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Abeer23
 
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Quote Abeer23 Replybullet Posted: 18 February 2006 at 11:24pm
Originally posted by ayesha17

 Asalaam alikum,

    A few nights ago I almost commied zina, I am not married and the non-muslim was not ethier, but I almost commited zina with him. I say almost becasue we did everything but the inthercourse.

 I feel I should tell my sisters...I know what they will do, they will beat me and send me to morocco to live there...

 But I don't resent that treatment, It will keep me out of trouble and let me be the good muslimah I used to be and want to be.

 

Wa alaikum as salam.  Ayesha, do what's best for you in terms of your religion.  If Morocco is more conducive to you living in accordance with Islamic law and restrictions, then by all means sister you should go.    

Salaam

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rami
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Quote rami Replybullet Posted: 19 February 2006 at 12:28am
Bi ismillahir rahmanir raheem

assalamu alaikum sister

when there is a temptation sister the best thing to do is to remove it or stay clear of it this is the only way to stop its influence on you. otherwise you would have to strugle with it every time it comes up, this is true for anything not just your situation.

So you have a choice to make, you can either stay clear of the temptation or face it and insha allah you have the strength to resist it, decide which you feel would be best for you.

if you choose to face it and stay where you are, you should do a number of things to reduce the influence.

Stay clear from boys, muslim or otherwise if you feel you must go out or feel lonely surround your self with muslim women, not unislamic women unless they are devout followers of there faith.

Rasul allah (sallah llahu alaihi wa sallam) has said who ever imitates a people will hardly fail to become one of them.

this means choose the company you keep carefully as they will influence the way you think feel and what you would consider fun, good or bad. you may like something now but in the future you may change your mind and vice versa, your likes and dislikes change with time whcih is why they are not a criteria for what is right or wrong but Allah is.

your hormons at this age are also playing up so if you can keep away from these bad things for a while believe me your feelings will change with time and as you get older your self control increases.

rasull allah has said masturbation is not good and something disliked except when the person feels they are going to commit zina so it would become permisable for the person.

Get married i dont know how old you are but if you fear zina as obviously you do tell your mother you wish to get married. Knowing women i know this thought alone is strong enough to drive out any other thoughts from there mind  

save your self for your future husband he would love you more if he is your first, and to be frank with you sister a womens first love is always special she will remember it for the rest of her life and her heart always warms more easily to this person which is why it should be the husband not a stranger.

men who chase women for sexual relations tell them what they like to hear just so they can use them for there own sexual pleasure there is no true commitment in the relationship, it is also extremely hard to control your self once you experiance sex for the first time so what ever you decide to do dont do this out side of mariage as you will only want more after.


Edited by rami
Rasul Allah (sallah llahu alaihi wa sallam) said: "Whoever knows himself, knows his Lord" and whoever knows his Lord has been given His gnosis and nearness.
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human
 
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Quote human Replybullet Posted: 19 February 2006 at 2:31pm

Dear Ayesha17,

I will try to answer your question from a non-islamic perspective. First of all, I do not agree that a girl or a boy who loses their virginity before marriage is necessarily doomed. Our sense of morality need not be subject to the opinions of others. Ultimately we judge ourselves, fairly or unfairly and we pay our own prices right in this life time whether we agree or not. Sexual intercourse can't be a sin, because God gave this gift to all animals including human beings and if God intended it to be something that you should do only after marriage, then he would also have made it impossible to have sex before marraige.

Having said that, I would like to advise caution. Sexual relationships necessarily involve intense emotional involvement. Unfortunately for human beings, coming of age co-incides with the time when our educational careers should take off. Is it  necessary to have this additional distraction when the most productive period of one's academic career is about to begin? We need to prioritize our lives around what is important rather than what is immediate. Delayed gratification pays and it makes sense to put off things which we are not yet ready to handle emotionally and intellectually.

Morality is ultimately an individual decision. You don't have to do anything because you are being pressurized by someone or a group of people. You choose what to believe or not and what is important for you. I hope this is useful and you will make the right decision. Good luck.

Regards,

Human

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Khadija1021
 
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Quote Khadija1021 Replybullet Posted: 19 February 2006 at 8:01pm

Human, you are simply pathetic.  You don’t want a Muslim woman to delay having sex until she is married because her God tells her to do so but you want her to delay it for educational reasons.  You advice by saying:

 

We need to prioritize our lives around what is important rather than what is immediate.

 

Prioritize according to what is important?  According to whom?  You?!?  If a person chooses to be a Muslim, then they prioritize their life around Allah.  Is there something wrong with that?  There is no compulsion in Islam.  If someone doesn’t want to be Muslim they don’t have to be.  But if they are and they want to be, then when they ask for advice from other Muslims (yes, believe it or not this is a Muslim forum board), we can’t just say, “Oh, forget what Allah has to say and do your own thing.”  Islam means to submit our will to Allah not to our whims, lusts and desires and it would be wrong for anyone to advice her in ways which would cause her to sin according to her own faith. 

 

What planet do people like you come from?  It is obvious that your morality and your sense of reality are nothing more that whatever you want it to be at the moment.   You state:

 

if God intended it to be something that you should do only after marriage, then he would also have made it impossible to have sex before marraige.

 

From what warped synapse did you pull that one out of?  Do you really believe adolescence is something which Allah created or even intended for us?  Read your history.  Adolescence is a creation of modern society.  Although it may have its position aspects, it also has many negative ones.  We need to find better ways to help our youth survive this period of their life instead of using it as an excuse to become morally bankrupt.

