sure 20 years of marriage is more important, if he is happy wiv u then khair, Allah swt will make ways for the other sister inshaAllah, n when Sayyidina Muhammad (saw) was married to Khadija (ra) she was his only wife during her life time.  but if u still feel bad in ur heart then do istikhara n ask Allah swt to give u peace if this is right r ask for contentment of heart with second marriage of ur husband.  Sayyidina Muhammad (saw) said that a person who does istikhara can never be at loss. so inshaAllah ul get what u want only ask from ur lord cos no one else can provide u with peace of heart other than our dear lord.

wassalam

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Angel
 
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Quote Angel Replybullet Posted: 19 February 2006 at 11:40pm
Originally posted by Ketchup

This whole concept phases me.. I really don't understand.  A muslim man can marry many wives of which he is obviously getting sexual gratification from and children.. foolish to think he isn't.. no doubt he loves each in thier own way.  Yet a westerner sleeps with someone out of marraige and is wrong.... little difference.

Under uk law you can only have 1 wife/husband but lets assume many hear have more because they don't get married in the house of god or regisary office.. 

Why is bigamy ok?  In my eyes cheating is cheating.  A man only strays when they get bored.

Discuss because I really am confused over this.

Not to take away from the original poster.

Ketchup, it is not many wives, it is upto 4, its an option if the man is able to, able to provide properly among each, if he cannot not then he shouldn't.

The option of marrying 4 wives came about when after war, many mens lives were lost and their women and kids were left behind, it became an option to help provide these women (and kids) with a proper means of conduct and also proper means of conduct for the men. It is not ALL about sexual gratification and bearing children.  

And its not about because the Prophet hand many wives and then it must be a must to do so.

~ Our feet are earthbound, but our hearts and our minds have wings ~
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Angela
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Quote Angela Replybullet Posted: 20 February 2006 at 7:39am
Originally posted by Ketchup

This whole concept phases me.. I really don't understand.  A muslim man can marry many wives of which he is obviously getting sexual gratification from and children.. foolish to think he isn't.. no doubt he loves each in thier own way.  Yet a westerner sleeps with someone out of marraige and is wrong.... little difference.

Under uk law you can only have 1 wife/husband but lets assume many hear have more because they don't get married in the house of god or regisary office.. 

Why is bigamy ok?  In my eyes cheating is cheating.  A man only strays when they get bored.

Discuss because I really am confused over this.

First note, Bigamy is when a man has two wives that do not know about each other.

Polygamy is when a man has multiple wives and they know about each other.  Polygamy was practiced by Jews and Early Christians, and as recently as 1896 by my church and continues to be practiced in some excommunicated groups.  It was practiced by Abraham, David, Jacob, Solomon....all prophets of God.

Polygamy when practiced right is not about Sex.  Its about family.  In the Quran it states the husband must treat all his wives equally.  She has rights as well.  So if a man's wives have rights and he must be equal to all his wives then it really can't be all about him.

Its not a practice that can be done for every man and woman.

As to your response about sleeping with someone outside of marriage.  You are assuming that because they do not have a piece of paper from the Queen, they aren't married. 

Nikkah can be done without the courts.  Therefore the Muslim couple are married Islamically if not civilly.

 



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Mishmish
 
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Quote Mishmish Replybullet Posted: 20 February 2006 at 10:23am

Assalamu Alaikum Sister Carolann:

Allah does not want us to be burdened. If you find that this issue is causing you pain and doubt, then walk away from it as your husband has already stated he will do as you wish.

You should not feel guilt for expressing your honest opinion and listening to your heart. Personally I could not be a co-wife, it would cause me great distress and probably destroy my marriage. It is not a lack of faith but rather my nature and I cannot feel guilty for that.

You are not doing something haraam by not wanting a co-wife, but if you go through with it you may end up doing something haraam by feeling envy, jealousy, etc...

May Allah give you peace in your heart.

It is only with the heart that one can see clearly, what is essential is invisible to the eye. (The Little Prince)
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Alwardah
 
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Quote Alwardah Replybullet Posted: 20 February 2006 at 12:10pm

Wa Alaikum Salam Sis Carolann

Very good advice from the sisters.

Sister jealousy is a very strong emotion and sometimes very destructive.

Alhamdulillah your husband understands and respects your wishes.

Rather 2 happy people than 3 miserable ones.

Insha Allah, Allah will guide you to the right decision. Ameen!

“Verily your Lord is quick in punishment; yet He is indeed Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful (Surah Al-An’am 6:165)
"Indeed, we belong to Allah and to Him is our return" (Surah Baqarah 2: 155)
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abuayisha
 
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Quote abuayisha Replybullet Posted: 20 February 2006 at 2:28pm
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