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Family Matter
 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Culture & Community : Family Matter
Message Icon Topic: Parents don't approve my love for a Shia Post Reply Post New Topic
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Favors21
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Quote Favors21 Replybullet Topic: Parents don't approve my love for a Shia
    Posted: 05 August 2014 at 8:12am
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah wabarakatuh.
I am a 19-year-old Pakistani Sunni medical student in a very desperate situation. I fell in love with my Iraqi classmate about 10 months ago, who also loves me, before I found out that he is Shia. When my mother found out, she didn't even hesitate and told me to stay away from him. I don't know if it's a family thing or not, because my mom's side is mostly Shia and my dad's side is strictly Sunni (both my parents are Sunni). The problem is that it's too late to avoid him, because I love him so much and became very close to him, but my parents don't know that. I really feel like we are meant to be. He has told me that he respects all the khalifahs, though he does believe that Ali (AS) should have been the leader after the Prophet (S)'s death. On the month of Muharram, he listens to some poems and cries a bit, nothing more than that (he finds the self-beating haraam).  Everything else is practically the same as Sunnis. Most importantly, he does not commit shirk, and believes in the oneness of Allah (SWT) and follows the sayings of the Prophet (S) and the Holy Quran. I just don't understand why my parents are so strict about this. I don't know if it's because I'm still young. But he and I want what's best for our children, to just be good Muslims. I watched a Zaker Naik video and he said the Quran mentions that there will be 73 sects in Islam but only one is correct, which is Muslim. So why do we show hatred towards one another? I showed my father the video but he didn't get the message, instead he got worried thinking his daughter is trying to defend Shias. I've prayed salat istikhara about 5 times, but I'm still unsure. I feel so happy and positive when I'm with him, and I even learned a lot about Islam from him. I've made him a better person too. I also strongly believe that he would be a great person to help my elder brother who has Down Syndrome, and he is even willing to. I've been in trouble for getting caught hanging out with him, and it's just made me so depressed. If he was Sunni my parents wouldn't have minded. I don't want to go against my parents' word, but I also don't want to leave this guy. It breaks my heart and makes me feel guilty. Sometimes I think I'm paying the concequence for falling in love with someone before asking what his belief is, but sometimes I find that ridiculous. I'm so desperate I don't know what to do. We've even tried to separate ourselves from each other, but it won't work and it's too difficult. I know this is a common problem for people, so advice is much appreciated.

Jazakullah and take care (so sorry about the long post)
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Abu Loren
 
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Quote Abu Loren Replybullet Posted: 06 August 2014 at 4:29am
This is what happens when you are so far away from Islam and it's teachings. For one thing 'falling in love' is haraam and what hanging out with the opposite sex is also haraam.

The Shi'a sect are not true Muslims because they do not follow the true teachings of the Prophet (SalAllahu Alayhi Wa SAllam) and they elevate Ali (RA)above the Prophet (SalAllahu Alayhi Wa Sallam).

By the way, it's Ali (RA) and not (AS).

I know that many if not the majority of Pakistani Muslims do not practice their faith properly. For example, many women do not wear the hijab and they prefer Western dress than Islamic dress code.

With regard to your situation I can see a lot of problems in your life if you do not listen to your parents.

You are at an age where the hormones are playing havoc with your body and you are not able to think straight.

With regard to praying Istikhara I don't think Allah Sbuahana Wa Ta'ala will answer somebody who has committed a sin and not repented.
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NABA
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Quote NABA Replybullet Posted: 07 August 2014 at 3:18am
Assalamalecum,repent it and leave him because this strong step of yours will avoid several difficulties it will be good for u and everybody involved in this.u r just 19 and whole life is in front of u, may be Allah may have better option for you in halal way.Allah in ch 2 v 216 of Quran say-you may love s thing which is bad for you, you may hate a thing which is good for you but Allah only knows what is good for you.remember Allah is the best planner(ch 3 v 54, ch 27 v 50).
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lady
 
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Quote lady Replybullet Posted: 13 August 2014 at 8:29pm
It is your right to marry whom you wish.  I have no problem with marrying a shia even though I am not one.  Anytime you want to marry someone who your family does not approve of usually will cause problems within the family.  I think that your parents opinion is important and you should think about it.  I personally think that it is dangerous to chose your future spouse by yourself. You need other people who love you to help guide you on chosing a partner who is religious and right for you. Keep praying to Allah to guide you, and keep the communication open with your parents about this guy.  Take your time with this guy in the halaal way and make istekara etc


Edited by lady - 13 August 2014 at 8:30pm
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