 

If you want to give advice to others, I strongly suggest that you find a forum suitable for you to do that.  Let me see, I believe there are quite a few atheistic web sites out there.  Need a few links?  

 

Khadija

Say: 'My prayer and my rites, my living and my dying, are for Allah alone, the Lord of all the worlds. (Qur'an, 6:162)
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ayesha17
 
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Quote ayesha17 Replybullet Posted: 19 February 2006 at 9:13pm

 thank you for all your help.

 I am toturing myself with guilt, I feel so worthless. I can't believe I brought myself so low, I mean...ya allah...

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Quote fatima Replybullet Posted: 20 February 2006 at 3:18am

bismillah irrahman irrahim

assalamu alaikum

its good to have this guilt cos inshaAllah it will take u to repentance, just want to clarify inshaAllah that every thing else other than sexual intercourse comes under minor sins so alhamdulillah Allah swt saved u from a major sin, now rest is ur responsibility, an islmic environment is going to help but that is not the solution, u need to learn to control ur desires bcos if Allah swt has forbidden it then it means he has given us will power to control these emotions of ours.  In a hadith Sayyidina Muhammad (saw) told one of young sahabi (ra) to get married if he could afford it r otherwise keep fast. its up to u to try n keep fast.  it is also related that Allah swt comes on lower heaven in the last third part of night n says that is there any1 who wants to ask me for something. if u can find in u then try to get up about 2hrs b4 sunrise n pray nafal n inshaAllah ask for Allah swt's forgiveness. try never to miss a fard prayer inshaAllah n read some part of Holy Quran every day.  inshaAllah with time it will help.

i know many ppl ask this n say that they find it weird that islam dont allow normal socializing of women n men, so sis that is the reason. cos Allah swt, our creator has knowledge of every thing n his full wisdom knows what it is goin to lead to. try not to involve with boys at ur school other than if u have to with course work n keep it minimum, there is this dua by Sayyidina Muhammad (saw) "Rabbe A'udhubika min hamazati-shayyatine wa A'udhubika rabbe an yahdaroon" which means that O Allah swt save me from whispering or influence of shaytan n it coming back to me again. try to memorize it n inshaAllah keep repeatin it when u hav some bad thoughts and u can also try saying salat an-nabi in ur heart most of time. try to perform all the faraid inshaAllah n learn bout ur deen inshaAllah n stay strong. n keep in ur heart n mind that u cant hide from Allah swt. n another hadith that shaytan is the third of two na-mehram male and female (when they alone) so try not to b in that situation. I pray that Allah swt guides us all to his path inshaAllah ameen

wassalam 

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Quote human Replybullet Posted: 20 February 2006 at 4:32am

Dear Khadija,

Thank you for your comments.

Originally posted by Khadija1021

Prioritize according to what is important?  According to whom?  You?!?  If a person chooses to be a Muslim, then they prioritize their life around Allah.  Is there something wrong with that?  There is no compulsion in Islam.  If someone doesn’t want to be Muslim they don’t have to be.  But if they are and they want to be, then when they ask for advice from other Muslims (yes, believe it or not this is a Muslim forum board), we can’t just say, “Oh, forget what Allah has to say and do your own thing.”  Islam means to submit our will to Allah not to our whims, lusts and desires and it would be wrong for anyone to advice her in ways which would cause her to sin according to her own faith. 

 

Excuse me, but I think it is individiaul choice. If someone were to believe they are muslims, it is their choice. They don't have to go around asking others whether to do this or that. As for God's will, God alone knows what's right and what's wrong. Even Muhammad is not around to answer your questions. You contradict yourself when you say there is no compulsion in Islam and then say you must live by what somebody's interpretation of Quoran. Whose interpretation? There are so many different sects within Islam, so many different so-called scholars and most muslims don't even understand Arabic. Get down from your high horse and come to the world of the mere mortals.

 

Originally posted by Khadija1021

From what warped synapse did you pull that one out of?  Do you really believe adolescence is something which Allah created or even intended for us?  Read your history.  Adolescence is a creation of modern society.  Although it may have its position aspects, it also has many negative ones.  We need to find better ways to help our youth survive this period of their life instead of using it as an excuse to become morally bankrupt.

 

Contradiction after contradiction. For a muslim who believes everything happens by the will of Allah, you blaspheme by saying our current evolutionary stage was not intended by Allah. Who are you to pick and choose what Allah intends for us? If you want to believe there is a omni potent God, it also means, EVERYTHING happens due to the will of the same God, good and bad.

 

Originally posted by Khadija1021

 

If you want to give advice to others, I strongly suggest that you find a forum suitable for you to do that.  Let me see, I believe there are quite a few atheistic web sites out there.  Need a few links?  

Khadija

 

It is not for you to decide who posts here or not. As I clearly stated in my post it is a non-islamic perspective. Unlike you, most muslims live in a world where there are others and they respect others opinions too.

 

Regards,

 

Human

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rami
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Quote rami Replybullet Posted: 20 February 2006 at 5:18am
Bi ismillahir rahmanir raheem

Human stay away from muslims seeking muslim advice this is an islamic forum we do not wish to read your un islamic thoughts this is not a place for interfaith discussion take it to the relavent section.

Non muslims giving muslims advice about how to act is not welcome on this forum there is no such thing as free speach here deal with it or this behaviour will land you in serious trouble with the admins.
Rasul Allah (sallah llahu alaihi wa sallam) said: "Whoever knows himself, knows his Lord" and whoever knows his Lord has been given His gnosis and nearness.
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